Loved & Lost
by TwiLucy-UK
Summary: Edward & Bella grew up together being the best of friends. Until Edward's 16th birthday when Bella left town. 10 years on, Bella comes back. Can they revive their friendship? Or is it too late? AH/AU EPOV. Rated M for language & eventual lemons.
1. Prologue

**This is my second bash at this writing lark but this time it's a full story :)**

**Disclaimer: SM owns Edward, not me (sadly!)**

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**Edward: 19****th**** June 2010**

Today, it's my big sister's wedding. Miss Alice Cullen was becoming Mrs Alice Whitlock. Stood at Jasper, her husband to-be and my best friend's side; I watched her gracefully sail down the aisle with our father on her arm. That moment will be forever etched in my memory. She looked so happy.

She looked beautiful in her white strapless wedding dress. Very simple in its design with small detail at the waist. It's the dress she's always dreamed of; the wedding she's always dreamed of since she was little. She'd been planned this for years; probably before Jasper even turned up. The location for this affair was the Edgewater Hotel in our home town, Seattle.

The room they had hired was magnificent. It had floor-to-ceiling windows which overlooked Elliott Bay. The view and the venue were simply stunning. Alice had been involved in every detail, no matter how small it may have been. From her wedding dress, to the tall flower displays on each table, to the place cards and hand-made heart shaped chocolates each person received once seated; Alice had planned and organised it all. She would have set up the whole room up last night; Mom had to practically tie her down to stop her.

Now, sat at the head table alongside my sister, my best friend and the rest of my family, I smiled towards the happy couple. Jasper was my best friend and I'd meet him at the University Of Washington School Of Medicine where we both graduated to become medical doctors. After introducing him to Alice five years ago, I knew they were meant to be together; soul mates for life.

The ceremony was a touching affair and the meal was fantastic but now it was game on for me, the best man's speech. I'd spent hours going over and over the words I'd written on the pages in front of me. I hoped to make Alice and Jasper proud and make them laugh too. As I heard the tapping of a glass, I looked up to see my father stand up. He was none-other than Carlisle Cullen MD. Chief of Medicine for Swedish. A pillar of the community, organising the annual 'Seattle Emergency Services Summer Fundraiser' for the past twenty one years. I loved and admired my father and his drive to do the very best he could to help others. Seeing him in his tux; his slightly greying blonde hair neat as always; his blue eyes looked calm and confident. My mother, Esme, glanced up at him with the same silent admiration I had. Her green eyes gleaming with pride.

Clearing his throat while the wedding party became quiet, my father looked down at his speech once more before raising his head. With a smile he introduced himself as the proud father of the bride and welcomed all their guests.

As he started to launch into his speech, I couldn't stop thinking I would be going through this process as the groom one day. I couldn't help but feel a little uneasy about that. Truth be told, I was nervous as hell thinking about it. Maybe it's the speech that worried me. Even though, being a doctor, I'm confident at speaking to large numbers of people; speaking at my big sister's and best friend's wedding was something all together different.

I was in a little world of my own when I suddenly heard people clapping loudly. I nearly jumped out of my seat and had a heart attack. Of course, my father's speech had finished and even though I didn't hear any of it, people around the room seemed to have enjoyed it.

Scanning the room, I saw family and friends I hadn't seen it a long time. My younger brother Emmett and his girlfriend, Rose were sat together at the other end of our table. Next to them was their eight month old son, Benjamin, fast asleep in the pushchair next to them. He looked cute in his little shirt and bow-tie. I still couldn't believe I was an uncle to such a sweet little boy. Hell, I couldn't believe Emmett was a daddy but Rose and Benjamin meant the world to him.

Smiling, I continued to peer around the room. Since I'd left medical school two years ago and started my career with Swedish, I had little time to just relax and catch up. It felt a little strange but good.

Jasper stood to start his speech as my eyes continually scanned the room. I noticed the main door at the very back of the room open and someone linger in the doorway. Small and petite; must be a woman but she had turned her back to me.

Long brown hair that shimmered red tones in the sunlight from the large windows. Cream, flawless coloured skin; her neck and shoulders exposed. She looked awkward and out of place.

A lone memory of a girl I once knew immediately entered my head. I dare not even think her name. A girl who I shared my childhood with. A girl who I loved long ago. A girl who broke my heart when she just disappeared with no word as to why. She was still in my thoughts; those deep, buried memories you only think of when you close your eyes and let your mind drift away. I sighed and shook my head, trying to clear it. Jasper's speech was coming to a close and I was up next.

As Jasper sat down after toasting and then kissing his new wife, I stood. _Here I go_, I thought. I was still really nervous.

"Good afternoon ladies and gentleman. I hope everyone is enjoying this very special day so far. It's been an emotional day... even the cakes is in tiers." Yeah, I liked cheesy jokes. That one rewarded me with a small ripple of laughter and my nerves settled down.

"I would like to start by thanking Jasper for his kind words on behalf of our lovely bridesmaid, Rose. I'm sure you will agree she has carried out her role superbly. I would also like to thank my brother Emmett for being an usher… and for turning up sober." Emmett just grinned at me like a Cheshire cat.

"I think you'll all agree that my big sister Alice looks one in a million today. I'm proud of you Shorty." Alice's eyes had glazed over as I said my childhood nickname for her. "As for Jasper, well what can I say, we tried our best." I smiled and winked at her.

"It was of course a great honour to be chosen as best man on this important day. From the moment Jasper asked me, it was clear that the best man speech would be the most challenging part of the day. If only because of having to select, only some, from the wealth of embarrassing stories of which I could choose. So I had to prepare." Flashing 'The Cullen' crooked smile, I continued.

"I took my standard approach and indeed most men's approach when faced with a problem they know little of nothing about. I googled it. And, as I'm sure I'm not the only bloke in the room who has found far more interesting things to look at on the internet. I drew a blank." I heard Emmett's unmistakeable laugh.

"No seriously, the first piece of advice offered on Google was at the reception, the best man should help to keep things running smoothly by buying drinks and socialising. Well I'll have a chat with everyone but at four dollars a pint, I've brought my own hip flask, which with the best will in the world is only going to go round the top table. So I do apologise for that."

"When researching Jasper's early years, I enlisted the help of his childhood friends. I decided to write an email asking for any funny anecdotes of his youth. Out of twenty people I received two replies, one was just totally inappropriate and the other read 'I am currently out of the office until Wednesday, if your mail is urgent please contact Katie on 206-971-5703.' So I did and unfortunately she had never heard of you Jazz!" I couldn't help chuckling to myself over that one. Everyone seemed to be enjoying the speech; so far, so good.

"I actually met Jasper at medical school, I was young, fresh faced, naive and wide eyed at the new challenges ahead. I then met Jazz... four years later I left there in a euphoric alcohol induced haze, with very little memory of the interim years." _I wish_, I thought. I buckled down so much during my time at medical school, drinking was the last thing on my mind. Jazz on the other hand ….

"Jasper has always been a confident and outgoing person, who enjoys the challenge of different places and new experiences. Some of which have proved to be more unusual than others. Take for example the time we were in New York."

Jazz groaned as he knew what was coming next.

"As you will know New York offers a whole range of exciting opportunities for the average tourist, and we did most of those, Central Park, Empire State Building, Statue of Liberty etc..."

"Jazz however went one stage further, guaranteeing an experience not listed in the tour guide! Whilst I was drawing some much needed money from the cash point, Jasper befriended Arty, a rather strange looking hippy who he invited to join us for a drink. Arty not having any money on him, returned the compliment by inviting us to join him and his friends, back at his place! Little did we realise that involved home-made hooch and a trip to the local cardboard city somewhere in the subways of New York. We graciously made our excuses and ran like hell!"

_Oh I remember that weekend well_, I thought, chuckling again, glancing at Jasper from the corner of my eye.

"Music has always been a passion for Jasper, and at uni he introduced me to many artists I had never heard of before and I also witnessed his progression on the guitar. Thankfully Alice shares his enthusiasm, and loves to hear him play. They often sit there on an evening, Jasper strumming away, and Alice loves to join in and can't wait to get his didgeridoo out, and give it a good blow."

"Although Alice has already said that this won't be happening as often after the wedding as she feels it may be beginning to annoy the neighbours! Well I guess that's married life for you, mate."

I looked at Jasper who had a grin on his face; looking down at his lap, shaking his head, "Now it's customary for the best man to give some words of wisdom to the newly-weds on marriage, so here it goes"

"One. Set the ground rules and establish who the boss is... then do everything she says!"

"Two. The best way to remember your anniversary is to forget it once. If you dare!"

"Three. To help the course of true love run smooth, never forget those three very important words you must say every day... you're right Alice!"

"Joking aside, Jasper has been a great friend to me and we've had some excellent times together, and I'm sure we'll have more in the future. And it's been an honour and a privilege to be best man today, and I couldn't wish for a better friend to be taking care of my sister."

Alice gave me a teary smile. I spoke the next line of my speech directly to her, "Both Alice and Jasper have been there for me when I needed them. When he told me he had asked Alice to marry him I was obviously delighted, I wish them all the happiness in the world." And I meant every word.

"Now it gives me great pleasure to ask you all to stand and raise your glasses, to the new Mr and Mrs Whitlock. Jasper and Alice."

Everyone in the room then stood, raised their glasses and toasted the happy couple. I got a round of applause which left me wondering why I'd been so nervous. Hell that was fun!

As my speech was the last one, people started getting up and chatted to each other. I started to head toward the rest room; familiar faces were congratulating me on my speech as I went. I smiled and thanked them for their kind words as I continued my path. I was just about to leave the room when I was addressed from behind by a female voice, "Edward?"

With one hand still on the door handle, I turned to lay my eyes on her... I was glad I was holding on to something to steady myself.

Bee.

My girl, my loved and lost Bella Swan was stood a few feet from me. I just stood there and stared at her with my mouth hung open. Dark, rich chocolate eyes were staring back at me; so many emotions running through them.

I snapped myself out of her gaze, turned, pulling the door open and marching through it. I kept going down the corridor towards the reception area. Why? … How? …. What? … When? …. I couldn't think straight. I needed to get out of here.

"Wait, Edward, stop..." I heard from behind. I stopped abruptly, closing my eyes in defeat. I thought back to earlier this afternoon; the lone petite female figure lingering in the doorway. That was her, I was sure of it.

Clenching and unclenching my hands, I turned to face her again. She looked older than the last time I saw her. _About 10 years older_, I thought bitterly.

"I'm sorry, I saw Alice's wedding announcement in the newspaper and just thought..." Bella trailed off. I realised I still hadn't said anything to her but I couldn't. I had too many questions running round my mind to form any sort of sensible sentence.

"Sorry, I… I waited because I wanted to give you this" Bella held out an envelope.

I looked at the envelope to see my name on the front, and then I looked back at her.

"It's not anything special, just a card... for tomorrow..." She trailed off. _She remembered... she remembered my birthday_, I thought. I had so many emotions flowing through me, shock, confusion, anger, hurt, relief…

"Please take it" She looked like her life depended on me taking that card from her. And in truth, I wanted to take it. Looking back at the envelope, I took it and tucked it into the inside jacket pocket.

Bella let out a small sigh of relief, looking down at her feet, "Thank you", she whispered.

With those two words, she looked me straight in the eye for another second, then turned on her heel and walked out of the door and out of my life, again.

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**So what do you think so far? Want to know what's on that card? Want to know what the hell happened 10 years ago? Stick around :)**

**A big THANK YOU to my friend & beta, SweetLovinCullen for her help and support.**

**The next few chapters of this story will explore Edward's childhood, how he meet Bella and how he got to be the situation he is now and beyond. Lots of time jumps included but I'll post the date within each chapter.**

**Remember to click that review button :)  
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	2. Meeting Bella

**Thank you to everyone who took the time to read and review the last chapter. So on with the story ...**

**Disclaimer : SM owns Edward & Twilight, not me (sadly!)**

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**24****th**** June 1989 (weekend after Edward's sixth birthday) The 1****st ****'Seattle Emergency Services Summer Fundraiser'**

_I'll never forget the day I meet Bella._

_I'm bored!_ I thought as I sat cross legged on the grass at the park. My stupid sister was sat next to me. She didn't look like me, even though she was my sister. She had long black hair and blue eyes. I have short brown hair with bits of red it in and green eyes, like mom. She was seven even though she'd been telling everyone she was eight. _She's a liar and it's bad to tell lies_, I pouted to myself. _Stupid Alice!_

I turned to see my dad looking busy. He had blue eyes; like Alice but yellow hair. He was helping some people set up a table for the cakes, _Mmmmm cakes_. My dad has been talking about this day, since forever; about how important it is for me and Alice to be good. Mom told me there would be lots of food, cakes, ice cream and even a bouncy castle and it's all to help get some money for the hospital. My dad's a doctor at the hospital. I want to be a doctor when I grow up; just like my dad.

I looked up at the sky to see the sunshine come down, it's really pretty; the sunshine. _Where's that bouncy castle_, I thought, _Mom promised._

"Edward, you want to play over there with me. There are some other boys and girls" Alice said. I looked at her as she pointed to the playground where I saw a couple of boys. As I'd brought my new toy police car I got for my birthday and I wanted to show it off, I said "Okay".

"MOM!" Alice screamed; I covered my ears. She was so annoying. "Me and Edward are going over there to play." She pointed over at the playground.

My mom looked over to where Alice was pointing. "Okay Alice" Mom called back. She was sat next to the cake table with my baby brother, Emmett. He had blonde hair like dad and blue eyes too. He was three; I liked being a big brother.

"Take care of Edward like a big girl, yeah?" _Er I'm a big boy now, I'm six!_ I thought. _I don't need Alice to look after me._

"OKAY!" Alice screamed back. We stood up and Alice grabbed my hand. I tried to pull away but she was too strong. So I pushed her with my other hand. "STOP PUSHING ME EDWARD!"

"STOP SCREAMING ALICE!" I shouted back. She didn't let go of my hand and pushed me back. I pushed again; then she pushed me and let go on my hand at the same time. I fell backwards onto my bum. My hands scraped on the ground in the dirt.

"Ouch! Mommy, she pushed me down! Alice pushed me Mommy!" _That really hurt my bum and my hands_, I thought. I looked up to see our mom looking over me with Emmett on her hip.

"Edward Anthony Masen Cullen! I saw you push Alice first. She was only trying to hold your hand to make sure you were safe."

I held out my hands for my mom to see I was hurt. Putting Emmett down, she bent down to look. "They're fine, dear. You want mommy to kiss them better." I nodded so she kissed each hand and smiled at me._ Magic kisses._

"Now say sorry to Alice please for pushing" I pouted, I didn't want to say sorry; it was her fault.

"Edward, now, say sorry" Mom said again. I stood up, patting my bum to get the dirt off my shorts.

"Sorry" I whispered hoping mom would hear me but Alice wouldn't.

"And you young lady. Say sorry to your brother for pushing him too"

"But mom ..." Alice started before she stopped her "I said say sorry."

"Sorry" Alice said looking like she didn't want to say it either.

"Now you two go and play nice …. please"

"Okay" we said together. Mom got up, holding Emmett's hand and walked to dad at the cake table. _I really want some cake_ I thought as my tummy rumbled.

I picked up my shiny toy police car and we started to walk toward the playground. I saw a couple of boys on the climbing frame so I headed toward them. Alice headed for the swings. As I got nearer, I saw that the boys looked older than me, maybe the same age as Alice. _Seven not eight_ I thought.

"Hi" I said to the boys. One jumped off the frame and walked up to me. He was really big with short, blonde hair. "This is for big boys only!" he shouted in my face. "Mike." the other boy said. "He's only little, don't me so nasty to him". I turned away as I heard the first boy laugh at me. I didn't like them.

I walked as fast as I could to the swings where Alice was. But Alice wasn't there. I looked over to the other side of the playground to see her sitting at a bench talking to some girls. Urgh girls!

I looked around to see if they were any boys my age to play with. Looking over at the sandbox, there was a boy with his back to me. He looked the same age as me, maybe a bit younger. He had shortish brown hair and was wearing a long sleeved green t-shirt and short denim dungarees. I looked across at Alice again to see she was still talking to the girls.

As I got to the sandbox, I could see the boy had made a sandcastle. It was really good, four big castles joined up with walls and he was digging around it. "Hello" I said.

He didn't answer as he carried on digging. "My name is Edward. What's your name?" I asked as I continued into the sand, sitting down crossed legged just behind him. "I'm Bee" he whispered. _Bee, that's a strange name_ I thought to myself. "Like a Bumble Bee?" I asked.

"Yeah" he chuckled.

"Oh … hello Bee. How long did it take to make that?" He shrugged his shoulders and carried on digging.

"It was my birthday last week and I got a new police car, look." I shoved my new toy car to the side of him.

He looked at it for a second but continuing his digging. "My daddy has one of them, a real one" he said.

"Your dad's a police man! Wow that's so cool! My dad's a doctor. He works at the hospital and makes people better." I waited for Bee to say something. He didn't. "I'm going to be a doctor when I grow up just like my dad. Do you want to be a police man when you grow up like your dad?"

Bee stopped digging, put down his spade and turned to face me, laughing. "I don't want to be a policeman. Silly Edward. I want to be a ballerina."

I grasped. Bee was a girl! She had big brown eyes, they sparkled in the sunshine "You're a girl!" I stated.

"Erm yeah, 'cause I'm a girl. Silly Edward". She carried on laughing to herself as she started to dig again. I looked down at my police car again and back at Bee. "Is your name really Bee?"

"Yep. It's what my daddy calls me. It's short for Bella." she smiled at me.

I won't know why I stayed and talked to Bella. She was a girl; I didn't like girls but Bella was cool.

Her dad was a real policeman. She talked a little about him, his real police car and the baddies he caught. I talked about my dad and the hospital as I helped Bella with her sandcastle. I talked about my birthday last week and all the toys I got from my family. I talked about my baby brother, Emmett and my horrible big sister, Alice. I liked to talk. Bella didn't talk much. I think she was concentrating on our castle; it had ten towers now.

We had been talking for ages. Bella told me her dad was called Charlie and he was a policeman here in Seattle.

"We moved from Forks two weeks ago" Bella said. She looked down and looked like she might cry.

"You look sad. Didn't you want to leave?" I asked patting the top of my castle as I glanced at her sat next to me.

"I'm not sure" she whispered.

"Why?" I whispered back.

Bella turned to sit cross legged facing me. Her brown eyes looked shiny and I could see myself in them. I turned as well so we were now sitting in the sand facing each other. Our knees were nearly touching.

She looked down as she played with her fingers in her lap. I thought she was going to say something but then she started to cry. I could see tears falling down both her cheeks and her nose started to run.

"Don't cry" I whispered. I didn't like seeing her cry. It reminded me of my mom crying, I didn't like that either. I needed to make her laugh. I wanted her to be happy, like when we first met. I needed to be silly Edward again.

Jumping up and dusting the sand off my white shorts and blue t shirt, I jumped out of the sand box and ran to the edge of the park. Grabbing a couple of yellow flowers; hiding them behind my back, I dashed back to Bella and sat down again. _My dad gives flowers to my mom and it makes her happy,_ I thought.

"Do you like flowers?" I asked. Bella wiped her nose with the end of her long sleeve and frowned at me. "Flowers?"

"Yeah, well bumble bees like flowers so I thought you would" I shrugged handing the small yellow flowers to her.

She looked down and took them off me giving me a sad smile. "Silly Edward. I'm not a 'real' bumble bee."

"No cause you're not yellow and black. You're little but not really little like a bumble bee. But you do like flowers right?"

"Yeah I do" Bella's smile grew as she put the flowers to her nose. "Urgh they don't smell like nice flowers."

"Sorry." I said looking down.

"Silly Edward"

She started to smile more as we continued to build our castle. It now took up most of the sand box. I ran to get some pebbles while Bella got some twigs. We carefully put these on, as we both stepped back to look at your finished building.

"Wow … it's really awesome" I smiled. We'd spend most of the afternoon building these castles.

"Yeah. They look really pretty" Bella said. I snorted, "That's such a girl thing to say."

"Well I am a girl. You are really silly Edward, you know that"

I smiled. "Yeah, my sister is always saying that"

"Can I meet your sister? Please?" I glanced over at Bella. She looked like she really wanted to.

"Okay. She's ..." I looked over to the bench where I last saw her. She wasn't there. I frowned as I looked over to where the music was coming here. There were lots of people in the park now as well as lots of tables with food and games.

"I think she'll be with my mom and dad, over there" I pointed towards the noise. Bella's nose wrinkled like it did when she sniffed the flowers I gave her. Then she stood as tall as she could which was smaller than me and grabbed my hand. She started to drag me along with her as she marched over the playground and onto the park.

"Wait, Bee, Stop. You don't know who my mom and dad are. I need to be the leader." So we swapped so I was leading her though the people. I saw my mom and Emmett first. He was on the bouncy castle, on the edge, holding on to mom's hands. He looked like he really liked it. I wanted to take Bella on there.

"That's my mom and little brother, Emmett" I pointed to the bouncy castle. "You wanna go on there?" I asked. She was still tagging along behind me.

"I'm not sure. I'm not very good. My balance is rubbish"

"Come on" I shouted. We got through the crowd and Mom spotted me. "Hello stranger! Where have you been all afternoon? You've been missing all the fun!"

"I've been in the sand box with Bee … urgh Bella. She's my new friend. We built sandcastles together" I beamed. Mom let go of Emmett's hands and he crawled into the middle. She bent down on one knee and smiled. "Hello Bella. I'm Edward's Mom. Pleased to meet you." Bella looked down and said a quiet "hello".

"You two want to help Emmett on the bouncy castle? I need to go and find your dad, dear." She messed my hair with her hand as she walked off to find dad.

"Okay Mom" I called after her. I let go of Bella's hand to take my shoes off and climbed on. It was only a little bouncy castle, red and yellow with clowns on it. Once I was in the middle with Emmett, I looked back at Bella who was still stood at the edge, biting her lip.

"Come on Bee! Take your shoes and get on! This is fun!" I shouted as I bounced in the middle. Emmett who was sat down was bouncing because of me; he thought it was fun too.

I looked up to see Bella take off her shoes and carefully crawl in until she got to me. I stopped bouncing for a minute. Holding on her hands, I helped her stand. She looked a bit surprised.

"You okay?" I asked. She looked straight at me. "I think so"

"You too Emmett, come on!" I let go of Bella's hand so Emmett could join our circle. Emmett held my hand as well as Bella's. "Emmett, this is my friend Bee" I said. Emmett just grinned at her.

I started to bounce a little still holding on to Bella and Emmett's hands. Bella looked like she was thinking really hard about something. I bounced a bit harder and Emmett started to giggle. He loved it.

All three of us were bouncing like this for a while. Then without warning Emmett let go of Bella's hand. Emmett bounced funny which send him flying into me. I started to fall so had to let go of Bella's hand. As I did, Bella bounced backwards and landed on her knees then fell onto her side. Emmett started to cry as his arm fell on my knee.

I looked up to see my dad crawling over to us to get to Emmett. Scooping him up, he crawled back off, hugging him then checking his arm. "Edward, Bella, you two okay?" Mom called.

I looked over at Bella. She was still lying on her side, her cheeks were pink and she had a big smile on her face. I smiled back at her, "Yeah we're okay Mom."

After the bouncy castle, me and Bella went to get some food with my mom. As we stood in line at the buffet tables, a tall man with brown hair and a moustache came to stand with us. "Hi Daddy" Bella said as she hugged his middle.

"Hey Bee, you okay honey?"

"Yes. Daddy, this is my new friend, Edward." she said as she pointed at me.

"Oh hi Edward. I'm Charlie. Have you two been having fun today? I've been watching you in the sand box and on the bouncy castle."

Bella's cheeks got pink again "Yeah it's been good."

Charlie looked at my mom, "You must be Esme, pleased to meet you. Carlisle's just been talking to me about the fundraiser." he nodded towards where my dad was talking to some people. "Seems like it's been a great success."

"Thank you Charlie. Yes I think we've done okay. Edward, Bella. Go get some food. We'll wait here."

As we got to the front of the line, I started to talk. "So your dad is nice."

"Yeah he's the best" she smiled but then started to look sad again. I filled my plate up with food for me and Emmett; he was always pinching my food. Bella was putting some food on her plate when Alice came over to be annoying.

"Hi, I'm Alice!" she took one of Bella's hands and shook it. Bella nearly dropped her plate. "Um, hi Alice. You're Edward's sister" she stated.

"Yeah I'm his big sister. I'm eight"

"No you're not!" I shouted, "You're seven. Stop being a liar."

"Shut up Edward, you're just stupid!" Alice screamed back.

"HE'S NOT STUPID!" I turned to see Bella frowning at Alice. Alice just snickered and whispered something under her breath, I couldn't hear what she said but Bella's cheeks were pink again. Alice then skipped away. "Sorry" I said. Bella just nodded.

We walked back to where Mom and Charlie where standing. "Hey sunshine's. Charlie and I were just chatting about you two. Turns out we only live a few of blocks away from each other so you two can play together some more after today. Wouldn't that be great, Edward?"

"Yeah it would" I mumbled around a sausage roll. Bella rolled her eyes at me and smiled, "I'd like that too."

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**16th September 1989**

The Saturday after Bella's seventh birthday, I was invited to her party at her house. Bella's birthday was September thirteenth. She was one of the oldest in our school year. Bella and I had spent lots of time together since the day in the park. We were best friends.

Her full name was Isabella Marie Swan but if you called her Isabella, she would pinch you on the arm. It really hurt when she pinched me. She lived with her dad, Charlie who worked all the time as a policeman. Bella spent a lot of time with me at my house when Charlie was working weekends. Bella loved strawberry flavoured lollypops but hated the lemon ones.

We didn't go to the same school but that was okay. I got to see her nearly every weekend.

The week before Bella's party, my mom had taken me to the mall to pick out a birthday present for her. I knew exactly what I wanted to get her. A soft, cuddly bumble bee I'd seen on the television.

Once we found it, Mom let me pick a birthday card too. I found a pink card with yellow flowers on it and a big shiny silver seven. My mom helped me write it but I signed my own name. My mom said I had neat hand writing.

We wrapped the bumble bee in pink paper too. I know pink isn't Bella's favourite colour but Mom said she would like it, with her being a girl. Bella's favourite colour was blue, the same as mine.

When we got to Bella's house, Charlie was on the phone. I think it was about work. Charlie seemed to work a lot. I walked into Bella's living room to see her trying to blow her birthday balloons up. "Happy birthday Bee!" I shouted.

As Bella stood, I noticed she was wearing a party dress, it was yellow. She was wearing black shoes and white socks. Her brown hair was a little longer than it was when I first meet her; she had it tied back with a yellow ribbon. She looked like a bumble bee. I smiled as I handed her birthday stuff to her.

Bella was really happy as she opened her card. Her smile got bigger when we saw the flowers on the front. She then grabbed her present and ripped the paper off. She squealed when she saw the bee. Squeezing it tight, she launched myself at me for a hug. "I'm calling him Edward!" she told everyone in the room; her cheeks going pink again.

I smiled as she let me go. Bella always smelled nice. Today, she smelled of strawberries. There weren't a lot of people at Bella's party. Just me, Alice, Emmett and another girl called Jessica. She went to school with Bella. I didn't like her. She kept smiling at me for no reason.

We played some games. Bella won them all. It was her party so that's okay. We had some stuff to eat; my mom made sandwiches and I brought them over. We sang 'Happy Birthday' to Bella as she made a wish and blew out her candles. Bella seemed a bit sad so after the party had finished, me and Bella sat on the grass in her garden. I was still warm with the sunshine.

"What did you wish for?" I asked, "When you blew your candles out?"

"I wished I could see my mom again" she whispered, looking up to the sky. Bella had never mentioned her mom before.

"Why can't you see your mom?" I asked quietly.

She took a deep breath; "She's in heaven"

I looked over at Bella who was still looking up to the sky. "She was sick, really sick and then… she went to heaven. That's why we came here to live. My dad said this would be a new start for us"

She looked at me; she had little tears running down her pink cheeks. She gave me a sad smile. "You won't tell anyone, will you?"

"No" I answered. "Pinky promise?" I held out my little finger and linked it with hers. "Pinky promise".

"I'm glad we did come here to live Edward." Bella said. "You're the bestest friend anyone could have."

I put my arm around her shoulders letting her put the side of her head on mine. "I'm sorry about your mom, Bee." I whispered. "But you know you can always share my mom"

"Thank you Edward" We sat still for a minute.

I suddenly jumped to my feet pulling Bella with me. "Come on! Let's play on the swings!" We played in Bella's back yard, talked and laughed until my mom called for me; it was time to go home.

* * *

**24****th**** December 1989**

Santa was coming tonight. I had been a really good boy so I think he was coming to visit my house. For me and Emmett anyway; not sure about Alice. She was really eight now but she still lied before that.

As it was the night before Christmas, my mom and dad always invited friends over for 'some drinks and nibbles'; that's what my mom called it. This year, Bella and Charlie were coming. I was really excited about seeing Bella because I had her Christmas present to give her. Mom said it was too late for Santa to come and get it to deliver so I would have to do it myself.

I sat in our window, watching the snow fall to the ground until I saw car headlights pull into our drive. I was bouncing in my seat; I was so excited. I saw Bella and Charlie quickly get out of Charlie's police car and ran towards the door.

Bella stepped into the room with a box in her hands; wrapped in snowman Christmas paper. She stood in the doorway for a minute looking at our big Christmas tree, all lit up with twinkle lights. Bella's brown hair was now past her shoulders so she looked more like a girl but as it was Bella, I was okay with that. She wore a red dress today with white tights. The dress had snowflake patterns along the bottom.

When she looked away from the Christmas tree, she saw me. She gave me a toothy grin and made her way over to sit next to me. "Happy Christmas Edward" she sang as she handed me the box. The tag said 'You're the best friend anyone could have, Love Bella x'.

I could tell Bella signed her own name. "Why did you put a kiss at the end of your name?" I questioned. She just shook her head at me saying, "Silly Edward." I was confused.

"Thank you?" I said, still confused. Sometimes, I think I will never understand her. Placing the box down, I got up to grab Bella's present from under our tree. Coming to sit back down beside her, I gave her the box me and my mom wrapped earlier. The paper was red with silver stars on it. My tag said, 'To my best friend, Bee'. Bella took the box from me as her eyes lit up with excitement.

"My mom said it was too late for Santa to come and get it, with him being so busy tonight" I said.

Placing the box near her ear, she shook the box. "Don't shake it, they might break" I told her.

"Daddy! Can I open my present from Edward now pleeeeeeeeeeeease?..." Bella looked at Charlie and fluttered her eyelashes.

"No, sorry honey. You need to wait until tomorrow morning" Charlie answered. "That goes for you too, dear" my mom added. We both looked at each other and pouted. "No fair" Bella muttered under her breath.

I stood to put my present under the tree while Bella took hers to Charlie to put somewhere safe. I know she'd love what I picked out for her. She kept talking about these little baby dolls and how you can get all different things to go with them like a little cot and pram. So that's what I told my mom to get her. _I wonder what she got me_, I thought.

Bella was telling me what she was doing over the holidays when I heard my mom call my name. I looked up to see mom pointing at our piano. I loved playing the piano and was getting better at it. I jumped up, pulling Bella along with me. She caught her foot on the rug though and fell forward onto her knees.

Dropping to my knees, I helped Bella up, "I'm soooooo sorry Bee. I didn't mean to hurt you." Bella got up and rubbed her knee. "It's okay Edward. You know I'm always falling down"

"Yeah" I said weakly. Bella did fall down, a lot. I'm glad my dad's a doctor so he can take care of her cuts, scrapes and bruises. Maybe one day, when I'm a doctor, I can help Bella. That made me smile.

We slowly walked over to the piano where we sat side by side. I got my sheet music out; I'd been practicing for a bit now because I wanted to get this right. I pressed a few keys to check it was okay. Then I started playing 'Jingle Bells'. My mom started to sing knowing what I was playing and then everyone joined in. Apart from Alice, who sat watching the television in the corner of the room. She just rolled her eyes and looked bored. Bella was singing too; she wasn't very good but I didn't tell her that. Once I'd played 'Jingle Bells' a couple of times, I started to play the other Christmas song I had been practicing. My mom made me do it. It was 'Silent Night', my mom's favourite Christmas song ever.

I got to the chorus when I started to sing quietly. A bit after, I realised I was the only one singing so I stopped altogether.

"Oh Edward! That was so good dear, so good." my mom said. Her eyes were twinkling like the fairy lights on our tree. "Yes, well done son" my dad added.

I smiled, "Thank you." I was a bit embarrassed.

"So Edward" Charlie asked "How long have you been playing the piano?"

"Erm, since I was four, I think" I looked at my mom, who was nodding.

"You're really good" Bella whispered.

"Thanks" I smiled shyly. This was the first time Bella had heard me play. But it wouldn't be the last.

* * *

**1****st**** January 1990**

My mom and dad let me, Alice and Emmett stay up until it was New Year's Day of 1990. Emmett fell asleep but I managed to stay awake. So did Alice. It was just us at our house; Bella and Charlie had stayed home. I really missed her. I played with the mirco machines she got me for Christmas all day. They were the best presents, ever.

I remember watching the countdown on the television and the fireworks; they were really awesome. Once the fireworks had stopped, my mom said I need to go to bed.

I woke up later than normal on New Year's Day, probably 'cause I was up late the night before. I put on my new robe and slippers I got for Christmas from my Aunt Janine then I made my way downstairs.

Bella was waiting for me at the kitchen table with a bowl of cornflakes in front of her. She was wearing a blue sweater with a snowman on it. "Morning" she mumbled around her flakes. I scratched my head and rubbed my eyes.

"Hi Bee, what you doing here?"

"Dad had to go catch some baddies so he asked your mom if I could stop here with you for the day" she replied. I smiled, _Awesome, a day with Bee_ I thought.

After breakfast, I got dressed in my really warm winter clothes. Brown cord trousers with a red sweater. Me and Bella got our coats, scarf's, hats and gloves on then we went to play in our backyard in the snow. It had been snowing on and off for the past week. "Let's make a snowman!" I yelled. Bella smiled at me then started to roll the snow into a ball.

I helped her when it got too big for her to do it on her own. Once we got a really big ball that we couldn't roll anymore, we rolled a smaller one for the head.

Bella ran around the yard trying to find some pebbles for our snowman's face until I grabbed two sticks for arms. Once the arms were in, I took off my hat and put it on him. Bella came back with the pebbles and made two eyes, a nose and a smiley mouth. She took her scarf off and added it.

"We need to give him a name" Bella said.

I thought for a minute, and then I knew what he had to be called "Bee-ward!" I yelled.

"That's a silly name. Silly Edward" Bella smiled. _I like being silly Edward_, I thought, _Always will._

"Will you be my best friend forever, Bee?" I asked. Bella smiled again, "Always and forever"

* * *

**Awwww, Edward and Bella are sweet kids, aren't they? Hope you liked this chapter and if you did (or didn't) let me know by review :) **

**Next chapter will be a few more years down the line. I'll be posted the next chapter within 2 weeks.**

**I just want to thank my friend & beta SweetlovinCullen for all her help with this – thanks hun xox**


	3. I have a Bee for a BF

**Disclaimer : SM owns Edward & Twilight, not me (sadly!) **

**Again this is all from Edward's point of view.**

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* * *

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**20****th**** June 1993 (Edward's 10****th**** birthday)**

I opened my eyes to the sun coming through my bedroom window. I rubbed out the sleep and stretched my arms above my head. Then I realised what day it was today; my birthday. Not only that but because my birthday was on a Sunday, I got my party today too.

Smiling, I jumped out of bed and stretched again. I caught my reflection in my full length mirror as I was stretching out. My mom told me last week that I'd had a growth spurt. I was taller than my very annoying big sister who I had now named Shorty. She hated me calling her that and because she was my bigger sister I wasn't allow to call her that according to her; I thought it was funny. Alice was twelve next month; nearly a teenage. My dad kept rolling his eyes every time mom mentioned it.

I shoved on my dressing gown and went downstairs. I was greeted by my dad at the kitchen table, reading his Sunday newspaper.

"Morning Son" he called, "Happy Birthday!" I sat down opposite him in my usual spot to see a small silver wrapped box where my breakfast bowl should be.

"Thanks Dad" I mumble while trying to figure out why my breakfast was gone and why I had a box instead.

"Mom!" I shouted.

My mom breezed into the room with a big smile on her face. "Happy Birthday honey!" she came and kissed the top of my head, "You want your breakfast now?"

"Yes please Mom" I answered. "What's this?" I held the box up so my mom could see it.

"It's one of your birthday presents" Mom answered me "From Emmett". My now not so little brother on hearing his name came running through the kitchen door; he must have been watching TV.

"Yes! That's my present to you" he grinned.

I saw the kitchen door open again and Alice waltzed through it. She just looked at me then went to sit next to Dad.

"Alice" Mom warned, "Do you have something to say to Edward?"

"Happy Birthday" Alice answered; she just sounded bored and annoyed.

"Thanks Shorty!" I chirped with a smile, knowing it would have really annoyed her. She gave me a dirty look but didn't saying anything back; Mom must have told her to be nice to me as it was my birthday. _Cool. Wonder how far me & Bee can push her today, _I thought.

The thought of Bee made my smile even more.

"When's Bee getting here?" I asked eager to see my best friend as soon as I could.

My mom chuckled, "Soon honey, soon".

"How soon's soon Mom? Can I call her to come over now?" Mom chuckled again. "Edward, you're not even dressed yet?" she questioned. I just shrugged.

I didn't see Bella yesterday for our normal Saturday. Charlie, Bella's dad wasn't working, for once. It was the first Saturday in forever that he hadn't work so they were spending some 'Father, Daughter quality time' together. Bella told me she would have preferred to spend the day with me but I didn't believe her. She loved spending time with her dad and told every chance she could to do it. It didn't matter anyway as we would spend all of my birthday together.

I had to spend yesterday with sister though. She just moaned all day about everything. My mom took me, Emmett & Alice to the shopping mall to get some last minute things for dad's hospital fun day next weekend. We all sat on a bench outside a store while my mom went in.

I sat chatting with Emmett when I realised an older boy from our school, Mike was staring at us, smiling. Well he wasn't looking at me or Emmett; he was looking at Alice. Alice smiled back at him until she saw me looking in their direction. Alice just huffed, crossing her arms. I think Mike was Alice's boyfriend. _Ewww!_ I thought _that's gross!_

After breakfast, I decided not to open my present from Emmett til my party. I think he was a bit disappointed but he'd be okay. I had a shower, got ready then asked my mom again when Bella would be coming over. She just rolled her eyes at me and told me to be patient.

At one pm, I looked out of the window. My party was due to start in an hour. The sun was high in the sky; it looked like it was really warm outside. My mom and dad started to decorate the house with balloon and banners that said 'Happy 10th Birthday' on them. I helped my dad with the balloons even though I couldn't tie them. After the decorations where finished my mom told me, Emmett and Alice to go play outside for a while as they wanted to sort the food and stuff.

As I stepped outside in my backyard, I saw a giant blow up swimming pool with a big slide going into it. I dashed over to it as I heard my dad laughing behind me. I turned to see him walking over with the hosepipe. "I think we'll need some water in here".

"I'm having a pool party?" I was stunned. "Thanks Dad, this is so cool!" I beamed hugging him around the waist.

"Hold this and I'll turn the water on" Dad said as he handed me the hosepipe. I was so excited about the pool and slide I was bouncing on the spot. Dad went to turn the water on as Emmett joined me at the pool side.

"Do you like your surprise Edward?" he asked with a smug grin on his face.

"Yeah this is awesome! Can't wait to show Bee!"

"She already knows Edward. Everyone does" he answered.

I frowned a bit on hearing this news. Bella was rubbish at keeping secrets especially from me. "I wonder why she didn't tell me." I wondered out loud.

"Because her dad told her if she told you, she couldn't come to the party" Emmett explained. "And Mom needed to tell everyone you were having a pool party so the boys brought shorts and the girls brought swimming costumes."

"That makes sense I suppose"

Water started to come through the hosepipe and I stood with Emmett while he chatted about how cool it was that I'd let him bring Garrett, his best friend to my party. Well, I thought it was only fair as Kate; Alice's best friend was coming and so was mine.

Once the pool started to fill up, I left the hose running and found my mom. She was in the kitchen making sandwiches.

"Mom, mom, thank you for the pool party. This is so cool!" I hugged her tight. She kissed the top of my head as she did this morning, "That's okay honey. The hardest part was keeping it a surprise" she smiled. I frowned again.

Suddenly, the kitchen door opened as Alice stepped through. She was dressed in a pink and white checked bikini top with a pink short skirt. All her tummy was showing. And her boobs; yeah Alice had started getting boobs. I overheard my mom talking to her about them saying she was becoming a woman and something called a ' monthly cycle' I think. Alice already had a bike that she never used so maybe now she was becoming a woman; she needed to start riding it once a month. Mom was a woman but she didn't ride a bike. I was very confused.

Alice put her sunglasses on and smoothed out her long black hair. She smirked at me. "Mom, she can't wear that!" I pointed at Alice's swim wear.

"Why not honey? It's gonna be a pool party, everyone will be in their swim wear" my mom stated. Alice smiled too sweetly at me and waltzed out of the house. _Argh! I hate girls!_ I thought.

My dad walked through the kitchen door. "Edward, Charlie called me a minute ago, he and Bella are on their way over. You need to get changed before people start showing up. Mom brought you some new swim shorts; they're on your bed. And remember to put some sun cream on!"

_Bella's coming!_ I raced up the stairs as fast as my legs would carry me, pushing my bedroom door open wide, banging it on the wall. There on my bed were some orange swim shorts. I quickly changed into them keeping my t shirt on. Rubbing some sun cream on my arms, legs and face, I ran back downstairs ready to greet Bella.

As soon as my foot hit the bottom stair, the door bell rang and I ran to get it "I'll get it Mom!" I shouted. I opened the door to see a box wrapping in blue birthday paper. Behind the big box was my small best friend, Bee.

"Hey Bee! You okay?" I asked trying to find her face behind the box. I crouched and ducked my head underneath the box then looked up to see Bella's big brown eyes smiling down at me.

"Happy Birthday Edward!" she chirped. I jumped back to my feet as Charlie took the box off her. "I told you it was too big for you Bee. Hi Edward, Happy Birthday. Shall I ..."

That's as much as I heard as I grabbed Bella and started to pull her along behind me, out to the back yard. I stopped by the side of the pool and nodded toward it "You knew about this" This was a fact; I already knew it was true.

Bella bit her lip and nodded. "I only found out a few days ago but I couldn't tell you cause my dad said if I told you, I couldn't come today .." She looked down at her feet.

I turned to stand in front of her putting my hands on her shoulders. "It's okay Bee. I know you couldn't tell."

She looked up at me and smiled which made me smile. I loved to see Bella smile.

"Edward honey! You have more guests here!" my mom shouted me from inside. Again grabbing Bella's hand we made our way back into my house.

I saw my dad and Charlie shake hands as Charlie left just as my two friends from school got here, Peter and Randall. Both had presents in their arms as I welcomed them to my party. My mom took the presents and put them with the others I had so far. I'd been really good and not opened any yet, not even the ones from my mom and dad. Peter and Randall both knew Bella even though she didn't come to our school. They both knew she was my best friend since forever and if they came round to play at my house, she was nearly always there.

So me, Bella, Peter and Randall went outside and started chat about school stuff and what we all did yesterday.

"Awesome!" Peter shouted as he saw the pool and slide. "Your mom and dad are so cool letting you have a pool party". He stripped out of his t shirt quickly, taking off his trainers and socks. Randall and I quickly followed.

I looked over at Bella who was clutching the front of her t shirt. She was biting her lip, she was nervous. _Huh?_

Both Peter and Randall started to jump in the pool and splash each other.

"Come on Bee!" I said. "Whatcha waiting for?" She looked round from left to right then pointed at Alice who was sat with Kate at one of the tables my mom had set up for food.

"Er, I think I'll wait …. er I need to talk to Shorty and her friend" She turned and walked towards Alice and Kate quickly.

"Bee!" I stepped forward and shouted after her but she didn't stop. I just saw the back of her long brown hair as she quickly walked away. _Strange_ I thought. Bella was sort-of friends with Alice, probably because she was a girl. I shrugged my shoulders and ran to the slide and started to climb. When I got to the top, I gained my balance and stood. I posed like Peter Pan with my fists on my hips. _The boy that never grew up; that sounds like a good idea_. I jumped to sit then flew down the slide, make a big splash. I got to the edge and jumped over, running to the slide again.

When I got to the top I saw Emmett and Garrett run towards us. With one big jump, Emmett drive-bombed in the pool, Garrett wasn't far behind. I laughed, shaking my head at my little brother.

Peter, Randall, Emmett, Garrett and I were taking turns at going down the slide. It was fun but I really wanted Bella to join in. Everything was so much more fun when she was with me. I looked over to where I last saw her with Alice and Kate but none of them were there. I got out of the pool to see my mom had put each of us some beach towels out. Grabbing one of them, drying myself off as I went, I walked towards my house. My mom and dad were in the kitchen sorting the food out.

"Mom, Dad, you seen Bee?" I asked. My mom and dad looked at me then each other.

"I think she's with Alice and Kate. I'll go find her." Mom said. Then she whispered something to my dad but I couldn't hear what she said. Once my mom had left the kitchen, my dad came over to me and kneeled down.

"Son, I know you and Bella are best friends but just remember she's a girl so sometimes she may want to be around other girls and not a gang of boys". He nodded toward the backyard.

"I know she's a girl dad, I'm not stupid" I pouted. "I just want her to come play with me on my birthday. It's not the same without her" My dad smiled at me as mom entered the kitchen again, closely followed by Bella. She had taken off her t shirt and shorts and was wearing a dark blue swimming costume with lighter blue flowers on it. She looked pretty.

"You look really pretty Bee" I smiled. Bella smiled back but looked at her feet. "Thanks Edward" she whispered.

"Come on! You've been missing all the fun" I started to walk outside, waving for her to join me. Bella looked at my mom who nodded then she started to follow.

"Bella's here!" I announced once we got to the pool "Now the real fun can start!" I looked at her to see her beaming back at me.

I managed to convince Bella to have a go on the slide after a few minutes of her being in the pool. Once she did it once and decided she actually did like it, she was on it all the time. I'm really glad mom and dad got a big pool because they were now six of us in there.

My dad came out of the house with a beach ball. "Thanks Dad!" I smiled as I watched him go back into the house. I saw Alice and Kate, both in those silly bikinis, sat at a table again, talking and putting sun cream on. They've not been in the pool once. _Silly girls_. I looked over at Bella who was zooming down the slide; she was a girl but I didn't really see her as a girl. _Maybe that's what Dad was talking about early_ I thought. I shrugged to myself. "Who wants to play catch?"

We'd been playing in the pool for a while when dad shouted for us all to come out for a bit for food. We all jumped out and dried off with our towels. Everyone got some food and sat at the big table my dad had set up. Bella and Emmett were sat either side of me as we talked and had our food.

"Birthday present time" my mom sang holding a pile of presents. We all got up and sat in a circle on the grass. Mom started handing me presents. I got a Transformer action figure from Peter, a video called ET from Randall, a blue Transformer's lunch box from Garrett and a football from Kate. I got handed Alice's present and rolled my eyes when I opened it. _A Thomas the Tank Engine picture book; how old does she think I am?_ I thought. I glared at Alice who was smirking at me.

"Stupid sister thinks she's so clever" I mumbled.

Putting that to the side, Emmett was literally bouncing when I had the box he wanted to give me earlier. I smiled at him then ripped the silver paper off quickly. Opening the box, I saw a Nintendo Game Boy game. I gasped because I didn't have a Game Boy even though I'd been telling my mom and dad for ages that I wanted one. _That means that …_

As if my mom read my mind, she said "I think you'll need this to go with Emmett's present" She handed me another box. I made quick work of the paper; I had a big grin on my face as I saw the Nintendo Game Boy packaging looking back at me.

"AWESOME!" I shouted, jumping to my feet, running towards my mom. I nearly knocked her off her feet with the force of my hug. "Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you".

Running to my dad I did the same. I got back to my spot on the grass and showed everyone the box as I started to try and get the Game Boy out.

"Wait you still have one more Edward" my mom stated as she give me a big box. I recognised the wrapping paper from earlier; this was Bella's present to me.

I looked at her as she smiled at me "I hope you like it. It's not as cool as a Game Boy though" she looked down at her lap.

Smiling I ripped off the paper. My eyes nearly popped out as I stared at the skateboard in its box. I stared at Bella then back at the skateboard. It was green with the Ghostbusters logo in the middle. I loved The Ghostbusters and always wanted a skateboard. It was the coolest present everyone had ever given me.

I dived at Bella and gave her the biggest hug ever along with a kiss on the cheek. The force of me diving at her knocked her on her back so I was lying on top of her. "Thank you Bee. You're the best; you know that right?" I whispered into her neck.

Quickly, I pulled myself off her and grabbed her hand to help her sit up. Bella had pink cheeks. "Are you okay Bee? I didn't hurt you did I?" I worried.

"No I'm okay Edward." and I'm sure I heard her whisper "Silly Edward" under her breath.

"Mom! Dad! See what Bee brought me!" I shouted over with my new skateboard held out in front of me.

"We'll need to get you a helmet and some knee and elbow pads" Dad said. I rolled my eyes. _No way I'm wearing those!_

A little while later, after another round in the pool, Mom called us over to the table again. It was birthday cake time! My mom had baked me a cake and had written 'Happy 10th Birthday Edward' on it in blue. I had 10 candles as well.

I smiled as everyone sang happy birthday to me. Bella was stood next to me singing; she never sung in tune but I didn't mind. When I blew out my candles I wished for every birthday to be like this; having fun with my family, maybe not my annoying big sister. But especially being with my friends; with my very best friend in the whole wide world, Bella.

* * *

**26****th**** June 1993 (5****th**** annual 'Seattle Emergency Services Summer Fundraiser')**

Making sand castles in the sand box was something that me and Bella had each year we were at the fundraiser. No one else was allowed. Emmett wanted to come with us every year but this was something that me and Bella had always done together, alone. It was like our special thing.

This year, it rained a lot the day before so the sand was really wet. The sand castles didn't look great; they had black bits in them and were a bit runny. In the end, we managed to build a small collection of castles before giving up.

We decided to sit on the swings instead. I was swinging back and forth a little; my skateboard under my feet.

I could see all the people at the fundraiser; it was a lot bigger this year than it was last. They were tables with games, raffles and food like cakes and buns. There were three bouncy castles this year as well as balloons for sale; even a small train on a track that went round in a circle. My dad decided on a barbecue this year; I could smell the meat cooking. _Mmmmmm_ I thought as my tummy grumbled.

"Bee. You wanna get something to eat? I'm starving!" I said while looking at my dad cooking lots of stuff on the barbecue. I'd asked Dad earlier what he would be cooking on the barbecue. There would be steak, sausages, corn and chicken. Dad insisted on doing the cooking himself, wearing a chef's apron that said 'This is what the world's greatest Dad looks like'. I think mom brought it him.

After a couple of minutes, I realised that Bella hadn't answered me so I turned to face her. She was silently crying next to me. I jumped to my feet, nearly falling over my skateboard. "Bee, what's wrong? You okay? Are you hurt? Do I need to get Dad?" I panicked.

Bella shook her head as she looked down at her feet and wiped the tears with the back of her hand. "No" she whispered.

"What's wrong Bee?" I asked softly this time. "Why are you crying?" I crouched down in front of her, putting my hands on her legs to make sure I didn't fall over. "You know you can tell me anything, Bee"

"I..." she shook her head again, she still didn't look at me. "It doesn't even matter."

"Yes it does. Please Bee; tell me how I can make it better?" I pleaded.

Then she raised her head, looking my straight in my eyes. Her pretty brown eyes were all red from her crying as well as her nose.

"Please tell me" I whispered, looking straight back at her. I could see my worried reflection in her watery eyes.

She bit her lip and looked down again. "It's just my stupid dad. He's always working and ..." Then she started to cry again.

Standing up, I tugged Bella's hand and pulled her off the swing then we walked just a few steps to the grass. I sat down, gently pulling Bella with me. Once we were both sat side by side, I threw my arm around her shoulders. She grabbed the front of my t shirt and sobbed into my neck. Bringing the other arm around the front of her, I hugged her until she stopped crying.

"Sorry Edward" she whispered after a while.

"Don't be sorry Bee. We're best friends right?" I felt her nodding against my neck. I stroked her hair a few times; Mom did this to me when I was upset and it always made me feel better.

We sat there for a while in silence. I just hugged her with one arm and stroked her hair down to her back with my other hand.

She eventually stopped crying and then suddenly sat up straight and looked at me. She held her little finger out, _Pinky promise, she didn't want me to tell anyone about her crying_. Releasing her from my hug but keeping one arm round her shoulders, I linked my little finger with hers. "Pinky promise" I whispered.

"You know you owe me a new t shirt, right? You put your snot all down this one" I smiled.

She gave me a watery smile and a little giggle. _That's my girl_ I thought proudly.

I suddenly realised that sounds like Bella was my girlfriend. I looked at the crowds of people across the park; I could feel my cheeks going red. _Bee's my best friend who just happens to be a girl _I said to myself.

"Silly Edward" Bella said softly. This made me smile; I've always been 'Silly Edward' from the moment we meet. Turning back to face Bella, she didn't look her pretty self. Her eyes were all red and puffy from her tears but she was beaming at me. I looked over to the barbecue again, _I think food will have to wait if Bee doesn't want anyone knowing she's been crying_ I thought to myself.

"Come on" I said. "Let's go back to the sand box; the sand may have dried now so we can finish off this year's masterpiece".

I jumped to my feet and grabbed my skateboard by the swing. "And then you can watch me go on my skateboard. I'm getting better you know!"

Bella got to her feet, "I believe you"

"And after that, we can go and eat" I stated as my tummy growled, loudly.

"Er, I think you need to eat now Edward."

"It's okay Bee. My tummy can wait".

After making another six sandcastles, we headed a little closer to where everyone was to a section of pathway that was flat. I showed Bella how I could have one foot on my board and I used the other to push myself forward. I couldn't stop properly yet so Bella stood and grabbed my t shirt when I got to her to slow me down.

"You wanna have a go?" I asked breathlessly after my latest attempt.

"Edward. Do you know me?"

"Er yeah? Bee?" I answered, confused.

"Well if you know me, you would know that I can trip over my own feet without needing to use a skateboard to help that"

I chuckled; she had a point. Bella was the clumsiest person I knew.

"Come on Bee. I'll hold you, you won't fall." Bella looked at me, frowning.

"You're sure I won't fall?" she questioned.

"Pinky promise" I stated. After linking our little fingers, Bella cautiously stood on the board and grabbed on to my shoulders. "Edward! Don't let me fall!" she screamed not me as I started to move her along the path.

I rolled my eyes, "I won't. Pinky promise, remember?"

I moved her slowly along the path; her finger nails were digging into my shoulders. When we got to the end of the line, she tried to get off the board. As she stepped off with one of her feet, the skateboard moved sending her leg in another direction. She screamed as I caught her.

Bella was grabbing onto my waist like her life depended on it; I said "Told you I won't let you fall". She looked up at me and smiled.

Later that day when the sun had started to set, I helped my dad load up the car with the stuff from today. Charlie had come and picked up Bella about ten minutes ago.

As I placed another box in the trunk, I turned to my dad, "Dad, why does Charlie work all the time?"

"Well son, he's a policeman so he has to work a lot. He's a really important man."

I frowned. "But you're a doctor, you're important too but you don't work as much as Charlie" I questioned.

"It's difficult to explain Edward"

I rolled my eyes "I'm sure I can keep up"

"Well ..." my dad was struggling with the right words. "Bella only has Charlie, right?" I nodded thinking back to the day she told me her mom was in heaven. "But you have me and Mom, we both work to make sure you, Alice and Emmett get the things you want."

I frowned again, "But you said I couldn't have a puppy when I asked." I was confused.

"Well … that's …." he shrugged again. "What I meant is both your Mom and I work but Charlie is on his own so he has to work more. And no, you still can't have a puppy."

I pouted. _No fair._

"Why do you ask, son?" Dad questioned.

"Oh no reason. I was just thinking about Charlie earlier... And why he wasn't here today. I thought it would be work"

"Has Bella said anything to you? About Charlie working so much?"

"No" I shrugged. I hated to lie to my dad but I knew Bella didn't want me to say anything so I didn't. _Pinky Promise_ I thought.

Lying in bed that same night, I felt restless. I turned over trying to get to sleep but I couldn't. Pictures of Bella looking heartbroken and sad filled my head every time I closed my eyes. My dad said that Charlie needed to work so much so Bella could have the things she wanted. I think Charlie loved to work too much. I was sure being a policeman was really cool and I knew catching bad people was really, really important but so was Bella. After my mom and dad, even before Emmett, she was the most important person to me.

I drifted to sleep with happy thoughts of me and Bella, forever best friends.

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**So what you guys think to this chapter? Hope you liked it. Next chapter will be leading up to Edward's 16th**

**I just want to thank my friend & beta SweetLovinCullen for all her help and support with my story. If you haven't already checked her current story, Unexpected Love, go do that now at www(dot)fanfiction(dot)net/s****/6113033/1/Unexpected_Love**


	4. Summers & Sweet Sixteens

**Disclaimer : SM owns Edward & Twilight, not me (sadly!)**

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**8****th**** August 1998 (Summer holiday)**

It was the beginning of August and we were going on our family holiday. We go every year to our holiday villa in Florida but this year is different. This year, Bella was coming with us and Alice wasn't.

Sat on our couch the day we were going, I looked over at Alice. I was actually a little sad she had decided not to come on holiday with us this year. Now she was seventeen, Mom and Dad said if she wanted to stay in Seattle with her best friend Kate she could. So that's what she chose to do.

Alice and I had been getting on better than ever. She had become less annoying and more happy, smiley and giddy. I think Bella was the main reason for us all getting along better. Bella and Alice had really bonded over the last couple of years. I knew that Alice now considered Bella to be her little sister. I also knew that Bella and Alice talked about boys which bothered me. I wasn't sure why it did, but it did annoy the hell out of me when I walked into the room, they would just stop talking mid sentence. I knew it was girl talk about boys. Sometimes with how they shut up so quickly, I'd swear they were talking about me.

For Alice's birthday, she did something I never though she'd do. She cut her hair. And when Alice did something, she never did it by halves. Alice's long black hair became a short pixie cut. _I'm a lad so I don't really do hair and crap_ _but I had to agree that the new hair cut suited her._

I smiled at her even though she wasn't paying any attention to me; she was too busy cuddling up to Mom on the other couch. _They're really gonna miss each other._

We were picking Bella up from her house after dropping Alice off at Kate's. I stayed in the car while I watched my mom and dad say bye to Alice. We were only going for two weeks but I saw Mom with tears in her eyes as she hugged Alice fiercely then got back in the car.

I got really giddy on the drive from Kate's to Bella's. I was so happy to have Bella with me on holiday so I wouldn't be stuck with Emmett for two weeks solid on my own. Emmett was now twelve and he thought he knew it all. He was an annoying brat. He and I were good friends as well as brothers but when Emmett turned eleven, he just turned over night. He ditched his oldest friends so he could start to hang with the 'cool' kids from his year at school. I knew Mom was worried about him when his grades started to slip. He'd now had school detention more times than me, Bella and Alice put together.

When we pulled into Bella's driveway, she was sitting on her porch steps with her suitcase next to her. When she saw our car, she literally bounced to her feet and started clapping like some crazy person. I think Alice was rubbing off on her a little too much. I chuckled to myself as we stopped and jumped out of the car to help Bella with her suitcase.

"Hey Bee! You ready for some fun!" I shouted as I galloped in her direction, picking up her large suitcase and throwing my arm over her shoulder. She grinned at me and grabbed my t shirt with both hands while we walked.

"Yup" she stated as she emphasised the p with a 'pop' sound.

"Charlie here?" I asked.

"Nope" as answered emphasising the p again.

"Wow Bee, you're philosophical today" I rolled my eyes.

"Big word Edward, make sure you don't hurt that big brain of yours" she smirked back. _Touche!_

I loaded the suitcase and we were soon on our way to the airport. Bella and I watched the planes while we sat waiting for our flight. We boarded, sat in our seats and a short time later, we were touching down in Florida.

Waiting for us when we arrived was the rental car my dad hired while we were there. It was a red Audi and it looked so cool. _Think dad might let me have a drive_ I wondered to myself as I trailed a finger over the bonnet. "Not a chance" my dad said as if he read my mind. I smirked at him; he knew me too well.

We arrived at our villa by late afternoon. My mom and dad bought the villa a few years ago after dad started complaining about how much we would spend each year in hotels for the holidays. It was near Disneyland which I knew Bella was excited about visiting even at her age.

The villa was painted cream with a brown tiled roof, two garages in which my dad had converted into a games room. The large open kitchen was brand new white cabinets which my mom loved. We also had an outdoor pool and hot tub. The living area was open plan so you could see the second floor; a bit like an indoor balcony. It was a very cool place to have holidays each year.

Bella had seen the villa on loads of occasions through photos and video footage but the first time she actual saw it with her own eyes, they popped out of their sockets and her jaw literally dropped. I thought it was hilarious; I was laughing so hard I had tears. She looked like the something out of a cartoon.

Through the tears, I saw Bella was giving me the evil eye, her arms crossed across her chest while she was tapping her foot. I tried to stop laugh but trying to stop only made the giggles worse.

"Am… sorry… Bee… that… was… so... funny..." I said between the hysterical laughter.

"You're so gonna pay for that Edward Cullen" she seethed at me. I thought she would was about to run at me and beat me within an inch of my life, but instead she turned on her heel and marched into the villa. I sobered up immediately,_ I'm so screwed._

We had four bedrooms; Mom and Dad's, Alice's, Emmett's and mine. Alice's room had two single beds so she could bring a friend on holiday and all the others had doubles. I tried and tried to convince Bella she should take my room with the double bed instead of having the single one but it was no use. Bella was such a stubborn person.

Once the car was unpacked, I gave Bella some chocolate as a peace offering so she let me show her around. The last room was Alice's bedroom. "Er yeah, this is Alice's room. Well actually yours for the next two weeks." I nodded towards the two single beds in the middle of the room. I placed her suitcase on the bed nearest the window.

"You sure you want this room? My room has a double bed and ..." I looked at Bella who was now staring out of the bedroom window, ignoring me. I continued.

"My room is next door then Emmett's with Mom and Dad's at the end. You have a bathroom of your own" I said as I walked over to the en suite door, opening it wide. Bella was still looking out of the window.

"I'll leave you to unpack." I waiting by the door, again hoping she'd respond but she seemed deep in thought. I walked up behind her, putting my hands on her shoulders giving a little squeeze. "You okay Bee?" I asked softly in her ear. I thought I felt her shiver a little.

Bella turned her head to face me, "Yeah, just thinking..."

"I'll be downstairs. Take your time to unpack but don't be too long cause I need to show you the pool and the beach before the sun sets" I stated as I gave her shoulders a parting hug.

For the rest of the afternoon, I showed Bella the beach which was a short walk away from the villa. We set down our towels and stretched out in our shorts and t shirts, watching the people, the sea and the sun. We sat in mostly silence, talking a little until the sun was setting. I couldn't decide if Bella was still mad with me for laughing or she had something else on her mind. I decided not to push her for answers; she'd tell me when she was ready, she always did.

The next day I woke to a cold wet sponge hitting my head. Bella seemed a lot better and this was her idea of getting her own back. On the second day, we had our trip to Disneyland where Bella was so excited about meeting Goofy, I thought she might faint. Goofy was her favourite which never surprised me as she was a bit goofy herself. She had a huge grin on her face as my mom took our photo with him.

On the third day, Bella and I have decided to go to the beach. The weather was sunny and warm so Bella and I packed to spend the whole day there. After the five minute walk from the villa, we found a perfect spot near the seafront to set up camp. It was still fairly early so there weren't many people around yet. T_hat would soon change._ I was just unpacking my book when I realised I'd forgot the sun cream.

"Oh damn! I forgot the sun cream Bee. I'll just run back and get it, okay?"

"Yeah" Bella answered as she unfolded a beach towel ready to lie on. Her long brown hair picked up red hints in the early morning sunshine.

"You sure you'll be okay?" I asked again; I didn't like leaving her on her own.

Bella straighten up from her crouch, smoothing her t-shirt and shorts as she rolled her eyes at me, "Silly Edward, of course I'll be okay".

Bella still used her child-like name for me even after all these years. I smiled then turned to sprint back to the villa as quick as I could. It only took me a couple of minutes when I crashed through the doors. No one was here. _Strange_. Shrugging to myself, I ran up the stairs two at a time, rushing into my room to grab the sun cream. I turned to walk out of the room when I heard someone coughing.

As I walked down the stairs, the coughing got louder. It seemed to be coming from the pool area. I was in a hurry to get back to Bella but the coughing sounded nasty so I started walking towards the back of the villa where the pool was to investigate.

As I rounded the corner, I could see Emmett hunched off coughing his lungs up. "Hey Em, you okay?" I shouted over the coughs as I put the sun cream down on the table and made my way over to him. He sounded like he was choking. Just before I got to him, he held his hand up as a gesture to stop me. Stopping just in front of him, I was worried. _Had he eaten something that was stuck in his throat. _Emmett's hand was still in front of me as his whole body shook violently with coughing.

"Em, is something in your throat? Do you need me to hit your back or do... ummm... the Heimlich manoeuvre..."

Emmett just shook his head but the coughing seemed to be slowing down.

"Just breathe" I chanted to him as his breathing became more normal and he lowered his arm. As he did this, I saw he had something in his other hand. _What the hell was that! I looked like … no. A lit cigarette._

"Emmett!" I shouted. "Is that a cigarette?" I'd gone from worried to calm to outraged in the space of seconds. I couldn't believe my eyes, he was smoking. "You idiot! Don't you know those things will kill you! Wait 'til I tell Mom and Dad ..." I started to march away from him when he caught my arm after a few strides making me swing back round in his direction.

"Don't you tell Mom and Dad!" he shouted "You can't!"

"Yes I can, where are they?"

"Gone to do some shopping but I didn't want to do that crap" he answered.

"So you thought you'd kill yourself instead" I screamed, "You're an idiot Em! I just … I just can't believe you would do something so stupid!"

"Well everyone does it" Emmett argued.

"Who? Who's everyone Emmett." I started counting on my fingers, "Mom, Dad, Alice, Bee, me all don't, so who's does? Hm!"

"Jared and Paul do!" he screamed back. He had tears in his eyes and I didn't know whether it was the coughing or the thought of me telling Dad.

I laughed sarcastically "Jared and Paul are idiots too then. Why do you even hang out with them?"

Emmett was looking straight at me when he paused to consider his response. His expression changed as he smirked at me with an evil gleam in his eye, "Well, at least I'm normal and I hang with boys. Not like you who has a girl for a best friend"

I frowned, "I'm normal, and it doesn't matter that Bee's a girl"

"Bet you fancy her now she has boobs!" Em continued. "Paul says Bella has nice boobs and he would love to touch them"

I was shocked to hear my twelve year old little brother talk about this type of stuff. I stood just looking at him until what he said actually sunk in.

"What the f..? Don't you dare talk about Bee like that you... you..." I was furious; I nearly slipped up and swore.

"Yeah and Jared said he thinks Bella likes him, like really likes him as she's always smiling at him" Emmett continued tossing the cigarette over the fence into the field behind the villa then crossing his arms across his chest.

"She does not like a little twelve year old! She smiles to be nice and polite!" My blood was at boiling point.

"Well I heard that Mike Newton really likes her too and after the summer, he's going to ask her to be his girlfriend and ..."

_Mike bloody Newton. _When Bella and I were fourteen, we started going to the same school which was the same school Alice was at. Mike Newton was the idiot that broke Alice's heart a few years back. There was no way he was going anywhere near Bella. _Over my dead body._

I didn't let Emmett finish before I launched myself at him, knocking him to the floor with me. Kneeling over him I growled "Don't you ever talk about Bee like that again, you hear me or so help me, I'll… I'll..."

Emmett still had a smirk on his face, "Ooooh you jealous big brother?"

"I... I..." I stumbled back to my feet. I couldn't think straight. _Did I bang my head with the fall 'cause it hurts like hell._

"I have to go" I stated as I ran away from the pool picking up the sun cream on my way out. I walked slowly back toward the beach, eyes down, I still couldn't think straight. _Why did Emmett think I was jealous of Mike? I was just protective; always have been. I didn't like Mike but that's because he and I have never got on especially with the Alice situation. And I know Bella doesn't like him either. Why didn't I just say that?_

As I got to the beach, I was still lost in thought. As I looked up to find Bella, I noticed the beach had filled up. As I looked, I stopped dead as my eyes got caught on a pink bikini not that far away from where I left Bella.

A girl about my age was lying on her back on a towel with her face facing away from me. She didn't look very tall but she looked drop dead gorgeous. Lots of pale, flawless skin was on display, long slender legs, one of them bent at the knee. Small shoulders, her arms were at her sides and boobs, yes I saw boobs and they looked really good.

I stood at the edge of the beach and shamelessly stared at this girl's boobs. I had that funny feeling in my groin that my dad ensured me was normal when we had 'the talk' a couple of years back. I saw her arms move slightly. She reached up and touched her own boob. I was in teenage heaven as my peen started to grow and became uncomfortable in my shorts. Trying to adjust myself without anyone noticing, I looked up from her chest to her head. This was an attempt to try and stop the problem in my shorts. It didn't work.

Her face was still facing away from me so all I could see was her hair that looked brown and long but piled on the top of her head. With one last glance at her chest, I shook my head as my eyes drifted across the beach to find Bella but she wasn't where I left her.

I started to feel the panic rise from my stomach to my chest. I started to pace over to where I left Bella. I passed pink bikini girl not looking as I couldn't think about her now; I needed to find Bella and make sure she was okay.

"Edward?" I heard just behind me.

I twirled on the spot at the sound of Bella's voice. She was sat up on a towel a couple of feet away wearing a pink bikini. _Oh my god …... Bella is pink bikini girl?_

"Edward? I moved a bit because of the volleyball game starting over there. Is that okay? You look… umm… sort of shocked..."

I couldn't speak. I opened and closed my mouth a couple of times but nothing came out.

"Edward? You're kinda scaring me now … what's wrong?" Bella frowned at me.

"I… I…" _Oh my god I was checking out Bella. When the hell did she get so … I daren't even think of the word. _I subconsciously looked down from her eyes to her chest again. I just couldn't stop myself. It was as if my eyes had a mission of their own. The problem in my shorts now refused to go away and I think I may have been drooling a little too. _She's gonna think I'm a pervert!_ When my eyes lifted back to her face with what felt like hours later, Bella was looking down at her crossed legs and biting her lip. Bella had always bit her lip when she was nervous. _It's probably because you're looking like she's something to eat_ I chastised myself.

I tried again with the talking and it seemed to work this time. "I... I got the sun cream?" I said holding out the bottle, not sure whether it should be a statement or a question.

Bella lifted her eyes to me keeping her face down so she was looking through her eyelashes, still biting her lip. _Oh my god, kill me now_. The problem in my shorts just got worse, a lot worse. Quickly, I saw my towel set up next to her and almost lpeat on to it, crossing my legs and resting my arms across my lap. I sat at the other end of the towel to where Bella was with my back to her. _I just need a minute..._

"Great! Could you do me?"

My eyes popped out of my head as I spun around to face her, "Excuse me?" I squeaked in a high pitch voice.

"My back? Would you put some cream on my back? I know I shouldn't have started sun bathing before you came back with the cream but I was just so hot with my shorts and t shirt on. I'm surprised you haven't started lecturing me on sun safety" she chuckled as she grabbed the cream for my hand and squirted some in her hands and started to rub her arms.

"Yeah" I squeaked then I coughed and tried to sound more manly. "Yeah, course I will Bee. What are friends for?" I gulped.

"Fantastic. Two minutes ..." she said as she got some more cream and put it on her legs. My eyes watched her hands movements. Up and down. Up and down. Up and down. _I'm so screwed. _When she moved for hands to her stomach and chest, I couldn't watch any more without being caught.

"Okay Edward. Be gentle. It's still cold." she said turning to lay on her front. Her hair was already piled up on her head so I didn't have to worry about that. I crawled to her side and put some cream in my hands, rubbing them together so it wouldn't be as cold then placed my hands on her shoulders. My hands tingled when they touched her skin as I worked the cream into her shoulders and neck. I moved down to her back and before I realised what she was doing, she pulled the strings of her bikini top so I had full access to all of her back. My hands froze in the middle of her shoulder blades. Then my hands started to move before my brain caught up. Starting from her shoulder blades my hands moved outwards towards her sides and before I knew it, my finger tips on both hands skimmed the sides of her boobs. I bit back a groan that threatened to escape until I could actually taste blood in my mouth. I quickly finished the rest of her back and before she asked me I tied the strings back together, _God help me if that top slipped away._

Bella sat up on her knees, "You want me to do you now?" I nodded not sure of my voice. "Take your top off then silly"

I felt very self conscious lifting my t shirt over my head, _strange how I never thought about this earlier knowing we would be on the beach all day. _Over the last couple of years, the hormones started so I wasn't a skinny kid any more but I still have a lean physic. And the hormones were definitely raging today with the site of Bella in a bikini.

I laid down just as Bella did while she creamed my neck, back then the back of my arms and legs. "Turn over Edward and I'll do your front too" she said in my ear, leaning over me.

I quickly scrambled to sit "It's okay Bee. I can do that myself" I think my face was red just thinking of Bella touching my stomach.

She shrugged as she reached over my legs for her sunglasses, putting them in place with a smile then laid down again. I was hot and bothered and it wasn't because the sun was beating down on us. I needed some space to breathe and think.

"I'm just gonna grab a drink, you want one?" I asked.

"Yes please"

I jumped to my feet and almost ran towards the little café just off the beach. Once I got there I was glad of the queue as it gave me time to think. It felt like I was seeing Bella for the first time and it was very strange and confusing. _Did I know her at all? _I wondered. But of course I knew her; she was my best friend of the last ten years but when did Bella grow up. I got to the front and brought two cans of Coke then made the trip back to Bella.

As I did, I could see she was sat up and someone was with her. A lad who looked about twenty one was crouched next to her; his tanned chest just inches from her face.

"Who the fuck is that?" I whispered to myself. I could feel the dread in the pit of my stomach as I continued to walk toward them.

"Hey Bee, I got you a Coke." I said as soon as she would be able to hear me. I handed it to her.

"Oh Edward, this is Sam. Sam this is Edward who I was telling you about"

I couldn't help the smirk I gave Sam when I shook his hand knowing that Bella had been talking about me.

"Oh so this is your best friend" Sam emphasised the friend element of the sentence. I gritted my teeth as I heard Bella answer with a yes and a grin.

"Sam's just asked if we want to join in with the next volleyball game that's starting in a few minutes. I was telling him I'm not the best person for sports" Bella rolled her eyes at me.

"Oh Bella, you'll be fine" Sam cooed. "Come on, you don't want to miss the fun" and then he winked, _at my girl! Wait, what?_

Bella blushed at the attention and gave a sweet smile. I wanted to tell him to fuck off but I didn't think Bella would appreciate that so I forced another smile.

"Maybe some other time" I said through gritted teeth.

Sam sighed. "Well at least I tried to get the hottest girl on the beach to play with me" he chuckled. _The arrogant bastard! _I didn't miss his double meaning even if Bella did. I was getting really pissed off with him and then he stroked Bella's leg with one finger.

"Hey mate. Back off!" I almost growled.

"Edward it's fine. I think he's leaving now" she shot him a pointed look.

"Okay baby" he said. He stood then and reached for his short's pocket and pulled out a card. "But if you want some fun later, here's my card"

I jumped to my feet and was surprised that I was the same height as him. "She's fifteen you pervert!" I had reached my boiling point. I wanted him gone and now. I didn't care that he was older and bigger than me.

He just chuckled and shook his head at me, turned then stalked off back to the volleyball nets. I was still furious when I sat down staring a hole in Sam's back as he walked away. "Dick" I muttered quietly.

Bella gasped and I turned to look at her, "Edward, I've never heard you swear before. You okay?" she placed her hand on my shoulder and I immediately felt better but not enough to stop the bitter edge of my words.

"Yeah I am now" I scowled towards the volleyball game again.

I was restless and pissed off for the rest of the day. Every guy that walked pass us seemed to ogle Bella laying in that pink bikini. I felt like some sort of guard dog, growling at all the unwanted attention. And when I said unwanted, it was unwanted by me. Bella didn't seem to notice everyone's eyes on her. This pissed me off even more.

As the sun was setting, I was tired with being on edge for most of the day.

"It's getting a little chilly with the sun setting, I think I'll put my t shirt on" Bella said reaching for it.

"Now you decide to do that!" I snapped.

"Edward, what's gotten into you today? You've been acting weird all day"

"I'm fine Bee, just peachy!" I snapped again.

Packing our stuff in silence, we made our way back to the villa just in time for dinner. I was quiet again at the table while Mom talked about her day shopping. I was still furious over what had happened earlier with Bella on the beach so I daren't open my mouth. I looked over at Bella and she looked sad. She was quiet too; pushing a few peas around her plate. Then I felt horrible that I was the one that made her feel like that. I hated to see Bella sad; always had. I was basically ignoring her; she probably hated me. Once everyone had eaten, Bella excused herself and went to her room.

"You two okay?" my mom asked as I helped her load the dishwasher.

"We're fine mom" I snapped followed by a quick "Sorry". Mom looked took a long look at me, "You're tired honey, go get some rest and talk to Bella in the morning"

As I crawled into bed that night, I thought I was going to be able to go straight to sleep but my brain wouldn't switch off as the events of that day replayed in my mind. Emmett, smoking, Mike, Bella, pink bikini, Sam, Volleyball all rolled over and over. I pushed the thoughts of Emmett and his newest habit to the back of my mind because I had more pressing matters to attend to. Bella.

I turned over for what seemed to be the hundredth time when what Emmett said to me earlier popped into my mind, _You jealous big brother?_

_Jealous? Was that the reason I was pissed off with everyone looking at Bella today at the beach? In that small pink bikini?_

Just the mere thought of Bella in that bikini made the hairs on the back of my neck stand on end and I had goosebumps on my arms. That similar warm feeling was spreading through my groin as I bit my pillow to stop groaning. I glanced over to my clock to see it was now past midnight and everyone would be asleep. So I did what any fifteen year old lad with a boner does, I snuck into the bathroom for some cream and tissues and jacked off. It wasn't the first time I'd done this. I had a thing for Sharon Stone. But it was the first time I imagined Bella and what her hands would be like if she was the one doing it to me. And what scared me the most was it didn't feel weird.

The next morning I woke up early even though I was still tired, pulled on his swim shorts and raced down to the pool. I think I was hoping the cold water would cool me down in more way than one. After the fifth length, I paused by the side for a second. I pulled my wet, flat hair away from my forehead, trying to catch my breath when I saw movement to my left. Bella had walked then sat in one of the sun loungers by the side of the pool without me realising. She was sat in her t shirt and jean shorts, one leg bent with her arms crossed against her chest. She didn't look happy.

"Bee? You okay?" I worried as I pulled myself out of the pool and rushed over to where Bella was sat, then kneed by her side dripping wet. Bella gave me a small look of shock before going back to the pissed off look.

She took a couple of deep breaths. "You!" she seethed. "You… Argh!" she screamed, throwing her arms in the sky. "What the hell is your problem?"

I frowned then looked away from her. "I'm sorry" I whispered.

"Did you say something?"

Turning, I looked her straight in the eye "I'm sorry Bee. Sorry for being a, well you know..." I trailed off.

"A dick" Bella finished using my own choice of words from yesterday.

"Suppose I deserve that" I sighed looking down.

"Yes you do Edward! What the hell happened yesterday? Why were you being an ass all day?"

I decided to be honest as Bella and I have always been. _Here goes... everything?_

I looked back at Bella; her eyes were wide and wanting answers. They were beautiful as was the rest of her. "Bee, I'm very protective over you. You know this right?" I smiled as I reached and tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear. My fingers tingled slightly as they lingered at her cheek as I cupped it gently.

"You're the most important person in my life so when I see people trying to... to take advantage of you, it..." I shook my head struggling to get the right words out. Taking a deep breath, I continued "It really gets to me. That Sam yesterday, argh, I wanted to knock him out!"

Lost in my own thoughts I started to rant, "He doesn't even know you but because you were in that bikini looking as hot as hell, he tried to chat you up! Even though he could see you were with me. Idiot! Hope that volleyball takedown I saw really hurt him because he was..."

I was pulled out of my rant but Bella moving my hand from her face to hold onto it at her side. "Hold the phone!" she said "You think I looked hot yesterday. Like Sharon Stone hot?" she tiled her head to the side. Bella knew of my crush.

"Well, I suppose..."

"Or is that a yes or a no Edward?" Bella sound interested to know the answer.

I held her gaze as I answered, "Sharon Stone has nothing on you Bee"

Bella stare was now intense as her eyes burned into mine. Before I realised what I was doing, I was within a few inches of Bella's face staring at her lips. When she bit the bottom one I looked into her eyes again. It was at that moment, I realised I wanted to kiss her. Not just a friendly peck but a proper kiss. I closed the gap again testing for Bella's reaction and when she didn't move away from me, I leaned in closer. I was within an inch of Bella's full luscious lips when...

"Ahem! Ex squeeze me" said a familiar voice from behind me. I jumped away from Bella so quick I stumbled back. Luckily, I managed to grab hold of another sun lounger before falling on the floor. I whipped my head around to see Emmett smirking at me. Rising to my feet, I glared at him before looking back at Bella. She was still sat on the lounger with her head down, staring at her twisted fingers in her lap.

"Hope I wasn't interrupting..."

"No" answered a little too quickly. I looked at Bella again who didn't seem to have moved.

"Well..." Emmett trailed off "Can I talk to you Edward? About yesterday?"

"I'll get out of your way" Bella quickly stood up and moved towards to the house. She was gone before I could say anything. _Great._

"What Emmett? What do you want as if I don't know" I huffed.

"You gonna tell Mom and Dad?"

"Will you do it again?" I looked him straight in the eye.

"No" he said calmly and I believed him.

I sighed "So no I won't say anything, but if I hear or see you do that shit again, I won't be so understanding."

"Thanks big brother" he whispered. He gave me a small smile then I realised I was still wet from the swim so I grabbed my towel and made my way into the house to find Bella. I needed to talk to her. _Was I going to actually kiss her then? Was she gonna let me? Did she want to kiss me too? _So many questions running around my head. But I couldn't find her. I looked in every room of the villa but she was no where.

"Dad, you seen Bee?" I asked as I ran down the stairs.

"She's gone with Mom for a walk I think"

"Oh" I answered with a frown.

"You okay son?" Dad asked.

I answered with a shrug. "Yeah"

"You want to talk?"

"Nah." Dad took a long look at me "Okay. I'll be by the pool if you need me." I nodded as I wandered back upstairs to my room and crashed.

I woke mid afternoon, racing downstairs. I couldn't believe I'd actually fallen asleep. _Must be all the sun._ I found Mom in the kitchen sorting out a salad for lunch. I smiled when I saw her.

"Hey Mom. Why didn't you wake me?" I hesitated while I asked my next question, "Where's Bee?" I almost whispered her name and mom seemed to understand.

"She's in her room honey. She'll be down when she's ready"

"'Kay" I said glumly as I dragged my feet towards the games room. I really wanted to see Bella and talk about what happened over the last couple of days. I felt like my whole world had somehow changed and I needed to talk to my best friend about it all. Of course, it made it a hundred times harder as Bella was the person I needed to talk about but I still felt I needed to talk to her before anyone else. _Maybe she can help me straighten a few things out in my head._

After an hour in the games room, I sat with dad by the pool for a couple of hours 'til it was early evening. I was really worried about Bella now as I still hadn't seen her. It was killing me; all the thoughts and questions swirling round my mind. _Was Bella mad with me? I was horrible to her yesterday. Was I jealous? _I knew the answer to the last question. What made me anxious me was _why _I was jealous. Sure Bella's been my best friend for ten years and we are inseparable. _Maybe I just don't want to share her? _I couldn't help thinking that there was more though.

As early evening turned into late evening, I dragged my sorry self to my room. It was obvious that Bella didn't want to talk to me and I was sick of Dad continuing looking over at me with that worried expression. Once I was in bed, I couldn't sleep, again. All I could think of was Bella. It didn't matter whether my eyes were open or closed; images of Bella filled my mind. Images from the day before; Bella in a pink bikini, seemed to be forever etched in my head. I racked my brain to think of when Bella started becoming a young woman instead of my clumsy, kid best friend. I smiled to myself thinking back to when we were just kids, playing for hours and hours in our backyards. Thinking back to all the birthdays and Christmases we had together made me feel warm and fussy; just like home.

I must have been laying there for hours, thinking back at all the fun we'd had when I hear the faint sound of my bedroom door opening. Thinking it was Mom checking on me, I squeezed my eyes shut hoped I looked like I was asleep but a voice I knew all too well made me sit up so fast my head began to spin.

"Edward? You awake?" Bella whispered.

After the initial dizzy moment passed, I waved her into my room. Bella tipped toed in. It was dark so I couldn't see her face, just the black silhouette of her coming towards me. Once she reached the bed, I thought she would sit but I was wrong.

She turned back the sheets and climbed in. I gulped as her hands found my bare shoulders; she cuddled next to me and the familiar tingle returned. _I'm so glad I don't sleep naked._ With my arms still firmly by my sides, she placed her head in the crook of my neck and sighed loudly next to my ear. Her next word shocked me.

"Sorry"

After a few seconds I realised I still hadn't spoken her. _What was she sorry for? The near kiss? Probably._

"No need to say sorry Bee, you have nothing to say sorry for. I'm the idiot. I'm sorry Bee" I whispered.

Bella sighed again and nuzzled her nose into my neck, "Sorry for avoiding you today. I..." she trailed off.

"You don't have to explain Bee. I'm sorry for this morning. I didn't mean to… you know" I felt Bella move a little.

"Oh… okay"

We laid in silence. Bella's breathing evened out eventually and I knew she must have fallen asleep. I was a little worried; I didn't feel as comfortable as I probably should with my best friend in the same bed as me. Before this holiday, Bella was just like any other friend apart from being my very best friend. Now I wasn't so sure how I felt.

I slipped out of Bella's grip and stood. Looking back at Bella, she looked so peaceful in the dim moonlight. I smiled then made my way to Alice's room for the night.

We never talked about the near kissing incident again as it was obvious Bella just wanted to forget about it. So that's what I did; it was as if it never happened. We slipped back into our goofy, friendly selves with ease which made me feel a little weird.

On the last day of our holiday, Bella and I took a last stroll on the beach before we were heading back. As the sun set, we both looked out to sea as Bella took my hand. I was a little surprised at first but I gave it a bit of a squeeze as we continued to watch our beautiful surroundings.

**12****th**** September 1998 (Night before Bella's 16****th**** birthday)**

Sat at my kitchen table waiting for Dad to give me a ride to Bella's, I was really nervous. It was Bella's sixteenth birthday tomorrow and she was having a few select friends round for a sleep-over tonight. I was one of those select friends of course. The problem: I was the only lad there. It was me and three girls. I really wasn't sure about that but I knew Bella's would be really pissed off with me if I didn't go.

This wasn't the first time I had slept over at Bella's house but it was the first time since this summer. After the holiday, we continued to not talking about the near kiss but it was all I could think about since we got back to school.

The first day back, Mike Newton decided he was going to ask Bella out on a date. Even though Emmett had told me this, it took me completely by surprise. But what surprised me more was that Bella said yes.

It was a week ago since Mike and Bella went to get ice cream together. I shouldn't be angry at Bella but I felt sort of betrayed. I'd never liked Mike and the fact that Bella now was sort of his girlfriend made my skin crawl.

Arriving at Bella's with my sleeping bag rolled under my arm and bag on my back, I waved at my dad as he drove away. I took a couple of deep breaths before knocking on the door.

"Edward. You don't need to knock" Charlie said as he opened the door for me. "You're almost family".

"Thanks Charlie"

"They're in the living room set up" Charlie rolled his eyes at me. "You're a bigger man than me spending a night doing girls' things" he slowly shook his head at me as he led me to the room. In front of the log fire and television, there were three sleeping bags already laid out, all pinks and purples and all occupied by their owners; Bella, Angela and Jessica.

Bella jumped to her feet when she saw me awkwardly lingering in the doorway. "Hey Edward! Thought you'd never get here"

"Had to wait for my dad to give me a lift" I said as I gave her a quick hug. "Angela. Jessica." I nodded in their direction. Both Angela and Jessica were the same age as me, fifteen. Angela had long black hair and was petite like Bella. She gave me a warm smile. I liked Angela; but not like that. She was probably Bella's best girlfriend. Jessica gave me a grin too. She was a little tall and had more meat on her, as my dad would put it. She had shoulder length brown hair. I was never sure about Jessica. Bella once told me she fancied me but she's never said anything. _Thank god!_

I unrolled my blue sleeping bag next to Bella's purple one and sat crossed legged on it. Bella joined me.

"So we have a movie night planned. And as it's my birthday, I choose Titanic. Jack Dawson" Bella sighed.

I rolled my eyes at the group sigh and then girly squeal. _It's gonna be a long-ass night._

While Bella, Angela and Jessica continued to talk about who would be a better boyfriend, Leonardo DiCaprio or Matt Damon, I got up to get a drink from the kitchen. Charlie was there and he looked like he was ready for work.

"Edward." he greeted me. "Just who I wanted to see. I've just had a call from the station to come down. Just had a breakthrough on a case. Can you hold the fort for me? Keep the girls safe?"

"Sure can" I answered with a grin. I loved to be in charge. "Does Bee know you need to go?"

"No, I'm going to tell her now. In fact, can you send her in here for me?"

I grabbed a can of Cokem "Sure" I answered as I made my way back in the living room.

"Bee. Your dad wants to talk to you in the kitchen"

Bella looked at me with a confused expression but got up anyway and walked into the kitchen.

"So..." Jessica said as I sat back down, opening my can. "You okay Edward? How was your summer?" she asked a bit too sweetly and batted her eyelashes at me.

"Huh? Yeah it was great thanks"

"Not much of a talker are you?" Jessica scooted over to sit next to me. It made me feel uncomfortable.

"Depends what mood I'm in I suppose" _God, I hope Bella comes back soon._

"So you're not in a talkative mood tonight then? What mood are you in?" she asked as she put her hand on my knee, making me jump. "Don't worry" she almost whispered, "I won't bite".

I gulped and was then thankfully saved my Bella entering the room. She looked like she might have been crying.

"Hey Bee. You okay?" I asked as I kneed up, dislodging Jessica's hand in the process.

"Yes" Bella said firmly, shooing Jessica back over to her sleeping bag. "So Leonardo DiCaprio anyone?"

We all lay on our stomachs watching Titanic which was okay. It was the first time I'd seen it. At the scene with the steamy car, I glanced over to Bella to see her biting her lip. I probably looked a little too long cause Bella glanced back at me. Once our eyes locked, I couldn't look away. It felt like I was in some sort of spell. A loud cough broke whatever had just happened. I smiled but I wasn't sure why as I looked down at my arms crossed under my chin.

When the sinking started to happen, I got interested. Watching the movie, it was amazing that most of the boat and people were computer generated. Near the end, I had to go to the bathroom; I couldn't wait any longer. As I made my way down the stairs after, Jessica was waiting at the bottom.

"Oh sorry. The bathroom's free now"

Jessica could a step toward me, "Edward, you worry too much". I took a step back and stumbled back on the bottom step.

"Edward? You okay?" I heard Bella shout.

"Yeah I'm fine" I answered, getting up and stepping round Jessica. She muttered something under her breath then started to walk slowly up the stairs.

Once the movie ended, we all chatted for a bit about the summer and school, all still laying on our stomach with our faces resting on our arms. Jessica was the first to fall asleep, thankfully, then Angela.

"Bee" I whispered "We should get some sleep"

"Yeah" she whispered back. With the television off, the room was dark and I could just about see everyone's silhouette. It reminded me of Bella coming into my room on our holiday. I smiled in the darkness then frowned.

"Bee?" I asked "Are you Mike Newton's girlfriend? I mean … Actually, you don't have to tell me if you don't want to..."

Bella was quiet for a long time then she whispered "I don't want to be"

"You don't have to do anything you don't want Bee."

"Yeah, but I want something else..."

These were the last words I heard before drifting to sleep thinking of Bella.

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**:D Hope you liked this chapter. So jealous, horny teenage Edward, what you think? Let me know by using the review button below.**

**Thanks again to my beta & friend, SweetLovinCullen and if you haven't already checked out Unexpected Love, please do. It's now complete :D**

**Next chapter which I'm hoping to post in 2 weeks time will be Edward's 16****th**** birthday – so let to heart break begin :(**


	5. The Year I'll Never Forget

**Here again :) Just a quick note to thank everyone who has read my story - I love you all! A word of warning : this chapter is sad :(  
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**Disclaimer : SM owns Edward & Twilight, not me (sadly!)**

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**31st December 1998 (New Years Eve)**

Mom and Dad decided to throw a party this New Years Eve which meant that I would spend the evening with Bella. Alice would be there but Emmett was sleeping at Paul's house; I didn't think Mom wanted to have to keep an eye out for him getting drunk or something while she had guests. Don't get me wrong, Mom and Dad love Emmett but he is getting close to uncontrollable.

Charlie was invited too but he had to work a night shift so Bella was stopping over. Mom told me that it would be best for Bella to sleep with Alice in her room which I was fine with.

After hearing Mom worry over the cakes for the third time, I was saved by the doorbell. I raced to get it but was beaten by Alice, opening the door to Charlie and Bella.

"Hey Bee! Charlie!" I shouted over my sister's head, waving.

Bella stepped in my house after giving Charlie a parting hug.

"Hi Edward, you excited about the party?"

"Yeah, thrilled" I rolled my eyes, sarcastically.

She slapped my shoulder playfully before her, Alice & I made our way to the kitchen.

Mom was really busy as Dad didn't finish work until later in the evening. So Alice, Bella and I helped Mom butter bread and put chips in bowls; the usual party food. The party was due to start at eight pm so at six pm, Alice chirped up.

"Come on Bella. We girls need to start getting ready!"

"But the party doesn't start for another two hours Shorty; surely you don't need at much time to get ready?"

My sister just looked at me like I was stupid followed by an exasperated "Boys!" and a roll of her eyes. Alice had squealed in delight when Bella said yes to Alice's experiments of hair styles and make up for the evening. Bella seemed to regret her decision immediately when Alice started clapping and bouncing on the spot. They had been shopping for party outfits for weeks and every time I'd asked either of them how it had gone, they wouldn't tell me anything. I watched as my big sister dragged my best friend up stairs to start what seemed to be a marathon of hair, make up and party outfits.

Bella looks over at me like she wanted me to help her get out of it but just shook my head. _No way am I getting in Alice's bad books over hair and make-up_; I knew better.

So after the girls had been upstairs for a while, I told Mom to go get sorted and I would get ready after.

Mom only took a few minutes to fix her hair and change so I could do the same. Yeah, yeah, being fifteen, I liked a little wax in my hair to make it stand up especially at the front. I dress in the new slouch jeans and designer tee shirt my Aunt Janine got me for Christmas. I didn't feel the need to get all dress up for a party at my house.

Mom was wearing a simple black dress that had a sparkly buckle detail at the waist. It was knee length and was matched with her favourite black heels. Her honey coloured hair was up in a bun; she looked elegant. My dad obviously approved as he stepped inside from work, wrapping his arms around her waist and kissing her full on the lips. _Ew! _I rolled my eyes as I looked away; mentally telling myself that my mom and dad had only had sex three times to get their three children, _no more_. After Dad unwrapped himself away from Mom, he too went rushing upstairs to get showered and changed.

It was now quarter past eight and the first guests arrived; some of Dad's colleagues from the hospital. Mom greeted them and offered them a drink. I lingered by the stairs wondering how much longer it would take for two girls to get ready for a house party. Dad had already passed me wearing a short sleeved pale green shirt and beige trousers; his blonde hair neat and tidy as usual.

I was just pacing the hallway for the thousandth time when I heard giggling at the top of the stairs.

"At last!" I huffed, "Come on Bee, Shorty. Get a move on, people are already here!" I looked at my watch to see it was half past. I looked up to see Alice closely followed by Bella. I was just about to voice my opinion that Alice's dress was much to short when Bella moved to stand next to Alice, instead of behind her. Once my eyes locked on to her, I didn't see anyone else. She was stunning. Her hair was down; the soft curls rested down her back. Dressed in a simple black dress that hugged her figure, I watched in amazement as she descended the stairs gracefully. The sparkle of the dress matched the sparkle in her eyes as they found mine. My eyes drifted to her shoulders, taking in the black string straps that exposed her beautiful, delicate collar bones. My eyes quickly wandered further to see the fabric of the dress fit her small waist perfectly and stopped just above her knee. Soft black ballet pumps finished the outfit. My eyes found hers again but this time; she blushed, bit down on her bottom lip and looked down to her feet as she stepped down the last step. Her hair fell forward, over her tiny shoulders, obscuring my view.

I knew Alice was stood right next to me but I couldn't see or hear her. It was just me and Bella. I reached my hand towards Bella's beautiful face, tipping her chin up so she was looking at me, feeling the familiar tingle and pulled her bottom lip free of her teeth. Sweeping her hair back over her shoulders, I spoke softly, "You look beautiful Bella". The word 'Bella' passed my lips before I realised. Bella noticed my slip up too; her eyes got real wide as if she was looking at me for the first time, then she gave me a shy smiled and my heart melted.

Since our summer holiday, I'd not been able to stop thinking of Bella and our friendship. I knew that since then how I saw Bella and how I felt about Bella had changed. I had always cared deeply for her since the day I meet her in that sandbox; she was my best friend for life but now, there was definitely something more for me. And stood here, watching Bella, I just knew what it was, _I love her. I love my Bee, my Bella._

"So whatcha think Edward?" Alice chimed in her ear. Alice gave a twirl as she pulled me out of my Bella-induced haze. I smiled at her, and then frowned. I was right before; the purple dress she was wearing was too short. But I didn't have the heart to put her down so I smiled again, "Looking great, Shorty"

Alice smiled as my eyes locked back onto Bella's. Alice then bounced into the kitchen dragging Bella along with her, her eyes never leaving me 'til I couldn't see her any more.

I sat down on the last step, while the realisation really sunk in. I loved Bella. And thinking back, I had for some time. I must have been sat there for a while with a goofy grin on my face. Then my hopes crashed when I realised that Bella was still seeing Mike Newton. _She wasn't mine. _I could have cried as my chest tightened at the thought of Mike and Bella kissing and holding hands. I put my head in my hands, running my fingers through my hair, as I tried to calm my racing mind and racing heart. Closing my eyes for a second, I smiled as I remembered Bella's shy smile.

Opening my eyes and sitting up straight, I jumped a little when I saw Alice in front of me, leaning in the door way. "Jesus Shorty, you scared the crap out of me" I spoke in a quiet voice.

Alice straightened to and smiled at me, "How long?"

"What?"

She rolled her eyes at me, "I'm not stupid Edward …. how long?"

I gave her a confused look as she sighed and came to sit next to me, placing a hand on my knee. "How long have you been in love with Bella?" she asked softly.

I gasped and looked down at my feet. _How the hell did she know?_

"Edward? The way you looked at Bella tonight … it was pretty obvious you see her as more than a friend, even a best friend…"

"I … I"

"It's okay little brother" Alice said as she placed her arm around my shoulders, "It'll all work out in the end. You need to talk to Bella though"

I just looked at Alice "How do you know it'll be okay?" I whispered.

Alice gave me a soft smile, "Believe me, it will". She gave my shoulder a pat then got to her feet trying to pull me up with her. This didn't work.

I chuckled, "Hold on there, Shorty. Don't strain yourself." I got to my feet as I whispered, "Thank you" in Alice's ear. She smiled as she skipped into the kitchen. After a couple of deep breaths, I walked into the kitchen, trying to find Bella. I found her chatting to Angela in our living room. With another deep, steadying breath, I made my way over to the two of them.

"Hey" I said softly greeting them both but I only looked at Bella.

"Hi Edward" Angela said brightly, "Where have you been?"

"Urgh just helping Mom in the kitchen" I peeked at Bella while I lied. She was looking down at her feet, again. "What you two been up to?" I asked.

"Oh we've just been talking boys" Angela shrugged, "The new guy, Ben, he's gorgeous" Angela who was wearing a blue party dress, her long black hair down over her shoulders, had a far away look in her eye.

"What about you Bee? Mike?" As soon as the words came out, I knew I shouldn't have asked in front of Angela. Bella looked straight at me and opened her mouth, but we were interrupted by my dad announcing the buffet was open.

"Oh, I'm starving, come on!" Bella said as she pulled Angela towards the kitchen. I was left just watching her go.

For the next couple of hours, Bella avoided me by any means she could. _Why didn't she want to talk to me? _If we were in the same room, I'd been constantly staring at her; making sure she was okay from a distance. After the buffet, Dad turned the music up a little so people could dance in our living room if they wanted.

I glanced around the room trying to find Bella again when I saw my favourite Aunt and Uncle dancing rather close on our make shift dance floor. My Aunt Janine and Uncle Robert were swaying slowly, arms wrapped around one another; it looked like they were whispering. Aunt Janine was my mom's youngest sister. She and Uncle Robert didn't have children of their own so they were always spoiling the three of us. People have always said I looked a lot like my Uncle Robert despite us not being related by blood. I smiled as I saw them rub their noses together; they were so cheesy. Then I saw Uncle Robert glance up towards our ceiling. I followed his look and sure enough, there was a sprig of mistletoe hanging there. Mom said it would be fun to see how many people saw it. I looked back down at Aunt Janine and Uncle Robert to see them kissing. I was almost as bad as watching Mom and Dad. I looked away, a bit embarrassed.

"Edward!" my Aunt Janine said cheerfully. I hadn't realised she had broken away from Uncle Robert long enough to notice me.

"Hi Aunt Janine" I gave her a small hug, "You okay?"

"Fabulous dear, great party! I see you liked your Christmas present." she nodded towards my outfit.

"Yeah, it's great thank you." I was distracted as I looked around for Bella again.

Aunt Janine leaned into my ear and whispered, "I think she went to the bathroom" then she winked at me.

After giving her a small smile of thanks and nod towards Uncle Robert I made my way to the stairs. I needed to talk to Bella, on her own. As I climbed the stairs, I heard the flush of the toilet so I quickened my pace. I reached for the bathroom door at the same time it was opened by Bella.

"Oh Edward. I'm sorry. You haven't been waiting long have you?" she seemed awkward as I lingered in the door way.

"I need to talk to you... alone".

"Ummm … Angela's waiting for me so I need to get back ..."

"Bee, please..."

"But Angela…"

I rolled my eyes, _talk about excuses_, "She'll be okay, I'm sure."

Before she could argue again, I grabbed her hand. The tingle was back when I touched her skin; a warm fuzzy feeling. I pulled her towards my room and although she was hesitance at first, she let me lead her willingly.

Once in my room, we both sat on my bed, facing one another. Bella knelt; making sure her dress was tightly tucked underneath her. This didn't feel weird; we did this nearly every weekend, chatting, doing homework, watching television, and reading. But tonight, I needed to tell her how I felt but I didn't want her to feel guilty because of Mike; even though I hated his guts. And I didn't want it to affect our friendship. To be honest, I had no idea where to even start.

After a couple of minutes struggling to formulate the right words, Bella spoke.

"Edward? You know you asked about Mike earlier… Well, I'm sorry..." she looked down at her twisted fingers in her lap, "Sorry for not telling you earlier but I was scared..."

Looking back at me, "I broke it off with Mike before Christmas" I almost couldn't hear her; she was speaking in such a small voice. Then she pleaded, "Please Edward, please don't be mad at me!" She looked frantic, searching my eyes.

"Bee, I'm confused." I frowned, I didn't understand. _Why would I be mad?_

Again, Bella looked down at her lap and spoke softly, "I kept a secret from you and I told myself I would never do that again after the pool party you had for your birthday, remember?"

"I remember… but I'm still confused. Why would I be mad?"

Her eyes were still down, "Because... I broke it off with him because… he was seeing Jessica behind my back ..."

"What!" I roared.

"This is why I didn't tell you! You'll over-react and do something you'll regret… I'm not worth it, Edward."

"Excuse me!" I couldn't believe my ears, I pulled on my hair in frustration, "Did you just say you're not worth it? What the hell, Bee?" I was mad; Bella was right. But it wasn't Bella or Mike I was mad at, it was myself. _How could I have let this happen? I should have seen this. I should have told Mike fucking Newton that Bella was too good for him and then I should have told him to back off._

"I'm sorry Edward..." I saw a tear fall from her cheek.

"Beeeeee… don't cry, he's not fucking worth it! Scum bag!" Bella started shaking her head.

"Bee, look at me." She still didn't move so I got to my knees and crawled over to her as close as I could get.

"Bee?"

Still nothing as I placed my hands on her thighs.

"Bella?" I whispered. Bella seemed to hold her breath for a second before slowing lifting her face to look at me.

I reached out with one hand, tucking her hair behind her ear. I wiped the lone tear that collected on her pink cheek then cupped it. A feeling of déjà vu settled over me; we had been here before, last summer.

I spoke softly "Bee, please listen to me. Mike is not worth it. I'm not going to do anything. I'm not mad with you either, just myself. I should have seen… doesn't matter" I shook my head.

"Bee, I need to tell you something. Something that's real important that you know." I took a deep breath,_ it's now or never._

"I… I really cared about you, you know this, right? Since this summer, by the pool, you know… well, I've not been able to stop thinking about it. I know that you wanted to forget about it but I need to tell you this, 'cause if I don't, I think I'll explode or something"

My hand left her face as I took both her hands in mine, both resting on top of her thighs, "I… I think… No, I know…"

I was interrupted by the sounds off fireworks. Glancing at my clock, I could see it was midnight. I turned back to Bella to see she had closed the gap; her lips were so close to mine, I could feel her breath fan across my face.

"Happy New Year Edward" she whispered as her lips lightly touched mine. The fireworks outside were nothing matched to the fireworks going off in me; my mind and body were on fire. Once Bella's lips left mine and the initial shock wore off that she had actually kissed me, I leaned towards her and pressed my lips against hers; this time more firmly.

I had no idea what I was doing; this was my first kiss. My finger tips reached up, skimming her collar bone and curling around to hold her neck. Bella reached for my t shirt and screwed her fist in it. Her other hand reaching to grab the back of my hair.

I couldn't help the soft moan that came from me as I felt the tip of her tongue touch my lips. I opened my mouth to this invitation. Bella slipped her tongue in my waiting mouth and I moaned again, more loudly. Warmth spread from my chest down to my groin; that familiar tingle was back in full force. Sitting up on my knees, Bella did the same, this kiss was getting hot and wet.

As Bella pulled the back of my hair, I broke the kiss. We were both breathing heavily as we stared into each others eyes. Within seconds, we were kissing again. I pushed my body next to hers as we both fell back on my bed. My body was now flush against hers, lying on top of her and I'm sure she could feel my hardened dick digging into her inner thigh. I broke the kiss again, this time though embarrassment. I could feel the red crept from my neck to my cheeks.

I scrambled to sit up quickly and got up off the bed. I walked to my window, sat on my chair and looked out to view the beautiful fireworks. I was struggling to control my breathing and embarrassment. After a few seconds of slowing my breathing, I turned to face Bella. She was sat on the edge of my bed, looking straight at me.

Looking down at my feet again, I dragged my hair through my hair. "I'm… I'm..."

"Edward Anthony Masen Cullen!" Bella spoke in a quiet authoritative voice. "Don't you dare say sorry or I'm gonna scream!"

My eyes found her again as I looked at her in shock, "I mean it!" Bella continued with her rant, "Don't you dare! I've been waiting way too long to do that so don't you dare ruin my first kiss! Our first kiss!"

_Huh? Bella's first kiss?_ "But what about Mike? You must have kissed him; he's your boyfriend ..."

"Was" Bella stated flatly, "Remember?"

I frowned at her "But... I don't get it..."

"Edward" Bella sighed as she stood and started to walk towards me. I sat straighter in my chair as she got closer. She slipped into my lap and placed her hands around my neck, pulling my face to be within inches of hers.

"It's always been you" she whispered, "Always."

I felt like all my birthdays and Christmases have come at all as I looked into the most beautiful pair of eyes I'd ever seen as her words sunk in. I knew this was the moment.

"Bee. Bella. I love you. I think I always have."

A slow smile spread on Bella's face; it was infectious as I started to grin too.

"So you love me huh?" Bella asked, tightening her grip on my neck.

"Yep"

"Well, it's a good thing I do too isn't it."

I was too shocked for words.

"I love you Edward, so much." Then Bella kissed me again, soft and gentle. Bella broke the kiss within a few seconds then snuggled into her neck. We both sat, wrapped up in our love for each other as we watched the fireworks. _This year is gonna be one I'll never forget._

_

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**20th June 1999 (Edward's 16th birthday)**

The past six month went by in a flash. A very happy flash. Alice could stop squealing at the news that Bella and I had 'got our acts together' as she put it. Apparently, Alice had known for years that Bella and I were prefect for each other, it just took us a while to figure that out for ourselves.

School was a much more fun place to be with Bella at my side as my girlfriend. Yes we were officially girlfriend and boyfriend. I even double checked with Charlie that he was okay with us before telling everyone and anyone that would listen to me. Charlie was hesitant at first but soon came around to the idea Bella and I were in love. Yeah I was in love, head over heels for my girl, Bee. I was worried at first that if we didn't work out, I would lose my best friend as well but if anything we got even closer, if that was at all possible.

My mom and dad were happy for us; my mom didn't seem surprised at all. My dad had another 'talk' with me now I had a girlfriend. I told him not to worry; Bella and I had all the time in the world to do… that.

Today, I was sixteen and my mom was throwing yet another party. Bella wasn't allowed to stop over any more. As much as my mom and dad usually trusted me, I don't think they trusted the teenage hormones. And I think they were right not to trust them to be honest.

So Charlie agreed to pick Bella up after the party was done, around midnight. Bella had joked she was starting to feel like Cinderella.

Mom had been good and not invited all my embarrassing relatives, just immediate family; Mom, Dad, Alice, Emmett, Bella and some friends from school. Mom and Dad kept out of the way too which was good. Alice was nearly eighteen and she had a couple of friends over.

It was fun watching my friends lusting over my big sister and her older friends. I chuckled as I hugged Bella closer to my side. We had been dancing for a while but we were now cuddling up on the couch. Angela and Ben were swaying on the make-shift dance floor; they'd got together a couple of months after Bella and I had.

I looked round the room to see if people were having a good time. I saw Emmett hanging out in the kitchen. He looked to have gone completely off the rails, being caught early in the New Year smoking by Dad. He's was furious and grounded Emmett for weeks as punishment. Then in March, Emmett seemed to turn a corner; he wasn't getting in trouble at school and his grades started to improve. It wasn't until the last few weeks, we found out why. A new girl in school, Emmett's age. Rosalie Hale. Emmett had fallen for her and she seemed to have a real positive effect on him. I'd only met her once so far, in the school canteen when she was waiting with Emmett in the lunch line. She seemed nice and anyone who could tame Emmett's wild behaviour was a saint in my book.

Shaking my head slightly with a smile on my face, I could help but look down at my Bee. Nestled at my side in a gorgeous blue dress, she was making it really difficult for me to keep my dick in my pants. As I shifted to a more comfortable position, Bella looked up at me and smiled. Her smile could light up the whole world, it was that beautiful. I gently grabbed her chin and gave her a small sweet kiss on the lips before rubbing my nose against hers. I just could not smile when I was near her, she was my light. Her hand came down to grab my wrist pulling my hand away. On my wrist was a watch that Bella had given me for my sixteenth birthday. It was heavy and I think it cost her a fortune which I wasn't happy about but I loved it. She even had had it engraved on the back saying "It's always been you. Love, your Bumble Bee". I looked from my new watch to Bella's beautiful face as it lit up with pride.

When it got to around ten, Bella and I escaped together to sit outside for some alone time. Being alone in my room was strictly not allowed any more. It was a warm night which was perfect. As I sat in a garden chair, Bella came to straddle my lap. Her dress rode up her thighs as she did this. I placed my finger on the bare pale white skin there as I drew small circles; the tips of my fingers burning with desire. I slowly trailed my hands up, over the outer sides of her thighs, around her small hips and find a resting place on her ass. I could feel the lace underneath my finger tips of the light blue panties she'd told me she was wearing earlier. She was a tease. I gave her luscious ass a small squeeze and pulled her a little closer to me. I'm sure she could feel my hardened dick beneath her just screaming to come out and play. Bella giggled as I squeezed which made my love-sick grin return in full force. _Oh I love this girl._

She bent forward a little so her breasts were right in my eye line, it would be impolite not to stare and comment so that's exactly what I did. "You have great boobs Bee" I whispered in case everyone was close. Again Bella giggled as my lips sought out hers. We were experts at kissing each other now; we knew exact what each other liked. Bella loved it when I took her lower lip in my mouth and gently nibbled on it. I loved it when Bella's tongue invaded my mouth; it was a win-win situation really.

We were getting a little hot and heavy for being outside when I hear our front door close with a bang and Charlie's voice, "Bee!"

Bella broke away from me quickly to sit in the chair next to me, not wanting to be caught by her dad, not that I blame her. _He's a police officer and carries a gun!_ Our hands never broke contact. I glanced at my watch to see it was only half ten. Frowning, I hear the back door open and Charlie come rushing out.

"Bee! Thank god honey, you okay?"

"Uh yeah dad. What's up? It's not midnight yet, you said midnight?"

"I know honey but something came up and we need to... go home"

Charlie looked at me and our joined hands and then to Bella.

"O... K... Can I just say good night to Edward then?"

Charlie just stood there looking at us. He still had his work uniform on. He looked real tired, like he hadn't slept in a while.

"Eh, sure but hurry." Then he turned to me, "Edward, I'm truly sorry." He stared at me for a couple of seconds, his expression was one of sorrow, then he went over to the back door where he waited.

"What's that about?" I whispered to Bella as we both stood to face each other.

"I'm not sure… he's been acting all weird for the past couple of days... anyway, forget him for a second. I want a goodnight kiss."

"That may be a little difficult with your dad staring at us" I nodded in his direction.

Bella looked over at her dad, rolled her eyes before fixed them on me, "Just pretend he isn't there" Bella spoke as she wrapped her arms around my neck placed her fingers in the back of my hair and kissed me. I felt a little strange doing this in front of Charlie but once I felt Bella's tongue, I'd forgotten he was watching. That's until he coughed, loudly bring us both back to the present.

With one more sweet kiss on the lips, I tickled my nose with her and whispered, "See you tomorrow yeah?"

"Yeah. I love you Edward."

I smiled, "I love you too Bee."

Another soft kiss and we step away. Bella walked to her dad who was looking at me again. Charlie placed his arm around Bella's shoulders as he shouted to me again, "I'm really sorry Edward. I hope you'll forgive me..."

I gave him a small smile and wave to let him know he hadn't spoilt my evening entirely. I looked out to the peaceful sky just taking a minute for them before I heard the tyres on Charlie's police car pull away from the house.

Going back inside the house, the party was coming to a close which was fine by me; it didn't feel like much of a party without Bella. After everyone had left, I helped Mom and Dad clean up a little before going to my room and crashing.

The next day, I woke later than normal, taking a quick shower and getting ready before making my way downstairs. Mom and Dad where both sat at our table when I entered the kitchen.

"Morning Mom, Dad..." I said as I looked in the cupboard to get my breakfast cereal. When neither of them answered me, I popped my head around to look at them properly for the first time. My mom looked like she'd been crying. My dad was holding her shoulder.

"Mom?" I rushed over to her, "You okay? Where's Alice? Emmett?" I looked around noticing they were no where to be seen.

"They're fine Edward" my dad answered.

"Phew." I shook my head slightly and sat down in front of mom, "So what's a matter Mom? You've been crying." I stated. She surprised me by taking my face between her hands and looking at me directly in the eyes. I could see my own worried expression looking back at me.

"Mom?" I asked again when she started to silently cry, big fat tears running down her cheeks.

"I'm so sorry honey" she whispered.

I shook my head loose of her face and stood, "What the hell is going on? Dad?"

"Son, I think you need to sit down."

"Why?" I said as I sat down with a thud.

"Edward, I have no easy way of telling you this so I'm just going to say it. We had a letter pushed through the door late last night… from Charlie..."

I stared at my dad, still not understanding what the hell was going on.

"He's had to leave town. That's all the note says. That he and Bella have had to left town, last night and he's asked us not to try and contact them or find them..."

I opened and closed my mouth a couple of times but nothing came out.

Mom whispered, "I'm so so sorry honey" as her hand went to cup my cheek. I knocked it away as my brain came back into gear suddenly and I jumped to my feet.

"I... I need to go see Bee"

My mom was sobbing now, "She's gone Edward."

"NO!" I shrieked as I ran towards the door.

"Edward! Stop!" I heard my dad behind me.

"I need to go see Bee" I repeated not stopping for a second. I ran the whole way to her house in a daze. I was physically wheezing once I'd arrived.

Nothing looked different. Apart from the fact that Charlie's police car was still parked in the drive way. I ran to the door and banged on it. I had no idea what time it was as I continued to pound on the door screaming "Bee!"

I felt warm familiar hands on my shoulders. I shrugged them off. "Get off me Dad!" I bellowed. "Bee! Get your ass out of that house now!"

"Edward, she's not there."

"Bee!" I screamed. My hands seemed to want to stop banging as I felt the warm liquid dripping down my wrists but I kept going until I was physically pulled kicking and screaming away from the door.

"NO! NO! NO! NO!"

My dad had me in a tight hold as we both crashed to the floor of Bella's front garden.

"NO! NO! NO! NO!"

"Edward! Calm down please! You're scaring your mother."

"NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO!" I continued to chant as a sob broke lose.

I curled into a ball and started to rock in my father's arms.

"No, no, no, no, no, no, no" I was chanting in a whisper now. And then everything seems darker and far away. And then, black.

* * *

**One year later …**

I still don't really remember anything of that day. I try not to think about it too much. I find the pain is less if I don't think... about anything... at all if I can help it.

I don't really remember the month after my sixteenth birthday. All I remember is staying in my room, a lot. I still didn't believe Bella had left. I remember asking Mom a bunch on times if I could go round to see if Bella was okay.

I could see Mom was worried about me; she looked to have aged years overnight. Same with my dad. Around a month after, I still hadn't been back to school and then the nightmares started. Searing, unbelievable pain ripped through me each and every night for weeks and weeks on end. It was excruciating and almost unbearable.

Around two months after my birthday, I remember looking through a mirror in the bathroom and not recognising the pale, thinned reflection staring back at me. I also remember not giving a flying fuck on how I looked as I crawled back into my room.

In September, the new school year was starting but I still had no want to go outside, never mind go to school. It was at this time when Alice burst into my room almost screaming.

"Edward! I can't take it any more! Mom and Dad have told me not to do this but I can't bear to this you like this any more. You need to come back to us Edward. She's gone and she's not coming back!"

I still didn't give a fuck until September thirteenth, Bella's seventeenth birthday. I should have been happy, becoming a junior at school with a beautiful girlfriend. Instead I was a sad, sorry mess. It was on this day, I snapped. Anger coursed through my veins. _How the hell Bella could have left me? She had said she loved me. She lied_. The watch Bella gave me for my birthday; the one I looked at and cried myself to sleep holding it, that I haven't been able to part with went crashing against the wall, quickly followed by several books and my bedside lamp.

From that day, I started to go out for hours, just wandering the streets. I started to hang with the wrong people. I skipped school and when I was grounded, I crept out of my bedroom window to just get away from everything and everyone. I was constantly angry with the world for giving me shit. I was off the rails. Dad tried to get me help but I wanted none of it. It seemed no one knew how to get through to me. I had completely closed myself off.

It wasn't until the Christmas of 1999 that I got a big slap of reality, right in my face, literally. My little brother Emmett waltzed into my room and laid a right hook on me. Of all the people to do this, I didn't think it would be him. It shocked me enough to realise what I was doing; not just to myself because that's still something that didn't bother me. It made me look at what I had done to my family. Mom looked like she hadn't eaten properly in weeks; she looked pale, thin and tired. Dad looked tired too. Alice wasn't smiling anymore, she wasn't her bouncy self. I later found out she was missing out on her first choice university because she didn't want to leave mom as she was in such a state... because of me. This information hit me hard.

That's when the loneliness, longing and depression set in and I found I needed to talk to someone, someone professional. Dad set me up with my therapist, Leanne. After a lot of hard work from her, I seemed to turn the corner in March 2000. My school agreed to take me back, but I had to repeat a year. I was glad I was given a second chance.

So here I was, on my 17th birthday, sort of back on more normal track after a year I wanted to forget. I was still working through my issues with Leanne and still couldn't talk about _her_ to anyone but my therapist and I still couldn't say her name without the pain coursing through me but I had a small amount of hope for some sort of future.

I needed to give something back to my family who supported me. I knuckled down at school, still hoping to go to medical school. I still wasn't sure if I would ever be happy again or love again but I was now determined to try and find out.

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**So love it or hate it, let me know using the review button below. So Bella's been gone for a year now. Next two chapters will go through the other nine years of Edward's life before Bella showed up at the wedding. I may have a couple of surprises in store ;) It's likely to be 3 weeks before the next chapter but I'm hoping to post chapters 6 & 7 close together :)  
**

**Thanks again to my awesome beta, SweetLovinCullen, love you hunni! Her next story, A Desperate Housewife's Escape (in my favourites) has started! Gardenerward is gonna be awesome!**

**So until next time ...  
**


	6. Life Goes On Part One

**Life Goes On ... (Part One)**

**Disclaimer : SM owns Edward & Twilight, not me (sadly!)**

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**8****th**** June 2001**

Graduating high school was a low key affair for me. I was lucky to be accepted into a fantastic Summer school last year where I busted my balls to catch up so I could graduate on time and I did.

Concentrating on school was a great way of not thinking of _her. _I was still having regular monthly sessions with Leanne, my therapist. I had also been accepted to go to study general science of the University of Seattle in preparation for medical school.

**20****th**** June 2001**

My eighteen birthday. That I spent in my room, under the covers ... once again.

**1****st**** July 2001**

I attended the Annual Seattle Emergency Services Summer Fundraiser this year. I didn't attend last year but neither did any of my family. Knowing now that it almost didn't go ahead because of me made me sick to my stomach. I had almost ruined everything my dad had worked so hard to put together.

The fun day was not so fun for me. It was in the same park as always. I didn't move away from my mom's side the whole day. I couldn't look at the swings or the sandbox; the images and memories of _her_ being so strong here; where we first meet all those years ago. But I got through it, just.

**3****rd**** September 2001**

I started school again and dived straight into it; loving that my brain was yet again occupied.

The second week of September was bad as it has been for the past couple of years. I spent the 13th, _her_ birthday at school, head down not talking to anyone. To be fair that was the same as always. I was finding it hard to make friends. I only really spoke to my family and a few people in my classes if I had group work.

Alice had moved away this year to Washington. She was studying to become a teacher; she'll be fantastic at that. _ I really miss her_. Emmett was still at home. He was fifteen now, doing well in school and head over heels for Rose. He didn't parade his love in front of me which one day, I'm sure I'll thank him for but it was pretty obvious that Rose was the one for him.

I continued to work hard in my studies and quickly found myself the top of my class. The harder I worked, the less I thought of her and the pain slowly turned into a lonely, emptiness void in my chest.

**3 years later... 6****th**** September 2004**

I excelled in my studies so much that I managed to finish my pre medical school education a year early and therefore I started my MD program at the University of Washington School of Medical Science in 2004. I was twenty one and wanted nothing more than to make my dad proud of me.

My first week at med school was orientation, a week of introductions to the building and the people. As I sat in the lecture hall on my first afternoon, I had a serious bout of anxiety. I was feeling light headed and my breathing was shallow. I'd been wondering what medical school was like for the past three years. I knew I would be nervous but I didn't expect this. I was on the brink of seriously freaking out when a warm hand clasped my shoulder which temporary pulled me out of the black spiraling feeling that I hadn't felt in some time.

"Hey man, you okay? You look kinda green?" I didn't recognise the voice so I looked up. In front of me stood a man around my age, blonde hair that was a little untidy, blue eyes and a small smile.

Embarrassed, I looked down at my lap, "Erm, yeah, thanks."

He gave my shoulder a small squeeze before letting go and moving a little to my right, "Is this seat taken?" he asked.

"No"

He sat down next to me then started to unpack his stuff. He turned slightly in his seat and held out his hand, "I'm Jasper by the way, Jasper Whitlock."

I held my hand out and shook his, introducing myself, "Edward, Edward Cullen".

He gasped, "Is Carlisle Cullen your father?"

I rolled my eyes; everyone in the whole of Seattle seemed to know my dad, "Yep" I chuckled.

Jasper let out a low whistle, "Got a lot to live up to... no wonder you looked sick to the stomach a minute ago"

I felt sick again, "Yeah, thanks for reminding me" I mumbled.

Jasper chuckled, "Oops, sorry man".

I looked back at Jasper who had a grin on his face; it was infectious, I just couldn't stop smiling.

After we sat for an hour and got presented with an onslaught of clubs, groups and other extra-curricular opportunities which gave me a headache, we had the rest of the day off. Jasper asked if I'd eaten yet which I hadn't so we walked to a small coffee shop on the edge of campus.

It seemed Jasper really liked to talk so I let him. He reminded me of Alice. I was smiling as he was telling me he was twenty two and originally from Texas but moved to Seattle a couple of years ago. A couple of weeks ago, he had rented a room in a large house 2 blocks away from campus that he loved.

"This house is fantastic! You need to come and take a look. Where you staying? Do you need a room cause I think there may be a couple left but they won't be there for long cause they're that good…"

He kept talking about anything and everything. Even though he was studying to become a doctor, he was a musician at heart. He told me how he played the guitar and was hoping to do some small gigs soon in a few bars.

I couldn't remember the last time I'd smiled this much at school, away from the safety of my family home.

Jasper was suddenly clicking his fingers in front of me, "Edward? Edward? Am I boring you? I'm sorry, I just like to talk"

"It's fine Jasper." I continued to smile, "You and my sister need to meet" I laughed, "You probably wouldn't be able to get a word in edgeways though"

"Oh yeah? She hot?"

"Urgh, she's my sister, I dunno"

"You have a picture?"

"Not on me. I'll try and remember one tomorrow" I shrugged. I watched as Jasper's eyes lit up.

"So what about you E? You don't mind me calling you E do you? You can call me Jazz if you want. All my friends do"

_Friends after knowing each other a few hours? That seems kinda weird but okay._

"No I don't mind. Me? Well, I've been working real hard in school to get where I am. I'm twenty one. My mom's Esme and my dad's Carlisle Cullen," I rolled my eyes again, "but you ready know that. Ummm, I have an older sister, Alice, who I just told you about and I have a younger brother, Emmett. He's eighteen now and has just started Engineering college. He's not the doctor type." I chuckled.

"Tell me more about Alice." Jasper sounded like he was in a dreamy, far off place. I punched his arm playfully, "Hey, I've just meet you. For all I know your an axe murderer." Jasper plastered a face of mock horror on this face. After a couple of seconds of looking at each, we both burst into laughter.

I've found it so hard to make friends since high school but here I was, laughing more than I had in years with a lad who I met a few hours previously. Thinking of high school made my laughter faded as thoughts of darker times filled my head. I heard Jasper's laughter fade too but he didn't question my sudden change of mood, he just changed the subject and started to talk about music. I told him I played the piano since I was little but hadn't played for some time. He started talking about how we could be in a band together but I couldn't shake the thoughts of ... _her._

Jasper and I had the same classes so at least I wasn't on my own for my first proper day. I soon realized that I had been very spoiled in school with my typically fifty minute class periods. We typically had four consecutive hours of classes at medical school.

On Mondays, these four hours were followed by a one hour lunch break and another two hours of lectures. And all of this happens in a single classroom. There were no off days during the week and it was really really tough to keep up.

After one week, I felt so overwhelmed that I began to question my desire to pursue a career in medicine. I'm so glad I'd meet Jasper because he was the one that kept me together on the early weeks. He was quickly turning into a really, really great friend.

When I got home on the second Monday, I was so exhausted that I dragged myself up the stairs to my room and crashed. The next day I woke suddenly in a cold sweat. I must have had a nightmare but I couldn't remember what it was. Going down stairs, I could hear the news on the television. I slumped on the couch and looked at the television. I could feel the colour drain from my face when I took in the date, Tuesday September 14th. I had forgotten _her_ birthday. For the first time in 4 years, I hadn't sat on the 13th and been miserable. _In fact, I remember laughing at Jasper in our lunch hour when he was talking about one of our lecturers._

I should have felt happy, relived but instead I felt guilty._ What the fuck? I'm seriously screwed in the head. Maybe I need to go see Leanne again._

**15****th**** October 2004**

By late September, I'd decided to move into the same house as Jasper so I could concentrate on my studies and I didn't have as long commute each morning. I just wanted to roll out of bed and within an hour be at school. Mom was in tears the day I left even though I was coming home most weekends. I hated to see mom cry; it reminded me of darker times. Alice was still away in Washington and Emmett was away during the week so I was the last to go.

I'd managed to conveniently forget a picture of Alice for Jasper for a month before I could take the constant asking anymore. I'd had a really tough day,_ no scratch that_, a really tough week at school so luckily, we were at home, in the living area when Jasper finally got to see Alice in a picture of her 23th birthday, because I was really pissed off and on edge. Jasper declared he was in love and had to meet her.

"When she next home? Does she have a boyfriend already? How old is she again? She has the most amazing blue eyes..."

He was getting on my nerves, "Jazz, come on, quit it. You'll meet her when you meet her!"

"What kind of answer is that! I need definite answers! God I bet she's great in the sack..." It was then I exploded with anger.

"JAZZ! Shut the FUCK up! That's my sister you're talking about!"

"Oh come on E! You know I'm only messing. Chill out!"

"Just FUCK off! Now!" I marched toward my room and slammed the door. Two seconds later, Jasper was banging on my door, the sound was deafening. I stared at the door as I strange sense of déjà vu settled over me. I had a sudden flashback...

_I continued to pound on the door screaming._

_I felt warm familiar hands on my shoulders. I shrugged them off. "Get off me Dad!" I bellowed._

_"Edward, she's not there."_

_I screamed. My hands seemed to want to stop banging as I felt the warm liquid dripping down my wrists but I kept going until I was physically pulled kicking and screaming away from the door._

_"NO! NO! NO! NO!"_

_My dad had me in a tight hold as we both crashed to the floor of the front garden._

_"NO! NO! NO! NO!"_

_"Edward! Calm down please! You're scaring your mother."_

_"NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO!" I continued to chant as a sob broke loose._

_I curled into a ball and started to rock in my father's arms._

"No, no, no, no, no, no, no" I suddenly realized I was in my room whispering 'No' over and over and over.

I hadn't told Jasper my past but as he burst through the door and saw me rocking back and forth on my bed, it was pretty obvious I needed to talk to someone else. I hadn't seen my therapist in over two years as I thought I didn't need her anymore. But I was wrong.

"Hey E, it's okay..." Jasper moved to sit next to me, placing his hand lightly on my shoulder, "You need to talk..."

I just nodded.

"Okay... does this have anything to do with..." he paused for a couple of seconds, "Bella?"

I gasped as I looked at Jasper in horror. I hadn't heard her name spoken out loud for such a long time. _How does he know? How does he know her name? I can't even say her name out loud anymore. Hell, I can't even think it. _I struggled to control my breathing as the hole in my chest started to crack and break open again with pain.

Jasper took one look at my face, drained on any colour, to know he was right. "Thought so" he whispered. "Hey, hey! E! Focus! Breathe slowly... in... out... in...out..."

I tried to breathe but I was losing control. Jasper's voice seemed far away so the darkness crept in and stole over me.

"E! God damn it!"

That's when I felt it, a sharp pain on my cheek. Jasper had slapped me. And it did the job. Jasper's face that had got blurry snapped back into focus as I clutched my cheek.

"Ow! That hurt dickhead!"

Jasper just smiled at me, "Welcome back E, you fucking scared me then. You sure you wanna talk to me? Maybe you should talk to a professional .."

"Jazz... How did you know her name? I ... I think ... I need to talk to a friend... I think"

"Okay but no more freaking out on me, alright?"

"I'll try" I whispered, now a bit embarrassed that I almost completely freaked out in front of my one and only friend.

Jasper brought his legs up to sit on them and took a deep breath, "You ... you talk in your sleep E"

_I talk in my sleep? Really?_

I gulped "And I say her name?"

"Yes, you only say her name, a lot. Over and over and over." he trailed off. I just looked at him trying to take this new information in.

Jasper then takes another deep breathe, "What happened to her E?"

"She... she left me... on my sixteenth birthday"

Jasper frowned, "Ah man, that's crap. Fancy breaking up with someone on their birthday, that just plain sucks."

"No it wasn't like that, when I say she left, I mean she left Seattle... with her dad. I don't know where she went and I haven't heard seen or heard from her since. She didn't even say goodbye..." I was desperately trying to choke back a sob but it was no good. I didn't feel embarrassed now. My chest was ripped open once again, the pain returning like waves of hopelessness and longing.

I sobbed into my knees for a long time. I was grateful that Jasper just let me. When I finally looked up at him, he looked sad.

"I'm sorry E. You obliviously cared for her"

I interrupted quickly, "I LOVED HER JAZZ!... I still do." I lowered my voice down to a whisper, "But she not coming back, she left five years ago. Even if it was her dad keeping her away, once she turned eighteen, why didn't she come look for me, or contact me? I would have if I were her..." I could the tears of rejection in my eyes again as I looked down at my lap.

"Jazz, my life has been on hold for so long... I don't want to feel like this anymore... I want to... move on?" I was more of a question for me and I knew the answer; I didn't want to but I had to.

I continued to tell Jasper more about her; I still couldn't say her name. Jasper listened and didn't push me for more information. I told Jasper how we grew up together and shared so much. I may have even smiled a little at my childhood memories of the two of us in that sandbox.

"You need a night out E, a fresh start"

"I'm not sure..." Jasper cut me off before the doubt could really set in.

"I'm not taking no for an answer. You need to start living your life E, you're a good person, and you deserve happiness." And I almost believed him.

The following night, we went out, to a bar. I've never been to one before. The year after she left me, I had tried alcohol, well vodka to see if it would numb the pain but it didn't. This was the night I went to a bar with my friend, had a few beers and felt more normal than I ever had in the last five years.

**12****th**** February 2005**

Jasper and I had been going out at least once a month and I had started to meet other people. I found it hard at first; like I didn't really belong. Jasper, as always, was all smiles and chatting to anyone who looked like they were interested in what he had to say.

Jasper had come to see me at home during the Christmas break and had met my sister. There was an instant attraction; you could actually see the sparks fly. I had sent a picture of Jasper to Alice, after Jasper's request and Alice was interested, really interested. Watching them get to know each other for that week was great but the loneliness I felt inside continued to grow. They have been in constant contact on the phone, texting and emails even since.

I talked to Jasper a lot about her now and he told me that I talk less and less in my sleep now. I felt like I was finally getting somewhere and I was moving on.

Near Valentines, we had decided to go to a house party, Jasper knew the guys. I was hesitant at first because I didn't want to be in a room full of couples but I found most people weren't paired up so I soon relaxed into drinking and talking with Jasper and a few others. One drink turned into two, two into three until I lost count. I felt very drunk and very happy.

The next morning, I woke in my bed with a banging headache. I was laid on my front when I opened my eyes to see I wasn't alone. Not moving, I closed and opened my eyes a couple of times to make sure I wasn't dreaming. _Nope someone's with me, lying next to me. _It wasn't until that person turned onto their back and faced me in their sleep that I realised it was a girl. A very pretty, half naked girl. I gaped at her. She had short blonde hair with three small butterflies tattoos on her shoulder. My eyes automatically trailed lower to her breasts. The sheet that was draped over us only from the waist down. I realised then that I was naked. _What had I done?_

She stirred as if she had felt my stares, slowing opening her eyes, stretching her arms above her head that did glorious things to her breasts.

"Mmm morning Edward" she purred. "What time is it?"

"Ummm" I managed to unglue my eyes from her chest and look at my alarm clock.

I hesitated in my response. "Seven in the morning?"

As she stretched again, she replied "I better make a move then. Thanks for last night Edward. It was really really great .." then she winked as she emphasised the 'great'.

"Oh and if you want to do that again" emphasising the 'that', "Just look me up".

I was too shocked to answer her as she got up out of my bed, completely naked and strolled into my en-suite bathroom, swaying her hips as she went. _Nice ass._

I quickly turned over and sat up in my bed when she clicked the door shut. Rubbing my hand over my face roughly, I tried to recall last night. I remembered getting more and more drunk and having a good time but I couldn't remember anything about the blonde girl who was now in my bathroom getting ready to leave my room after … _Oh My God! Did we? Did I?_

Still in shock, I heard the door click open as the girl stepped out fully clothed.

"Thanks again Edward."

She just turned to leave when my brain kicked into gear, "Er, wait! I'm really sorry; I think I had way too much to drink last night." I was a little embarrassed to ask my next question, "What's your name?"

She giggled, "Kate and yes, you were definitely drunk last night" then she made she way back to my bed and leaned over to whisper, "but that didn't affect you when we got back here". She lightly kissed my lips then walked away and out the door, leaving it ajar.

Only a couple of minutes later, Jasper knocked quietly "Am I okay to come in E? She gone?"

"Yeah..."

Jasper opened my door to reveal the biggest grin I've ever seen. He leaned against my doorframe, grin in place, arms crossed across his chest.

"So... Kate eh?"

That seemed to snap me out of the daydream state I had been in since I woke this morning "How did you? What the hell happened last night?"

"You tell me." Jasper wiggled his eyebrows suggestively.

I looked down and shook my head. _This can't be happening?_

"Well I hear a lot of noise from this room last night..." he winked.

"Oh shit!" I placed my head in my hands.

Jasper frowned, "Not good? I'm surprised, I hear Kate's… well, you know, one of the good ones."

"I can't remember Jazz. The last thing I remember is being at the party. I can't remember getting home with Kate. I can't remember!"

"Woah, calm down E! It's okay, happens to the best of us."

"But that was... if we did... that was..." I swallowed then almost whispered, "my first time." Being a twenty-one year old virgin wasn't sometime I paraded around.

Jasper frowned; I could literally see the clogs going round for a few seconds before he looked surprised, straightening up and uncrossing his arms.

"Oh… I didn't realise .."

The silence that followed was deafening, _yeah that's because the huge white elephant that is my virginity …. or now lack of it is in the room._

"So, yeah. Awkward. Change subject. Actually I'll go. It's too early away so, yeah..." Jasper rambled then almost fell out of my room.

Watching Jasper being so awkward made me smile.

Over the next week, my brain remembered more and more about that night until I could almost remember it all. And yes, the deed was done. A used condom in my bathroom bin confirmed that. I then made probably one of the biggest decisions of my life, I want to do it again without the alcohol and soon.

* * *

I hope everyone had a great Christmas & New Year!

So Edward met Jasper & now has a new best friend **and** his lost his V card :) Let me know what you thought by using the review button.

Thanks a million again to my super-duper Beta, SweetLovinCullen *mwah*

The next chapter will be the last one before the prologue and therefore we will be back in the present day. I'm hoping to post the next chapter sometime next week :) *fingerscrossed*


	7. Life Goes On Part Two

**Disclaimer : SM owns Edward & Twilight, not me (sadly!)**

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**16****th**** December 2006**

I sat on my bed looking through the full length mirror after putting on my tuxedo that Dad hired me for his hospital Christmas party. My hair was quite short and neat; I looked acceptable. My dad had invited me; said it would be good for me to make some connections for the big-wigs of Seattle's medical finest. Dad had also invited Jasper and of course, that meant that Alice was coming over for the weekend. Over the past year, Jasper and Alice had been having a long distance relationship but that didn't stop them being head over heels in love. I knew it was serious; it was only a matter of time before Alice decided to move back to Seattle.

I was busy with school so this party was a great distraction. Standing up, I straightened my suit and headed down the stairs of my family home. My mom was stood in the kitchen when I walked in. I actually gasped when I saw her. She looked beautiful. Her blonde hair was pinned up elegantly in a twist at her neck. She wore a blue strapless ball gown with a flower details to the left of her waist.

"You look beautiful Mom" I kissed her on the cheek.

"No smudging the make-up honey" Mom teased. She turned to face me and straightened my suit jacket.

"You don't look bad yourself. Quite handsome in fact." I rolled my eyes and smiled.

"Yeah, yeah."

Dad then joined us.

"Well Edward. I can see where you get your good looks from." Mom said as Dad wrapped his hands around her waist.

I rolled my eyes again as I walked into your living room. I found Jasper on our couch in his tuxedo with Alice sat across his knee, her hands wrapped around his neck, his around her waist. Alice was wearing a ball gown that had a white strapless bodice with small black flowers and a full black skirt. Her short black hair was near and she had a white flower clipped near her right ear.

I coughed to let my presence known. Alice just giggled as Jasper continued to kiss along her neck. "God! What's with everyone today?" I mumbled.

A few years ago, seeing this affection would have made the pain and loneliness return but now, it gave me hope. I had accepted that the one I wanted would never come back; it had been six and a half years. _Maybe there is someone for me out there. One day._

Dad had hired a limousine for us all to arrive at the hospital's Christmas Ball in style. I was the last to climb out of the car as I gazed at the huge Crowne Plaza Hotel building. As Dad checked us all in for the night, I wandered over to a long cream couch and sat glazing out of the door. I was nice to sit and not think. All too soon, Dad walked over and gave me my hotel room card.

I opened my hotel door with a huge smile. I had a room to myself, naturally. I walked in and placed my suitcase on the large king-size bed that dominated the room. I had two soft chairs by one of the two huge windows that overlooked Elliot Bay. As I slumped into one of the chairs to take in the view, I heard a sharp knock at the door. I rolled my eyes; _it could only be one person._

"Come in Shorty"

Alice threw open the door and bounced towards me.

"Oh Edward! You have the same view as us. It's so beautiful. Especially at night." she had a faraway look in her eye as she stared over the bay.

"It sure is sis"

She came to sit in the chair opposite me.

"You know, when Jazz decides the time is right and he asks me to marry him, we're getting married overlooking Elliott Bay"

"Planning already Shorty? Does Jazz know about this?" I chuckled and poked her in the ribs.

"Oh shut it you!" she teased back as she added a quiet "It will happen."

A few hours later, I was in the large function room surrounded by men and women, all dressed up in their finest. We had eaten a fantastic five course meal. My dad had already introduced me to several people.

"Edward. You see that man over there with the lady in red next to him" he whispered in my ear, "That's my colleague, Eleazar Denali, Chief of Surgery. You remember I told you he moved recently from Alaska?"

"Yeah I remember." Eleazar Denali was talking to others; the lady in red had her back to us.

"Follow me."

I nodded my acknowledgement as we made our way over to the couple.

"Eleazar!" my dad greeted him, "Meet my eldest son, Edward. Edward, this is Eleazar Denali and his daughter, Tanya."

The lady in red, Tanya turned to face me. She was really beautiful. Tall, blonde and beautiful. I shook Eleazar's hand, "Pleasure to meet you sir. Miss" I nodded politely in her direction. I saw her look me up and down then a slow smile spread across her pretty face.

"Ah Edward! Your dad's told me so much about you. You studying at UWSOM? How you finding that?"

Tanya interrupted, "Daddy, I'm sure Edward doesn't want to talk shop. Tonight's about having a little fun" she emphasised the word 'fun'.

"Well … I ..."

Eleazar laughed and shook his head, "Okay kids, go have fun."

I opened my mouth to say I was fine to talk to him but before I could, Tanya hooked her arm in mine and gently tugged me towards the dance floor.

"Dance with me?" she asked.

I smiled, this beautiful woman was confident, _I like it. _I took her hand and bowed a little. The string orchestra was playing softly and there was only one other couple on the dance floor, Alice and Jasper.

We started to turn slowly to the music when Alice caught my eye. She was frowning but once she saw me looking, she gave me a small smile. I smirked back. _Yeah I can do this Shorty!_

I spent the whole evening with Tanya, getting to know her better. She was twenty four and had moved along with her father to Seattle a couple of months previously. She had long blonde hair and sparkling blue eyes. She was truly beautiful. The strapless red ball gown she was wearing clung to her tall, lean frame, showing off her slim waist. She was editor of a new fashion magazine based in Seattle. Just from us talking I could tell she was a very confident and success driven person. Tanya let me know early in our conversation that she was single and looking. I was trying to play it cool but when her full glaze was on me, it was difficult to contain the excitement in my pants.

When I confirmed I was staying the night in the hotel, she leaned in close and whispered in my ear,

"You..."

"Me..."

"A king sized bed."

"How's that sound?"

I answered her with a kiss. Nothing inappropriate as we were sat on the large cream lobby couch but enough to let her know I was game for the 'fun' I'm sure she was implying to earlier in the evening.

We discretely had our way to my room. As soon as we stepped through the door, Tanya clicked the locked and pressed herself against me on the closest wall. I thought I'd be a little nervous about what was about to happen. My sex life wasn't everything to write home about; I could count the number of sexual partners I'd had on one hand. I had no need to worry as Tanya led the way.

Tanya made quick work of my jacket as it slipped to the floor. She pulled open my bow tie, she pulled hard on either side as her lips eagerly sought out mine. I was eager too when she quickly turned to prompt me to unzip her from that beautiful dress. I cursed as the dress took a while to leave her body but it was worth the wait. Stepping out of the heap of material on the floor, she slowly backed up towards my bed then without breaking eye contact she gracefully climbed on to sit in the middle. Using her finger she gestured me to follow her so I did.

This amazing creature was laid on my bed in nothing but a small red thong. As I crawled to join her, I was rewarded by her lips attacking my neck as she literally ripped open my shirt. Tiny buttons scatted. She quickly unbuckled my belt and unbuttoned my pants.

The rest of our clothes soon hit the floor. The room was soon filled with moans, groans and a lot of heavy breathing. Sex with Tanya was good. _No scratch that, it was fucking awesome_. She knew exactly what she liked and what she didn't which wasn't much. I could tell from her actions and confidence that she was a lot more experienced than me.

After screaming my name, twice, I slipped into unconsciousness with her at my side.

**3 years later ….. 1****th**** January 2010**

I sat up in bed quickly, half asleep, half awake. Nightmare. It had been awhile since my last one. I had always had trouble sleeping for years though. As I slowly came around, the images in my head quickly disappeared into nothing but a lingering feeling; loneliness. I pulled my hand over my face roughly trying to shake the feelings of the dream I had just experienced. I bowed my head and shook it slowly. _How the hell can I feel lonely? I have so many people and things in my life._

I then remembered it was New Year's Day. _Great! New year, new nightmare_, I grimaced in the dark. To take my mind off the new addition, I thought back over the last few years; how they'd had flown.

By mid 2008, Jasper and I had graduated from the University of Washington School of Medical. I had my internship at Swedish where my dad is Chief of Medicine; not that having your dad as Chief of Medicine actually helped. In fact it made my life more complicated having to live up to his name.

After graduating, I decided to rent a one bedroom apartment instead of going home. Mom understood but telling her was one of the hardest things I've done in some time. I think I preferred to take my finals again.

Alice had moved back to Seattle once Jasper graduated and moved in together. Jasper had started his internship at Seattle Children's as Alice got a teaching position in the high school we had all gone to. _High school. _A physical shivered ran down my spine when those two words entered my head. I pushed down the memories that threatened to surface by thinking of the security of my family.

Before I knew it, I was sitting in bed grinning like an idiot. So much had happened this past year. Emmett and Rose had started a family. I don't think it was really planned. I was invited to their house for lunch that early March afternoon as was the whole family for the announcement. No one else knew. Apart from Alice. _She always seems to know._ After Emmett graduated from college, he worked hard to set up his own business, a small garage at the edge of Seattle. He and Rose together made it work along with a little financial support from Mom and Dad. On hearing the news I was going to be an uncle, I almost cried, _almost._

The good news just kept coming as the summer of 2009 rolled by with Alice and Jasper announcing their engagement. Since that Christmas ball held in the Four Seasons' hotel, I knew Alice had wanted to hear those words from Jasper.

On the seventh of October, Benjamin Alexander Cullen was born. He was the most gorgeous little thing I had ever laid eyes on. Chuckling quietly, I remembered how Emmett described his birth to me trying to freak me out before I reminded him I was a doctor; blood didn't really bother me as it was part of the job description.

After I sat there for a long while thinking of all the happy memories 2009 had given me, my thoughts were interrupted.

"Edward, you woke me" she sighed by my side. "Why you up so early? It's New Year's Day."

I looked at my alarm to see it was only 6am then I turned to face the beautiful woman lying next to me. Tanya. Just as beautiful as the day I'd met her.

"Sorry babe, I didn't mean to wake you. Just had a few things in my head."

She rolled her eyes, "You always have things going on in your head. Can't you just switch off for once?" She seemed annoyed as she rolled away me_._

I sighed as I slowly got out of bed and started to make my way to my bathroom. Stripping off, I made my way into the shower. As the warm water soothed my aching back muscles, I closed my eyes. What flashed behind my closed eyelids made me quickly grab a hold onto the shower wall. Dark, rich chocolate eyes. Just a flash but enough to get my heart racing. _What the fuck was that about? _I shook it off as being over tired but I knew it had something to do with my nightmare.

Later that day, Tanya and I visited my parent's house. I'd been in a relationship with Tanya for the past three years. We didn't live together officially but she was always at my house if I was on the right hospital shift to be there too.

Mom greets us with warm smiles that didn't quite reach her eyes. She had always supported me in my career and life decisions. She never told me she didn't like Tanya but I knew she wasn't completely at ease with her. That's probably because they were both strong women who knew what they wanted. _I suppose Tanya reminds me of Mom a little_. As soon as I thought that, I cringed. _No not good thinking my mom is like my girlfriend._

"You okay honey?" Mom asked.

"Fine Mom. Just tired" I smiled weakly at her.

"I have no sympathy for you, being up at the crack of dawn. Again." Tanya interrupted.

"I'm sure Edward had his reasons" Mom spoke softly. As she hugged me, she whispered in my ear, "Nightmare?" I subtly nodded into my mom's shoulder as she squeezed me more tightly.

Mom always seemed to know when my demons were haunting my dreams again. A mom's sixth sense I suppose. Tanya didn't know a lot about my demons, she never asked why I would skip over large chunks of my past so I didn't tell. It worked for us.

As we walked into the living room, I saw the back of Alice's head as she promptly left. This is normal now. Tanya walks into a room, Alice walks out. Alice didn't see eye to eye with Tanya and she made no show to cover that fact up. _Again two strong woman; Shorty thinking she knows best. _I sighed heavily, putting my head in my hands as I sat next to Jasper on the couch.

"Hey E. You look tired"

I raised my head to look at him, and then glance at Tanya, on the phone in the corner of the room, and then looked through the door to see Alice and Mom in the kitchen.

"Yeah Jazz. I think I am"

Later that night, I pulled Alice to one side.

"Alice, I need to talk to you"

She immediately frowned as I use her actual name.

"If this is about Tanya then you ..." I quickly interrupted.

"Of course it's about Tanya." I sighed, "Shorty, I know you are looking out for me and you will never know how thankful I am that you have been there for me... before" I looked her straight in the eye as I continued.

"But you have to let me make my own decisions and my decision is Tanya. It has been for some time."

"I … I'm sorry Edward … I just don't..." It was Alice's turn to sigh, "I just don't want to see you hurting again."

"Why would you think Tanya would hurt me? We've been together for three years. I'm … happy" And I meant it.

"I just have a bad feeling about her I can't shake" she shook her head slowly, "but for you, Edward, I will try and get along."

I grabbed her and gave her a tight squeeze, whispering "Thanks big sis".

**13****th**** April 2010**

Tanya and I sat on my couch watching a movie and eating Chinese. It was good; all of it. We didn't get to spend of much time together as we should and this was the first night in a long while where neither as of were working.

"You stopping the night?" I asked as I placed my empty plate on my coffee table.

"If you want, yeah."

"Yeah I would like that" I smiled. "Neither of us need to get up early tomorrow. It'll be nice to spend some time together, quality time. We're always on different shifts."

"Well why don't you ask me to move in then we could see each other more."

I frowned as I thought about this. _Was I ready for that kind of commitment? After being with Tanya for over three years, I think so._

"Okay. Move in"

Tanya laughed, "What just like that?"

"Yes, why not?"

"Because I've been with you three years Edward and now you just ask me to move in. I need more than that Edward."

I frowned again, looking at my lap, M_ore?_

"More?"

"Yeah, more. I need to know that our relationship is going somewhere. You know, like Alice and Jasper."

And then, the penny dropped. _Marriage she's talking about getting married. Was I ready? Would I ever be ready?_

I looked back at her as she smiled softly at me, "So what you think? I'm not talking about getting married soon, just engaged."

I slowly reached for her hand and gently squeezed it. I still wasn't sure but I could try.

"Okay."

Tanya jumped to her feet with a big smile on her face "Oh we'll make a trip to Tiffany's tomorrow. I've seen the most perfect ring."

She walked over to my window and looked out, "And I need to call Sarah from Seattle Times tomorrow to change that article they've written about me. My relationship status has changed." She was almost smug about it.

I slumped back on my couch. _I can do this._

**19th June 2010**

Today, it's my big sister's wedding. Miss Alice Cullen was becoming Mrs Alice Whitlock. Stood at Jasper's, her husband to-be and my best friend's side; I watched her gracefully sail down the aisle with our father on her arm. That moment will be forever etched in my memory. She looked so happy.

She looked beautiful in her white strapless wedding dress. Very simple in its design with small detail at the waist. It's the dress she's always dreamed of; the wedding she's always dreamed of since she was little. She'd been planned this for years; probably before Jasper even turned up. The location for this affair was the Edgewater Hotel in our home town, Seattle.

The room they had hired was magnificent. It had floor-to-ceiling windows which overlooked Elliott Bay. The view and the venue were simply stunning. Alice had been involved in every detail, no matter how small it may have been. From her wedding dress, to the tall flower displays on each table, to the place cards and hand-made heart shaped chocolates each person received once seated; Alice had planned and organised it all. She would have set up the whole room up last night; Mom had to practically tie her down to stop her.

Now, sat at the head table alongside my sister, my best friend and the rest of my family, I smiled towards the happy couple. Jasper was my best friend and I'd meet him at the University Of Washington School of Medicine where we both graduated to become medical doctors. After introducing him to Alice five years ago, I knew they were meant to be together; soul mates for life.

The ceremony was a touching affair and the meal was fantastic but now it was game on for me, the best man's speech. I'd spent hours going over and over the words I'd written on the pages in front of me. I hoped to make Alice and Jasper proud and make them laugh too. As I heard the tapping of a glass, I looked up to see my father stand up. He was none-other than Carlisle Cullen MD. Chief of Medicine for Swedish. A pillar of the community, organising the annual 'Seattle Emergency Services Summer Fundraiser' for the past twenty one years. I loved and admired my father and his drive to do the very best he could to help others. Seeing him in his tuxedo; his slightly greying blonde hair neat as always; his blue eyes looked calm and confident. My mother, Esme, glanced up at him with the same silent admiration I had. Her green eyes gleaming with pride.

Clearing his throat while the wedding party became quiet, my father looked down at his speech once more before raising his head. With a smile he introduced himself as the proud father of the bride and welcomed all their guests.

As he started to launch into his speech, I couldn't stop thinking I would be going through this process as the groom one day. I couldn't help but feel a little uneasy about that. Truth be told, I was nervous as hell thinking about it. Maybe it's the speech that worried me. Even though, being a doctor, I'm confident at speaking to large numbers of people; speaking at my big sister's and best friend's wedding was something all together different.

I was in a little world of my own when I suddenly heard people clapping loudly. I nearly jumped out of my seat and had a heart attack. Of course, my father's speech had finished and even though I didn't hear any of it, people around the room seemed to have enjoyed it.

Scanning the room, I saw family and friends I hadn't seen it a long time. My younger brother Emmett and his girlfriend, Rose were sat together at the other end of our table. Next to them was their eight month old son, Benjamin, fast asleep in the pushchair next to them. He looked cute in his little shirt and bow-tie. I still couldn't believe I was an uncle to such a sweet little boy. Hell, I couldn't believe Emmett was a daddy but Rose and Benjamin meant the world to him.

Smiling, I continued to peer around the room. Since I'd left medical school two years ago and started my career with Swedish, I had little time to just relax and catch up. It felt a little strange but good.

Jasper stood to start his speech as my eyes continually scanned the room. I noticed the main door at the very back of the room open and someone linger in the doorway. Small and petite; must be a woman but she had turned her back to me.

Long brown hair that shimmered red tones in the sunlight from the large windows. Cream, flawless coloured skin; her neck and shoulders exposed. She looked awkward and out of place.

A lone memory of a girl I once knew immediately entered my head. I dare not even think her name. A girl who I shared my childhood with. A girl who I loved long ago. A girl who broke my heart when she just disappeared with no word as to why. She was still in my thoughts; those deep, buried memories you only think of when you close your eyes and let your mind drift away. I sighed and shook my head, trying to clear it. Jasper's speech was coming to a close and I was up next.

As Jasper sat down after toasting and then kissing his new wife, I stood. Here I go, I thought. I was still really nervous.

"Good afternoon ladies and gentleman. I hope everyone is enjoying this very special day so far. It's been an emotional day... even the cakes is in tiers." Yeah, I liked cheesy jokes. That one rewarded me with a small ripple of laughter and my nerves settled down.

"I would like to start by thanking Jasper for his kind words on behalf of our lovely bridesmaid, Rose. I'm sure you will agree she has carried out her role superbly. I would also like to thank my brother Emmett for being an usher… and for turning up sober." Emmett just grinned at me like a Cheshire cat.

"I think you'll all agree that my big sister Alice looks one in a million today. I'm proud of you Shorty." Alice's eyes had glazed over as I said my childhood nickname for her. "As for Jasper, well what can I say, we tried our best." I smiled and winked at her.

"It was of course a great honour to be chosen as best man on this important day. From the moment Jasper asked me, it was clear that the best man speech would be the most challenging part of the day. If only because of having to select, only some, from the wealth of embarrassing stories of which I could choose. So I had to prepare." Flashing 'The Cullen' crooked smile, I continued.

"I took my standard approach and indeed most men's approach when faced with a problem they know little of nothing about. I goggled it. And, as I'm sure I'm not the only bloke in the room who has found far more interesting things to look at on the internet. I drew a blank." I heard Emmett's unmistakeable laugh.

"No seriously, the first piece of advice offered on Google was at the reception, the best man should help to keep things running smoothly by buying drinks and socialising. Well I'll have a chat with everyone but at four dollars a pint, I've brought my own hip flask, which with the best will in the world is only going to go round the top table. So I do apologise for that."

"When researching Jasper's early years, I enlisted the help of his childhood friends. I decided to write an email asking for any funny anecdotes of his youth. Out of twenty people I received two replies, one was just totally inappropriate and the other read 'I am currently out of the office until Wednesday, if your mail is urgent please contact Katie on 206-971-5703.' So I did and unfortunately she had never heard of you Jazz!" I couldn't help chuckling to myself over that one. Everyone seemed to be enjoying the speech; _so far, so good._

"I actually met Jasper at medical school, I was young, fresh faced, naive and wide eyed at the new challenges ahead. I then met Jazz... four years later I left there in a euphoric alcohol induced haze, with very little memory of the interim years." _I wish_, I thought. I buckled down so much during my time at medical school, drinking was the last thing on my mind. Jazz on the other hand ….

"Jasper has always been a confident and outgoing person, who enjoys the challenge of different places and new experiences. Some of which have proved to be more unusual than others. Take for example the time we were in New York."

Jazz groaned as he knew what was coming next.

"As you will know New York offers a whole range of exciting opportunities for the average tourist, and we did most of those, Central Park, Empire State Building, Statue of Liberty etc..."

"Jazz however went one stage further, guaranteeing an experience not listed in the tour guide! Whilst I was drawing some much needed money from the cash point, Jasper befriended Arty, a rather strange looking hippy who he invited to join us for a drink. Arty not having any money on him, returned the compliment by inviting us to join him and his friends, back at his place! Little did we realise that involved home-made hooch and a trip to the local cardboard city somewhere in the subways of New York. We graciously made our excuses and ran like hell!"

_Oh I remember that weekend well_, I thought, chuckling again, glancing at Jasper from the corner of my eye.

"Music has always been a passion for Jasper, and at college he introduced me to many artists I had never heard of before and I also witnessed his progression on the guitar. Thankfully Alice shares his enthusiasm, and loves to hear him play. They often sit there on an evening, Jasper strumming away, and Alice loves to join in and can't wait to get his didgeridoo out, and give it a good blow."

"Although Alice has already said that this won't be happening as often after the wedding as she feels it may be beginning to annoy the neighbours! Well I guess that's married life for you, mate."

I looked at Jasper who had a grin on his face; looking down at his lap, shaking his head, "Now it's customary for the best man to give some words of wisdom to the newly-weds on marriage, so here it goes"

"One. Set the ground rules and establish who the boss is... then do everything she says!"

"Two. The best way to remember your anniversary is to forget it once. If you dare!"

"Three. To help the course of true love run smooth, never forget those three very important words you must say every day... you're right Alice!"

"Joking aside, Jasper has been a great friend to me and we've had some excellent times together, and I'm sure we'll have more in the future. And it's been an honour and a privilege to be best man today, and I couldn't wish for a better friend to be taking care of my sister."

Alice gave me a teary smile. I spoke the next line of my speech directly to her, "Both Alice and Jasper have been there for me when I needed them. When he told me he had asked Alice to marry him I was obviously delighted, I wish them all the happiness in the world." And I meant every word.

"Now it gives me great pleasure to ask you all to stand and raise your glasses, to the new Mr. and Mrs Whitlock. Jasper and Alice."

Everyone in the room then stood, raised their glasses and toasted the happy couple. I got a round of applause which left me wondering why I'd been so nervous. _Hell that was fun!_

As my speech was the last one, people started getting up and chatted to each other. I started to head toward the rest room; familiar faces were congratulating me on my speech as I went. I smiled and thanked them for their kind words as I continued my path. I was just about to leave the room when I was addressed from behind by a female voice, "Edward?"

With one hand still on the door handle, I turned to lay my eyes on her... I was glad I was holding on to something to steady myself.

_Bee._

My girl, my loved and lost Bella Swan was stood a few feet from me. I just stood there and stared at her with my mouth hung open. Dark, rich chocolate eyes were staring back at me; so many emotions running through them.

I snapped myself out of her gaze, turned, pulling the door open and marching through it. I kept going down the corridor towards the reception area. _Why? … How?... What? … When? … _I couldn't think straight. I needed to get out of here.

"Wait, Edward, stop..." I heard from behind. I stopped abruptly, closing my eyes in defeat. I thought back to earlier this afternoon; the lone petite female figure lingering in the doorway. That was her, I was sure of it.

Clenching and unclenching my hands, I turned to face her again. She looked older than the last time I saw her. _About 10 years older_, I thought bitterly.

"I'm sorry, I saw Alice's wedding announcement in the newspaper and just thought..." Bella trailed off. I realised I still hadn't said anything to her but I couldn't. I had too many questions running round my mind to form any sort of sensible sentence.

"Sorry, I… I waited because I wanted to give you this" Bella held out an envelope.

I looked at the envelope to see my name on the front, and then I looked back at her.

"It's not anything special, just a card... for tomorrow..." She trailed off. _She remembered... she remembered my birthday_, I thought. I had so many emotions flowing through me, shock, confusion, anger, hurt, relief…

"Please take it" She looked like her life depended on me taking that card from her. And in truth, I wanted to take it. Looking back at the envelope, I took it and tucked it into the inside jacket pocket.

Bella let out a small sigh of relief, looking down at her feet, "Thank you", she whispered.

With those two words, she looked me straight in the eye for another second, then turned on her heel and walked out of the door and out of my life, again.

I stood there looking at that closed door for a while; the envelope next to my heart felt heavy.

I jumped when I felt hands on my shoulders. "Edward? Who was that?"

I turned to face my fiancée. _What do I say? I've just seen a ghost from my past. My Bee. _To even think her name now after all these years was strange.

So I decided to tell her the truth, well sort of. "Just an old friend."

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***Ducks & hides from flying objects***

**I told you I had a couple of surprises for you ;) So we now in current times – YAY! **

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	8. Reading the Letter

**Disclaimer : SM owns Edward & Twilight, not me (sadly!)**

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**20****th**** June 2010**

As I lay in bed the very early hours of the morning of my birthday, I still hadn't been able to sleep. My brain wouldn't shut off as I replayed again and again her presence, her words and her… eyes. Nothing could have prepared me to look into her eyes again. They say eyes are the window to the soul. When I looked at hers after ten long years, she looked as lost as I did.

Which came back to the question I'd been asking myself all night; do I want to see her again? Fuck! Does she want to see me again? Was she here for a visit? Seeing her last night, for the first time in ten years, I couldn't even process my feelings. It was like every emotion she made me feel over that time was just brimming at the surface, ready to overwhelm me once again. But I was a different person now so with a lot of self discipline, my emotions stayed just under the surface. Hence the no-sleeping state.

Looking across my room to the dresser drawers where I hid the envelope she… Bee had given me. Could I open it? I knew the answer but it worried me. I had to open it. I couldn't remember the last time I want to do something so bad it hurt. But there was no way I could open that envelope without some time beforehand to prepare for the hurt that could, would come with reading it. It was my only link to her. I had to read it when I was completely alone.

I moved slightly to turn and face Tanya who was sleeping sounding by my side. I know I needed to tell her about my history with Bee but I just wasn't ready yet. Turning to stare at the ceiling, again, I closed my eyes. Dark, rich chocolate eyes. I opened my eyes quickly again after a sharp intake of breath. Tanya stirred a little next to me so before I could disturb her anymore, I quietly got up and headed for our couch.

A few hours later, I was woken by the sound of water running in the kitchen and the sun glaring through the window. I opened my eyes and was immediately in pain,_ stupid fucking uncomfortable couch._

I sat up slowly rubbing the back of my neck. It was tired and sore _and oh it was my birthday, great another year older._

"Morning birthday boy."

I slowly turned to look towards the kitchen doorway to see Tanya casually leaning against it in a small green baby doll nightie. She looked hot.

But I groaned; I really wasn't in the mood to be playful.

"Hey."

Tanya walked towards me and stood in front of me. Still with my hand on the back of my neck, I tried to look up at her but my neck and back protested as a sharp shooting pain took my breath again.

"Fucking hell! Bastard neck!"

"Oh Edward. Why were you on the couch anyway?"

"Couldn't sleep."

I'm sure Tanya would have rolled her eyes at me if I could actually see her face.

"You'll have to have your second present first then and your best present later."

Tanya shoved a box in front of my face, wrapped in gold paper. Taking it from her, I tried to straighten up again. After a few more 'fucking hells', I managed to sit rigidly with my back and neck resting against the couch. I took the paper off to reveal my birthday present, a watch.

"I couldn't think of what to get you this year and then I realised you never wear a watch so here. It's an Omega"

I hesitated as I took the watch from the box. It was heavy. I automatically looked at the back plate. Nothing.

"It's great babe. Thank you." I smiled at her. She smiled back and leaned in for a kiss. I followed her lead but before our lips touched, the shooting pains began again.

"Fucking shit!"

Tanya huffed and straightened up.

"Your coffee's in the kitchen. I'm going to get a shower and get ready."

"Hmmm." I replied while trying desperately to rub the pain away in my neck and shoulders.

The shower helped loosen the stiff muscles in my neck and back. Once we were both ready, we drove to my parent's house. As I approached the house, yesterday's encounter was brought back to the front of my mind. _I wonder what she's doing right now._

"Edward? You coming in or are you going to sit daydreaming in the car all day?" I shook my head slowly to bring me back.

"Yes"

As we walked in the house, my mom rushed to greet us as she grabbed me and squeezed hard.

"Happy birthday honey! I can't believe my baby is twenty seven today!"

"Thanks Mom. Oh don't cry." I hated seeing Mom cry; I always had.

"I'm okay, I'm okay" she repeated as she got herself together and gave me a sad smile.

My dad joined then so I got more 'happy birthday' wishes before being ushered into the living room to be join Emmett, Rose and Benjamin.

Benjamin was sat on the floor playing with some toys. As soon as I saw him, I bent over to grab him and give him a big hug. I didn't spend as much time with him as I would like. He squealed in delight at seeing his favourite uncle and hugged me back in his own little way which meant I got hit over the head with his little fist.

"Hey little man! It's your Uncle E's birthday. I want some cuddles... and some tickles."

As I tickled his little side, he laughed so hard he almost threw himself out of my arms.

"Hey, be careful little man" I chuckled. Tanya caught my eye; she was on the phone in the corner of the room rolling her eyes at the affection I was showing. Tanya always thought I was a little over the top with Benjamin but I didn't get to see him as much as I liked. So when I got to spend some time with him, I loved every second.

Putting Benjamin back down on the floor, I continued the tickling until Rose piped up.

"Okay Edward, I don't want his dinner coming back. He only had it half an hour ago."

"Sorry Rose. Em." I nodded in their direction and gave a last tickle to his feet.

"Mom mom mom mom" Benjamin said as he looked at Rose holding his little arms out for him to be picked up again. Rose grabbed him and perched him on her knee.

"Happy birthday bro" Emmett moved to stand next to me and slapped me on the back, "You're getting old"

I snorted, "Twenty seven is not old, I'm in my prime" I puff out my chest to make a point. Tanya rolled her eyes at me for a second time as Emmett laughed out loud.

"Yeah, keep telling yourself that" he playfully elbowed me in the ribs and winked.

"Okay, okay"

We continued to chat and soon enough, Alice and Jasper's wedding the day before was brought up. Tanya had moved to stand in the kitchen as she was still on the phone. And it was starting to get on my nerves.

"It was a beautiful day" Rose sighed. "I was hoping it would give your brother the hint … but no" she laughed.

"You love me baby. We don't need a piece of paper to confirm it." Emmett then looked at me, "Er sorry man, I didn't mean … that you and Tanya..."

I stopped him before he could say anymore, "Don't worry Em. I know what you mean." I glanced towards the kitchen where Tanya was, _yeah still on the phone._

Everyone continued to chat about the wedding. Staring out of the window, I could see a few clouds in the sky; it was a lovely warm summer's day. I closed my eyes briefly. Yesterday and Bee immediately sprang to the forefront of my mind. She was starting to invade my thoughts again but this time it was different. The pain wasn't as vivid as it had been in the past. I wondered why this was. Maybe because I knew she was okay. After she left, I had no idea where she was and her safety had always been important to me. I focused back on the conversation and from the corner of my eye, I saw my mom looking at me with a puzzled expression. I gave her a little smile to let her know I was okay which she returned.

Tanya joined us then after being on the phone for almost an hour. She had a huge smile on her face so I knew the call was work related.

Later that night at home, Tanya told me about her exciting phone call. New York magazine had been shown the piece about Tanya in the Seattle Times a few months back. They had requested the opportunity to talk with her as soon as possible so Tanya had already booked herself on a flight. She was flying out to New York on Tuesday and she would be there a week.

"But that means you're going to miss my dad's twenty one year anniversary for the fundraiser. You know how important that is to me and my family."

"I'm sorry Edward, I am but I can't miss this opportunity. There's a real chance I could get offered a job, at New York Magazine!"

I could hear the excitement in her voice so I accepted the situation. This was obliviously important to her too. But all my family would be at the fundraiser including Alice and Jasper who had postponed the start of their honeymoon. I felt disappointed I would be there on my own.

**22****nd**** June 2010**

I took Tanya to the airport early Tuesday morning as her flight was at 5am. Lucky for me I was on vacation from work this week. After she promised to call me once she arrived safely, I waved Tanya off.

Arriving back at the house, I sat on my bed staring holes in my top dresser drawer. Bella's envelope was still nestled in the drawer where I had placed it on Saturday night.

Before I could change my mind, I got the envelope and sat back down. My finger hovered over the writing of my name on the front. I took a deep breath and carefully opened it. My fingers slid inside and pulled out a card; a birthday card. Looking at the front I smiled. A genuine smile. It was a simple design, pale blue background, Happy Birthday written in the middle with two dandelions. Not yellow ones but when they are full of seeds. _Dandelions, she remembers._

I shook my head trying not to get carried away. As I opened the card, a folded piece of paper fell on my lap. Frowning, I picked it up and placed it next to me. Inside the card was Bella's unmistakable handwriting, I still recognised it now.

**Happy birthday Edward. I know this card won't make up for the last ten I've missed but I'm hoping you'll give me a chance to explain.**

**And I wanted to give you the letter I've enclosed. I've wanted to give you this for such a long time.**

**I'm hoping, no praying you'll give me that chance. Please.**

**Bee x**

Her cell number was written at the bottom. I read it and reread it. The words started to get blurry as the tears in my eye clouded my vision. As they slowly ran down my cheeks I could see better. My eyes found the letter next to me, _I've wanted to give you this for such a long time. _Fresh tears started to come and I knew I wasn't ready to read the letter so soon after reading the card.

I shoved the letter back in the envelope then back in my drawer. I kept the card, placing it on my bedside table. I got back in bed and stared at those dandelions until I drifted back to sleep.

**24****th**** June 2010**

I paced the house from top to bottom. I couldn't stay still. I'd been thinking about doing this for the past couple of days but now the time was right and here; I was struggling. Struggling with the inner turmoil that threatened to tear me in two. Could I take bad news? Did I want good news? What the hell did I want from this? An explanation? So many questions had been left unanswered for ten years.

I marched back into my room and roughly pulled the letter out of the top drawer. Moving my socks so I could pick up the letter that had filled every waking thought I had had since the day it was given to me. Sitting on my bed, with shaking fingers, it was time.

It was time to open Bella's letter. Taking one last glance at the birthday card, I unfolded the letter and gasped where I saw the date written in Bella's handwriting at the top right, 9th July 1999; _I've wanted to give you this for such a long time._

**My Edward,**

**I've got to write this letter before I go mad. Or maybe I've already gone mad, I'm not sure anymore. It's been nineteen days since I last saw you and it feels like eternity. I miss you so much; it's killing me. I've tried to leave; sneak out to come get you but dad is watching me 24/7.**

**He won't tell me why we had to left, just that we did and we had to do it fast. He says we're in danger, something about a case he's been working on for some time now.**

**Edward, I'm scared. Scared that you're not with me. Scared I'll never see you again. I keep begging dad to let me call you but he says I can't. We can't risk you and your family getting involved. So this is the reason why I now know I have to stay away, for your safety. If anything was to happen to you or your family because of me, I would never forgive myself.**

**So I'm writing this letter in the hope I'll be able to give it to you someday real soon. I love you Edward. Please don't ever forget that. It's always been you.**

**Sending you all my love, always and forever,**

**Your Bumble Bee x**

Like the card, I read those words written by the sixteen year old Bella who I knew and loved over and over. I felt good. Good to know that Bella didn't leave because she wanted to; though deep down inside I had always known it was about Charlie, not Bella. It was this that pissed me off. If they had to leave because of Charlie's work, why couldn't he at least let dad know they were okay instead of just disappearing like they were never here.

I shook my head. I re-read the last line, 'It's always been you." I stood up and made my way to my closet. I found what I was looking for instantly. A small white shoe box of memories; memories I had been running from for ten years. Opening the lid, I took out the blue Timex box and opened it. Inside laid a broken watch. I carefully turned it over to read the inscription, _"It's always been you. __Love, your Bumble Bee". _I looked down at my wrist at my new watch; the one Tanya had given me only days ago. Looking between the two, my wrist and my heart felt heavy.

I still had so many unanswered questions but I was proud of myself that I was able to read both the card and letter Bella had given me as well as bringing my box of lost memories out too. I felt like a part of my life, that empty void still needed to be closed fully before I could truly move on. I glanced back at the card knowing Bella's cell phone number was written there. I may have memorised it; yes I had read that number many times over the past couple of days. With Tanya away and not being at work, I found I had a lot of time to read that card and wonder. I wondered how long Bella was back and when I would next see her, _but I suppose that last part was up to me._

**26****th**** June 2010**

After having a whole week off work filled with doing literally nothing, I didn't think I was prepared for orders getting barked at me by my mom and big sister. There had me fetching, carrying, climbing up and down ladders, sorting tables, you name it I did it.

It the twenty first anniversary of my dad's annual fundraiser. _Twenty-one years, wow! _I took a moment to just look at my dad, clipboard in hand as he was ticking off the volunteers as they arrived. This event had definitely grown from the first one. I chuckled to myself as my eye wandered to the playground at the other side of the park.

"Edward! Come on! You need to put that over there... oh for God's sake, I'll do it." I felt the box I was holding leave me as I looked at a very annoyed Alice glaring at me.

I rolled my eyes, "I had it Shorty. So bloody impatient!"

"Well you looked like you were daydreaming and I have no time for that. The fundraiser will be opening in twenty minutes and we have loads still to do!"

I placed both my hands on Alice's tiny shoulders, "Shorty, relax. Everything will turn out great."

Alice just rolled her eyes at my laid back attitude and continued on her way. I smiled at her retreating form as my eyes once again found their way to the playground. I took a deep breath as I wandered over there. Each year until now I had avoided the playground but it was almost like I was being pulled towards it now. When I got close enough to see if anyone was there, I could see that it was empty apart from one lone figure sat on the edge of the sandbox; too big to be a child.

As I got closer, I could see the person was a woman. A woman with long brown hair that was tied back in a ponytail. My feet kept carrying me toward my destination as I felt the pull get even stronger. The woman had her head down but I knew who it was. There was no mistaking her small frame, the cream pale skin of her long legs in shorts that were inside the sandbox, her shoes to the side of her as she wiggled her toes in the sand. I stopped short suddenly terrified that I might blink and she would be gone again. Shoving my hands in my pockets to stop me from reaching out to touch her to ensure she was here, I saw her tense for a moment. She became very still, and then she raised her head to look at me. We just looked at each other for a long moment before she spoke.

"Hey"

"Hey" I replied automatically.

Her eyes widen as if she was shocked I had spoken to her. Then I realised that at the wedding, I didn't say anything. 'Hey' was the first word I'd spoken to her in ten years. That made a smile a little. Bella's face relaxed in a small smile too as she dropped her head again to look at her toes under the sand.

I rocked back and forth on the balls of my feet not sure what I should do next. _I feel like a sixteen year old again. _As soon as that thought entered my head, I couldn't stop the chuckle that escaped me. Bella looked up at me again as her smile got a little bigger too.

"You wanna sit?"

"Yeah?" _Wow two words now Cullen, man up!_

"You opened the envelope?"

"Yeah" I shook my head, _what's with the one word answers!_

"Edward, are you going to sit down? You don't have to." Her words become no more than a whisper, "I'll understand if you don't want to."

"I'll sit." I hesitated a little before sitting next to her, mimicking her pose.

Bella raised her head to stare over at the fundraiser's activity.

"I've missed this."

I followed her stare to see tables of food, raffles, games, balloons, bouncy castles, even a small children's fun fair was here. I didn't reply; I just gave a slight nod.

"Edward, I..." I looked at her to see her looking at me, an intense look that made the hairs on the back of my neck stand on end. She took a deep breath and continued.

"Edward I need… no I owe you an explanation… but only if you want it, which I hope you do." She took another deep breathe.

"I need you to know… well… oh this isn't how I wanted to say this." She sighed. "It's all coming out wrong."

I swallowed thickly "Bee..." _God it feels good to say her name, out loud._

"Bee. I think I need some more time but I hear… you know." I feared the answer to my next question but I needed to know how much time I really had.

"How long are you in town?"

Bella's eyes looked down at her toes "Oh, I… well I'm back. I moved back to Seattle in April."

The only words I heard were 'I'm back' as I struggled to stay calm and in control. I knew I couldn't get my hopes up. After a couple of deep breathes, I recovered. I didn't think she saw my struggle. I needed confirmation.

"You're back? For how long?"

Bella lifted her head again to look me in the eye as she spoke slowly and carefully.

"Edward. I know it must be a shock for me to just show up, twice in seven days and I know it'll be hard for you, me being here after all this time but I'm here for good. If you don't want to see me, I'll understand." It was Bella's turn to swallow thickly.

"But Edward, I would really like to explain to you, well explain everything that I know anyway. And who knows, we may be able to build our… friendship again. I would love to show you can trust me again. I know you have a great life now, being a doctor ..." she gave me a little smile as she sighed.

"Doctor Edward Cullen. It has a nice ring to it. I always knew you'd do it." she confirmed with a nod, her face becoming serious again. An unknown emotion flicked across her face but was soon gone again.

"So what you think? I know now's probably not the best time ..."

"You can say that again!"

Both Bella and I looked up in shock to see Alice stood in front of us with her hands on her hips, staring at Bella as she continued.

"Bella? What the hell? Why? Where? When?..."

It was the first time I've seen Alice literally lost for words but it didn't last very long. The oblivious initial shook of seeing me sat with Bella wore off and I knew where this was going. I knew that look in Alice's eyes all too well; protective big sister was here.

"How dare you just show up here of all places … after ten years of nothing!"

"Shorty, I've got this. It's okay."

"Okay? Okay? It's not fucking okay Edward. If you haven't noticed, the girl who broke your heart ten years ago in sat right next to you!"

We both flinched at Alice's harsh but true words.

"Alice please! Just let me deal with the situation myself. Please!" I answered after rubbing my forehead with my hand.

Alice looked between the two of us before rolling her eyes and crossing her arms across her chest.

"Okay but Bella, if you hurt my brother again it any way… and I mean ANY WAY, you'll have me to answer to." Without giving Bella a chance to respond, Alice turned on her heel and walked back towards everyone.

I shook my head.

"I'm sorry Bee." I whispered in her direction.

Bella shook her head too as she looked at me, sadness filled her eyes.

"No need to apologise Edward. Alice is right. I shouldn't have come today. This day is special for you, your dad and your family." She continued in a whisper as she looked down at her toes again, "I shouldn't be here."

I turned my body to face her.

"Bee. Look at me."

She shook her head, still looking down.

"Bee. Please look at me." As she shook her head again, I sighed. I want to reach out and touch her face so she would look at me but I wasn't ready for that yet.

"Still so stubborn I see. Some things never change." That rewarded me to see a small smile on Bella's sad face as she slowly raised her head to look at me.

I glanced quickly over to the fundraiser to see that people had started to gather for my dad's opening speech. I had to go. Disappointment washed over me.

"Bee. I think we need to talk if… if you are serious about us being friends again."

"Edward. I've never been more serious." And her eyes confirmed to me that she spoke the truth.

"You have your cell?"

"Yeah" She reached into her short's pocket and retrieved it. I did the same with my own cell as I scrolled down to her name in my phonebook that I had programmed in just this morning and press call.

I let her cell ring a couple of times before hanging up.

"That's my cell number. I'll text you when I'm ready to meet up and talk, okay?"

She nodded, gripping onto her cell tightly.

"I hope its soon." she whispered.

"So do I."

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**So Bella's back – YAY! So what do you think of this chapter? Love it? Hate it? Let me know by using the review button below.**

**Just a couple of things; A huge thank you to my beta, friend and quite honestly awesome person, SweetLovinCullen :)**

**Also I'm currently writing a one-shot for the Fandoms Fight the Floods appeal. It's a minimum $5 donation to get your hands on the fan fiction compilation. For more info, please visit their site: www . fandomsfightthefloods . blogspot . com. Please support this cause.**

**So until next time (hopefully in 2 weeks) ….**


	9. Meeting Bella  Again

**Disclaimer : SM owns Edward & Twilight, not me (sadly!)

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**27****th**** June 2010**

I sat on my Mom and Dad's couch nervously playing with the television remote in my hand. I had come over to have a final family meal with everyone before Alice and Jasper where going on their honeymoon to London. I really needed to talk to Alice about Bella before she jetted off.

I heard the front door open as I eagerly looked in that direction. Sure enough, Alice and Jasper walked in the house with smiles as they walked into the living room. As soon as my eye caught Alice's, she scowled.

"Shorty? Can I talk to you for a moment? Alone."

Jasper had a confused look on his face as he exchanged glances between the two of us, obliviously feeling the tension in the room.

"I'll give you a minute"

Jasper kissed Alice on the cheek then turned to go join my mom and dad outside. Alice watched him leave the house before turning back to me.

"So?"

"Did you tell anyone?" I whispered as I kept watch on the door.

"What do you think, Edward?" she whispered back. I could hear the tension in her voice. "Of course I didn't! I don't want to be the one to deliver that news to Mom. She'll be worried and on edge again!"

I looked her in the eye and saw the truth.

"Yeah I need to be the one that tells her … but not yet. I need to get my own head around the situation first." I thought of how Mom would react and I could only imagine tears and worry. Alice's next question caught me off guard.

"What about Tanya? You gonna tell her?"

Frowning, I thought about this for a moment.

"No. Not yet."

"Edward. As much as I... as much as Tanya and I don't see eye to eye, I think you need to tell her. You and Bella have so much history."

I sighed.

"Shorty, Tanya doesn't even know Bee exists." I said with a shrug. "I've never talked to her in detail about my childhood."

Alice looked a little sad as she slowly shook her head.

"Well, you'll need to tell her soon. I have a feeling you'll be spending a lot of time with Bella in the immediate future. How long is she in town?"

A hint of a smile played on my lips as I replied. "She's moved back. She's been here since April."

Alice was shaking her head again, "And she chose the fundraiser to show herself again? She had two months!"

"Well, no." _Do I tell her? _I struggled with the inner turmoil. Alice raised one eyebrow.

"No? You did see her before?"

I bit my lip and nodded. My actions immediately reminded me of Bella. Again I couldn't help the corner of my mouth turning up. Alice's initial look of confusion suddenly turned to anger as I could see the cogs turning inside her head.

"Oh no! No, no, no! Please tell me she wasn't at my wedding! Tanya was prattling on about the fact you seemed distracted after seeing an old friend that night. Oh Edward, why didn't you tell me?"

"Because I knew you'd have this reaction Alice!" My reply sounded more aggressive than I wanted it to. I let out a long breath. I didn't want to fight with my big sister especially as she was about to leave for three weeks, the three weeks I would probably need her most.

"Sorry I didn't mean to shout at you Shorty but I got this. I love the tough big sister act but I promise it's not needed. I _can_ do this. I'm just going to talk to Bee and I'm hoping, over time, I can build my trust in her again so we can be friends."

Alice's eyes searched mine for a long minute before she spoke. "Okay. I'm sorry for going all protective on you but I have good reason to be wary and so should you. But I shouldn't have shouted at you either… or at Bella." She started to sound regretful.

"Can you tell her I said sorry. Tell her it was the shock of seeing her after all this time."

"Thank you Shorty. And I will."

"When are you going to see her again?" Alice whispered.

"I'm not sure. I need some time to process everything before we meet up. I need to be fully ready for whatever she's going to tell me. It ain't gonna be pretty I bet."

"Come here." Alice enveloped me in a warm hug which I returned with a sigh, picking her up so her toes were only just touching the floor.

"Thanks Shorty." I whispered in her ear and gave her a kiss on the cheek.

**28****th**** June 2010**

I sat in my living room watching some television after my first shift back at the hospital. I wasn't too bad to go back after my week's vacation.

I jumped as my cell began to ring. Looking at the display, I saw Tanya's name. She'd called me a few times since she'd been away and as she was due back the next day, I expected this call was to arrange me meeting her in the airport the next day, but it wasn't.

"Hey Edward. I'm calling to let you know I'm stopping in New York until the weekend now. Irina, she's the New York magazine editor I've been working with over the last week? Well, she has some people coming from London she wants me to meet so I'm going stay until Saturday."

"Okay." I was surprised on how much this change to her schedule didn't piss me off. _Probably cause I'm tired after going back to work._

We continued to talk for a while before we said our goodbyes. I scrolled to my calendar in my phone to check my shifts. I was working every day this week apart from Friday. _What can I do to pass the time? _My thoughts immediately drifted to Bella and our talk. It was oblivious my subconscious was screaming at me to call her.

**2****nd**** July 2010**

I woke after my Thursday night shift in a really good mood which surprised the hell out of me after the night I'd had. I'd spent my night in ER at Cherry Hill. Thursday night's aren't usually bad in the ER but we had a three-car accident that was horrid.

After sorting myself a late breakfast, I sat on my couch and scrolled through my phone book on my cell. I'd talked myself into making contact with Bella today as I wasn't working and had no other distractions. I'd decided to text her instead of call.

_**Hi Bee it's Edward. I'm txt'ing u hoping we can meet up?**_

I received a response within a minute.

_**Hey Edward. So good to hear from u. Defo yes on meeting. When's best for u?**_

I paused with my fingers hovering over the keys. _When would be the best time? _Tanya would be back tomorrow. Did Bella work weekdays? I didn't know what she even does for a living.

_**Would a weekend be best for u? I'm not working til 8pm on Sunday if u want to meet before? Say 1pm?**_

Again, I received a quick response.

_**Sunday at 1 is great for me :) Where shall we meet? I'll be honest; I don't really wanna be in a crowd. Somewhere quiet?**_

I completely agreed with her. If we were going to have an honest heart to heart, I didn't want other people overhearing.

_**How about the park? The bench near the sandbox? And I promise Shorty won't show up all guns blazing lol**_

Bella's reply took a little longer this time.

_**Okay. That's fine. Sunday, 1pm, by our sandbox. See u there. Bee x**_

I smiled as I saw the words 'our sandbox'. I let my eyes close as I remembered the many times we had a kids there each year at my dad's fundraisers. I hoped we would be making some new happier memories near that little sandbox soon.

**3****rd**** July 2010**

I walked in my home to a different smell that had been lingering over the past two weeks, perfume. Tanya was here. I placed my keys by the door as I proceeded through to my living room where she was perched on the end, filing her nails.

"Hey" I said softly.

"Hey back" she smiled.

"I've missed you" As soon as those words left my mouth, they didn't feel right. I had missed her but not in the way I thought I would. It was difficult to explain. And I immediately felt guilty even though I had don't nothing wrong.

She smiled again, a shy smile, "I've missed you too." This was new.

I sat on the couch next to her and gave her a sweet kiss on the lips.

"So did you have a good time?" I placed my arm around her on the back on the couch. Tanya turned her body to face me.

"Oh Edward. It was amazing. Irina and I clicked straight away, like long lost sisters or something. And New York is fantastic..." She stared through the window with a smile still playing on her lips. She obliviously loved every minute of her trip.

"I'm glad you enjoyed yourself babe." I said as I cuddled her shoulder lightly. "Did you meet the people from London?"

"London? Oh yeah, they were great. I meet so many people over the two weeks. So what did you get up to while I was away?"

I struggled, "Work"

"Didn't you take the first week as vacation?"

"Oh yeah, I forgot. When I got back to work, it felt like I'd never been away." I knew I should have told Tanya about Bella when she asked about my vacation week but I couldn't. I promised myself I would tell her before the night was out.

**4****th**** July 2010**

"I'm off out Edward. Going to work for a few hours to catch up."

I frowned as I looked from the couch at Tanya trying to find her keys in the kitchen.

"On a Sunday?"

"Yeah. Being away for two weeks will mean I have so much on. I wanna get on top of it." She giggled as she found her keys.

"Okay. Erm babe?"

"Yeah?" Tanya answered from the door.

"I'm going out in a bit too. I'm going to meet… an old friend."

Tanya was mostly out of the door when she replied with a quick okay.

I heard the door close loudly behind her. She seemed to be in a hurry to get to work. This didn't surprise me at all. She loved what she did and being away from it for so long will have meant she had a lot to do. And yeah, I once again managed to not really tell Tanya what I was doing.

I checked my watch to see it was 11.30am so I hopped into the shower, getting ready quickly in casual jeans, a black t-shirt and my leather jacket in my arms. I decided to walk to the park. It would take me thirty minutes but the fresh air and time to think would be good. I needed to mentally prepare myself with what Bella may or may not tell me today.

The sun beat down as I walked towards the park I had been to so many times. When I brought the house, I wanted it to be in walking distance so if I ever needed to escape for anything, I could. I took me a long time before the park felt like a safe haven, it was a place of nightmares and pain for a few years after Bella left but more recently, it's been a place of dreams. This made me smile as I entered the familiar gates at the end of the park. A few families scrolled along the grass but the playground was empty.

I glanced over to the playground where the bench in question was. Sat on the bench was a lone petite figure that I would recognise anywhere, Bee.

She had her back to me as I approached. Her long brown hair was blowing gently in the summer breeze by her shoulders. I could see she was wearing cropped jeans and a fitted green t shirt. She was looking down at her cell in her hands as I arrived.

"Hey" I spoke softly not wanting to scare her.

She turned her head slowly to look at me, smiling.

"Hey"

"Do you mind?" I nodded to the bench as she was sat in the middle.

A slight pink blush spread across her cheeks as she hurried to move to accommodate me.

"No, no please sit."

I sat to her left, near to her with around a foot gap between us. I heard her take a deep breath as she turned her body to face me. I mirrored her actions. She was playing with her fingers in her lap like the six year old Bella I once knew.

After a couple of minutes of comfortable silence, Bella sighed.

"Edward? I'm not sure where to start. I... I've been waiting for this moment for such a long time and now it's here…"

"Bee..." I smiled as her childhood nickname still felt so right, "You don't need to tell me everything today if you want. I understand that this is as scary for you as it is me." My smiled faded. "I just want to… just…"

I struggled not to reach out to her as a wash of relief spread over me like quick sand. I placed my hands at either side of me on the bench. With my eyes on my own lap, my next comments were just a whisper in the breeze, so quiet "I'm so glad you're okay."

I looked up to see big brown eyes staring at me, one tear running down her cheek.

"I'm so sorry Edward." she whispered as her fingertips touched my right hand, still on the bench. She quickly realised what she had done and moved her hand to rest next to mine but now not touching. I immediately missed the warmth. My fingernails gripped the bench to stop my hand from moving. I wanted to wipe away her tears, to comfort her. The feeling was so strong it nearly won.

After a couple more minutes to compose myself I was about to speak but Bella started her story, her voice was quiet. I looked at her face in profile, she looked almost defeated.

"I'll never forget that night after I left you at your birthday party. I'd have such a good time even though Charlie had... interrupted making the evening shorter than it should have been. I remember him being in such a panic and not understanding why. I never got to go home that night. Charlie said he had a phone call to say Aunt Chloe had been taken into hospital and we needed to be with the family."

She turned her face towards mine and gave a sad smile as she continued.

"It wasn't 'til I woke up a couple of hours later that I realised we weren't going back to Folks. When I asked him, he said he would tell me when we arrived at our destination. He wouldn't tell me where we were going either. I didn't know what the hell was going on but Charlie insisted everything would be okay. He just kept saying it; over and over 'Everything will be okay'. We stopped for bathroom breaks and food but we had to travel for four days until we reached..."

I held my breath as I waited to hear where she had been all this time.

"...Anchorage."

"Anchorage? … as in Alaska? Canada?"

"Yeah."

"But another country…"

I was completely lost for words. As I continued to stare in her beautiful brown eyes, Wondering.

"Edward." she sucked in a deep breath. "Charlie was in a lot of shit. I mean, knee deep. He… he…"

Another silent tear ran down her cheek and this time I wasn't quick enough to stop my automatic reaction and want to comfort her. I reached out with my left hand holding her face while my thumb swept across her cheek to wipe away the traces of sadness.

Bella, shocked by my reaction to her sat upright, frozen to the spot for a couple of seconds before she relaxed a bit. But she didn't look completely comfortable with my hand holding her face gently so I let go.

"Sorry. I just..." _I need to tell her. I need to be honest._

"I don't like to see you sad Bee."

Bella looked long into my eyes before replying, the smallest smile tugging at her lips.

"Silly Edward."

Two words. Those two words filled me with such happiness. Happiness that had long been forgotten.

We continued to shyly smile at each other before Bella continued her story, looking down at her feet.

"Charlie had rented a small place in the city. He told me after unpacking our things that it was a last minute decision; he needed to move us all safe. To keep me safe. To keep you and your family safe. I didn't believe him." She shook her head at the memories.

"He wouldn't give me any specific details. Why we were unsafe. I tried to run away in our first week but he never left me alone enough for me to get far. I wrote you that letter hoping I would be home soon."

She played with her fingers in her lap.

"But as you know, that never happened. After two weeks, I demanded to know what was going on. That's when he told me why. Why we couldn't go home. And I hated him for it."

Bella's words came in a rush like she needed to say it quick, to stop the pain. I was feeling that pain again.

"Charlie had been working on the case of James Johnson for months. He had murdered his stepson and was on the run. Charlie had been working flat out. I didn't realise at the time but all the hours he was working, he was trying to catch this James. The day of your birthday, Charlie had been sent an anonymous lead; he was in Tacoma so he went to take a look, off duty."

Bella swallowed hard as she continued.

"Charlie found him, in a local bar, called reinforcements but then tried to make the arrest on his own. And well… James had a knife..."

My shocked expression said it all.

"I know. It scared the shit out of me too when he told me. I'm glad that even though he wore plain clothes that day, he still wore a vest underneath his shirt. There was a scuffle; as Charlie wasn't technically on duty that day so he had his wallet on him."

I frowned as I struggled to understand why the wallet was important to the story. Bella saw I didn't understand so she explained.

"His wallet?"

I nodded.

"Charlie always had a picture of me in his wallet with his ID. He threatened my dad… with me. James took it and so he knew who he was and where we lived. He said he would take me away from him unless he let him walk free that day. He said he knew people who would do the job for him if he was locked up."

Bella voice was once again a whisper.

"Once back up arrived, it was too late. Charlie had made his decision. He chose to keep me safe instead of putting that … that man behind bars. Charlie left the force and ran away … to keep me safe"

"Did they catch up with him?"

"Yeah, three years ago..." She talked into her chest as she bent her knees, pulling her legs up and wrapping her arms around them.

I put my head in my hands as I tried to process all this new information.

"He was on the run for seven years?"

Bella nodded, resting her forehead on the tops of her knees.

"How did you… Did you go to school?"

Bella nodded again. "I did but after we'd been there almost a year. Charlie wanted to make sure I was safe. I fell behind..."

"I know how that feels..."

My statement lingered in the air around us. Suddenly we were brought out of our little bubble by the sounds of children. Glancing over my shoulder, I could see that some kids had made their way over to the swings.

"I loved it here as a kid." I stated. "I have such great memories here."

I looked at Bella who was still had her arms wrapped around her legs.

"Remember when we were about seven and that big kid came over and stood on our masterpiece that had taken all day?"

"Yeah I remember."

"And how you told him he wasn't very nice doing that. And he pushed you."

Bella chuckled, laying her cheek on her knees to look at me, "Yeah, you punched that lad in the nose and was grounded for a week as I recall it."

"Yeah" I chuckled back. "Great times."

We continued to chat, leaving the heavy stuff for now. We talks for hours about our childhood memories. Bella reminded me of small things that had happened that I'd forgotten. Not just the memories from this park, but playing in our houses and backyards. We talked a little about work. She had graduated from college to be a kinder-garter teacher. Neither of us approached the subject of relationships which I felt a bit guilty about.

As I laughed, holding my stomach at yet another childhood memory, I glanced at my watch, realising we'd been talking for almost five hours in the warm summer sunshine.

"Oh shit. I have to get going. I need to get sorted for my shift. Can we do this again soon? You free next weekend?" I'd had such a great time after the heavy stuff, I needed to do it again.

Bella nodded as we both rose to stand. We faced each other, awkward, not knowing how to say goodbye. I knew I would see her again but I couldn't shake the feeling that I would lose her if I let her go now without confirmation of our next meet up. My chest tightened as I felt the familiar pains of a panic attack looming.

"Hey Edward. I'm not going anywhere. My home is here." Bella answered as if she could read my thoughts._ If only it was that easy. _"Just call me and I'll be there"

"Pinky promise?" I whispered holding my hand, little finger in the air.

Bella smiled widely as we linked little fingers, "Pinky promise".

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**Let me know what you thought of this chapter. I was really nervous about this one.**

**So the ice is broken? Will these two mend those broken bonds? *crosses fingers* ;)**

**Hoping to be back on track with my 2 week posting schedule but I suppose only time will tell. Thanks again to my beta and bb, SweetLovinCullen and thank you to each and every reader of Loved & Lost.**

**I love you all xx**


	10. Truths & Surprises

**Disclaimer : SM owns Edward & Twilight, not me (sadly!)

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**4****th**** July 2010**

I walked through the door of our staff room with my cell in my hand. I was considering texting Bella tonight. _Does that sound desperate? I only left her a few hours ago..._

The television on the wall caught my eye; fireworks. I was shocked as I looked at the headline, 4th of July celebrations. _How the hell can I have missed the fact it was the 4__th__ July? _

I frowned as I stared down at my cell. Thinking back to my conversation with Tanya earlier, I'm surprised she went into work today. I hadn't heard from her all day so dialled her number. After the sixth ring, she answered.

"Hello?"

"Hey babe, you okay?"

"Hey. Edward. Yeah. I was just in the shower. You get to work okay?"

"Yeah. Sorry to disturb you. Just wondered how you got on at work?"

"Great thank you! It was just me, being the 4th of course but that was good. I got the majority of the work that had been backed up. God, I don't know what that place would do without me."

I smiled, this is classic Tanya. Always confident in her own abilities. And she has a right to be too. Tanya was the heart of that business, it wouldn't survive without her.

"I'll be home early, around 6am."

"Okay babe, I'll keep the bed warm."

"Okay. See you later. Bye" I hurried to end the call.

I scrolled to a new text before quickly typing a message. _**Happy 4**__**th**__** of July to you, Bee. Edward x**_

**5****th**** July 2010**

I silently creep through the bedroom door to our en suite bathroom. I knew Tanya didn't need to get up til 7am and I didn't want to disturb her sleep. I considered sleeping on the couch but I don't just need to drag myself to the bedroom once Tanya was up and ready for work.

Working quickly to get ready, I pulled on my pj pants and white t shirt, walking out and climbing into bed as quietly as possible. As I reached to put my cell on the night stand, I knocked over an empty glass which fell to the floor with a low thud on the carpet. I turned to face Tanya to see if she had heard. She was facing me, staring straight at me. _Oh crap._

"Tanya, babe. I'm so sorry for waking you." I whispered. "I was trying to be as quiet as I could but I knocked a glass over." I was rambling.

"It was empty you'll be happy to ..."

I was stopped short by Tanya grabbing my t shirt and pulling me towards her forcefully. Her eager lips captured mine as her hands found their way into my hair. I pulled her close to me, hands settling on her lace clad hips as we continued to kiss. Her tongue swept my lips as an invitation which I took readily. We hadn't been in this situation for a while, since before Alice and Jasper's wedding.

Tanya's hands started to roam down my back to my ass which she squeezed, digging her nails in lightly. We broke apart for a moment to look at each other. Her lust hooded blue eyes gazed at me as she tugged my t shirt over my head as I did the same with her satin vest top. Tanya pushed me to my back, my dick making a tent in my pj pants.

"I need you. Now"

Tanya grabbed my pants and pushed them down in one swift motion, her panties followed seconds earlier. She held my dick, pushing down and up a couple of times making me groan and grab the bed beside my head. Straddling my hips, she lowered herself on me as she started to rock back and forth.

I immediately felt my groin tighten; it had been way too long since this last happened.

"Tanya... babe." I said through gritted teeth as her hips ground against mine. "You need to slow down. I'm not gonna last long if you..."

My words just spurred her on to go faster and harder as I held onto her hips for dear life.

"Please babe, I'm gonna... oh god..."

Tanya reached down to down to rub herself to get her to her goal but it was too late.

"Fucking hell!" I yelled out. My orgasm ripped through me so quickly, I'm glad I was lying down.

Tanya slowed her actions and I knew she hadn't cum. Completely embarrassed by what had just happened, I covered my eyes with my arm.

"I'm sorry." My words mumbled through my arm.

Tanya huffed as she climbed off me.

"I'm gonna shower before work." She gathered her things and left for the bathroom. On hearing the bathroom door close, I peeked out from under my arm. _How fucking embarrassing was that! Your girlfriend wants you and you come like a fourteen year old! _I'm screaming on the inside. _What the fuck was that about?_

I rolled over and pushed my head in the pillow. A little while later, I heard Tanya exit the bathroom, walk around the room then leave. Neither of us speak. I groaned with embarrassment and dig my head further into the pillow willing for sleep to take me.

**Friday 9****th**** July**

As I walked through the door, I remember Tanya was working late tonight. Dropping my bag to one side of the couch, I slumped to the other side placing my head in my hands. We'd not spoke a word about Monday morning since it happened. I knew Tanya was pissed off with me but she hadn't said anything. I stared at my ceiling for a few moments before I knew I needed to cheer myself up. And the first person who jumped into my head was Bella. _My Bee; she always made me smile._

With my smile still in place, I dug my cell out of my jean's pocket and scrolled down to Bella's name. My fingers hovered over the call button before pushing it.

Within two rings, she answered, her sweet voice fillings my ears.

"Hello? Edward?"

"Hey Bella. I hope you don't mind me ringing you. I haven't interrupted anything have I?"

I heard Bella mumbling as if she was talking to someone else in the room before she answered my questions.

"No. No. Of course I don't mind you calling. I just have a friend here but they're on their way out anyway. Two seconds." I heard Bella say 'Bye' and a kissing noise before she was back.

"Sorry about that. So? How are you Edward?"

"I'm okay. You sure I'm not disturbing you?"

"No silly! You're not. You sure you're okay? You sound tired and … pissed?"

I rubbed my forehead, Bella always was able to predict my mood; it was a little creepy at time when we when younger.

"It's just work" I shrugged.

"You sure?"

I didn't feeling comfortable telling Bella about my pathetic sex life so I chose to change the subject.

"Yeah. Bee? Are you doing anything this weekend? I'd love it if we could meet up again." I held my breath waiting for her answer.

"Well, I'm free tomorrow. Does that work for you?"

"Yes!" I said with excitement. I heard Bella giggle. Embarrassed, I could feel my cheek turned a shade of red.

"Sorry, that was a bit embarrassing." I admitted. "Yeah, I'm not working tomorrow."

"You have no other plans... with your fiancée?"

"No… wait what?" Shocked to hear Bella say fiancée, I fell silent.

"Your fiancée? You don't have plans? I just thought with it being a weekend and especially with you having the day off you'd me spending time with her …."

The silence stretched on until Bella spoke again.

"Edward? You there? I'm sorry. I … It's none of my business … I'm sorry … I..." I heard Bella swear softly under her breath.

"It's okay Bee. I … Well, I hadn't realised I'd mentioned Tanya." I cringed. Talking about Tanya to Bella over the phone felt wrong, very wrong. "Can we talk about this tomorrow? At the bench? I think it's my turn to tell my story of the last ten years."

I had Bella take a deep breath, "I'm not sure I'm ready for all of it, to be honest Edward. But yeah, we can talk. At our bench."

**Saturday 10****th**** July**

I was early today, half an hour early when I lowered myself to the bench. Again it was a gorgeous day. The sun was shining high in the sky as Bella caught my eye in the distance.

Her long hair caught the sun which highlighted the red streaks there. Her hair was down, at her shoulders, soft curls fell around for collar bones. I noticed she was wearing a yellow sun dress with white sandals. She looked stunning as she walked towards me, occasional looking up to see me staring at her. As she moved closer, I could see her bottom lip catch between her teeth, her eyes still fixed to the floor. I stood as she approached.

"Hey" she looked up at me as she came to stand next to me.

"Hey beautiful." The words came out before I knew it. A gentle blush coloured Bella's cheeks.

"Sorry. I didn't mean to..." I looked at my feet._ I could believe I just blurted that out! Brain filter Edward! Come on!_

"But it's true."

Bella shyly smiled at me, "Thank you." she whispered. I smiled back at her.

We sat in unison, the same positions as the weekend before. The playground was busier than last week. Several kids on the swings and slide. One little girl in the sandbox.

I nodded toward the sandbox, "Remind you of anyone?"

Bella smiled towards the girl, "Oh yes but I always had my best friend with me." She elbowed me playfully on my arm. Her touch left a tingling sensation as I clutched my arm in mock horror.

"God, your elbows haven't got any less boney have they?" I chuckled.

"Nope" she popped her 'p' as I chuckled again.

"Oh, I've missed this. Really missed this."

"Edward, I know exactly what you mean."

We continued to reminisce about the good old days of our childhood but before long, I knew which subject I needed to approach.

"Bee. How did you know about Tanya, my… er fiancée? I've gone over and over last weekend and I know I didn't mention her…" my voice lowered near the end.

Bella turned to face me, searching my face.

"I saw an article in the Seattle Times, a few months ago, when I first moved back. It was the business section, budding talent, I think it was called. I saw your name. Fiancé of Tanya Denali, Dr Edward Cullen." She gave me a small smile, "That's how I knew you had made it as a doctor."

"Oh.". I didn't know what to say so I went with my automatic reaction to ask about Bella about her past. "What about you?"

"Hmm?"

"You have a great boyfriend I bet." I wanted to smack my head with my hand. I didn't even want to know.

"Er, well ..."

"Sorry" I interrupted. "I didn't mean to pry."

Bella nodded. I could tell she wasn't comfortable talking about her relationship with whoever she had and to be honest, neither was I. The thought of Bella with another man made me feel uncomfortable too.

"So how's your dad? Still in Forks?"

Bella wrapped her arms around herself, tucking her head in her chest.

"Bee? What's wrong?" I said slowly.

Bella shook her head slightly, still covered by her arms.

"Bee? Are you crying? What happened? Bee?"

I heard a quiet sob come from her small form and I couldn't take it anymore. My arms immediately circled her as I pulled her gently to my side. She clung to my nearest arm, her head resting on my shoulder. I stroked her arm in a soothing motion, up and down. I could feel the goose bumps on her arm.

"Oh Bee. Shhh. I'm here. You're okay"

I rocked with her and paused for a moment before placed a small kiss to the crown of her head. She shivered. I gulped as I realised that we were locked in a embrace, one which reminded me of a time long ago.

I heard Bella sigh as she tilted her head to face me. She looked so sad, her beautiful eyes were puffy as the tears continued to slowly flow down her delicate cheeks.

Her face was so close to mine, her sweet breath fanned across my face making it tingle. My eyes were drawn to her lips, soft pink full lips. I could feel the tension in the air as I look back up to her eyes to see such sadness; I felt my heart was breaking again.

Suddenly Bella's eyes widened and she tucked her head down into her chest, breaking the connection. Disappointment flooded through me. Then the alarm bells started. It dawned on me that I had subconsciously closed the gap between us. I was drifting towards her like a magnet, not even realising. I was going to kiss her._ Oh no._

I continued to hold her close as she took large relaxing breaths. I was anything but relaxed. _This can't happen._ The mix of emotions whirling through me was confusing and disorientating. I took a couple of deep breaths trying to calm myself. I could see my arms had started to shake lightly and my breathing became shallow and rapid. _Oh shit, no not now. _I despairingly tried to hang on as I could feel my panic attack rising to the surface.

"Edward? Are you okay?"

I unravelled myself from her as my hands gripped the edge of the wood bench. Squeezing my eyes closed, trying to empty my mind and concentrate on the simple task of bring air into my lungs at a slow and measured pace. Luckily, my experience of managing my attacks helped as I started feeling back in control of myself.

I peeked at Bella out of the corner of my eyes to see her sat up straight on the bench, staring at me. She looked concerned.

But before she could ask again, I answered her question, "I'm okay. I …"

Letting my eyes close again holding my face up to the warm sun, I told her the truth, trying to catch my breath.

"I… I have panic attacks… since… I should have told you... sooner. I'm sorry. I just need some time ….. to calm down then …...I'm fine. Sorry."

After Bella didn't response, I chanced looking at her. She looked so lost. My lost Bee.

"I'm… I'm… it's my fault. Oh my god, you must hate me." she shook her head.

Anger bubbled to the surface quick as my impending panic attack forgotten.

"Bee." I warned. "Don't."

"But... Oh god. I'm … I'm so so sorry. You'll never know how sorry ..."

I interrupted "Bee. Stop."

She moved to say something else but I stopped her. "I mean it Bee. Do not blame yourself. You were sixteen and … it wasn't _your_ fault." _It was Charlie's. Charlie_.

I was cautious with my next words, "Bee. What happened to your dad?"

Her voice was nothing but a whisper. "He passed away, six months ago. He'd been ill for some time."

She looked up to look at me as she continued.

"I know this sounds awful but I'm glad he's not suffering any more. I couldn't bear it."

Wiping her eyes with the back of her hand, she offered a soft, sad smile.

"He hated himself you know, for dragging me away from Seattle when we both loved it here. From taking me away from your family, from your mom 'cause Charlie always said she was my second mom. From taking me away from you, my best friend."

Her words lingered in the air for a few moments. I didn't know what to say. .

"He told me. He told me to go find you. To go and find you and your family. To live my life to the full and be happy." She smiled again, a little brighter than before.

I suddenly found my voice, "You found me Bee."

Bella bit her lip and looked down, "Yeah I guess I did."

**25****th**** July 2010**

We arrived at my parent's house early afternoon. Alice and Jasper had been back from their three week honeymoon for a couple of days. They were suffering from jet lag so this would be the first time meeting up since they got back.

The whole family would be there to celebrate Alice's birthday which she had celebrated while they were away. As we walked through the door, my mom almost ran to me and squeezed me so tight I grasped for air.

"Mom. Can I … Can't breathe."

"Oh honey, I've missed you. It's been too long since you're last visit. You need to visit me more often, yes definitely more often. Let me look at you."

"Mom." I complained. "It's only been two weeks."

"No it's not just been two weeks mister. I haven't seen you since Alice left."

"Oh... yeah, I knew that." I said trying to be casual. I realised that since Bella and I had been meeting up at weekends, I hadn't seen my family. I felt bad. Seeing Bella each weekend for the last month however made me feel good.

"What have you been up to? You look… good, less tired. Happy."

"That's because I am happy mom." I rolled my eyes at her. I noticed my Mom giving me a suspicious look. She knew I was keeping something from her. Her sixth mother sense was in overdrive. _I need to tell her, soon._

Mom gave Tanya a small hello hug before we made our way into the living room. Alice and Jasper were on one couch with Dad, Emmett, Rose and Benjamin on the other.

"Hey everyone" I walked over to Alice as he stood and leaped to give me a big hug.

"Hey Shorty" I whispered to her and gave her a squeeze.

"Hey you." she whispered back. "Any news?"

I knew she was asking in her form of code if I'd told anyone about Bella. I shook my head slightly. I couldn't lie to Alice. I hadn't found the right time to tell Tanya the full story about Bella. I hadn't lied to her; I told her I had met up with an old friend and we were catching up, every weekend.

Sighing, Alice released me from her death grip. I reached to shake Jasper's hand.

"Hey man. I missed you guys. How was your honeymoon? London good?"

"Oh Edward. It was amazing" Alice squealed.

Emmett groaned from his seat, putting his head in his hands, "Edward! Why weren't you here like 30 minutes ago. I have to listen to the whole story again now..."

Alice proceeded to walk up to him and punch him in the arm. Benjamin giggled.

"Hey little man" I said as I scooped Benjamin in my arms. "You're quiet."

"He's been feeling sorry for himself over the last couple of days; he's been unwell, high temperature." Rose informed me.

I frowned down at his sweet face, "Why didn't you let me know? I could have taken a look at him."

"It's okay Edward. You're busy with work. We don't expect you to be our own private doctor."

"I don't mind." I said looking down at Benjamin's little face again; he looked tired. I looked back at Rose; she had a small smile on her face as she nodded.

"What temperature was he? You been giving him acetaminophen?"

Rose nodded and rolled her eyes.

"I'm sorry. I can't turn off the doctor in me sometimes." I passed Benjamin back to his mom; he snuggled into her chest and closed his eyes.

"So …" Tanya chirped up from her normal spot by the window of my parent's living room. "I have some big news"

Confused, I let her continue. I didn't know what she was going to say. She hadn't said she had news earlier.

"I got the call today!" Excitement shimmered in her blue eyes. "I have a position waiting for me in New York if I want it!"

I stood there stunned. _What the fuck? _I heard a couple of congratulations as Mom moved across the room to stand in front of me.

"You're leaving? I knew there was something you hadn't told me."

I shook my head, "Wait? What?" I directed my questions towards Tanya.

"My week I spent in New York. It was for a job. Remember. I got the call today to say they wanted to offer me editor of the celebrity section. I'm so excited."

I was once again lost for words.

I heard my own voice before I realised I was speaking.

"I'm not leaving."

"Of course not. Well, not straight away anyway. They wanted me to start as soon as possible but I told them that we both need to sort some stuff before we move. You need to sort a transfer to start. That could take months so I agreed September. We're talked about this. Remember."

_Bee's birthday is in September._ "I'm not leaving." I repeated. "I can't. I need …. No ..."

I could feel the anger rise from the pit of my stomach. _I've just found her again. No! No! No!_

"We'll discuss this later Edward."

I turned in disbelief and quickly walked to the kitchen. Walking, my fists clenched and unclenched as I tried to keep my angry inside. I reached the kitchen worktop and gripped it tight. I heard footsteps behind me, then a gentle hand on my shoulder, _Mom._

"Honey? You okay?"

"No Mom I'm not." I tried to sound calm but it sounded more menacing through gritted teeth.

"You didn't know this news?"

"No. Well not that I can't remember. I've been a bit distracted over the last month."

"Oh..."

I squeezed my eyes shut willing my nerves to calm themselves. I couldn't remember the last time I felt this angry and… alive.

I let out a long breath and turned to face my mom, concern etched across her face. I tried to smile but it probably looked more of a grimace.

"I need to tell you something Mom."

She looked curious as she said, "Go on..."

"I… I've… Well..." I told another deep breath as I whispered, "Bee's back."

* * *

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	11. I need to explain

**Disclaimer : SM owns Edward & Twilight, not me (sadly!)**

* * *

**25****th**** July 2010**

"I … I've …. Well …." I told another deep breath as I whispered, "Bee's back."

Mom gasped as she said her name, as if she was testing the water with me.

"Bee? Bella?"

I looked at her properly for the first time to see tears welling up in her soft eyes. Then she started to shake her head as she hushed her next question.

"How long?" Tears started to flow and her lip trembled.

"Oh mom. Don't cry. Please don't cry" I pleaded. My previous angry state now melted at the sight of my mother looking so sad. I tried to wrap her up in a hug but she shrugged me away.

"How long?" She continued with more authority in her small voice.

Cautiously, I took her hands in mine, soft rubbing circles into the back of her hands.

"She moved back in April after ..."

_Shit. Do I tell her about Charlie? Can she cope with that on top of the news I've just given her?_

"After what?"

"Mom? I think you need to sit down." I tugged on her hands to lead her to one of the dining chairs in the kitchen. I glanced over at the door on hearing raised voices but I couldn't concentrate on that now, I needed to tell my mom the whole story; she deserved to know it.

Once sat, I sighed looking down at our still joined hands as my shoulders sagged.

"I should have told you this earlier. I'm … I'm so sorry Mom." I looked up to see her slow tears continue their tracks down her cheeks.

Taking a deep breath, I started from the beginning. I told her that Bee had shown up at Alice's wedding to give me my birthday card and the letter. I explained that I was confused so I didn't tell anyone. I told her that she was at the park on Dad's fundraiser day. How we talked a little and how Alice had seen us. On mentioning Alice's name, Mom gasped.

"Alice knows? But you didn't tell me?" The hurt in her eyes was unbearable.

I started to see my hands tremble as I fought to stay in control of my emotions.

"I'm so, so sorry mom. Sorry. Sorry I hurt you. I didn't mean to. I was trying to protect you … and myself." I slowly shook my head as it hung in shame. "I'm sorry" I whispered.

After a couple of fleeing seconds, warm, familiar hands cupped my face and lifted my head so I was staring at her, her eyes was glassy, still brimming with tears.

"No honey. I'm sorry. I …" she sighed. "It was selfish of me to react that way. To question your decision, I'm sorry. Oh, that must have be so hard for you."

With those words, she enveloped me in a hug which made me feel like a boy again, comforted by the loving embrace of his mother. I didn't realise I'd started to cry until I felt the moisture gathering in her shoulder. I buried my head into the crook of her neck, trying to mask the sound of a sob at had long needed releasing.

"Shh, honey. Oh baby, it's okay." She rocked me gently in her arms as I continued to pour every emotion I'd experienced over the past month. All the pain, hurt, longing, excitement, happiness, laughter ran through me so quickly and I let it.

I calmed myself and pulled back from my mom to continue the rest of my story.

"Mom, I need to give you some other news about Bee. About Charlie."

"Charlie?" she voice faulted.

"He … he passed away, six months ago. He'd been sick for some time."

"Oh no" she whispered as her tears returned. "I didn't even get to say goodbye...Carlisle ..." she turned to look towards the living room.

"Your dad will be heartbroken. They were good friends for such a long time."

I stared in my dad's direction. It didn't even occur to me that Charlie and Dad were friends, really good friends at that. I suddenly felt very selfish. Realising for the first time that Bella and Charlie's sudden departure must have been tough for everyone, not just me. I was so wrapped up in my own feelings for Bella that I hadn't even thought on how mom and dad must have felt. To have their best friend and his child, who they treated as their own to just disappear with no reason to why.

My mom's voice pulled me out of my thoughts. "I'll tell him, tonight. When we're alone. Can you tell Bella we send our love if you see her again and let her know Charlie will always be in our prayers? He has been for sometime ..."

Another prang of guilt hit me as I realised I hadn't told her about our regular weekend meetings in the park.

"Mom. I've been seeing her every weekend. We've agreed to try and be friends again. I'm sorry. I've been completely selfish about everything. Just thinking about me again." I shook my head, looking at my lap.

"I saw her yesterday. We talked about you and Dad and everyone else" I nodded towards the door. "I think she'd like to see you again... if you would."

"Oh Edward. Bella was like my second daughter. I had big hand in her upbringing. Charlie tried his best but sometimes …. a girl needs a mother."

My thoughts drifted back to our summer holiday in Florida were Bella and Mom spent a whole day together talking, about me.

She continued "Of course I want to see her again. If she does."

I smiled, "I'm sure she does."

I hugged her once more before she got up to grab a tissue, wiping her face.

"Oh would you look at me. What a mess." She looked through the mirror. "Yes I am" she chuckled as she looked at me. Grabbing a tissue, she walked over to me and gave it me.

"Thanks Mom."

My mind returned to the earlier conversation about Tanya and her new job … in New York. Thousands of miles away from where I wanted to be. I couldn't remember Tanya saying anything about a job, just an opportunity to meet others in her work.

"You don't want to leave her do you?" Mom came to sit near to me again.

"No I don't but if she has her sights set on New York..."

"I wasn't talking about Tanya, honey. I was talking about Bella."

Her words hung in the air between us. I tried to deny it but I couldn't. Now Bella was back in my life, I didn't want... no I couldn't let her go.

I slumped further into my seat. "No I can't let her go, not again."

"Edward. Honey. Please be careful. You have a different life now and a fiancée. I don't want your heart broken again. I'm afraid the pieces would be too small for me to pick up a second time."

"I appreciate your concern Mom but I'm okay. Bee is my friend. That's all." She wasn't convinced, I could tell by the way she looked at me. And with everything that had happened over the past month, I'm not sure what I believed myself any more.

"Have you told Tanya about Bella? Who she is? What she means to you?"

"No" I said quietly. "But I will. I think we need to talk."

Mom nodded her agreement as I turned towards the door.

"Sounds like its all gone quiet in there. We should get back."

We both walked through the door to see Alice and Jasper had gone as was Tanya.

"Where's Shorty? Jazz? Tanya?"

I was meant with silence. Dad was the one that finally spoke.

"Alice and Jasper decided to go home. Edward, you need to go talk with your fiancée and then your sister about what happened today."

"Why? What happened?"

He replied with a sigh, "Just go home Edward and talk to Tanya."

The taxi ride home had given me some time to think. I had racked my brain to think of Tanya ever talking to me about moving to New York but came up with nothing. I'm sure that Alice and Tanya had had a shouting match earlier at my parents over this but I was too drained after spilling my guts to Mom to feel anger towards either of them.

I walked through the door of our house to the sound of crying. Tanya was sat on the couch, crying. I don't think I've seen her cry, ever.

"Hey babe. Shh don't cry." I moved to wrap an arm around her shoulders.

"Why doesn't anyone believe me!" she cried out. "We've talked about me and New York for the past couple of weeks."

"I know we have but I didn't realise that there was a job opportunity at the end of it all. I thought you were just going for experience, networking and so on."

Tanya looked up at me, her eyes shined with tears. "Don't you want me to take the job?"

"What? Of course that's not what I'm saying. I'm just … a little surprised that's all. We'll make this work."

"You don't want to come with me?"

"I …I don't know Tanya. I've always been here. All my family and friends are here. They've supported me though some pretty dark times in my life. I don't think I could just leave them."

She rose to kneel on the couch beside me, "That's what I thought. That's why I said September so you can sort your things out."

I shook my head, "Tanya, it's more complicated than just sorting a job, this is my home, my heart belongs here."

I looked down to see Tanya fiddling with her engagement ring, "So your heart doesn't belong to me. I thought we'd be okay ... as long as we'd be together."

I looked down at my lap, not sure what to say next. She was right. My heart should belong to her but I wasn't sure any more. I wasn't sure of anything anymore.

Taking a deep breath, I told her the truth. "I need some time Tanya. To put my head right. I've had some news over the last few weeks …." I trailed off realising I had to tell Tanya about Bella. Maybe not all of it now, but more than what she knows.

"You know I've been catching up with an old friend at weekends?" She nodded. "Well, this friend was my very best friend when we were kids, before Jazz. She was part of the family."

Tanya gasped at the word 'she'. _Shit! She's going to blow this up to be more than it is._

"She? Who is _She_ Edward?"

"She's Bee, I mean ...Bella Swan. She was my best friend from age six 'til we were sixteen. We grew up together. She was taking away by her father ten years ago. … she just disappeared … " I shook my head to stop the dark shadow trying to engulf me once more.

"So she was your best friend? When you were younger? What does she look like?"

"Yeah she was" A small smile played on my lips. "My very best friend. And I think we're friends again now"

"And ..." Tanya edged.

"What does she look like? … Well, she's petite around 5 foot 5. Long brown hair and b... brown eyes." I had to stop myself from saying beautiful brown eyes. I didn't want Tanya getting the wrong impression.

"I have a photo of her when she was younger, two minutes."

I rushed upstairs to grab my memories box and pulled out the album of photos from my sixteenth birthday. I hadn't looked at these pictures for years but over the last couple of weeks, I'd done nothing but look at them ... a lot. Bella had asked I bring them with me next week. I pulled one picture of Bella sat on her own on our couch, ran downstairs and passed it to Tanya.

"Oh. She's …. sweet. It's good that you've seen her again. With her leaving so suddenly, I can understand why you would an explanation. You have it now, right?"

"Yes I do but I don't wanna talk about that." I wasn't ready to talk again today about Charlie and the mess he made. Taking a deep breath, I continued.

"Tanya. I think you should take the job. I mean it's what you've always worked towards. But ..."

"But ..."

"I'm not sure if I can leave here … yet. I need ….." Tanya interrupted,

"Oh Edward. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. You'll not regret it. Of course I'll give you take some time to sort everything you need to. Just think. A new life. A clean break from those grim memories. We'll visit everyone, don't you worry."

The words grim memories hit me hard as I tried to stay focused on the conversation. I managed to nod before Tanya was hugging me and started to call what seemed like everyone in her phone book that she would be moving in September and I would be following her by the end of the year. _I guess my fate wa__s sealed._

* * *

**28****th ****July 2010**

"No it's not Edward. Hell no."

"Shorty" I knew I was whining but I really didn't want to discuss this anymore.

It had been three days since Tanya's announcement at my parents. Tanya was so happy about her impending move to New York. I tried to talk to Tanya about me needing to think more before making the final decision but I was just meet with 'take as much time as you need' with an undercurrent of 'you're coming'.

Alice's protests pulled me out of my musing.

"Edward. Listen to me. I know you think I'm going all big over protective sister on you again." I raised my eyebrow to challenge her.

"Okay, maybe I am a little. But Edward, can't you see she's rail-roading you into a decision you actually haven't made. What about Mom? Dad? Your family Edward? Little Benjamin won't be so little for much longer."

I frowned.

"Shorty, that's not fair. Don't use Ben against me. Of course I want to see im grow up if I can, but … I have a life of my own and I need to start living it."

"Okay Edward, tell me this. Do you want to move to New York?"

"I …. I ..." she had me and she knew it. "I just don't know the answer to that question yet Shorty."

"I knew it! You don't want to go."

Alice was starting to piss me off. Anger was bubbling beneath the surface.

"I didn't say I didn't want to go. I'm not saying I'm staying either."

My words were met by Alice's stunned face before she turned to sit on my couch.

"You don't want to stay?" she whispered.

Groaning, I sat next to her, placing my head in my hands.

"I didn't say that either Shorty. I just … I just don't know. It's all I've thought about since Sunday. I need some time to think and make a rational decision for what's best for me."

"What about Bella?"

Raising my head from my hands and turning to face her, I gritted my teeth.

"What about Bee?"

"You'll hurt her. She's just found you again and now she'll lose you … again."

In the calmest voice I could muster through the want to scream at her, I replied.

"Alice, don't. Do not use Bee against me. That's not right or fair."

She laid her hand on my arm.

"Edward. All I'm saying is sometimes you can't just make a decision with your mind; you need to make it from the heart."

My heart rate picked up as I put my head in my hands again.

"Yeah I know."

* * *

**31****st**** July 2010**

"Edward!"

Bella shouted my name from across the park, waving frantically.

I gave her a small wave and smile but otherwise kept my head down. My stomach had been doing somersaults all week. I decided I needed to tell Bella about New York, gauge her reaction; maybe it would help me make my final decision. _What final decision? You've more__ or less told_

_Tanya you're going!_

Shaking my head to try and clear my jumbled thoughts, I heard Bella plop herself next to me with a happy sigh.

"Edward. So good to see you, I've missed y…. Edward? You okay?"

She must have sensed my shitty nervous mood.

"Hey Bee. I'm o … actually I'm not sure if I'm .. I"

Placing my head in my hands, I whispered, "Why is this so hard?"

"What is it Edward? Do you … don't you want to .." I looked up to see Bella shaking her head with a sad look on her face.

"Oh Bee, I'm sorry. I've dampened your good mood."

Bella squared her shouldered and turned to face me, grabbing my hands in the process and pulling them into her lap. Over the last few weeks of us meeting each week, we had grown more and more comfortable with each other again but this type of contact was new again.

I gasped as her fingers gripped mine, the tingle back in full force.

"Edward? I'm a big girl now. I've had some real shit in my life so far beyond my control so I can take it. What you need to say, just say it. Please."

"Tanya's got a job in New York. She's moving soon."

Bella's eyes widened for just a fraction of a second before she composed a calm face. Her words were a whisper.

"And you're going with her."

"I … I … Fucking hell, what's wrong with me?"

My suddenly outburst made Bella jump but she didn't tell me go; our hands still entwined with each others.

"Bee. I'm not sure if I want to go … to New York .. with her."

Bella moved slightly towards me.

"And why is that Edward?"

I stared into her eyes. Beautiful big brown eyes searching mine for something. An answer maybe.

"Do you think I should go?"

Bella bit her lip and looked down at our hands as I did the same.

"You know I can't answer that question Edward." She mumbled something after but I couldn't hear what she said.

I lifted my head as she did to look into her eyes again. I looked at her lips, she was still biting it. Something's don't change. _No they don't. _Looking back at her eyes, she was closer than before. Not sure which one of us moved, maybe both of us.

"Hey Bella!" A booming voice made me move away quickly and disconnect myself from our bubble.

Bella's cheeks were flushed as she smoothed out her top and stood. She swayed a little but before I could react, a huge pair of arms wrapped around her.

"Hey Jake. Thanks. What you doing here?"

_Jake?_ I looked at the guy. He was tall, muscular and looked like a Native American. Short black hair and dark eyes roamed Bella's small form before he spoke again.

"You forgot this." He handed her small black bag.

"Oh I completely forgot. What would I do without you?"

"Baby, you'll never get rid of me." He picked her up off the ground in a giant bear hug then kissed her, square on the lips.

My stomach lurked at the scene in front of me; watching Bella being like this with someone else made me want to be sick and rip his head off. Bella brought me out of my thoughts.

"Oh Edward. This is Jake. Jake. This is Edward."

"Hey man. Heard a lot about you." He held his hand out to me.

"I haven't." I mumbled before reluctantly shaking his hand.

"Well, I'll leave you to it then. See you later Bella? Normal time?"

Bella looked at me and bit her lip before sighing and turning towards him.

"Yeah, see you later Jake."

He hugged her again. _Just rubbing it in. _I knew I was being bitter and I shouldn't be. If Bella had someone special in her life, I should be okay with that, right? _So why did I feel like I'd just been kicked in the chest, hard._

"Edward. I need to explain ..."

I interrupted. "No need to explain Bee. I get it. It's fine. You don't have to tell me anything.

"But .."

I interrupted again. "Bee. Stop." I was getting aggravated. I didn't want to think about Bella 'with' Jake. The sick feeling was returning. I needed to take my mind off the current situation.

"Hey, you fancy going for something to eat? I know a little cafe ten minutes walk from here?"

"Yeah, that'll be nice."

We walked and talked about anything that I could to get my mind anyway from thinking of Bella and Jake … together. Once at the cafe, we ordered sandwiches and had a coffee.

"This is nice." Bella commented. I gave her a smile.

"I was thinking the same thing. Nice to be in the real world with you … so to speak. Away from the safety of the park."

Bella sighed. "Yep. Oh I need to give you this."

She handed me the black bag with _Jake _had given her.

"What is it?"

Bella shrugged. "Nothing much. I hope you don't mind but I bought Alice a birthday gift. I know it's late and I know she's mad with me so .. I … I just want her to know that I still think of her too. And your mom and dad..."

"I told her" I whispered. "My mom. About you being back. About Charlie. You don't mind do you?"

She shook her head as she gave me a sad smile.

"No I don't mind. She has a right to know."

"She wants to see you." I blurted out.

"Oh." She looked like she was deep in thought. Her eyes bore holes in our table, her eyes brows knitted together. Her lip caught in its familiar place between her teeth. She looked so sweet. My mind drifted back to Tanya's description of Bella when she saw her picture.

Bella finally spoke "I'd like that."

"Great. She will be happy."

"In a couple of weeks, yeah? Let me prepare myself even though I'll burst into tears as soon as I see her." she chuckled. "May be best to meet in the park again."

"Yeah, I'll ask her."

"Can you ask if Shorty .. I mean Alice will come too? I want to explain to her too."

"Explain?"

She shrugged her shoulders, "I just want to let them both know what happened and that I'm sorry."

"Beeeeee" I whined. "You don't need to apologise, to either my mom or Shorty."

Bella kept her voice small, "But I want to."

We continued to eat in silence so I took this time to think about New York. _Maybe I should go. Bella would be fine. She has Jake. _I visible shuddered ran through me. I looked back at Bella. She was picking at her sandwich not paying any attention to me. _Probably thinking of her date with Jake tonight. Bastard! I wonder whether he's pissed at her seeing me each weekend. _That thought made me smile.

"Bee? You fancy meeting up during the week and doing something? I dunno, like go watch a movie?"

"On a school night?" she giggled.

"Haha. Very funny Bee. Yes for you, a school night."

"Okay. What movie? Oh I wanna see The Last Airbender. It's just the cute lad from that vampire movie in it. He's nice."

"O …. Kay." She was smiling like a Cheshire cat. "Will Jake be okay with that?"

Bella looked confused, "With me shamelessly ogling the vampire man?"

"I didn't mean that." I rolled my eyes thinking back at her doing the same to Leonard DiCaprio ten years ago. "I meant you going with me?"

"Why wouldn't he be?"

"No reason." I smiled to myself. I knew if the shoe was on the other foot and I was Jake, I'd be pissed. This knowledge made me smile wider.

"Edward, is Tanya okay with you spending time with me with our previous..." she just swung her hand back and forth between the two of us.

"She's fine with it Bee. You're my friend. And we're going to the movies. That's acceptable isn't it?"

Bella sighed, "Yeah, yeah it is."

* * *

**4 August 2010**

We meet up at our local AMC the next Wednesday evening to watch the film Bella had picked. Bella looked as gorgeous as ever in a pale blue summer dress and flat ballet pumps. Her hair was down and she looked care-free in the evening sun. I dressed in my favourite smart jeans and a white designer t shirt.

I'd told Tanya I was meeting Bella to watch a movie and on hearing Bella's movie choice, she turned her nose up, not making any effort to guise her distaste. Not that I was bothered what we watched. I just loved spending time with her. I felt like all we'd talked about was the heavy stuff so far. Now with that out of the way, we could enjoy our time together. This was my mission.

Around half way through the movie, Bella tugged on my t shirt, whispering in my ear, "You want out?" I chuckled quietly, nodded as Bella took my hand and practically dragging me out of the dark room.

Once out in the box office near the snack bar, Bella let out a rather unlady-like laugh, throwing her head back and snorting. "Well that was bad, oh so very bad … apart from the vampire guy that is."

"Bee, you can't base a man's actor ability on the fact he's easy on the eye."

"Easy on the eye? Oh God Edward! What century are you from?" she was chuckling again. "Silly Edward." Those words made me feel all warm and happy on the inside. Remind me on good times.

Bella gave me her shy smile before realising our hands were still joined. She dropped mine quickly, almost guiltily. Without thinking, I threw my arm around her shoulder and pulled her to my side as we started to walk towards the exit.

"As the movie was … well shit." I looked down at Bella to see her roll her eyes at me. "I think you should buy me a drink. Compensation."

Bella hooked her arm around my waist, "I suppose so. First round on me then?"

I mock gasped, "First round? Thought it was a school night?"

"It is." Bella chuckled. "I'm gonna stick with Coke."

"Me too."

We sat in the bar until late talking about the movie, our work, even our family life. I didn't mention Tanya much and Bella rarely talked about Jake so the conversation flowed easy. By 10pm, we made the decision to call it a night. I drove Bella home. It's the first time I'd seen her apartment. I walked her to her door, giving her a small kiss on the cheek.

"I had a great night Bee."

"Me too. Sorry about my shitty choice of movie. You can choose next time, okay?"

"Yeah. So … you want to meet this weekend? Or have you had enough of me for one week?" I smirked. She lightly slapped my shoulder.

"Silly Edward. I will never get sick of you."

"Oh is that a challenge?" I leaned against her door frame.

She leaned close to me, "Just try me."

We stayed close as the atmosphere in the apartment landing changed; I could physically feel the electricity cracking in the air. Her eyes were bright, her lips full and I wanted nothing more than to kiss her. _Tanya. _I froze and frowned.

I was snapped out of the haze by banging in her apartment. My frown deepened at the noise.

Bella turned to look into her apartment "Oh bloody hell Jake!" Turning back, she continued, "I have to go Edward. Saturday? Normal time and place? We can decide what we want to do once we've met?"

I reached up, not bothering that Bella's boyfriend was just feet away from us, tucking a lock of hair behind her ear before gently cupping her cheek, "Sounds perfect."

Bella blushed, "Edward? I …" More banging, louder now cut Bella's words short.

"Argh. Sorry Edward. I really need to go."

I sighed. _That douche is spoiling things. _"Night Bee. Sweet dreams."

"Night Edward."

She softly closed the door before I made my way home.

* * *

Firstly, sorry sorry sorry for being a week late with this chapter, hope it was worth the wait. Those of you who follow me on Twitter will know I had a visitor last weekend. My very good friend and beta, SweetLovinCullen :) Too much drinking and not enough writing! Love you bb, thanks for all your support on this story. Just wanted to give a big *mwah* to Saz, Fennie & CC who have been reading my story from day 1 - love you girls!

I'm gonna try my hardest to get a chapter written and posted before I go on holiday on the 13th. I will try but don't want to promise.

As always, let me know what you think x


	12. Just Friends  Really

**Disclaimer : SM owns Edward & Twilight, not me (sadly!)**

* * *

**14****th**** August 2010**

"Mom? You okay?"

I looked across to my mom's knee bouncing in front of her. We were sat on my and Bella's bench waiting for her to arrive. Bella had been nonstop texting me all week. She was nervous and excited all at once. I think Mom felt the same.

"I'm okay honey. I just hope she's okay."

"She's fine Mom." _Real fine_ my brain added. I rolled my eyes at my own silly joke. To be fine though, it was no joke. Bella was fine but she was with Jake and there was Tanya. I'd hardly seen Tanya since she'd decided to take the job offer in New York. She flew out a couple of days ago to finalise some details and wouldn't be back for another few days.

I checked my watch to see Bella was late. She was never late. Grabbing my cell out of my shorts pocket, I dialled her number.

"Won't be two minutes Mom" I pointed to the cell as I walked toward the swings. She nodded.

After a six long rings, Bella answered.

"Bee? Are you okay? I'm worrying about you."

"I'm okay." she said with a sniffle. She sounded upset. _Jake. That bastard!_

"Bee? What wrong? Where are you? Did he … did he hurt you?"

"Who hurt me?" Confused laced her voice.

"Jake." I spat between my teeth.

"Jake? Silly Edward. Jake would never hurt me. No you've got it wrong. I need to see you before I meet your mom again. I need to calm down. You by the swings?"

It was my turn to be confused.

"Eh, yeah? How you ..."

I looked past the swings to see Bella's head pop around a large tree. I smiled as I made my way over, clicking my cell off as I did.

"Bee. How long have you been here?" As I got closer to her, I could see her red rimmed eyes as the tears started again, making lines down her cheeks.

"Hey Bee, don't cry."

I folded her into my arm as she snuggled into my chest; she gripped onto my t-shirt with both hands. She sniffed before she whispered.

"I've been here longer than you. I sat here to gauge my reaction and as soon as I saw Esme, I broke down. Edward, she's the closest thing I have to a parent. I've not seen her for such a long time and I'm scared I'll disappoint her."

"Disappoint her?"

Bella struggled against my chest. I squeezed her tightly.

"Bee. You can never disappoint. She's nervous about seeing you too. She still sees you as her fourth child. She's told me that herself. Come on."

Pulling on her shoulders slightly, she took a small step away, enough to look at me. Giving her a small smile, my thumbs skimmed under each of her eyes to wipe away the moisture.

"I'm glad I brought tissues." I chuckled. "I think you're both gonna need them." She smiled, leaning in to kiss my cheek. It left a tingle.

"Thank you Edward."

Grabbing her hand, I led her towards my mom. As soon as we were in sight Mom rose from the bench and practically sprinted towards us, pulling her arms around us both in a group hug. And then the tears started.

I slipped out of their grasp as they clung to each other, sobbing. Happy sobs. After five minutes, they both calmed down enough to release each other and walk hand in hand over to the bench where I'd been watching both of them. I was proud of myself for keeping it together myself. They were both beaming from ear to ear, all red eyed when they sat down either side of me, both their hands still entwined resting on my lap.

"Oh Bella, honey. Look at you! You're positively gorgeous. Edward said you were still that beautiful girl but he didn't do you justice."

Bella's eye caught mine for a second before she looked at Mom.

"Esme, look at me. I'm a mess." she shook her head, "But thank you."

Mom took a deep breath before continuing, "I'm so sorry honey. About your dad. I know he was your world. Oh honey, why didn't you come and tell us he was ill. Carlisle could have helped, we all would have."

"I'm sorry Esme. I... I just wasn't sure of the reaction I would have got. It's pretty selfish of me I suppose but I had enough to deal with. I wasn't ready to have anything else on top of that. I knew contacting you all would be emotional and I wasn't in the right place to deal with that at that point in my life. I'm sorry."

"Hush, none of that. I'm just glad you came back home, where you belong. Here." I could feel Mom looking at me but I couldn't take my eyes off the woman to my left. So honest, so true, so home, _s__o right?_

Mom and Bella continued to talk about everything they could think of. Dad, Alice and Jasper. Emmett, Rosalie and Benjamin. Me.

"I'm so proud of my baby boy!"

"Mom! Stop!" I whined.

"Edward" Bella laughed. "Let your mom be proud of you. I'm proud of you too. Saving lives each and every day." She smiled at me softly.

I laughed. "You make it sound like I work on Grey's Anatomy or something. Being all noble."

"No Edward" Bella replied. "You're twice the person than any character on there. Plus I've heard you're a great doctor." she winked. I smiled back.

"Oh it's so good to see you two back together again." Mom sighed. _Together? That sounds good. Wait, what am I thinking?_

"So Bella. Please come for dinner tomorrow. Carlisle really wanted to see you, he wanted to come here today with us but he said he didn't want to overwhelm you."

Bella turned to me. "Would that be okay Edward?"

"Of course it would. I'd love you to be there." And I meant every word. "Shorty will be there too." I knew that would seal the deal. Bella had been wanting to see Alice for weeks now but she was called away with work arriving back later this night.

"Okay. Yes. I'd like that. Thank you Esme."

"I'll pick you up from yours? At about eleven?"

"Yes. That would be great. Thanks Edward."

I smiled. I had a feeling tomorrow would be a great day. And so it was.

* * *

**15****th**** August 2010**

I picked up Bella at her place at eleven as we had agreed. She looked perfect in a long green halter-neck dress with matching sandals. Her long hair was down again in those soft looking curls. I just watched to touch them to see if they were soft but that type of behaviour would be inappropriate. There was no sign of Jake which brightened by day significantly. The drive over to my parents was mostly comfortable silence but the closer we got, the most nervous I could see Bella become. She continued to twist and pull her fingers in her lap.

"You okay Bee?" I asked as we pulled up.

She swallowed before giving me a small nod. Sighing, I took her hand and pulled it to my chest.

"Bee. Please. You'll be fine. You know almost everyone. No one's changed much, well apart from Emmett. Yeah being a daddy suits him."

"Will Benjamin be here today?" she asked in a timid voice. "I understand if he's not. Emmett's girlfriend, Rosalie?" I nodded so she continued. "I'd understand if she didn't want me to meet him. After all, I'm a stranger ..."

"Woah! Stop right there Missy!" I pointed at her nose. "You are no stranger in this house. Just a relative who's been away for a while."

I pulled her hair softly over her shoulder, out of her face as I lifted her chin gently with my finger. "You belong in this house Bella. Don't ever forget that."

Bella gasped as I'd realised my mistake. I'd called her Bella. _I only ever c__alled her Bella when …_ I had to shake my head a little to clear it.

"Come on then." I said, ignoring the big white elephant now in the car, "They'll be wondering where we are."

We walked in the house to everyone staring at us. And I mean everyone including Benjamin which was really cute. Mom was the first one to envelope Bella in a hug before she'd hardly stepped inside the house. Dad was soon to follow, squeezing so tight, I'm surprised she didn't pass out. The next person surprised the shit out of me. Emmett. He jumped to his feet, marched over to Bella who had just been released my dad to give her a giant bear hug. A bear hug that meant Bella was lifted her feet and swung in a circle. She giggled and it was the best sound I'd hear in this house since Benjamin had been born.

I chuckled. "Bee. You remember Emmett right? Good God man, put her down!"

He then proceeded to give her a rather loud and over dramatic kiss to the cheek. "I've missed you Bella."

Bella's answer was quiet, "I've missed you too Em, all of you."

I followed Bella's gaze where it ended at Alice. She was stood with Jasper, his arms around her, supporting her as tears slowly ran down her cheeks. A small smile in place.

Suddenly, Alice broke away as did Bella, meeting in the middle of my parent's living room. Both of them, staring at each other, the room was silent.

Alice cupped Bella's face. "Don't you ever scare the shit out of me like that again!" Bella started shaking her head as Alice cradled Bella's head to her shoulder. "I'm sorry Shorty. I'm so sorry."

"Ssh Bella. You're home now. Ssh. I'm happy to have my baby sister back. And I'm sorry... for the park outburst. I shouldn't have…"

I managed to tear my gaze away long enough to see my mom look so happy she looked as if she was about to burst.

"Come on Shorty, stop hogging Bee and introduce her to your husband."

They untangled themselves from each other but still held hands as Alice introduced Jasper to Bella.

"Hi Bella. Great to finally meet you. I was started to think Edward didn't want to share." That comment made me blush a little 'cause it was sort of true. I didn't want to share her but now seeing her here, with my family… her family, I felt kind of selfish.

Emmett piped up then. "My turn for introductions. This is my gorgeous girl, Rosalie." Bella and Rose smiled at each other. "And this ..."

I couldn't help it. I quickly waltzed over to Benjamin where he held his arms out to me to pick him up.

"Eeeeeeeeeeeeee" he squealed.

"And this handsome guy is my nephew, Benjamin. Say hiya to Bee Benjamin."

He waved his arms in the air in a frenzy squealing, "Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeee."

"Awwww he loves his Aunty Bee already look."

"Edward" Bella warned nodding towards a pissed off looking Emmett.

"Sorry Bro." I smirked.

"Mmmmm give back my son. If you want a kid, go make one."

That wiped the smirk right off my face. I glanced at Bella who did the same to me. Our eyes locked for a few precious seconds before we both looked at our feet.

Once the introductions were finished, the conversation while we were waiting on dinner flowed easy. No one seemed uncomfortable having Bella here. It was the most comfortable I'd seen everyone in a long time. Probably since she was last in this house.

Dinner itself was magnificent. Mom had outdone herself with the spread she put in front of us, Pot Roast with garlic mashed potatoes, every vegetable you could imagine and gravy, lots and lots of gravy. It was delicious. And for dessert, my mom's Pumpkin Pie with cream.

After we all had way too much to eat and drink; the wine had been flowing well, we all managed to make it to the living room to talk once again. Mom and dad retold stories I'd long forgotten of Alice, me, Bella and Emmett from our childhood together. Jasper and Rosalie listened with keen interest to an insight of what Alice and Emmett were like as kids.

"Oh and Edward's tenth birthday party" my mom started, "What an interesting day that was!"

I frowned trying to remember if anything 'interesting' had happened. As far as my memory served me, it was a great birthday; _pool party if I remember right but interesting …_

"We brought Edward a pool and slide so he could have a pool party. Alice was with Kate and Emmett had Garrett …. I wonder what happened to him … and of course Edward had Bella."

I stole a glance in Bella's direction; her tell-tale blush has started. I smiled.

"Oh these two where joined at the hip all day. Poor Bella was dragged around all over the house and back yard. That's until she had to go in the pool."

My mom gave Bella a smirk as Bella hid her now red face from view with her hands. "Esme! … This is so embarrassing."

"Bless you. A ten year old girl with a pool full of boys. She was so embarrassed about taking for t-shirt off in front of them all, she ran into the house in such a state."

Alice chirped in then, "That's the day me and Bella become proper friends. Girls versus boys and all that." She was smiling from ear to ear, looking over at Bella who had emerged from her hands, still red but with a small smile on her face.

"Girls rule, boys drool!" They shouted together sharing the living crap out of me.

"What are you two going on about?" I had to ask, I was so confused.

It surprised me that it was Bella who offered the explanation.

"Edward. Being your best friend growing up was the best but sometimes, I need to talk to a girl… you know… about girl's stuff…" She arched her brow at me.

Then the penny dropped. "Oh… OH. Girl's stuff… right." I was my turn to be embarrassed and turn a shade of pink. _I'm a doctor __for Christ sake. This shouldn't embarrass me! _But it's Bella. And now so many small things in my childhood made sense. Whispered conversations between her and Alice… girl's stuff. I get it now.

"Not to mention the things she used to tell me about you Edward."

"Shorty!"

"Sorry Bella." Alice giggled. "Not ready to share that yet?"

"Hell no! Never!"

"We'll see."

And I was back to being confused again.

* * *

**A month later …**

**10****th**** September 2010.**

The last month had just flown by. I was in contact with Bella each day now and we were fast becoming best friends again. Each morning after I woke, I'd text Bella to see if she was okay. We'd speak on the phone at least twice a week and we were still meeting up once or twice a week too.

Sometimes my work got in the way. If I was on night shifts for the week, I wouldn't be able to see Bella during the week but if we couldn't see each other, we would call.

As my friendship with Bella grew, my relationship with Tanya was falling apart. It all started after Tanya got back from her trip from New York on August 18th.

"_Wait? Say that again? You've going to New York again in a week? I thought you were going permanently in September? Why do you need to go again so soon after the first one?"_

_Tanya sighed. "Edward. I have lots of__ things to sort out. My new job is very demanding you know."_

"_New job? You've __not started yet! How demanding can it be__?__!"_

"_Edward, stop yelling at me. I'm going back out to look at a place for us. I saw it the last time I was there and they've emailed me __to see if I'm still interested. I need to go to let them know I am."_

_I snorted. "Yeah? Can't you just email them back or call the__m? Why you have to go again? So __soon?"_

"_Edward! Stop being so difficult. I'm going. That's final. Anyway, have you filed for __your transfer yet? You need to do that now if you're wanting to be in New York by the end of the year. I want you in New York for Christmas. Won't it be magical?"_

_I still hadn't done anything about a transfer and in fairness, I still wasn't sure if I want__ed to. I was enjoy__ing spending time with my family.__.. with Bee._

"_We'll see."_

"_We'll see? What kind of answer is that! For God's sake Edward. Get it together!" She stormed out of the house at that point which was good because I was ready to explode._

Tanya went back to New York a week later. She confirmed to me by email that she had secured 'our' place even though I'd had nothing to do with it and had only seen a couple of photos. A modern, cold looking sterile apartment; nothing like I'd imagined. We didn't talk much while she was there for another week. The more I thought about her and this life she had planned for New York, the more I couldn't see me being part of that. It just wasn't me.

When she returned on September 7th and after not really talking to me properly for three days since she returned, she hit me with some news.

"I've got it! My official start date! This Monday! September 13th. I've booked our flights for this weekend and your return ticket for the Wednesday ..."

"What? Our flights?" _13__th__? Bee's birthday?No!_

"Yes, our flights. We're flying out that weekend before my start on Monday. I want you there as morale support."

"Morale support? What the fuck Tanya? You've done it again! Making bloody decisions on my behalf. Why do you do this? Why?"

"Well, it's never bothered you before. Why the sudden mood change."

"Because I'm sick of this! Sick of being pushed about!"

"If you didn't get pushed, you'd never do anything! You're such a ..."

"What? What am I Tanya? Hmm!"

"Nothing."

"Oh no! You can't say that and just leave it! Come on, say it! Out loud."

"Okay, but remember you wanted this. You're a scared momma's boy, that's what you are. It's pathetic! You need to snap out of it Edward! Be a real man for once in your sodding life. Make a decision, take that leap you're so scared to take without having your hand held. I bet you still hadn't sorted out your transfer, have you?"

She looked me straight in the eye. I couldn't move. I couldn't speak. I was so mad, angry bubbling beneath the surface of my skin, waiting, wanting to escape.

"Thought as much."

She trotted over to the couch, sitting on the edge with her back to me and started to file her nails.

Taking deep breaths, I tried to control my temper before I spoke again. It didn't work as my next words came though my still gritted teeth.

"I'm going out."

"You are going to see that Bella I bet." She turned on the couch to face me. "I don't like how much time you're spending with her Edward."

I decided to laugh because if I didn't, I may have done something later I'd regretted.

"You don't like it? Well tough baby, Bee is my best friend."

"Yeah, she better be only that."

"What are you trying to say now?" I was gritted my teeth again.

She narrowed her eyes and studied me for a second before continuing.

"If I found out that your friendship was anything but just that, you'd be sorry."

I exploded. I couldn't keep it in any more.

"Fuck off Tanya! What the fuck did you know about friendship anyway? And keep Bee out of this. This," I said pointing between the two of us, "is nothing to do with her."

"It is when you prefer to spend time with her instead of me!" she shrieked. "God you really are pathetic Edward. Couldn't get the girl ten years ago so you play the best friend role now. Sad really. And she has all your family running around in circles for her. Yeah I know she's been spending time with your family at weekends. If she wasn't such a bitch, I'd feel sorry for her too."

I was losing it. I held my fists in balls at my sides as they started to shake. I knew I needed to get out of the house. Now!

"What did you just call her?"

"Bitch. B.I.T.C.H. Why?"

"I only know one bitch and I'm looking straight at her. What the fuck was I thinking?" I laughed darkly. "I'm going out and I want you out of this house by the time I get back, you understand?"

Tanya flipped her blonde hair over her shoulder as she turned again to face away from me, continuing to file her nails.

"Whatever Edward."

"I mean it Tanya." And with that, I stormed out. I marched to the car and got in, gripped the steering wheel so tight, my knuckles were white. Quickly deciding that driving wasn't the best idea, I got out, locked it and strode away down the street. I was two block away when I pulled my cell and dialled her number.

"Bella? You in? I need to see you."

"Yeah, I'm in. Are you okay, Edward?"

"Can I come round now?"

"Yeah that's fine. How long will you be?"

I flagged a cab and climbed in.

"About ten minutes. See you then." I ended the call. I knew I was being rude just barging over but I needed to speak to her. I needed to see her. Her presence alone would calm me down.

Ten minutes later, I was pulling up in front of her apartment and throwing the cab money at the driver. The ride over has done nothing for my temper. Climbing the stairs to her door, I could hear familiar voices.

"Bella. I'm not sure. I think I should stay."

"No Jake. Go. Now."

I rounded the corner to see Jake stood at the door towering over Bella.

"If the lady says go, go jerk." I was in a foul mood and I wasn't going to put up with Bella's boyfriend today.

"Hey man, what crawled up your ass?"

"Don't even go there Jake. I'm not in the mood." I reached the door as Bella looked at me with worried looks. "Hey Bee."

"Hey Edward. Come inside. Jake was just leaving."

"I really think..."

"Jake! Go!"

"Bella, I won't be far, if you need me, call. Okay?"

"Yeah, now go!"

I gave him a 'Fuck Off' face as I passed him to go inside Bella's apartment and smiled as Bella all but closed the door on his face. _Dick._

"What the fuck is his problem?"

"He's just over protective of me that's all."

"Yeah if I was in his position, I would be too." I chuckled.

Bella told a deep breath. "Edward. Jake's not my boyfriend."

"Huh? Yeah he is. You told me."

"No you assumed. I just never corrected. Jake convinced me it was probably for the best that you thought that anyway..."

My angry had feigned and had been replaced with yet more confusion.

"I... I don't understand."

"It doesn't matter. Edward, what's wrong? I could literally see steam coming out of your ears like some cartoon character. What's happened?"

"Tanya." I simply stated. Bella knew we'd been arguing more and more.

"Another argument?"

I nodded feeling the anger raise again.

"What's she said this time?"

"She's .. she's … Argh! She's a manipulative bitch that I can't believe I let her walk all over me for the past two years. ARGH! What was I thinking?"

I slumped to her couch, placing my head in my hands. I felt Bella come and sit next to me.

"It's over Bee." I whispered.

"You don't mean that Edward. When you calm down, you'll realise..."

"Realise? That's what I'm doing right now. Realising in disbelief that I wanted to… oh God, spending the rest of my life with her? What an idiot!" I hit my head with my hand once for good measure.

"Edward! Stop! Don't hurt yourself."

"Why? Why not Bee? I've been such a moron! A stupid" _**hit**_"stupid" _**hit**_ "moron."

"Stop Edward. Please."

I placed my head back in my hands, on my knees.

We sat there in silence for a couple of minutes; just our breathing in the small room when the atmosphere changed. The similar hum of electricity began as I peeked at Bella who was staring intently at me, biting her lip.

I raised my head as I slowly reached up to gently release her bottom lip from her teeth. My fingers felt like they were burning as I touched her lips. I had a sudden moment of clarity.

"Bee. Why did you let me think Jake was your boyfriend if… if he's not?"

"Um… because… because..."

The electricity continued to build. I could feel myself edging closer to her without having to think. Bella broke the silence with words that will be forever etched on my memory.

"I can't take it anymore!" she screamed. "I… I…" She took hold of my shoulders and met my gaze.

"Edward. I want you."

* * *

***Runs and hides* lol. I love cliffies ... don't you? ;) **

**As always, a massive thanks to my bb & beta, SweetLovinCullen for her ninja .. I mean beta skills on this one :D If you haven't already been reading her fic, A Desperate Housewife's Escape, go check it out! A link to her profile in on mine :)**

**I'm helping out a friend start her first story, TwiFicGirl. Her story, Learning to Love Again has just had chapter 1 posted - please check it out! www . fanfiction . net/s/6893994/1/Learning_To_Love_Again **

**I'm off on holiday now so I'm not sure when I'll next update. Watch this space as it'll be worth it ;)  
**


	13. Home

**Disclaimer : SM owns Edward & Twilight, not me (sadly!)**

* * *

**10****th**** September 2010.**

_Bella broke the silence with words that will be forever etched on my memory._

_"I can't take it anymore!" she screamed. "I… I…" She took hold of my shoulders and met my gaze._

"Edward. I want you."

"What?" I whispered. I couldn't even beginning to wrap my head around those four small words. Those words I'd felt like I'd been waiting a lifetime to hear… again.

Bella's confident pose started to fall apart. I could literally see the doubt and panic creep in as she looked at me with wide eyes. She dropped her hands and gazed at her lap as she started to chew on her lower lip again.

"I'm sorry... I shouldn't have... forget it."

I sat there staring at her, her words going round and round in my mind. _Edward, I w__ant you. Edward, I want you. Edward, I want you._

"Bee?" She didn't respond. "Bee, look at me." Still nothing.

"Please look at me. I need you to look at me Bella." I needed confirmation that this wasn't just some fantastic dream; that it was real. And I knew that one look into her eyes after calling her by her real name would give me that.

She kept her head down but lifted her eyes to look up at me through her eyelashes. She was the most breathing taking person I'd ever laid eyes on. And her eyes, so open, so honest, so full of conflicting emotions, so... terrified. I'm sure my eyes reflected the same message; terrified. Terrified of losing her again. I couldn't live through her not being part of my life. _Not again, no. I can't. I love her._

Realisation hit me. _I love her. I still love Bee. _All those side glances, honest touches, awkward moments since she'd crashed back into my life just three short months ago; they were all telling me that Bee… that Bella was the one. _After all these years of longing, it was plain to see, she was right in front of me._

My body was catching up with her words, their meaning. I felt myself starting to slowly lean towards her as I'd done so many times over the past months but this time, I didn't stop. As she saw my intentions, her eyes widen slightly but she didn't move. My fingers found her chin which I gasped lightly to tip her face up to fully look at me straight on. Her name left my lips again in just a whisper before they hovered over hers for a few seconds. She still hadn't moved; her eyes fluttered closed as I heard the faint sound of her breath hitch.

And then, it happened. Closing my eyes, I leaned in to close the gap so my lips connected with hers. A soft, light as a feather kiss on her lips which lingered but not for too long. I pulled back just a fraction to make sure she was okay before kissing her again for a little long and it was a little firmer and this time, I could feel Bella kissing me back. Again I pulled back as a small smile played on my lips. I leaned in again quickly realising that the distance had been reduced; Bella was leaning towards me at the same time. Bella started to shift on the couch to her knees as I felt her hands that were resting in her own lap, move on to my shoulders before sliding their way around my neck and into the short hair at the back of my head. My hands moved on their own accord after I moved to a more comfortable position, to rest on Bella's hips. Our lips connected again with more force. Our lips started to move in sync with one another's and this time I didn't pull back and neither did she. Instead, my grip on her hips tightened as she parted her lips and glided her tongue along my bottom lip. A low groan came from the back of my throat as I opened my mouth to give her the access she desired. _I'd give her anything she wanted._ As our mouths parted and our tongues touched for the first time in over ten years, I felt desire course through me as my groin tightened. Our kisses deepened and our breathing became loud in her small living room. We broke away from each other in order to breath. Her eyes looked hooded and full of emotion as I lunged forward to kiss her, knocking her off balance. My hands instantly cradled the back of her head as she lay down on the couch, my body covering her.

We continued our battle with each other's lips and tongues. The swell in my pants matched the swell in my chest as it tightened. I'd never felt like this with a woman, ever. She completely consumed me and I welcomed it. Just to feel; it felt so right. I felt Bella's hands started to glide over my shoulders and down my chest eventually resting where I was pressing against her. Her fingers skimmed the bottom of my hoodie before tugging at it. I sat up, only wanting to break our connection for a few seconds to help her remove it. Once over my head, she grabbed the bottom of my shirt and pulled that off too. Her fingers and eyes traced my now bare chest and stomach as I sat back on my heels between her parted ankles. I saw her bottom lip tuck into her teeth as she looked up at me. She reached up and stripped off her own top leaving her sat in a pale blue bra and small grey shorts.

Tentatively, I pushed my head down to her shoulder, placing wet open mouth kisses there. Bella moaned softly, dropping her head back exposing her throat to me. Wasting no time, I trailed those kisses to the column of her throat towards her ear, gently sucking at the soft skin there. Bella gasped as her hands found her way into my hair again tugging and pulling to the point of pain. But this pain was different. This pain made my eyes roll in the back of my head as I pulled against her to lay down beneath me again, kissing her with more passion than I'd ever felt. Needing to feel her under me.

My hands squeezing her hips before I placed my right one by the side of her head to try and not crush her, sliding the other slowly up to her waist then onto her rib cage before coming to rest at the sides of her breast. I lifted my frame from her just enough for my hand to fit between us, guiding it over the swell of her breast before squeezing over the fabric of her bra. She gasped and moaned, her back strained against my chest as her back arched off the couch slightly. Encouraged by her sounds, I continued to squeeze and knead as I felt her nipple harden under my touch. Grasping the material between my thumb and forefinger, I tucked slightly and was yet again met with the now, my favourite sound in the world, Bella's moan.

"Bella, baby ... I need to touch you... so bad .." I saw Bella nod before I scrambled to my knees and yanked the material barrier of her bra to the side, exposing her breast to me for the first time. I dipped my head quickly to take her nipple in my mouth.

"Edward!" Bella cried out as I lightly bit down, her hands gripping my hair again. My name spilling from her lips with force urged me forward. I used my other hand to expose her other breast, pinching and rolling her nipple between my fingers.

"Edward." she said again, practically purring between me. Slipping my hands behind her feeling her smooth skin, I exposed of her bra before attacking any part of her I could get my lips on. Her hands left my hair skimming down toward my pants. She lightly stroked my dick through the denim as I groaned into her skin. Following her lead, my own hand slipping lower to her hip, skimming down her thigh to wrap around her knee. I dug my face into her shoulder, our chests flush as I pulled her knee up sharply and wrapping her leg to hitch around my hip, the new angle gave me access to where I needed to be. My hand slipped back down her thigh between us, brushing against her own hand. Gently tracing a line from her hip down to her centre, I could feel the heat as I cupped her. She moaned again, her touch on me getting firmer with each stroke.

I pulled back my head to look at her. She was beautiful, her cheeks flushed with desire as her eyes told the same story. In a flash, we were kissing again as my centre finger began to circle firmly against her covered clit. Bella's hands were a frenzy of movements as she struggled to move them to my sides and start to slide my pants and boxers down my legs. Realising her intentions, I fumbled to hook my fingers into her shorts and panties to do the same.

Seconds later, we were both naked, sprawled over her couch. I continued to assault her neck as her fingers dug into my shoulders, sending delicious tremors back my spine. My hardened dick was pressing into her hip and I knew with a small movement, I could be inside her. _Home. _The urge to take her was so strong; we needed to get to her bed, now.

"Bedroom." I rasped. She nodded as her lips found mine again. Scooping her up in my arms, I practically sprinted towards her bedroom. Kicking the door open and booting it closed again with my heel, we made it to the bed without incident. Laying her down on her bed, I stood for a moment to gaze down at her. She moved her arm to try and cover herself before I stopped her.

"Bella? Don't hide yourself from me … please? You're so beautiful."

She looked at me shyly before I knelt down at her feet. Grabbing her left one, I placed a kiss on her toes before moving, inch by inch from her foot to her ankle. Settling between her legs, I continued my path to her calf and her knee, to her thigh then to her hip. I resisted temptation being so close to the place I wanted to be so continued to her waist, skimming the outside of her breast to her collarbone to her neck and finishing at her lips. My urges still so strong but I wanted to feel her, memorise her skin, cherish her, love her. I wanted to make love to Bella.

My hands reached down to seek out her warmth as I felt my fingers guide along her slick folds. Bella arched her back effectively pressing her lower body into my waiting hand. I edged a finger towards her entrance, making small circles as I went. Slowly, I dipped a finger into her warmth. She was so warm and wet already. _Oh my God. Please G__od, __don't let me come before I'm even inside her. _I tried to control my breathing as I heard Bella's moans fill the room, her hips moving to meet my moving finger. My dick was so hard against her hip, I tried to find some friction. I added a second finger before Bella grabbed my junk in her small hand and squeezed. That was the final act; I was going to go mad if I didn't get inside this woman now.

"Bella. I want you." I repeated her words from early. Those four words that made me realise that I was in love with this beautiful creature and nothing was going to get in the way.

"Edward. I need you inside me, please?"

I moved to line the tip of my dick to her entrance before I paused. _Shit! I don't have anything with me. No condom. Shit, shit, shit! _As if Bella read my mind, she reached to her drawer and after a second of searching, she found one. I grabbed it, ripping the packet with my teeth and rolled in on my length before settling back down to nestle once again between her legs. I poised brushing my tip across her entrance a couple of times but before we took this step, I needed to let Bella know my feelings for her. I knew she cared for me too.

"Bella, I love you."

The words that she whispered back to me made my heart swell as it pound against my ribcage. "I love you too Edward. It's always been you."

I kissed her softly as my tip entered her. We both held our breath, forehead touching as I inched into her allowing time for us both to adjust. She was so tight around me, I needed a few seconds myself not to explode. _I need to calm the fuck down_. I wanted this to be special. Bella let out a long breath acknowledging she was ready. And so was I. My movement was slow at first. I continued to kiss Bella anywhere my lips could reach. Bella's eyes fluttered close as she bit her lip, groaning a little before I increased my pace. Soon, the small noises became louder as my thrusts became stronger. I pulled her legs up to wrap around my waist which alter the angle of my thrusts, going deeper than before. The pressure was quickly building in my groin as I gritted my teeth to take and stay in control.

"Bella… baby… I'm close..."

"Oh God Edward... me too… mmmmm, oh oh God …"

Not wanting to take any chances, I snaked my hand between us as I franticly rubbed circles on her throbbing nub.

"Ohhhhh … goooooodddddd ..." Bella moaned before digging her fingers in my hair.

"That's it baby … so goooood … yes"

My movements became jerky and uneven as I felt Bella's walls clamp down on my dick before I came, fast and hard. I felt light headed as I slowed my pace to a stop before collapsing on top of her, trying to keep most of my weight off her with shaking hands.

"I love you." Bella whispered, her voice out of breath in my ear as she pulled me down towards her. A smile on my lips broke out through the haze of dizziness and heavy breathing as I allowed myself to melt into her embrace, "I love you too, Bella." I held her close before pulling away slightly to pull out of her and dispose of the condom. We settled back on our sides, just looking at each other giving each other the reassurance with gentle touches, innocent kisses and whispered declarations of love.

We could have been there minutes or hours, I'm not sure before I heard a loud bang at her apartment front door. Bella frowned as she sat up on her elbow, her head turned towards her bedroom door.

"Who the ..."

Bella didn't need to finish the sentence. "Bella! I know you're there. Open this door!" Jake shouted through the wood.

Bella groaned as she flopped back down to the bed and pushed her face into my chest. "I'm not here!" she shouted though it was muffled. _What the fuck is he doing here?_ I tipped my finger under her chin so she would look at me trying to leave the anger out of my voice, "You want me to tell him to get lost?"

Bella gave a heavy sigh, "No. I better go show him I'm okay."

"Not fucking like that you're not!" I snarled and curled my arms around her form possessively. Bella chuckled into my chest again, raising her head to look at me again.

"I'll grab my clothes from the living room. Don't worry; he's not got a key. He can't just walk in." This small piece of information instantly calmed me. I felt better knowing he didn't have a key and didn't just come wandering into my girl's apartment.

"Two minutes Jake!" Bella huffed again then leaned down to give me a soft, lingering kiss before dashing out of her room to get dressed and get rid of Jake. I listened to Bella moving around before unlocking the door.

"Bella? You okay?"

"Yes Jake, I'm fine… well better than fine..."

"Bella? What have you done? Please tell me… no..."

I was on my feet within a second striding towards the door before I realised I was naked and all my clothes where in the living room. _Shit! _Before I could think, I heard Bella speaking again.

"Jake, don't. You know what Edward means to me. You know this! You've seen me, in tears because I couldn't have him and now... now I can."

She sounded so confident, so sure of what she wanted. I flopped back to the bed as her words swirled around my mind. Other words were being exchanged but I couldn't concentrate on them. _She's cried over me, over... another woman being with me. _I couldn't think her name; it made me feel sick to the stomach._ Why has she even been bothered to wait?_ I was pulled out of my musing by the door slamming shut and Bella appearing in the doorway. Frozen to the spot, I stared at her. She had put on my black hoodie that stopped on her mid thigh. My eyes roamed her long, slender legs.

After a few seconds of her eyes exploring my naked form, her smile slipped into a worried expression. "Edward? Edward, what's wrong?" Bella voice held a hint of panic as she crossed the room to sit next to me. I followed her movement with my eyes as she came eye to eye with me.

"I'm sorry..." my voice sounded hoarse to my own ears as I looked at her. She was my everything, I realised that now but I stopped with… because she was the easy option. I felt safe in that situation, one I'd been in for the last three years. _Oh my G__od … s__he was like my security blanket … I'm going to be sick._ My eyes frantically sought out her bathroom door in case I needed to bolt.

I looked back at Bella. Her eyes searched mine before she reached up and held my cheeks between her small hands. "Edward, talk to me… please, just talk to me." She leaned in to kiss me on the lips before pulling back, resting her forehead against mine, still holding my face.

I squeezed my eyes shut trying to find the words needed to apologise for being such an idiot for the past couple of months. I knew I'd been scared of stepping out into the unknown... and of losing Bella again. _She deserves so much better than a coward like me. M_y brain tried to formulate words but all I came up with was another 'Sorry' which just wasn't good enough for her.

"I don't deserve you." I whispered, realising quickly that I'd said that out loud instead of in my head.

"Oh Edward… you silly, silly Edward …" she sighed as she shook her head slightly against mine, the pads of her finger tips pressed into my cheeks.

I opened my eyes to see a rich, warm chocolate pair looking straight back at me, so close, so passionate. They say your eyes are the windows in your soul and looking into Bella's eyes at that moment, I knew why. Bella's soul was beautiful, honest and truthful.

"Edward …." her voice so quiet, so soft to my ears but so confident and strong, "You're everything to me… everything..." And I believed her because she was my everything too.

"I love you Bee. So much." My lips sought hers as we reunited in a chaste kiss that remained that way. I tucked my head into her chest as her arms circled my head and held me close. She moved her legs to drape over my side as I clutched her waist.

"I love you, Edward. More than you'll ever know." We laid in her bed all night, talking a little and kissing often until we both fell asleep in each other's arms. Comfortable, warm and together.

* * *

**The next day …. 11****th**** September 2010.**

I woke the next morning to feeling warm and fuzzy. I could see the sunlight streaming from the window behind my closed eye lids. Something in front of me moved slightly before I realised where I was. In Bella's bed with the woman I love. I smiled. I couldn't help it; I couldn't remember the last time I'd felt this happy. I knew we needed to talk properly about everything, about when I could tell everyone, no scratch that… anyone who would listen to me that Bella Marie Swan is mine. My smile grew even wider as I could see the scene pan out with my family; they'll be so happy for us. I knew they never really liked Tanya much... _Tanya… shit... Just her name made my skin crawl..._ _No… NO! She will not dampen the feeling I have that this moment. _I shook my head a little to clear it before smiling again, gathering Bella in my arms and pulling her back to be flush to my chest. I buried my face into her shoulder as I opened my eyes slowly. The sun flooded her small bedroom from the window at our right. The light was laid around Bella's sleeping form, bathing her skin in soft yellow tones. She had pulled off my hoodie in the night and now the sheet on her bed was not doing a great job of covering her up. My wide grin returned as I started to lay open mouth kisses to her shoulders.

Bella stirred in my arms. "Mmmmm morning."

"Morning sunshine." It seemed appropriate looking down at her at the time. She turned in my arms and snuggled to my chest. My arms automatically drew around her, holding her to me.

"Urgh morning breath. Edward let me go. I need to use the bathroom."

My grip only tightened, "Never. I'll never let you go. Never ever."

Bella's face tipped up to see mine and arched her brow. "Has anyone told you you're silly Edward?"

I laughed. "Yes I do remember someone calling me that from time to time." I brushed her nose with mine with my grin still in place.

"Come on Edward. I need to use the bathroom. Unless you want me to pee on you, I suggest you get me go."

"Okay... okay." I grumbled reluctantly letting her go and she dashed to the bathroom. I sat up in her bed and stretched her arms above my head.

A couple of minutes later, Bella emerged in a tank top and a pair of boy shorts.

"Oh no fair!" I pointed and pouted at the same time. Bella just giggled at me before wandering over close enough to me so I could pull her into my lap. She squealed as I pulled her down on the bed, quickly changing positions so she was on her back and I was hovering over her. I grabbed her wrists in one hand, laying them above her head.

"Now who's not being fair." she smirked at me then bit her lip. I just smirked back, lowering my head to place butterfly kisses over her face, moving to her neck, shoulder and collarbone.

"Edward... we need to talk. About us, this..."

"I know we do," I answered between kisses, "but not now. Later."

Bella moaned, "Okay. Later. But Edward, you have to let go on my hands. I need to touch you. I've gone too long without." I couldn't deny her request. It had been too long… way too long.

* * *

We eventually got up but as it was a Saturday and neither of us were working, we took our time. We talked a little and both agreed that, for now, we would keep our relationship under wraps. I didn't want people to think Bella was a rebound after Tanya. That would be so wrong.

After more kisses, some more innocent than others, I left Bella to get cleaned up while I went back to my house to do the same. I was in desperate need for a shower and fresh clothes. But we did agree to meet in the park later as we did each and every Saturday.

Unlocking the door, I walked into my living room to find Tanya sat on my couch on her cell, talking.

"Yes, yes. He's here now. Yes, I'll see you next week." She hung up and stared at me. "Where the hell have you been Edward? I've been worried."

_What. The. Fuck!_

I tried to keep my voice level, calmed and controlled, "Tanya? What… what are you doing here?"

She flicked her wrist in a dismissive way as she spoke, "What do you think? I'm getting sorted ready for next week's move. Remember, New York?"

I ground my teeth in frustration, "No... I meant here, in my house. I told you last night, we're through."

Tanya snorted, yeah snorted, "Edward. I've known you for three years now. I know a hissy fit when I see one. You done now? Good cause we need to talk about New..." I didn't let her finish.

"Oh my God! You never listen to me! Tanya! We. Are. Done. Is that plain enough for you? You want me to make it any clearer? You want me to throw you out? Will the message get through then?"

My words hung in the air as I tried to level out my breathing. I was furious, almost shaking from anger.

"You're breaking up with me?"

I throw my head and hands up in the air. "Hallelujah! She's got it! Give her a fucking prize!" When I didn't get an immediate snarky remark, I looked down at her. She was seething with anger. The vain on her forehead looked like it was going to pop under the pressure.

"No you can't," she stated eerily calm.

I laughed on the boarder of hysteria. "I think you'll find I can and I have. Tanya, go to New York. Have a long and happy life with some other poor scmuck 'cause this one has finally had his eyes opened to what you really are."

Again my words were met with silence for a minute or so. I was getting impatient.

"Where were you last night?"

The sudden change of questioning knocked me sideways. "What?"

"You heard me," Tanya rose from her seat and stepped towards me, "Where?"

"I .. at a friends.."

"Liar. You were with her, that Bella. I knew it! I bloody knew it!" she screamed at me. "How long Edward? How long has it been going on? Hmmm! A week, a month? Answer me!"

"Nothing's been going on..."

"Oh I can't believe you! Look at you! You're a mess and you practically smell of sex… how… how dare you do this to me!" she jammed her polished finger nail into my chest.

I confidently matched her steel glare with my own. "Tanya. Nothing's been going on but yes, last night after we broke up, Bella and I shared something that we never had."

Tanya snapped out of her hatred stare to march around the living room to pick up her purse. "Well I hope she enjoyed my sloppy seconds."

"Get the fuck out of my house now before I say something you will definitely regret hearing." My voice dripped with anger and resentment.

"Choose your words carefully Edward..." she said egging me on.

"You're such a cold hearted, bitter person, you know that Tanya? You may be beautiful on the outside but you're one ugly bitch on the inside. I just can't believe I let it go on this long. I'm just so glad Bee came back into my life and opened my eyes before it was too late." I looked at her hand; her engagement ring was still in place. _She can keep it; means nothing to me._

Tanya strode towards the door. She opened it before turning back to me, "You'll be sorry Edward Cullen." She threw me her most hateful look then marched out of the door, slamming it shut. And just like that, she was gone, out of my life, for good.

* * *

**Firstly apologies for taking such a long time to update this chapter - RL has been busy, busy, busy ... what with meeting Rob a few weeks back *sigh* He's the sweetest! Hope the wait with worth it - Ding Dong the witch is dead? lol. A huge thank you to my beta and bb, SweetLovinCullen. She's taken time out of her busy schedule of revision to beta this one for me - thank you bb, you're the best! *mwah***

**If you didn't already know, I've written a one shot for the Fandom Fights Tsunami Compilation called 'Window of Opportunity'. The compilcation is available now and donations will be taken up to 1st July - loads of fantastic stories from great authors on there! Visit www . fandomfightstsunami . blogspot . com for more information :)**

**I should be back to my 2 week updating schedule now so until then ... enjoy and as always, let me know what you think. I know I'm fail on review replies but I love to read each and every one :)**


	14. Truly Happy

**Disclaimer : SM owns Edward & Twilight, not me (sadly!)**

* * *

**11****th**** September 2010.**

_Tanya strode towards the door. She opened it before turning back to me, "You'll be sorry Edward Cullen." She threw me her most hateful look then marched out of the door, slamming it shut. And just like that, she was gone, out of my life, for good._

I breathed a sigh of relief as the house was finally peaceful at the same time as making a mental note to change the locks. "_You'll be sorry Edward Cullen.__" _Her parting words ringed in my head. But I knew Tanya and she was all mouth and no action. What's the worst she could do? Go running to Daddy and make it awkward for me at work? _Nah,__ screw that! If she did, I had D__ad to back me up. _I shook my head as it cleared of all thoughts of her and start living my life, with my Bee.

I arrived at the park thirty minutes before I had to. I needed to think. When I turned the corner, I could see our bench was already occupied by the most beautiful woman in the world. She was only wearing a blue tank top and jeans but she was the most alluring thing on the planet. Her head was turned away from me as she watched some kids in the sandbox making castles. Strong childhood memories of the past washed over me making me stop my path towards the bench. I stood there and for the first time in years, I actually smiled when thinking of being a kid, here at this park, in this sandbox because for once, I wasn't scared or negative about what myself and Bella shared. For once, I was happy at the time we spent together all those years ago and even though, fate had torn us apart, it also brought us back together. I continued my stroll in Bella's direction, my smile still in place. My whole body felt light and free for the first time in years instead of weighed down with sorrow or guilt. I was happy.

"Hey." I said softy when I reached my destination. Bella tore her eyes from the sandbox to look at me. Her mouth turned up in a smile but it didn't reach her eyes.

"Bee? What's a matter?" I reached to hold her hand as I sat close next to her. She sighed deeply before placing the side of her head on my shoulder, her glaze still towards the sandbox.

"Just thinking…" she trailed off.

"About?"

"About this place. How much I missed it when I was away..."

My arm snaked around her as I pulled her closer to my side. I leaned in to her ear, "I think the park missed you too. I know I did."

I could felt Bella smiling against my shoulder at my words before she moved to look directly at me.

"You okay Edward?"

"I'm more than okay." I mocked.

Bella smiled again and again the smile didn't quite reach her eyes. "Bee? Talk to me."

"I just didn't want you… I mean…" She sighed and looked back at the sandbox. "I just was worried that you would go home today and not come back ..."

I stared at her in disbelief with my mouth hung open. _Did she not know have I felt about her? Haven't I told her?_

"I know you've told me how you feel but that was when it was you and me in my apartment." She said as if she had read my thoughts. Her voice became very quiet as she turned to look at me again. "You haven't changed your mind since going back to reality have you about… well… us?" I heard the hesitation in her voice at the word 'us'. But there's nothing I wanted more and I needed to tell and show her how much I loved her.

I cupped her beautiful face within my hands as our eyes locked together. "Bee, you're everything to me. Everything. You always have been. Ever since we were kids together but I was too dumb to really realise and see what was right in front of my face… well, that's until you… you know..." I awkwardly nodded in the direction of her breasts. "Since you became the woman you are today. God! That day in Florida when you were lying on the beach in that pathetic attempt of a bikini..." I shook my head closing my eyes briefly thinking back to that guy chatting up my Bee. It pissed me off then and it still pisses me off.

I was pulled out of my thoughts by Bella's hands covering my own on her cheeks. I opened my eyes to see Bella biting her lip and looking at me through her lashes. "Yeah I remember. Alice helped me pick out that bikini. She said it should help you start looking at me the way I wanted." Again I was stunned by her admission. _Sh__e wanted me to look at her like…__ that?_

Bella giggled; the sound pulled at my heart strings as I tried to yet again shake the improper memories of an almost sixteen year old Bella in that bikini.

"Wait… you said Shorty knew? That you liked me?" Our hands slipped away from her face and rested between us. _They were tal__king about Bella's feeling towards me and trying to get me to look, really look at her the way I always had since we'd become __teenagers__ but was too scared to do anything about it. _My mind drifted back to that New Years Eve night when Alice told me it would all work out in the end. _How does that woman do it?_

I let out a large breath I didn't know I had been holding. "Well that makes sense now."

Bella looks confused which is a look I know well growing up with her and Alice. Girls and their secrets had always been a mystery to me. "What makes sense Edward?" Her brows dipped to form a cute crease between them. I smiled as I rubbed the tip of my finger over it to try and soften her expression.

"I was thinking of something Shorty said to me at our last New Year's Eve party together. The one when you attacked me in my room, remember?" I teased. Bella's cheeks instantly turned a pretty shade of pink. "I just helped you come to your senses, that's all."

I chuckled. "Yes… yes you did. But I'm completely off my original point..."

"Which was?" Bella arched her brow at me in question.

"Which was that… Bee, I have always cared for you as my best friend and that I have loved you from the first day when you were sat in that sandbox making castles and talking of becoming a ballerina when you grew up." I squeezed her hands in mine.

"What about your family? Will they be mad at me?"

"Mad? You're joking right? They'll be over the moon that I finally realised that the one I have always loved has come back to be with me." I murmured, lowering my nose to brush gently by hers. "Alice especially… and Mom. God, they'll be uncontrollable ..." I smiled as I thought of my big sister and Mom getting giddy that I finally saw the light.

"What about Tanya?" Her question caught me off guard.

"What about her?" My question sounded harder than I wanted it to.

"Well, don't you need to… I don't know… tell her... about... us?"

"Bee. There's no Tanya." I said firmly.

"But Edward..." I cut her short. "Bee, please. No more mentions of her." Our early conversation came bubbling to the surface again. _You'll be sorry Edward Cullen._ I needed to tell Bella about that conversation. I looked towards the sandbox to see a little boy playing with his bucket and spade.

"Plus she won't be back. Not after this morning."

I heard Bella gasp beside me as she started to pull her hands from mine. "No Bee. I didn't mean us, I meant..." I grasped her hands and I sighed. "When I returned home this morning, she was there… like nothing had happened." I chanced a sideways look at her to see her looking at her lap, chewing her lip. _She was nervous._

"So I told her to get out of my house and never come back. She's out of my life Bee. Not that she was ever really in it."

Bella spoke softly. "You were engaged Edward. How can you say she wasn't in your life." Bella closed her eyes and shook her head. "You were going to marry her for god's sake." Bella's voice held a hint of exasperation.

I sighed as my hands found Bella's face again, gently cupping it. "Bee. The sad truth is that I stayed with Tanya when I knew deep down inside that I shouldn't have. I didn't love her and it was unfair of me to keep the relationship going. I knew I didn't love her because I've only ever fell in love once. With my childhood sweetheart." I smiled softly as Bella's eyes meet mine for the first time since I started to talk. "And when she left, she took my heart with her..."

A lone tear ran down her cheek as my thumb lightly brushed it away. I lowered my head so my forehead rested against hers, our eyes still locked. "But when she returned, she brought it back with her… even if it has taken me a few months to realise." I chuckled to myself.

"Bee. You are that girl. My lifelong love." I leaned in as my lips brushed her gently. "My everything." Our lips pressed together in a sweet loving kiss before I pulled back slightly to see Bella coyly smiling. "My everything." I repeated before my lips pressed against her with more force than before. Her mouth was hesitant at first with slight brushes before I heard a little moan from her. That little noise spurred me on to open my mouth and quietly sucked at her bottom lip. Her mouth immediately opened to me as the tip of her tongue ran over my top lip. I groaned. My left hand dragged to hold the back of her neck as my right made its way to her waist. We both twisted to get more comfortable on the bench, her hands flying into my hair when my teeth bit lightly into her lip.

"Urg! Look, they're kissing!"

Our make out session ceased when a little boy's words reached both our ears. We pulled away from each other, staring. Bella looked flushed, her pink cheeks almost glowing, her mouth slightly open as her breathing came in short spurts. I'm sure I looked similar.

"Miss Bella?"

We both turned to see a young boy around five years old staring at Bella. She quickly straightened herself, turning her body away from me and towards the boy.

"Hey Matthew. You enjoying your weekend?" She said politely like the kid hadn't just seen us shamelessly making out moments earlier. But this kid wasn't being distracted.

"Is that your boyfriend Miss Bella?"

"Umm…" Bella struggled with her words so I helped out.

"Yes I am Matthew." He gaze held mine for a few seconds before crossing back to Bella. His eyebrows pulled together as he processed my words. He looked gutted. I casually wrapped my arm over the back of the bench where Bella sat to stake my claim. "I'm Edward. Pleased to meet you Matthew."

"Hi Edward." Matthew was still staring at Bella who didn't seem to know what to say next.

"So do you know Miss Bella from school?"

He nodded enthusiastically with a now bright glint in his eyes. "Yeah. Miss Bella is my favourite teacher. She's lovely."

I laughed. "Yes." I watched as Bella turned to face me, her back to Matthew with a smile on her face. "She is lovely." Bella's cheeks turned pink once again at my words.

"Where's your mom Matthew?" Bella asked as she turned back to face him.

"Over there. Oh, I need to go. Bye Miss Bella and Mr Edward." He ran off toward the other side of the playground to who I assumed was his mom, waving as he ran.

"Cute kid." I offered.

"Yeah, he's one of the good ones."

"I think he's got a crush on you." Bella rolled her eyes at me and slapped my shoulder playfully with her hand.

"Stop it you."

I laughed as she continued to slap me which only made me laugh harder. My eyes were watering by the time I finished.

Bella was sat next to me with her hands crossed across her chest and pouting. She looked adorable. "No wonder he has a crush. You're adorable with that pout."

Bella groaned knowing I wouldn't drop the subject. I was having too much fun teasing her. She put her head in her hands and shook her head slightly from side to side.

"Silly Edward..." she muttered into her hands and I grinned so much at her words, I'm unsure of how my face didn't crack.

I placed my hand around her shoulder and tugged her back to me. She sighed and leaned into my side, my fingers squeezed her shoulder. "Sorry Bee. I didn't mean to embarrass you."

"Yes you did. You're a meanie!"

I tried and failed to conceal with fit of giggles, my whole body shaking from laughing so much. Bella joined me this time.

"His face was a picture when I said I was your boyfriend. He looked hurt." Bella giggles quieten down as a mixture of hope, worry and anxiety crossed her features.

"You're my boyfriend then?"

I leaned in to her and lowered my voice. "If you want me to be?"

Bella voice was just a whisper too. "Yes." Our smiles matched each other's and could have lit the whole city. I was ecstatic.

* * *

Once the sun started to set, I knew our day was coming to a close. I was working a twelve hour shift on Sunday so I knew I needed to get home and rest or I'd be no good to anyone. I walked Bella back to her apartment door.

"So."

"So."

"I'll see you soon?"

Bella nodded with a small smile on her face as she looked down at our shoes. I placed a finger underneath her chin and lifted her head so her eyes would meet mine.

"Can I have an actual day?"

"Well..." Bella's sentence was cut short with loud footsteps stomped up the apartment stairs to my left. My eyes reluctantly left Bella's to see who was making such a dramatic noise. Jake rounded the corner of Bella's apartment hallway looking completely pissed off as he came marching in our direction.

"Shit." Bella said under her breath.

"Bella. I asked for one thing last night. One thing! And did you do it? Did you fuck!" Jake almost growled at Bella. I didn't like that shit one bit. I angled my body to be between him and Bella.

"Don't you dare talk to her like that. You have no right to..."

This time it was my turn to be interrupted. "No right to! You have no fucking idea Cullen what rights I have or not."

I squared my shoulders. I knew Bella had told me that Jake wasn't her boyfriend and that they were just friends and that he would never hurt her but I just didn't trust him. He was really pissing me off now but before I could tell him to go fuck himself, Bella walked around me to stand between us. She initially faced me with her back to Jake.

"Edward. It's okay. You want to wait for me inside? I'll be two minutes..."

_No fucking way was I leaving her with this dick head._

"I'm not leaving you alone… with him." I nodded my chin in Jake's general direction and Jake snorted.

"Why Cullen? You jealous?"

Bella's head whipped round to face him. "Jake. Stop this. Now." I've never heard Bella sound so pissed off and irritated. Her voice was deadly calm which was kind of scary coming from her.

"Aw Bella. I was just playing."

"Jake. Shut it." Bella turned back to me with a frown on her pretty face. "Edward. Please. Let me talk to him. Jake can be a dick but he's been my b… good friend for years now. Please. He won't hurt me..." Bella's head turned again before her next words, "Or try anything will you Jake?"

Jake was smiling widely now, all his pearly whites on display. "No promises."

Bella quickly smacked him on his shoulder with a loud slap sound. "You're not helping Jake!"

"Wasn't trying to help" he muttered with his smile still in place. I had to physically restrain my wrists to stay in place, my fists clenched in balls by my sides. I wanted to punch every one of his teeth out.

"Please Edward. Trust me." Bella pleaded with her eyes.

"I do trust you Bee. It's him I don't trust."

Bella's head dropped to look at her feet as she mumbled with a small smile on her beautiful face, "You will."

I snorted, took her nearest hand and squeezed it. "I trust you Bee. Don't be long though."

"'Kay." She looked up to me through her lashes and bit her lip. This time I had to physically restrain myself from throwing her over my shoulder and going all caveman on her. I gave Jake a last glare before retreating into Bella's apartment to wait for her.

* * *

Twenty minutes later, I was starting to worry. I was sat on Bella's couch thumbing through a book I found on one of her shelves and I could no longer hear the mumbling I had heard for the past fifteen minutes through Bella's closed front door.

I placed the book down on the floor and stood just as the door cracked open. The smile on my face soon faded as Jake stepped through the space.

"Where's Bee?" My voice held a hint of panic; I could hear it plain as day to my own ears.

"Chill Cullen. She's fine." He winked at me. _That is fucking it! I've had enough of his fucking mind games!_

I opened my mouth ready to tell him to stay the fuck away from us but Jake crossed the room to stand in front of me and piped up first with words that surprised the hell out of me. "I'm sorry man. Habit."

I opened and closed my mouth a few times, not quite knowing what I say next. My anger almost drained completely out of me as I gaped at him like he had grown another head. _Huh?_

Jake chuckled. "Edward, I'm not the bad guy you think you need to worry about. I'm just very protective of Bella. I've been the closest thing she's had to family for a while now. And before you ask, no, Bella and I have never..." He shuddered and shook his head. "She's like my baby sister." The disgust was clear on his face with no hint of a lie. "So when Bella doesn't call me to know she's safe when I asked her to, it… well it scared the shit out of me. She wasn't answering her cell. I panicked. I'm sorry I shown up shouting my ass off."

I was still in shock at Jake's confession. "I just got a couple of things you need to know before I let Bella back in here."

"O… kay."

"One, if you do anything and I mean anything to hurt her, I will not hesitant to kick the shit out of you… got it?" I nodded. "And two, it's Bella birthday on Monday as I'm sure you know. She has plans to hang out here with me 'cause she never really makes a fuss over her birthdays. If you were to show up here wanting to take her out and treat her good, I won't stand in your way." He winked again and I couldn't help the small smile that formed on my lips. _Maybe I underestimated this kid._

"7pm good?"

"Perfect. She… likes you Cullen so I'm trying to do the same..." He frowned, "but remember my first point. If you hurt her..."

"Jake, I would never hurt her." I said in a firm tone back to him. He gave a tight nod before his signature smile was back in full force. He opened the door wide to reveal a pissed off looking Bella.

"If you quite finished ruining my weekend Jake?" Her arms were crossed over her chest as she gave Jake a huff.

"How have I ruined your weekend Bella? It's Saturday night."

"Yes and Edward's working all tomorrow dickhead." _Woah, seeing Bella pissed off was hot!_

"Oops… sorry man, I didn't know. Working on a Sunday, that's sucks."

"Just one of the joys of being a doctor."

Jake nodded thoughtfully. I glanced at Bella who had turned bright red. She was fuming.

"JAKE! GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE!" She screamed. Jake laughed loudly before holding his hands out in a gesture of surrender. With one last firm look at me, he left.

Bella was shaking she was so mad. "Hey." I crossed the room to gently stroke my hands up and down the tops of her arms in a soothing motion. Her fists were balled up at her sides as she chewed on her bottom lip. I stepped around her so her back was facing my front as I continued my soothing. Her shoulders started to relax a little as I dipped my head to brush my lips against her exposed collarbone. The movement of my hands stopped in a light grip of her upper arms as I pulled her against me, my lips never disconnecting. Bella's neck leaned to the side to give me better access as I trailed small kisses up to her ear. "Bee, you're fucking hot when you're angry." I whispered in husky tones.

Bella's hands wandered from her side to dip her fingers in the waist band of my jeans. I groaned as I buried my head into the crook of her neck. Her fingers slid back and forth along my stomach making my dick take notice. We continued to be locked in this hold until Bella's fingers slid deeper in my pants, brushing the head of my dick. My eyes rolled in the back of my head as a growl erupted from my throat catching Bella off guard. Her fingers immediately stopped but she didn't remove them from their confines.

My next movements were so fast, I'm surprised myself. I turned Bella quickly before grabbing her waist and hoisting her over my shoulder as I started to march towards her bedroom. Bella squealed, "Put me down Edward!"

"Oh no no no. You can't just do that and not pay the consequences". I quickly opened the door, kicking it shut before letting go of a very squirming Bella. Her cheeks were flushed as she lay in the middle of her bed. She was breathing deeply, her eye lids heavy with lust. I launched myself at her, attacking her mouth with the passion and procession that I had bottled up all day. Clothes were quickly removed as we lay side by side on her bed, our lips and tongues battling for dominance. My hands framed her face as I kissed her deeply, not being able to get enough of the sweet taste of her.

My lips detached from her mouth as I trailed my tongue down to her ear. "Turn around Bee." I pulled back slightly to see her look confused by my request. My hand on her hip pushed a little so she lay on her back then pulled her back toward my chest. My erection dug into the small of her back as I moved slightly so she could feel the effect she had on me. "You feel that Bee? That's because of you baby." My hands gripped her hips as we both lay on our sides. Bella's head dropped to my shoulder together with a soft moan from her throat as I rotated my hips. I failed to suppress my own groan on hearing her. "I want to try something Bee. You trust me?" She nodded against my shoulder as I leaned over her to fumble in her bedside table drawer for a condom. Once in place, my hand slipped down her left thigh, around the back of her knee before coming to rest between her legs. Lifting her leg up and open, I curled my arm around it to secure her. In this position, she was open for me to move the tip of my dick to her entrance. Her breath hitched as I slipped into her warm, tight centre. I groaned again at the sensations coursing through me, the electricity between us was palpable. Bella moved both of her hands to circle my neck as she arched her back making me take her even more impossibly deeper. I moved slowly at first, savouring the feel of being inside her. My free arm had rested between the bed and her head and shoulders, my hand palming her breasts, teasing each of her nipples between my finger and thumb.

We were moving against one another, my strokes becoming harder and sharper from behind her. The only noise in the room was that of our mixed heavy breathing and slapping skin. One of Bella's hands moved from my neck and trailed between us, rubbing her clit in small circles and occasionally brushing her fingers to where we were joined. I was starting to feel light headed as the tightening in my groin started to unravel.

"Bella, baby... I'm so close."

"Oh Edward. Me… Oh God… oh oh oh .." Bella's voice turned into a scream of my name and this was enough to send me over the edge with her. I rode the rest of our orgasms out as I spilled into the condom, wishing we didn't need the damn thing. I knew Bella was on the pill but after Tanya, I wanted to get myself checked out. I wasn't going to hurt Bella in any way. My jerking stopped as I sagged heavily to the bed.

I realised I was still holding Bella's leg in a tight grip which I loosen immediately, rubbing the area. "Oh god Bella. Have I hurt you?"

"Well..." she rasped. "If that's what you call hurting…"

"I mean your leg?" I panicked.

She chuckled, turning her head as far as she could to look at me, "No silly Edward. I'm fine. Well, better than fine actually." She was grinning for ear to ear and it was infectious. I could stop the smile spreading across my face like wild fire. "I love you Bee." Bella kissed the tip of my nose, "And I love you Edward."

After a few minutes of cuddling, I quickly slipped out of her and ditched the condom before snuggling into her back again. She gripped her pillow to her head as my arms wound tightly around her waist. My fingers found hers beside the pillow and our fingers locked together as my cheek laid across her shoulder blades. I was so comfortable. I could have sworn we were made for each other, we fit perfectly together. _Together._ The word rang around my head as I smiled into her back. I was happy; truly happy.

* * *

**Hope this chapter was worth the wait, apologies for being a few days late. I had a very long weekend, I'm still on my Take That high! LOL. So Edward's turning into a bit of a Swoonward eh? Who knew!**

**As always, a huge THANK YOU goes to my very best bb SweetLovinCullen for beta'ing and being an all round great person *8 days to go - SQUEEEEEE***

**My next chapter will probably be posted in 3 - 4 weeks as I have sooo most RL stuff going off in the next few weeks. With J visiting, we're likely to be writing something together so L&L will be put on the back foot for a week or so.**

**So until next time ... *mwah***


	15. The Birthday Bee

**Disclaimer : SM owns Edward & Twilight, not me (sadly!)**

* * *

_My fingers found hers beside the pillow and our fingers locked together as my cheek laid across her shoulder blades. I was so comfortable. I could have sworn we were made for each other, we fit perfectly together. Together. The word rang around my head as I smiled into her back. I was happy; truly happy._

* * *

**12****th**** September 2010.**

I woke with a start but once I realised where I was, a sort of peace washed over me. I wasn't in a cold bed; I was in Bella's. I was supposed to set my alarm in case I fell asleep but I forgot... very fucking convenient Mr Cullen… Nah, who was I kidding? I purposely didn't set my alarm knowing that I really wanted to spend the night with Bella. My beautiful Bella. She was still next to me, lying on her stomach, and her hands beneath her pillow, her head facing mine. She looked like an angel. Her long dark hair fanned across her naked back, her smooth pale skin glowed with the soft morning sun shine that seeped through her window casting shadows across her sleeping form. Our sheet had fallen to her waist and her long legs lay out beneath it.

I glanced at the clock by her bedside table seeing the glowing numbers of 8:36 staring back at me. I smiled knowing that I could afford another hour with Bella before I really needed to get home and get sorted for my twelve hour shift which started at one. And by 'getting sorted' I actually meant arranging some things for Monday evening.

Over the past ten years without Bella, there were always four days a year I dreaded. Christmas Day, the Annual Fundraiser day, my birthday and Bella's birthday. This was all going to change from tomorrow, Bella's 28th birthday. Originally, knowing she was going to be working during the day and as we were just kidding ourselves just three days previously saying we were 'just friends', I was just going to see if she wanted to meet up to give her a small something I'd already got her. But now, now it was different… everything was different. I felt different, like a new person… or maybe like the person I should have always been. Maybe Edward Cullen's heart and soul that was broken beyond repair, my very essence of who I am was really just stolen. Stolen without really understanding or realising; taken away from where I have always called 'home' only to be brought back. And once I fully understood that my heart and soul did and has always had belonged to another, with our reunion, I'd become whole once again.

I shook my head as the wheels in my brain started to turn. I wanted to make Bella's birthday special; to celebrate not only her birthday but us, together. I frowned when I realised we needed to tell my family. I knew they'd be so happy for us but the selfish side of me wanted to keep her all for myself again. Looking back at Bella again, an idea hit me. It would be so prefect but I would need help setting it up at such short notice. Not wanting to waste any more time before I had to leave, I gently leaned forward to place a kiss on Bella's shoulder. She stirred a little, a small smile playing on her lips but I knew she was still asleep. I nudged her arm with my nose before placing small kisses from there leading up to her neck. A soft sigh alerted me to the fact that Bella was waking so I placed my face in front of hers on her pillow and rubbed her nose with my own. "Good morning sleepy head."

"Mmmmm morning." She stretched her arms over her head but her eyes were still closed. "What time is it? I thought I'd be waking on my own."

I kissed her lips gently watching as her eye lids fluttered open before a large smile broke out across her face.

"I didn't want to leave you… like what we had was some dirty little secret."

Bella's smile turned into a smirk as she leant forward brushing her nose to mine as I'd done just moments early, "Edward, I am your dirty little secret," she chuckled and emphasised the word 'dirty' with a wiggle of her eye brows.

"And why do you say that Bee?" I asked, my own smirk now lodged on my face knowing she was being playful.

She turned onto her side, propping her head up with her hand and as she was naked, her chest was now bare. I couldn't take my eyes off her breasts.

"Uh, Edward? Up here .."

My eyes slowly moved from her pert nipples, along her neck, to her chin, lips, nose until I was looking right in her beautiful big chocolate-brown eyes. I blew out a large breath that I didn't know I was holding, "Sorry. You're just so…. amazing… all of you."

The blush started to creep from her chest upwards as my gaze was yet again drawn to her breasts. "So gorgeous," I mumbled as I leaned down quickly, taking her right nipple straight into my waiting mouth. We moaned in unison as I felt it harder around my lips. My hands found her waist, pulling her closer to me. Bella's hands fisted into my hair, pushing my mouth further to her.

"Oh God Edward. Don't stop..."

I hummed my response to which Bella arched her back, firmly pressing her breast to my face which cut off my air supply. I gently bit down on her as she screamed out a string of 'fuck's before grabbing my face, pushing me down to the bed, straddling my waist and kissing me hard.

I groaned into her mouth as her tongue plunged into mine. I was momentarily shocked by Bella's dominance before I realised that her being rough with me was a massive turn on. My dick sprang to life behind her ass as I thrust my hips forward to meet the small of her back. Bella removed her mouth from mine and sat up, leaning her hands back to grab my dick behind her back. I moaned loudly as her small hands wrapped around me.

"Fucking hell Bee."

The movement of her reaching behind her caused her chest to jut out towards me. I sat up and clamped my mouth around her other nipple, sucking hard.

"Uh oh oh yes Edward, YES!"

My fingers danced over her skin as the need to touch her anywhere took over. Bella's hand movements started to speed up and I felt like a fucking horny teenage again because I was close so quickly. But to be fair, when I was with Bella this way, I think my brain was firmly lodged back in my happy teenage years with her.

"Bella, baby I'm … ugh … I'm close."

My fingers crawled their way to her centre, making small circles to her inner thigh before they pressed into her warm, wet flesh.

"Oh fuck me!"

I wanted nothing more than to do just that but I didn't want the search of a damn condom to break the fantastic connection we had at that moment.

"Baby..." I said as she shifted her hips up and tilted forward to give me access to her. Bella's movements on my dick were strong and fast and I struggled to maintain my voice in an even tone. "...fucking baby, you're so wet." My fingers gazed over her folds before I slammed two fingers into her. She grasped, squeezed her eyes shut and her hand movements froze.

I froze too as I started to panic. Had I hurt her? "Bee, have I hurt you? Fucking h-" My words cut short with what I can only describe as a primal sound of absolute fucking pleasure for my girl. She snapped her eyes open; they were almost black with lust, want and need.

"Edward… fuck me… with your fingers… now..."

Fuck me. She was a dirty girl after all; her words shot straight to my dick. With my fingers still buried inside her heat, she ground her hips into my hand. Her movements started again and my eyes rolled into the back of my head. The feel of her hand on me and the feeling of my fingers inside her were pure bliss. I felt my balls tighten as my orgasm swirled around my groin.

"Bee, I'm not going to last ... much ... longer …. fuck!"

As gentle as I could, I added a third finger to Bella's throbbing centre. Bella threw her head back, "Oh, oh, oh, oh, Goooooodddddd Edwaaaarrrrrd!" I felt her tightened around my fingers which tipped me over the edge.

"That's it, baby .. that's fucking it! BELLA!"

We both rode out our orgasms, my hand now soaked in Bella's juices. My dick jerked several times before our movements slowed and eventually stopped. I crashed back to the mattress taking Bella with me. We are hot, sweating and panting for breath. Keeping my right hand inside her for a little while longer, I snaked my left around her waist and groaned. Her lower back was sticky from me.

"Oh Bee, I'm so sor-"

"Don't you fucking dare be sorry for that Edward. That's was… incredible," she breathed into my neck. "However, I think we need to clean up. Fancy a shower?"

I nodded into her hair, smiling. "Yeah, good idea."

Bella lifted her head and smiled at me.

"Bee?"

"Yeah?"

"I love you." I was rewarded with her smile becoming a wide grin.

"I love you too Edward."

* * *

I arrived at work twenty minutes early. After getting to the locker room and changing quickly into my scrubs, I made my way to my dad's office. Knocking once, I entered to see him sat at his desk, tapping away on his laptop.

"Edward, son, how are you?"

I smiled as I walked to sit opposite him, "I'm good thanks, well… really good actually." I bit back a groan as images from last night and this morning assaulted my mind; Bella naked, hot and needy.

"Edward?"

My eyes refocused on my father across from me who had a look of confusion. I needed to ask my dad a huge favour to help me with Bella's birthday surprise; one I knew she'd loved but it was difficult because I wanted to tell my parents together about Bella & I.

"Edward?" My father repeated, "Are you okay? You seem a little… distracted, more than usual." The small smile playing on my lips was threatening to take over my face and split it in two. The urge to tell my dad everything was overwhelming.

"I… I need to ask you something Dad and it's something that's kinda a huge favour… but I can't give you specific details to why… it's a secret." I glanced at him to see his brow furrowed, his eyes trained on me, trying to read me.

"Dad, I promise to tell you everything... soon." He continued to study me before nodding slightly.

"Okay son, I trust you. What do you need?"

I beamed at him before I started my plea, hoping to God he would be able to help me pull it off.

* * *

I spent any spare moment I had on my shift calling the people I needed to make this work including my big sister Alice. I knew this was going to be a complete surprise to Bella and I knew that she would want to get ready to go out and all that girly shit. And knowing that Alice has always been happy to be involved in that stuff made it an easy choice to include her. The harder part was to convince Alice that I didn't want to tell her everything.

"So let me get this straight Edward. You want me to go with you to Bella's apartment tomorrow evening to help her get ready quickly as you're planning a surprise for her birthday?"

"Yep, that's pretty much it Shorty."

"And?"

"And what?" I tried my hardest to sound like I didn't understand for further questioning but I don't think I convinced her.

"Uh Huh."

"What?"

She was silent on the phone for what felt like an age before agreeing to help me on the basis that I tell her everything within 48 hours after the event. I had haggled her for the 48 hours as she originally wanted the same night!

I hung up and took a couple of deep breaths. Everything was set and I could only hope and pray everything would be perfect.

* * *

**13****th**** September 2010 – Bella's birthday**

My shift finished at 1am and I was exhausted. After a RTA and Acute Lead Poisoning case came in around eleven, I didn't have time to do anything apart from quickly get my SDT lab results. Thank fuck I was all clear. I did manage to text Bella at just after midnight wishing her a happy birthday. I didn't expect anything back but the '_**Thank u :) Bee x**_' made my heart do somersaults in my chest.

I crashed in my bed at around 1.30am and fell into a heavy sleep.

I woke with my alarm at 11am and immediately started to panic about what I had planned for Bella's birthday later that evening. What if she didn't like it? If she thought it was stupid? I fought off a sweeping panic attack, breathing slowing in and out.

I was calmer when my dad called to give me the thumbs up. I called everyone else involved to confirm the plan was a go and double checked my arrangements. I sighed in relief that everything was falling into place.

I slipped out early afternoon to pick up some things including an extra birthday present I had decided on. I'd already brought her something but that was when I was just her best friend. Now I know she's my everything, my Bee.

By 6pm, I was a nervous wreck. My fingers kept running through my hair and I'm surprised I had anything left of the skin either side of my thumbnails with how I was chewing on them. I was on the phone for what felt like the millionth time today, checking and double checking when Alice knocked once then walked through my door.

"Edward?" She called out.

"In here!" I shouted from the kitchen. "Thank you again Seth. I couldn't have done this without you. Thank you." I hung up the phone to see Alice leaning against my door frame, one eye brow cocked.

I rolled my eyes, "48 hours Shorty, remember?"

"I didn't say an-"

"But I know you Shorty." I shot her a 'I know what you're up to' look. Alice shook her head slightly as the corner of her lips turned upwards.

"So where's Tanya? Out?" I cringed at the name. Tanya's parting words to me swirled around my mind for a second before I pushed them out. _Shit. I should have asked Alice to meet me outside Bella's place._

I didn't want to lie to my sister nor neither did I want to tell her about my relationship change with Bella, not yet. Not until Bella and I had tonight, together, alone.

"48 hours..." I hoped this appeased her and it shocked the hell out of me when after Alice looked into my pleading eyes for a few seconds, it did.

"I have anything that Bella will need for a birthday evening out. A beautiful dress and shoes. I hope they're okay and she likes them."

"I'm sure she will Shorty." She nodded once before eyeing the door, "Ready?"

Taking a calming breath, I stepped forward, "As ready as I'll ever be."

* * *

We arrived at Bella's apartment at 6.30pm, half an hour earlier than I told Jake a couple of nights previously but I managed to send him a message of the earlier time and Alice's role in our night out.

Alice knocked on the door for me as both my hands were full before she shuffled out of sight for a few minutes to give me some privacy. Bella opened the door with a look of surprise before a smile spread across her face.

"Hey."

"Happy birthday Bee." Still outside her door, I handed for the arrangement of Sunflowers I held in my right hand, "I didn't want to give you Dandelions this time. These were the closest flower I saw in the florist to represent them."

Her cheeks turned a magical shade of pink as I handed her the flowers. "Oh and this it for you as well." I handed a birthday card to her. She took it still looking at me with a loss for words expression before shaking her head suddenly like she was trying to wipe something from her thoughts.

"Thank you. Oh sorry Edward. Come in. Erm… Jake's here. I thought you were working? As it's a school night and I don't ever do anything for my birthday, we were just about to order pizza an-"

She was cut short by Jake appearing behind her, "Sorry Bella. I just had a call from my dad. I need to run but I'm sure lover boy here will keep you thoroughly entertained this evening." He winked at me from behind Bella but she seemed to catch on quick.

"Wait a minute … did you two plan this?"

I looked down at my shoes before looking back at her through my lashes, "Maybe..."

She looked between the two of us quickly; Jake had grabbed his jacket before stepping around both of us. "See you two later." He gave Bella a small kiss on her cheek and reached to shake my hand.

"Be good to her Edward."

"I will," I answered as I took his hand and shook it twice. With one last look at Bella, he made his way down the hallway and out of sight.

"Edward Cullen, what have you been up to, hmm?"

Alice chose that moment to appear as if in a puff of smoke. "Alice? I… What… What's going on?"

Alice shrugged her shoulders, "All I know is that I have an hour to get you ready to go out for dinner."

Bella's eyes widen as her stare left Alice and fixed onto me, "Dinner? Out?"

"Only if you want to..." I was crossing everything that she did. I wanted tonight to be special, our first date and Bella's birthday.

We all stood at Bella's door as the silence stretched on; only making me a thousand times more nervous about the plans I had in place.

"Bee?"

Again after more silence, Bella's angel like voice filled the air with the most amazing words, "Yes Edward. I would love to go to dinner with you." The smile on my face grew as did Bella's. Our eyes locked and she had never looked as exquisite as she did that very second.

"So…" Alice broke our connection, "let's get this show on the road."

Alice and Bella had been in her bedroom for fifty minutes. Once I changed myself into my best black suit with white shirt and dark blue tie, I sat for all of five minutes before I stood and started to paced constantly; I was nervous, really nervous about this. I checked my cell every five minutes for Seth to text me. At 7.15pm, I received that text.

_**Edward, everything is set. I'll be here until I see you arrive, **__**and then**__** I'll go. We'll be back at midnight to pack up. **__**Good luck man, Seth.**_

I was smiling down at my cell when the bedroom door opened. I lifted my gaze to see the most magnificent woman ever. She stood in her door way like a picture of perfection. The soft curls of her deep chestnut-brown were resting past her delicate shoulders. Her makeup was light and natural and I silently thanked Alice for not going all crazy on her. But what made me catch my breath in my throat was her outfit. A simple, beautiful blue dress with thin straps. The bodice with fitted but the soft material flared out at her waist slightly to her knee. Her perfect legs lead down to a pair of silver heeled strapped sandals that sparkled under her living room lights. My eyes traced back over her body until my eyes meet hers again. She was simply breathtaking.

"Bella, you look… there are no words..." She looked down at herself smoothing the front of her dress with her hands before biting on her bottom lip before looking at me through her lashes.

"Okay?"

"Okay doesn't even remotely come close to how you look tonight, how you look every day... beautiful Bella..."

I was rewarded with a dazzling smile and a giggle. It was cute and very Bee-like.

"So I did good?" Alice chirped up behind her. Bella walked into the room and Alice followed smiling at the two of us.

"Fantastic Alice, thank you so much." Bella turned her back to me and gave her a hug. My eyes felt like they popped out of my head when I saw the back of her dress. Although the front of Bella's dress was very modest, the back of her dress was something else. The deep cut of the dress exposed almost her whole back down to her tiny waist. As I willed my eyes to pull away from her creamy soft skin, I glanced back at Alice who must have seen my reaction. Still in a hug with Bella, she winked at me. _I have the best sister EVER!_

"You look great Edward." Bella turned to face me again.

"Thank you. Are you ready to go out?"

Bella nodded, biting her lower lip. "Are you going to tell me where we're going?"

I smiled and shook my head.

"Spoil sport." She muttered under her breath which only made my smile wider.

Alice had offered to drive us which I was grateful for so I didn't have to instruct a cab driver of our location. Just before we rounded the familiar street corner, I asked Bella to close her eyes which she did with a small smile on her face. I took the opportunity to study her. Beautiful wasn't a good enough word to the angelic person sat next to me.

We stopped at our destination and I asked Bella to keep her eyes closed while I fetched the gift bag from Alice's trunk and opened Bella's door.

"Enjoy yourselves." Alice smiled at me, "48 hours Edward." I rolled my eyes. I'm sure she had guessed by now but she still wanted confirmation.

"Keep your eyes closed, Bee." I held tightly onto her small hand as I guided her forward. Alice drove off leaving us alone. I walked her slowly towards our destination. The weather was mild and dry which I thanked God for. I rounded the corner as we stepped onto the grass. I saw Seth and he gave me the thumbs up before I heard soft music. I checked Bella still had her eyes closed. She was even more gorgeous bathed in moonlight.

"Is that music?"

"Yes."

I saw Seth walk away as we came to a stop. I took an uneven breathe before standing behind Bella, my arms sliding around her waist, propping my chin on her shoulder.

"Bee, you can open your eyes …. Happy birthday beautiful."

I tilted my head to see her eyes open and go wide as a small gasp escaped her. She opened her mouth before closing it then doing it all over again.

"Edward… it's… wow…"

I tore my eyes away from her to see what I had been planning since Saturday. We were stood in the middle of our park in front of a circular open wrought-iron gazebo that was laced with fairy lights. In the middle on the wooden laid floor was a small table covered in a white table cloth, three tea lights and two place settings with covered plates and two chairs covered in white material with blue bows tied around the back.

To the side of the table there was a serving trolley including a hot-plate and a music system to where the music was playing. It all looked like a scene out of a Hollywood movie; it was perfect, better than I imagined it could be. _I need to buy my dad and Seth a beer!_

My dad helped me with the contacts for the park. With him organising the annual fundraiser each year, he knew exactly who needed to be contacted to get this idea from my brain to become a reality. Seth was involved with Alice's wedding and once we got the go ahead from the park people, he and his guys were able to get to work on constructing this magnificent structure that we stood before.

Bella still hadn't said much so I turned my head to look at her. I watched as a couple of tears ran down her cheeks.

"Hey, hey Bee. Don't cry beautiful girl."

I moved in front of her, my thumb wiping the tears from her flushed cheeks.

"Edward. This is… this is…" Her eyes moved away from the gazebo and found mine, "this is amazing."

I placed my hands on her shoulders and started to rubs her upper arms, "You okay?"

Bella nodded, "Yes, I'm more than okay." Then she shook her head, "Edward, how did you …."

I held her face with both my hands, levelled my eyes to her, "Later." I gave her a sweet, soft kiss on the lips before holding out the crook of my elbow to her. _Yeah, yeah call me old fashioned why don't you but it felt right. _"Shall we?"

We talked into the open area and I pulled out her chair. Bella blushed slightly before taking her seat. I uncovered her plate in front of her to reveal her appetizer of Caesar salad. She smiled up at me. I removed my suit jacket and sat opposite her. I poured her favourite  
Rosé wine as we ate and made small talk.

After the salad, we had Rack of Lamb with Herbes de Provence and Roasted Tomatoes and I was so grateful that Seth knew what he was doing. The moan of pleasure that came from Bella's throat when her lips wrapped around her folk made the caveman in me want to throw her over the table but after a few calming words to myself, I was okay. I swear though that Bella knew exactly what she was doing to me when she smiled and looked at me through her lashes, biting my lip for good measure.

The strawberry Tiramisu that we had to share for dessert was fantastic.

"Here." I held my spoon out across the table for her to take which she did with a shy smile. She did the same back to me, "And for you."

We were on our third bottle of wine by the time our food was polished off. I cleared the table before Bella managed to try and do it herself; I saw that glint in her eye. I glanced down at my watch to see it was already 9.30pm. I heard Bella gasp so I turned my eyes back to her.

"You still… you still have it." She said in a shaky voice, pointing at my watch.

I nodded, "Yes, although I do have a confession to make." I glanced back at Bella who was looking at me with a confused look on her face.

"When you left..." I gulped, I really didn't want to go into this tonight but it felt right, "When you left and I realised you were… gone, I threw this watch against my bedroom wall. It had been broken in a box in my closet ever since. Then since you came back into my life..." I smiled then and saw she was smiling back.

"I decided to get the watch fixed. I picked it up this afternoon and it felt right to wear it tonight, on our first official date." Bella's smile widened to a grin as I mirrored her reaction.

"Do you mind?" She pointed to my watch which I removed and gave it her. She seemed to take a deep breath before turning the watch around to see the back, her finger running along the script written there.

"It's always been you." She whispered before her eyes met mine again. "I'm so sorry for hurting you Edward. So sorry."

"Hey Bee." I grasped her hands across the table in mine, "We'll have none of that tonight." She nodded before giving me my watch back. Once back in place, I rose to stand, tugging Bella's arm to stand with me.

"Wait here."

I pulled the table and chairs to the side of the gazebo and altered the CD in the music system. Clare De Lune started to drift out of the speakers as I walked towards Bella.

"Dance with me?"

Bella's arms circled my neck, my hands finding her waist as we started to gently sway to the music. It was perfect; I was with my girl on her birthday night in a place that had always been special to us under a blanket of stars.

I tilted my head towards to the stars and thanked whoever was up there for bring her back to me and making me see what I always knew, she was mine. My Bee.

"I have something for you." I murmured into her hair. She stepped back from me with a frown on her face. "Like a present? But Edward, you've already given me too mu-"

I cut her off with a warm, wanting kiss to which we both melted into. It had been too long since I'd kissed her properly. I rested my forehead to hers as I spoke.

"Bee? Just let me give you this… please? I want to give you everything."

"Edward, I have everything… I have you."

I smiled as I pulled back a little, "Please?" She rolled her eyes and nodded. I lead her toward the gift bag I'd brought with me. A small pink bag with a flower on it. It reminded me of my first birthday card to her aged six. Yeah, I remember shit like that.

She tentatively opened it, removing the pink tissue paper and pulled out two small jewellery boxes, one slightly bigger than the other and a piece of cream card with had been rolled to look like a scroll, tied with a red bow.

I took the small box and scroll out of her hands for the moment and nodded toward the larger box in her hands.

"I brought this weeks ago… before I came to my senses." I smiled as she did. She opened the box slowly to reveal her birthday gift; a small gold bracelet with a small bee charm. Her fingers traced the bee as she looked up at me with tears in her eyes. I held her face with my free hand, "A bee for my birthday Bee." She laughed once, her eyes shimmering with moisture.

"It's beautiful Edward, thank you. Would you?" She took the bracelet from the box and held her left wrist out. I placed it around her delicate wrist and kissed it.

"Beautiful indeed. Here." I handed her the smaller box which she opened to show another charm, this time, a small gold star. She looked back at me as I gently took it out of the box and attached it to her bracelet next to her bee.

"This is to represent this." I handed her the scroll and had to laugh at her bemused expression. She slowing pulled the bow and unrolled the paper.

"Edward…" she gasped.

I smiled as I turned my face to the sky again. "Isabella Marie Swan. Beautiful name for a star don't you think? She's out there, somewhere. The coordinates are on there. We'll have to go to the University's Observatory to actually find it which I may or may not have already booked for this weekend ..."

I turned my face back down to my girl as she flung her arms around my neck and hugged me tight. "Edward, oh Edward… I love you… so much. Thank you"

My lips found her hair and neck, "I love you too. Happy birthday Bee."

* * *

**Awwww he's a sweetie ain't he :) Apologies this chapter has taken so long to get to you. RL is really busy at the moment but I hope it was worth the wait. I think this was the easiest chapter to write; Edward knew exactly what he wanted ;)**

**As always, my eternally thanks go to my beta and bestie, SweetLovinCullen. If you haven't really been reading her latest story, A Desperate Housewife's Escape ... why the hell not! http:/www . fanfiction . net/s/6527639/1/  
**

**I don't want to make promises on how long it was take me to get the next chapter sorted but I'm hoping for around 3 weeks? ish? ;) Let me know what you think x**


	16. Stars For You

**Disclaimer : SM owns Edward & Twilight, not me (sadly!)**

**I want to dedicate this chapter to my girls, Janine, Kirsty & Sam. It was such a lovely surprise seeing you for my birthday. *mwah*  
**

* * *

_I turned my face back down to my girl as she flung her arms around my neck and hugged me tight. "Edward, oh Edward… I love you… so much. Thank you."_

_My lips found her hair and neck, "I love you too. Happy birthday Bee."_

* * *

**Still**** Bella's birthday, 13****th**** September 2010**

The cab ride home was filled with comfortable silence as I held my Bee's hand in mine. Seth and his crew had arrived back at the park a couple of minutes before midnight to pack our night away.

Bella had looked almost sad that the night had finished but for me, it had only just begun. We were heading back to my place. I had asked Bella to stay with me tonight as we waited for the cab and she beamed at me as she accepted. I'll never get tired of her smile, it lit up my life now and nothing was going to stop us being together.

We pulled up outside my house and I paid the cab driver. Taking Bella's hand, we walked towards my house. I held my breath as my key turned in the lock and I opened the door. My hallway was bathed in soft lighting from candles that had been dotted around the surfaces, well every surface it would seem. Alice had outdone herself once again; _did I mention I have the best sister ever__?__! _Bella gasped softly as we entered my house.

"How did you …. Alice." She smiled at me and I couldn't help but return the gesture. I pulled her hand to lead her through to my living room and she sat on my couch.

"Do you want another drink Bee?"

"I better not Edward. I'm already feeling the effects of the wine from earlier and I don't want to be falling asleep yet, do I?"

She looked at me through her lashes and bit her lip. She knew what that look did to me. I bent down, took her hand and pulled her to me, our body flush to each others. My hardened dick pressed into her stomach. Bella moaned at our sudden contact as I groaned at the way our bodies fit so perfectly together. She was so perfect, we were perfect together. My hands gripped onto her hips as her hands wandered from my chest towards my shoulders, neck and into the back of my hair. I squeezed her hips impossibly closer to me. Our lips connected slowly in a sweet kiss but quickly turned passionate. My tongue brushed her lips and she opened her mouth giving herself to me. I explored her mouth and our tongues met again and again. She pulled back suddenly, breaking our contact to look at me. Her chocolate brown eyes were hooded with so much love and lust that I felt my heart squeeze in my chest. She wanted me, now. Her fingers at the back of my hair tightened as she pulled my head back down to hers when her cell phone rang loudly and scared the shit out of both of us.

"Fuck." I whispered to myself, my racing heart had almost jumped out of my chest. Bella still hadn't moved. She was breathing heavily as her forehead rested against mine.

"I better find out who that is..."

"Yeah."

We still hadn't moved and her cell was still ringing. She closed her eyes for a brief second before pushing herself away from me gently and grabbing her purse to get her phone.

I watched as her eyebrows creased as she looked at the caller id before she answered, "Hello?"

I could hear a male's voice on the other end of the phone but couldn't make out what was being said. Bella's expression changed as the recognition of the caller crossed her features quickly followed by a look of shock.

"Bee? Who is it?"

"Yeah... yeah I'm still here." She answered to the caller as she backed up slowly to perch on the edge of my couch.

"Bee?" I sat down beside her and pulled my arm around her waist and pulled her close to me. She looked upset. She blinked a couple of times and a small tear escaped.

"I'm so sorry Jake. I should have been there. I'm sorry..."

_Where? She should have been where? Jake? _I could feel the edge of panic try to seep in. _She wanted to be__ somewhere else? Sh__e has to leave. On her birthday… birthday__…_

_With one more sweet kiss on the lips, I tickled my nose with her and whispered, "See you tomorrow yeah?"_

"_Yeah. I love you Edward."_

_I smiled, "I love you too Bee."_

_Another soft kiss and we step away. Bella walked to her dad who was looking at me again. Charlie placed his arm around Bella's shoulders as he shouted to me again, "I'm really sorry Edward. I hope you'll forgive me..."_

_I gave him a small smile and wave to let him know he hadn't spoilt my evening entirely. I looked out to the peaceful sky just taking a minute for them before I heard the tyres on Charlie's police car pull away from the house._

The memory of my sixteenth birthday hit me so fast I thought I was going to pass out. _She w__as going to leave me__…. again. _My arms fell limp by my sides as the panic swept through my body. My breathing came in short bursts as I leaned forward and placed my head between my knees to try and calm down. The action had become like second nature to me over the years. The room was spinning and my vision was blurred and becoming black. I heard a voice but I couldn't hear it properly. Then I felt it. The connection, our connection. Warm electricity seeping through my shirt on my back making my whole body tingle. I squeezed my eyes shut and tried to concentrate on my breathing. In… out… in… out…. I opened my eyes slowing to see my hardwood floor, not a spinning room.

The voice beside me, the one I know better than my own sounded calm. "That's it Edward. In… out… breath baby, come back to me." I swallowed hard before raising my head slowing to be met with a beautiful pair of brown eyes. Wide scared eyes which I'm sure mirrored my own.

"Oh Edward!" Bella flung her arms around my neck, "I thought I was losing you." She whispered into my ear.

"I thought… you…"

"Edward? What's a matter baby? Please talk to me. Please, I'm here, talk to me." She pleaded.

I swallowed thickly, bracing myself for this answer, "You wanted to be with Jake on your birthday..." It sounded so pathetic to my own ears; I wanted to take back the words as soon as they left my mouth.

"Of course not." Bella took my face between her small hands and pulled me within inches of her own face. Her eyes searched my face for answers to all the questions I'm sure she was thinking at that moment. I just stared into her eyes, not really believing she was still here with me. I expected to open my eyes and she'd be gone; she'd be nothing more than a wonderful dream I've been having and I'd just been woken up to my real life, my real nightmare, a world without her in it.

"Edward, there's nothing more than I've wanted to do over the past ten years than to spend every birthday… every day with you. What makes you think…" she trailed off as her face changed from one of confusion to realisation. She gripped my cheeks to stop me as I tried to look away from her, ashamed of my own insecurities. "Edward, I'm not going to leave you. Ever. Unless you tell me to leave, I'll always be in your life."

"What about Jake? Wasn't that him on the phone?" Bella sighed as she dropped her hands from my face, pulling them into her lap and playing with her own fingers.

"Yeah. Edward, Jake's dad had a heart attack. He's okay, Jake's at the hospital with him now. That's why he was calling. Billy's been like a second father to me since I met Jake and he knew I'd want to know no matter what time of night it is." She sighed again before continuing, "I'm sorry. It was the first thing that popped into my head. That I should be there, helping. I'm sorry; I didn't mean that I wanted to leave you Edward. I won't ever ..." Bella's bottom lip trembled and I felt like a complete moron. She needed me and I was the one being comforted by her. _I'm a complete tool._

"Bee, I'm so sorry." I scooped her in my arms and hugged her as she cried for Billy. We rocked back and forth for a long time as I continued to try and support her, stroking her hair, arm and back in circles until her tears ran dry.

"I'm sor-" she croaked but I cut her off. "No Bee. You have nothing to be sorry for. I'm the one who needs to apologise. I'm the idiot. I can't believe how selfish I am. I-"

"Edward Cullen! You are not selfish. Don't you dare say that!" She huffed.

"Well I feel a complete selfish ass at the moment." I grumbled. I glanced over to my clock to see it was gone 1am in the morning and Bella was supposed to be working in the morning. "Bee, you need to get some sleep baby. But I think we need to have a talk about everything. About the time we had apart specifically. I know you've told me what happened but I think I need to tell you exactly what happened to me. I know you know about my panic attacks but-"

"Shhh Edward. Yes I think that's a good idea but not now. What are we doing this weekend?"

I smiled for the first time since Bella's call. _She said 'we'._

"On Saturday evening, I have a date with my girl at the university's observatory."

Bella smiled back. "Well how about before the star expedition we go to my place, I'll cook dinner and we'll talk. About everything and anything we want. You can stop over after we get back from the observatory?"

"That sounds good. Bee?"

"Yeah?"

"Can we have lunch with my parents on Sunday? I think I owe them an explanation."

"Explanation?"

"Yeah, my dad helped me get things organised for the park but I didn't want to just tell him about us in his office. I want us both to tell them we're together. I know my mom will be thrilled for us, I just know it."

"Sounds like a plan." She smiled again.

"Come on." I stood up and tugged at her hand. "Let's go to bed. I have work tomorrow."

We blew out all the candles and climbed the stairs together. I opened my bedroom door to reveal more candles and rose petals in the centre of my bed in a heart shape.

"Wow Alice really went to town tonight with all this."

I turned to Bella as she wrapped her arms around my waist. "Thank you Edward. For tonight. I loved every second of it."

"Do you want a ride to school in the morning?"

"Yes, that would be great. Thank you."

We stripped off our clothes quickly and I gave Bella one of my t shirts to wear for bed. Alice had picked up some of Bella's work clothes which were hanging on my closet door ready for tomorrow. Bella set her cell on my bedside table in case she was to get another call but it sounded like Billy was fine. We jumped into bed together and I leaned over to set my alarm then I took my girl in my arms. Her head tucked into the crook of my neck as she kissed me under my ear.

"I love you Bella. Try and sleep well."

"I love you too Edward."

We held each other until we both drifted into a peaceful sleep.

* * *

I woke from my peaceful sleep to my alarm beeping at me. Once I'd blindly reached out to smack the shit out of it, I turned back to cuddle up to the small, warm body that was next to me. Waking up to having Bella in my arms was the best experience ever. My fingers ran up and down her spine. Bella's moaned softly as she turned to put her back to my front. She pulled her ass into my crotch and this time, I was the one to do the moaning. My morning wood was pressing into the small of her back. Bella's wiggled her ass a little before I heard a small giggle coming from her.

"I know you're awake Bee. Stop your teasing lady." I warned.

"Hm, whatever do you mean?" She said as she wiggled again so I grabbed her hips to still her, lowering my lips to her shoulder where I left open mouth kisses leading up to her ear.

"You're a naughty girl Bee." She giggled again but as my fingers crept from her hips and reached her centre, she stopped her giggling; in fact I think she stopped breathing.

"Do you know what happens to naughty girls Bee?" I said while my fingers slipped between her thighs and dipped between her folds. Bella moaned and arched her back slightly when my fingers started to slowly swirl her clit, edging towards her entrance. I sucked her ear lope into my mouth and bit down gently. "Mmmmm Bee, you taste delicious." I pulled my fingers from her and brought them to my mouth. I closed my eyes in absolute pleasure as I sucked them clean. "All of you… mmmmm." Bella watched my actions from over her shoulder as she groaned again.

"God Edward! That was so good." I continued to kiss her shoulder but the alarm clock numbers caught my eye. "As much as I've like to stay here all day Bee and do this" I pushed my dick into her back for emphasis, "what time do you need to get to school?" I think she caught on as she looked at the numbers too and huffed in frustration.

"Shit, I need to get going. Can I use your shower?"

I gave her a look to tell her she didn't need to ask. She quickly kissed my lips and scooted in my bathroom.

I gave her a ride to school as I promised so I could spend a little bit more time with her. I glanced over to see her fidgeting with her cell on her lap and she was biting her bottom lip.

"Bee? If there was any change to Billy's condition, I'm sure Jake would have called you. He'll be okay." I tried to reassure her.

Bella sighed and put her cell in her purse, keeping her face downcast. "Yeah. I know. I just wish I could go and see them both instead of working. My mind's not going to be clear until I know Billy's okay."

I reached over and squeezed her hand. "I'll go check on him before my shift starts in an hour. Okay? I'll let you know my prognosis." I squeezed her hand again. "I'm a doctor you know." She giggled and all in the world felt better again.

I pulled in the school's parking lot and parked turning to face my girl. "Try not to worry all day Bee. I'll let you know if there's any change, I promise. I'll keep a close eye on him."

Bella gave me a small smile and kissed me before exiting the car, waving one last time before entering the building. It didn't go unnoticed by me that she didn't answer me when I told her not to worry; she'll be worrying all day knowing Bee. I sighed before pulling out of the lot and towards work.

* * *

I arrived from my shift early to go and checked on Billy as I promised. I saw Jake first pacing outside his father's room.

"Jake?"

"Oh hey man." He didn't stop his pacing before I grabbed his shoulder to hold him still.

"You okay Jake?"

"Yeah, well no really. The docs in with my dad now 'assessing' him." He made quotation mimics with his fingers on the word assessing.

"Who's his doctor?

"Doctor Jenkins." I smiled. He was a good friend of my dad's and had taken me under his wing when I first start working here.

"He's in the best hands. Doctor Jenkins is the best doctor in here apart from my dad."

The door opened then as Jenkins stepped out. "Mr Black, your father's asking for you. He's doing well and should be able to return home in the next couple of days. I want to keep him here overnight to continue to monitor him." He gave one nod to Jake.

"Okay doc. And thanks. And thanks to you too Edward."

"No problem Jake. I'll be back later to check on you two."

"You under orders?" He chuckled. "Tell Bella to stop worrying and hey man, sorry to call so late last night. I panicked and just need to talk to someone. Bella's always that someone for me. Sorry if it ruined your night."

"Jake, it didn't. It's okay."

"'Kay. See you later then."

He joined his father after shaking Jenkins and my hands in turn.

"Edward my boy. You know the Blacks then?"

"Sort off. Long story Dr J."

He chuckled. "It always is with you Edward. It always is."

* * *

It was 9pm when I'd almost finished my second twelve hour shift this week. Lucky for me this meant that I got this weekend off so I could spend it with Bella and the rest of my family.

I'd been to check on Billy and Jake a couple of times throughout the day and continued to text Bella to confirm Billy was doing well. Jake had introduced me to his father, Billy. I could tell that Billy knew who I was to Bella, the boy she grew up with, loved but then lost. On my second visit, while Jake excused himself to use the bathroom, Billy told me in no uncertain terms that I better look after Bella or he would kick my ass. He said he made it his duty to be a fatherly figure for Bella over the last few years. This made me happy that Bella did have family outside my own. I chuckled when I realised that Billy and Charlie were a lot alike. I think they would have been great friends if they had got to know one another.

The sudden thought of Charlie sparked an idea and one that I knew Bella would like. I remembered Bella's face when she talked about her father and being away from me with him. I knew that all those thoughts and feelings would be aired this weekend. I knew I wouldn't like hearing some of the things I'm sure she'll tell me but I resolved myself to be strong, for her.

* * *

The rest of the week flew by. I managed to call Alice on Wednesday and postpone the 48 hour rule of telling her what was going on. I was one hundred percent positive she already knew especially after Jasper called on Tuesday evening.

"_Hello E, long time no speak."_

_I instantly felt guilty that I hadn't spoke to my best friend in such a long time. The problem was I had Bella on my mind constantly and I just sort of forgot everyone else existed. I needed to fix this; to had to learn how to balance my life more now I knew that Bella was a permanent person in it. She had promised she wasn't going anywhere, that she loved me and I believed her._

"_Hey Jazz. Look, I'm sorry man."_

"_Hey stop __with the guilt__ trip, I was only teasing. So..__. what's up?"_

_I knew at that point what the purpose of this phone call was._

"_The sky, Jazz. That's what's up. Where's my annoying big, little sister hmm?"_

"_Oh come on E, give me something! She'll have my __nuts if I don't get something from you." Jasper whined._

_I sighed, "Okay Jazz …. I love Bella."_

_Jasper laughed, "That's all you're giving me! Fucking hell E! I knew that already. God, I've known that for the past ten years." He chuckled before continuing.__ "E, you know I love you as my own brother. Please be careful, I don't want to have to pull your he__ad out of your ass again if your__ heart gets broken for a second time."_

_This made me smile. Jasper was the one that helped me move on with my life, even __though I know now that I never really moved on fully._

I told Jasper I would call Alice the next day. I left out the fact that I wouldn't tell her everything like she wanted. I told her to come to the family dinner on Sunday that I've arranged with my parents. I called Emmett too so that he, Rose and Benjamin would be there.

In a blink of an eye it was Saturday and I was driving to Bella's apartment. She opened her door and I laughed. She was head to toe in flour.

"Bee, what the hell have you been doing?"

She gave me the stink eye and marched back to her kitchen with a huff.

"Oh come on Bee! I was only kidding. Oh my God, that smells soooooo good."

"Flattery won't get you anywhere Edward Cullen."

I walked into the kitchen, she was kneading and rolled pastry on her worktop. I walked behind her and wrapped my arms around her waist, pulling her close and resting my chin on her shoulder. I kissed the side of her floured neck gently then licked it.

"Mmmmmm."

She stopped what she was doing and turned quickly in my arms. Her floured hands grabbed my cheeks as she gave me a passionate kiss. Her hands slid into the back of my hair to pull me closer before her tongue swept over my bottom lip wanting access. I eagerly opened my mouth as I pulled her hips to steady myself. She stopped way too soon for my liking and side stepped me. I looked at her smug expression with confusion.

"Why Edward, what the hell have you been doing?"

I looked down to my chest to see flour everywhere. I turned my head to look in her kitchen mirror see it was there too. On my face and in my hair. Bella giggled, "You look like a ghost!"

"Oh you little ..." I launched myself at her but she was quick to squeal and run toward her living room. I chased her around the room never ever trying to catch her; I was having too much fun in the chase. She stopped placing the couch between the both of us. I tried to reach for her again, a huge smile plastered on my face. My Bee being happy and smiling was the best thing ever.

Suddenly, the smoke alarm started to ring out and Bella's face fell. "Oh shit! The steaks!"

She ran back towards the kitchen shouting a string of 'shit's before I saw a cloud of grey smoke bellow from her kitchen.

"Bee, you okay?" I rushed to help. Once I got into the kitchen, I started to cough. The smoke was everywhere. "Bella?"

"I'm okay." She was coughing too. "Don't think I can say the same for the steaks." I coughed again and waved my hand in front of me to clear some of the smoke as I saw Bella open her kitchen window. She stayed by the window and I walked over to her placing her hand in mine. "Sorry."

"Bee, no need to be sorry. It was my fault. I was distracting you."

Bella chuckled, "Yeah, it was a very nice distraction though."

I smiled, "Take out?"

Bella sighed and nodded, "At least we'll have home-made dessert. I have to finish the pie though."

"Sounds perfect."

Once the smoke had cleared, Bella continued to make her pie and I called for Chinese take-out. Thirty minutes later, we were both sat cross legged opposite each other on the floor eating and talking. As I had promised to myself, we talked about everything. We had decided to talk and eat so it wouldn't be so awkward.

Bella started by telling me her story again. Most I had heard most of it before but now being more comfortable with each other, she went into details of how to felt when she realised she wasn't coming back. How to felt when her dad first told her about James. She described the moment she found out James had been caught and put away as a huge weight of her shoulders. She spoke of Charlie and their last moments together. I listened to her words, thoughts and feelings and wanted to comfort her, love her forever.

Before long it was my turn for the talking. I described to her my thoughts, even though they were fuzzy and feelings the day I found she had gone. I told her about me running to her house and my dad pulling me off her old house door kicking and screaming. I told her about the dark days and nights that followed. The nightmares I used to wake up screaming at after she had left me. I told her how lost and broken I was. I told her about my months of being locked in my room refusing to talk to anyone and not eating as I should have. I talked about the guilt I still have making my mom practically sick with worry and Alice missing out on the original university she had wanted to go on. I told Bella about how getting back into school helped me focus on something positive in my life but that I started having panic attacks. I talked about Leanne, my therapist who I owe so much to; I don't think I would have made it this far without her. I talked about my first days at university and meeting Jasper. And how he became my best friend. I told Bella that I still feel guilt now that I wanted so desperately to replace her with someone else, anyone else. Lucky for me, Jasper just wasn't someone. I owed so much to him too.

I talked about my first sexual experience which was a hard of a lot harder to talk about with Bella that I thought it would be.

"I wanted it to be you, you know..."

We were now sat side by side on Bella's couch. I had Bella's hand in my lap as I was playing with her delicate fingers. I heard Bella sigh. I looked at her face to see a small tear escape. She had shed a few while I laid my heart and soul out open for her this afternoon.

"I know Edward. Because I wanted you to be mine too."

I gave her a sad smile as I continued on talking about how my life had turned out. I talked about the Christmas party I met Tanya at. I really wanted to skim that part of my life. Those three and a half years were full of emptiness that I didn't even know I had at the time. But I had promised myself I was going to tell Bella everything so I did. The times I shared with Tanya. The engagement and moving in together. That I followed my life as it came to me and that I didn't really look to the future. When I was engaged to Tanya, I never looked into my future to see us as a family with kids and a dog.

"I never bothered about my future until my past came crashing back in my life." I grinned as she did.

"And by past, I suppose you mean me?" She questioned cocking an eyebrow at me.

I laughed. "Yeah, you. The long lost love of my life. The one I never could let go of."

Later that evening, I was at my girl's side as she was looking out of the observatory's telescope mesmerized by the star she was looking at. One of the technicians had helped us set up so we were looking at her star, Isabella Marie Swan. It was amazing to know that we were looking at something all those millions of miles away but it was right there.

I swallowed heavily before asking the technician to look for two other coordinates along side each other that I had written down. Bella just gave me a confused look.

"Yeah, I sort of got you two more." She looked down at the piece of paper I was holding to see her two other stars, Charlie Swan and Renee Swan.

Bella looked up at me with tears brimming in her eyes.

"Is this okay?" I asked tentatively.

She just nodded as the first tear fell. The technician left us then and I pulled Bella close to me, cupping her face with my hands and wiping away her tears with my thumbs. She looked deep into my eyes before whispering, "Thank you."

We both turned to look into the telescope, together. Both stars were sat alongside each other shining down at us. And I hoped both Renee and Charlie were doing the same.

* * *

**So what do you think? Edward's such a sweetie :) Thanks to my awesome beta, SweetLovinCullen for beta'ing this so quick that I was able to post tonight. If you haven't already checked out her stories, you can here: http:/www . fanfiction . net/u/2206640/SweetLovinCullen**

**I've already started chapter 17 so I'm hoping to post in the next couple of weeks.** **So until then ...**


	17. News

**Disclaimer : SM owns Edward & Twilight, not me (sadly!)**

* * *

_We both turned to look into the telescope, toge__ther. Both stars were sat along__side each other shining down at us. And I hope both Renee and Charlie were doing the same._

**19th September 2010**

I stopped over at Bella's apartment on Saturday night after our star expedition. She was fairly teary after showing her the other two stars I'd purchased which was to be expected. I knew Bella missed her mom and dad, her mom especially. She told me that night that she felt guilty at times that she didn't think about her mom enough, that the actual memories of her mom with her were fading over time. I held her close to me as she slipped into a relativity peaceful sleep.

I woke the Sunday morning with nerves nagging at my stomach. Today was the day; today was the day I told my family, the world about my Bella. I knew deep down inside that Bella was always the one for me and that my family already accepted her as part of the family but I couldn't help but feel nervous. I knew Mom and Dad would be thrilled as well as Alice and Jasper but it was Emmett that I was strangely nervous about. _He's your little brother you idiot, of course he loves Bella and will accept her as __your__ girlfriend__.__.. or whatever __you__ are._

After a quick shower that we both shared and almost didn't get out of, we headed towards my parent's house. I pulled up and looked over at Bella. She was nervous too, fidgeting with the charms on her bracelet. I smiled as I saw her absently rubbing the star between her thumb and finger.

"Hey, Bee? You okay?"

She blew out a slow breath before turning in her seat towards me, "Are you?"

I gave her my best 'of course' smile but I don't think it convinced her. But she giggled so I was happy enough. Taking a last deep breath, I exited the car and came around to open Bella's door. Taking her hand, we walked side by side to the house, up the few steps before entering.

We walked into the living area together and all conversations in the room stilled and all eyes looked at us. Alice let out a squeal which scared the living shit out of me before bounding towards us and giving us a double hug.

"I knew it!" She squealed in delight, "I just knew it! Didn't I say Jazz? Hmm?"

Jasper was smiled at me, "Yes Alice, you did."

Alice released us then and bounced on her feet, clapping her hands in front of her quickly like some crazy pixie on crack. I couldn't help but chuckle.

"Edward honey?" My mom asked for behind Alice. She looked back and forth between Bella and I stood there, holding hands.

I nodded as I let go of Bella's hand and wrapped my arm around her waist pulling her closer to me and kissing her on the top of her hair. My mom's glassy eyes blinked a couple of times before we walked towards us with purpose and throw her arms around both of us.

"Oh Edward, Bella. I'm so happy for you both. Truly I am." Once she released her death grip on us, my dad came over to hug and kiss Bella's cheek then slap me on the back with a wink. My dad winking was funny. Jasper joined us then giving us both a similar gesture as Dad.

My sister in law Rose was the next to congratulate us as 'seeing the light at last.' I eyed up Emmett who was still sat on one of the couches with Benjamin perched on his knee. The nerves returned in full force as he stared me down. He slowly got up, pulled Benjamin's legs across his hip and walked towards the group that was centred with myself and Bella. Once he got close enough he looked at me and back at Bella before back at me again. I gulped before he slowly placed his large hands over Benjamin's ears and said, "Don't fuck this up."

My face broke out into a huge smile as I reached for my squirming nephew. "Hey Benjamin! Look who's come to play, Aunt Bee!" He clapped his hands together mirroring his Aunt Alice earlier and stretched his little arms over to Bella. She took him from me, "Hey little man," she cooed and he giggled. My smile was firmly in place now I had seen my family accept Bella as my girl.

After dinner, I helped Mom load the dishwasher while Bella was in the living area talking with everyone.

"So ..."

"Yeah."

"A lot has happened in the last week then honey?"

"Yep it sure has."

"And Tanya?" My mom whispered her name and darted a look towards the living room.

"Gone." Mom looked at my face and searched my face then she smiled.

"It's good to see you so happy Edward. It's been a long time coming."

I glanced toward the kitchen door where I could just see Bella's head near the floor hovering over Benjamin's tummy before blowing on it. They were both giggling.

"I am Mom. I really am."

"Just be cautious though honey. Tanya… she was never one to back down over anything and I'm assuming you left her?" I nodded before she continued, "You know where she is?"

I shrugged, "New York I assume."

Mom continued to look over me. "Did you change the locks?"

I chuckled, "Yes Mom, I got that sorted Friday. Stop worrying. I'm happy. Bee's happy. We're happy together and nothing will stop that." I glanced back to see Bella sat on the floor with Benjamin in her arms, "I'm never going to let her go... ever."

"Good." My mom nodded thoughtfully.

"I do need to start sharing though..."

Mom laughed and shook her head, "Sharing Bella? Edward, you wouldn't share Bella when you were six! What makes you think you could start now?"

I smiled broadly at my mom looking so happy for me.

"Okay, okay. Maybe not 'share' but I need to balance my life better. I've been neglecting my other family and friends." I looked down at hands griping on to a plate, "I'm sorry Mom."

I felt my chin being grasped softly so my face was tipped up to see my mother's loving eyes. "No need to be sorry honey." She kissed the tip of my nose and ruffled my hair like I was six again.

"You need any help?"

I looked over to the doorway to see Bella leaning against it with a small smile on her face.

"Hey Bee." I waved at her to come in as my mom stepped away from me. Bella walked to my side where I pulled her by her waist towards me, placing a chaste kiss on the corner of her upturned mouth. I looked back at Mom who was grinning at us.

"I'll leave you kids to it." Then she winked and my jaw dropped open in shock. _My mother, winking? _I watched the back of her head as she left and Bella came to stand in front of me.

"Did your mom just wink at us?"

I just nodded;_ I thin__k I'm in shock._

"You think she wouldn't want us to do anything in her home but I'm not sure now …. Hey, is your old room still your old room?"

"Eh, yeah. Mom couldn't bring herself to change any of our rooms when we moved out."

Bella had a wicked glint in her eye as she walked backwards towards the door holding my hands in front of her, "Can I see?"

_Holy shit, here? In my old room! With my whole family downstairs. Could we? _Then I remembered my mother's wink and took it as a green light … or a red rag to a bull … I grabbed Bella's hips stopping her in her tracks and pulled her to me. Just the idea of being inside her here where we could get caught as turning me on. I pushed my growing erection into her and she moaned low in her throat.

"Give me a two minute head start ..." And then she was gone, excusing herself to use the bathroom up my parent's stairs.

I stood in my parent's kitchen gripping the kitchen worktop for another minute trying to calm down before going in the living area to make my own excuse to go up the stairs. No one looked convinced but at that very moment in life, I didn't give a shit. I needed to be with my girl.

I took the steps two at a time almost running to my old bedroom door. My hand clutched the doorknob a little too tight and I placed my forehead against the cool wood to try and control my breathing.

I knocked once, opened the door a crack then whispered, "Bee?"

After a few seconds, I still hadn't received a reply so I pushed the door open enough to slip through. Closing the door and locking it quickly, I turned and almost stumbled over at the sight in front of me.

Bella was lying in the middle of my old bed… naked. My eyes raked greedily over her beautiful body as I licked my lips in anticipation. She was laid on her back; her upper body propped up on her elbows which made her chest jut out. Her nipples seem to harden under my intense gaze. My eyes slipped lower to her flat stomach and lower still to the small line of hair, my trail to my prize. Her knees were slightly bent and laid slightly to her left side. She was slightly squirming, her thighs squeezed together tightly.

My dick strained against the black pants I was wearing. My eyes found her face to see her lips parted, breathing heavy. Once her eyes found mine, I saw her bite her bottom lip firmly. That was my undoing.

I marched towards my old bed, unbuttoning my shirt and pants as I went. I was so happy that I'd had the sense to leave my shoes and socks downstairs. Bella rose to her knees in front of me once I got to the edge of the bed and fumbled at my pants, yanking them down my legs along with my underwear. In one swift movement, Bella's lips were wrapped around my dick, her hands bracing herself on my thighs. I almost came right then and there. "Oh God Bella."

She was taking almost all of me as her head bobbed up and down furiously. My eyes rolled into the back of my head as I placed my hands at either side of Bella's head to try and slow her down. "Slow down baby or I'm not going to last long. And I really need to be inside you." Bella's throaty groaned around my dick was too much. "Bella stop please." She did as she was told but not before looking up at me through her lashes with her pretty lips still on me. I moaned at the sight before pulling her up my body and kissing her hard.

I fell onto her as I touched every inch of her smooth soft skin. Once my mouth left hers, I descended south to her ear, her neck then her collarbone before taking one of her nipples in my mouth and sucking hard. Bella gasped as her back arched off the bed pushing herself into me firmly. I continued to suck on her until she was shaking with need. I smiled against her skin as I trailed a line of hot open mouth kissed to her other nipple before taking that one in the same fashion. I rolled her neglected nipple between my fingers and tugged. "Oh fuck me Edward!" She almost growled at me while wrapping her legs around me, anchoring me to her.

My lips made their way back up to hers as I kissed her again and my fingers trailed lazily down to her wet core. My fingers gazed up and down her opening with the lightest of touches.

"Stop fucking teasing me Edward!" She sounded almost pissed off and it was a complete turn on. My dick grew even harder as I rubbed myself against her hip for a few more seconds before I grabbed it, rubbing my head over her clit. Her hips bucked off the bed in response. I quickly lined myself up at her entrance and pushed myself in her. Then I positioned myself so I could grab hold of my headboard to use as leverage. I pulled out of Bella sharply before pushing back in her hard. I continued this over and over again. The sounds of slapping skin and harsh breathing filled my old room as my orgasm tightened in my groin. "Oh yes, yes, yes …. Edw-" She screamed into my shoulder which muted her enough so the whole house didn't hear us. The feel of Bella's own orgasm ripping through her tore through me as I moaned into her neck, spilling myself into her. I slowed to a stop, heavy breathing and completely spent.

"That was..."

"...fantastic."

"Yeah." I lifted my head enough to gaze into her beautiful brown eyes and I couldn't help but smile broadly at her. We were both coated in sweat; her hair was all over the place and both still trying to control our breathing. She was the most exquisite creature ever known. Alluring, attractive, tempting, enticing, seductive, angelic, appealing, bewitching, enchanting, fascinating, cute, dazzling, delicate, dainty, exquisite, delightful, divine; I could go on and on but above all, she was perfect, absolutely and totally perfect.

"I love you Bee." The back of my fingers brushing over her cheek. "My Bella." Her hand came up to grasp myself, lacing our fingers together.

"I love you Edward, so very much."

We got our clothes back on quickly and wandered downstairs together. I was pretty sure someone would have heard us so what was the point in trying to hide it? No one bothered us as we rejoined the group chatting in the living area apart from a smirk for Rose. Bella sat on the couch next to her as I settled on the floor with my back in front of her. Bella's lazily draped her right leg over my shoulder and I kissed her calf gently.

We spent the next few hours at my parents chatting. It was late evening before I heard Bella yawn behind me so we left after yet more hugs and kisses from everyone. We had decided to sleep separately tonight even though we both hated the idea. I was working at an ungodly hour again and didn't want to wake her. I walked her to her door when she got a text.

"It's Jake." She smiled. "Billy's home." She seemed to sigh in relief.

"That's great news Bee."

"Yeah, I might be able to sleep a little better now knowing he's okay but I'll still not sleep being completely at ease … you sure it's a good idea for us to sleep apart tonight?"

I sighed deeply almost caving, "I need to be up at three and I don't want to disturb you Bee. I'll make it up to you later."

Bella smiled, reaching up on her tip-toes to kiss me quickly on my lips. "You better." I grabbed her into a warm embrace before waving and watching her step inside, closing the door.

* * *

We got to see each other a couple of nights that week but my shifts at the hospital were brutal. It was the only way I managed to either get the weekend off or work a short Saturday or Sunday shift so I could see Bella.

I even managed to fit in some quality time with Jasper too. We hung out at my house on the Saturday night drinking beer and watching a hockey match. It was fun to reconnect with him and it meant that Bella had some time with Jake. I knew Bella had missed him and wanted some time with him especially after his father's scare. And the weird thing was, I trusted him plus I completely trusted Bella anyway.

So we tried to get into a routine where we saw each other as much as we could and at the same time, we spent time with our family and friends. It was difficult but we managed to get a balance.

**9th October 2010 (3 weeks later)**

Double date night; _what the hell had I__ got myself into! _It was Saturday and I'd worked a short morning shift which earned me a Sunday and Monday off. Bella had been planning with Shorty and Rose this double date night for a week now.

We'd spent the afternoon having a small party for Benjamin's first birthday. He had so many gifts; we had all spoilt him way too much but I suppose that's what happens when you're the only child in the family. So far that is. I asked Jasper when he was going to pull his finger out but he just told me to fuck off and mind my own business … _nice._

Mom and Dad said they would babysit Benjamin so we could all go out together, me, Bella, Shorty, Jazz, Emmett and Rose. Even Jake was bring a date! I honestly couldn't remind the last time I went for a night out on the town with my brother and sister. Tanya really wasn't into that sort of thing … you know, getting drunk and having fun. I mentally rolled my eyes at myself. _How d__id I get it so wrong for so long?_

Bella had the girls at her apartment getting ready. She'd text me a couple of times over the past four hours … _yes FOUR hours!_ What the fuck woman did for four hours to get ready was beyond me. I sat on my couch sipping my beer thinking back at when Shorty, Bella and I were kids getting ready for Mom and Dad's parties. Shorty liked to dress Bella up then too. I'm sure nothing will have changed and now we can throw Rose into the mix._ God, Bee might need me to rescue her! _I glanced back at my cell.

"E! Stop fucking looking at your phone every two seconds! She'll be okay with Alice and Rose."

"Okay Jazz! Gezz, what's got into you today?"

He murmured something under his breath but I didn't catch it. I looked back at my cell again just to piss him off. I smiled at my own sense of humour. _I'm such a dork at times._

"I'm so fucking ready for this bro." Emmett smacked me on the back as I was taking a swig; I choked and coughed until I could breathe again. Looking at my brother, he looked so happy and this made me smile. As much as double date night scared the crap out of me, I decided that this is all part of my life balance plan. I needed… no wanted to do this especially with Bella by my side.

I heard a car horn beep from outside and I couldn't control the grin that spread across my face; _my girl's here. _I jumped to my feet fast, smoothing down my t-shirt and jeans before side eyeing my bro and best friend doing the same. I rolled my eyes at our joint eagerness; _when did we all get whipped?_

I heard giggling outside before the door was opened by my sister who was looking gorgeous in her black and white polka dot dress and black heels. Rosalie was the next to walk in. She was wearing a red, black and white mix short flowing dress paired with a pair of black platform shoes. The dress was something I could see Bella would have liked for herself. Rose's head was turned away from us, laughing to Bella who was behind her. Once Rose stepped into the room and revealed Bella, my whole world stopped. It was like time had frozen as she stepped in the house wearing a white, short and very well fitted one-shoulder dress. The shoulder strap was embellished with gems which also covered her right breast. Her outfit was complete with silver gem heeled sandals. She was stunning, like a angel in white. A naughty looking angel; Bella bit her lip and looked at me through her lashes. She knew exactly what that look did to me. I shifted uncomfortably from foot to foot as my hardened dick pressed into the fly-zipper of my jeans. She was a vision, a beautiful vision of a woman and she was mine.

She strode over to me with purpose swaying her hips towards me. My arms immediately and automatically circled her waist as I pulled her closely to me. She locked her arms around my neck as I leaned in to whisper in her ear.

"I'm going to have to watch you like a hawk tonight, Miss Swan. You look too beautiful for words to describe and every man who sees you will want to make you theirs. And that just won't do. Because you are mine."

"You think it's okay? The dress I mean. It was supposed to be Rose's but we had a last minute emergency so we swapped."

"No question Miss Swan. You are stunning."

I kissed just below her ear and she moaned softly. There was nothing more that I wanted to do at that moment than to throw her over my shoulder and take her back to my house to fuck her senseless. But that wasn't going to happen ...yet.

* * *

The club was loud and hot as the light beat down on us. We had reserved a table at Club Noc Noc and met Jake with his date, Leah. After the introductions were finished, we quickly settled into small groups where the conversation flowed freely.

I was constantly on edge. I'd not seen one man pass Bella and not try to look at her ass in this dress. Bella has one fine ass and the dress showed it off perfectly. But that was my ass, not theirs.

The girls were on their fourth Cosmopolitan; not Rose though. She'd started feeling guilty about leaving Benjamin so said she wouldn't drink in case she was needed at short notice to go back for him.

Bella was delightfully giddy and slightly drunk. "Hey baby," She cooed in my ear, "You wanna dance with me?" I grinned at her, nodded before grabbing for hand and leading her onto the dance floor. Tonight's theme was the 80's; a mix of Sweet Dreams (Are Made Of This) by the Eurythmics started as I pulled Bella to me. She placed her arms around my neck as her fingers made their way into my hair pulling my head towards hers. My hands gripped her hips as she swayed hers to the music slowly, brushing into me making me want to do all sorts of things to her on this dance floor. She looked deep into my eyes before biting her lip; she knew exactly what she was doing and the effect it had on me. Before I could capture her lips with mine, she spun on the spot, her back to my front. She brought one arm around my neck as she ground her sweet ass into my groin. My lips immediately sought out her skin on her exposed neck, shoulder and collarbone.

As my hands were on her hips and my lips on her shoulder, I felt a sudden uneasy feeling settle over me. A cold shiver ran up my spine as I looked out belong the dance floor to see a cold pair of blue eyes staring at me. _Tanya._

I was suddenly bumped into from my right as my eyes snapped away from the icy glare.

"Sorry man," a random man apologised for the contact. I ignored him to look back at her … but she was gone, nowhere to be seen. _Was I seeing things? _I've had a bit to drink tonight. A cold shudder came back as I gripped Bella in my arms more tightly.

Bella turned to face me; her smile was quickly replaced with concern as she looked at my face. Leaning into my ear, she shouted about the music, "Edward? What's wrong? You look like you've seen a ghost."

_Had I? _I wasn't sure but I didn't want to worry Bella unnecessarily so I tried to ensure her I was okay with a tight lipped smile.

Leaning into her ear, I replied. "I'm great as long as you're here with me." And it was all true but I couldn't help the feeling that we were being watched. I glanced around the club and nothing stood out. No Tanya. I shook my head from side to side to try and shake the feeling.

"Edward, you don't look so well. I think we better get you home." There was no way I was going to let my active imagination cut this night short. _Man up Cullen!_

"Hey, I'm good." I gave her a wink as I placed my lips firmly over hers. Getting lost in Bella was easy to do when we were moving to the music. My mouth and tongue explored hers, my fingers digging into the material at her hips. My past uneasy state disappeared quickly as Bella's mouth lead a trail of hot kisses to my chin to my ear then I felt her tongue on my jaw.

"Bee? Did you just lick me?" I saw excitement dance in her slightly dazed eyes as she tightened her grip on my neck.

"Might have." Bella bit her bottom lip again. I quickly reached up to release it from the confines of her teeth.

"Bella." I warned in a low voice, "You know what that does to me. If you do it again, I expect you to take the consequences."

She mused at my words, kissing the side of my neck then taking my ear lope in her mouth, sucking then biting down. I groaned.

"And what consequences are these? Hm?" Her breath was laboured in my ear. She was drunk and loving doing this to me.

"Oh I think you know." I pushed my hardened length into her centre, shamelessly rubbing myself into her. _If that didn't tell he__r how fucking much I wanted her, nothing would!_

"Bella!" I looked up to see my very annoying and badly timed sister at the side of us. "We need to dance. All the girls! Come on!"

Alice grabbed Bella by the waist and almost hauled her off me. _Cockbocking __Shorty! _Bella mouthed, 'I'm sorry' and 'Later' as she was practically dragged to the other side of the dance floor where Rose and Leah were dancing together. Deciding I didn't really do dancing when I was on my own, I made my way back to the bar for a drink. Sitting at a bar stool, I watched Bella laugh and dance to the music with her friends while I waited for barman to get to me. It was pretty packed; I was lucky to get a seat.

"Hey handsome." I tore my eyes away from my girl to see a red haired woman sitting next to me. "Can I buy you a drink?"

"Um no thanks. Sorry I'm with my girlfriend. She's in the white dress." I pointed in Bella's direction. She looked over at Bella before turning her attention back to me.

"Oh she's a lucky one. I'm Tori by the way." She held out her hand and I shook it to be polite. "Edward."

"Edward? Why even your name makes me want to swoon." I laughed nervously.

"I'm sorry. I'm making you uncomfortable. Don't mind me. You look very happy to lady legs over there."

I breathed a sigh of relief. I'm no good with women. Just Bella. "Lady legs?" I chuckled. "I'll have to tell that to Bella."

"Bella? Your girlfriend?"

"Yeah." She gave me a warm smile as her drink arrived in front of her. "Well, can't blame a girl for trying." She rose from her seat as the barman asked me for my order. "Bye Edward." I gave her a small smile and a nod as I briefly watched her walk away.

Once I got my beer, I walked back to our table to see Emmett and Jasper together looking at the dance floor. Jake was nowhere to be seen and as I looked out to the girls, it looked as if Leah had also disappeared.

"Jake gone already?"

"E, it's almost two in the morning. And yeah Jake wanted to make sure Leah got home okay." He elbowed me in the rib, wiggled his eye brows and laughed. I couldn't help but laugh with him. This reminded me of our days together at UWSoM. Such great times and sad times mixed together.

After our laughter calmed, I looked over at Emmett, "Hey Em. You okay?" It wasn't like Emmett not to join in on a laugh with us. He looked away from the dance floor with a glazed over look on his face to slowly meet my gaze. "Hm? Yeah, yeah I'm good."

"You sure? You seem far away? You missing Benjamin?"

He smiled at the mention of his son's name, "Yeah. It's weird being out without him."

"Em, if you brought him here, I'd have to report you to Child Protection Services and that would just not do!" I saw the corner of his mouth tug and as I laughed, so did he.

"You'll get him back tomorrow bright and early knowing Mom and Dad. He's safe. No need to worry."

"I know."

Our conversation was halted by the commotion of two very drunk women making their way towards us with a completely sober one in tow. Rose rolled her eyes as Bella landed on my lap with more luck than judgement. Alice was in a similar state.

"Hey Edward." She slurred as she kissed me hard. I pulled away from her gently. "Hey beautiful, I think we need to get you home."

"Awwwwwwwwwwwww but I'm having soooooooooooo much fun!"

I chuckled at her enthusiasm, "Yeah you are." She smiled widely then placed her forehead to mine, "Silly Edward."

"Come on. Let's you home."

"Home …. Ummmm that sounds gooooood …. with you." I chuckled again. "Oh Bee, you're going to have the world's worst hang-over tomorrow."

* * *

**17th October 2010**

We were both laid on Bella's couch watching Shutter Island on Sunday afternoon. I had my back to the back of the couch and Bella was curled in front of me, her back to my front. Turns out Bella still has a girl crush on Leo. I rolled my eyes thinking back to Bella's birthday movie night and watching Titanic with a bunch of teenage girls._ I must have already really loved her, even then to put up with that shit. _I physically shuddered when I thought back to that night and getting cornered by Jessica._ Wonder what she's doing now?_

My thoughts were halted by Bella's cell ringing out. She groaned as she got up to see who it was. I watched as she looked at the caller ID and frowned before answering the phone, "Hello?"

I sat up. She was stood by her side table as her frown disappeared to be replaced by recognition and then pure shock. Her face became expressionless as she slapped her hand down on the side table's surface as if to steady herself.

I rushed to her side, holding her around the waist, scared she was going to faint or collapse. Something was very wrong.

"Bee? Bee? Who is it? Bee?" I was desperate to know who was on the other end of the line. I was about to take the phone off her to find out who was on the call when Bella seemed to snap out of her trance. "Yes I understand. Thank you for letting me know. Thank you."

She pressed the button to hang up and lowered her hand to her side as the phone slipped out of her grasp to the floor. It landed with a clack to the wooden floor before she slumped to my arms.

"Bee? You're scaring the shit out of me! Please let me what's going on?" I pleaded. I led her over to the couch where we sat. I reached over for the remote without losing my connection with her to stop the long forgotten movie off. The room was plunged in silence.

I pulled her to my shoulder and held her tight. "Please Bee." I whispered into her hair and kiss it, "Please tell me."

She seemed to be struggling to get her voice to work. She opened and closed her mouth before the words finally complied and left her in an audible gasp.

"James… he's …he's dead."

* * *

***runs & hides from ****the cliffie haters* lol :) Let me know your theories even though I'm a complete fail with review replies, I love hearing from each one of you. Massive thanks to my dear friend & beta, SweetLovinCullen : Love you bb xx  
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**RL for the next few weeks will be busy, busy, busy so I'll update with chapter 18 so soon as I can.  
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	18. Moving On

**Disclaimer : SM owns Edward & Twilight, not me (sadly!)**

* * *

_I pulled her to my shoulder and held her tight. "Please Bee." I whispered into her hair and kiss it, "Please tell me."_

_She seemed to be struggling to get her voice to work. She opened and closed her mouth before the words finally complied and left her in an audible gasp._

"_James… he's …he's dead."_

* * *

This was not the news I expected to hear. James. James Johnson. The murderer that had caused Charlie to run with my Bee to keep her safe. The man who had terrorised my Bella's life for such a long time, the reason we'd been apart for ten years. James.

I hadn't moved since the news had fallen from Bella's lips. I was frozen to the spot. We both sat there completely still, in silence, hardly breathing letting the news sink in. _James. Who was on the phone? An old cop buddy of Charlie's? Why did they tell Bella? How did he die? In prison? Did he ..._

I was pulled from my own thoughts as I felt Bella begin to tremble in my arms; her breathing was shallow and harsh.

"Oh my God ..." Bella began before a painful sob racked her whole body and the tremble became more prominent. She was literally shaking in my arms from fear and in that moment, I came to hate James even more than I'd ever thought it would be possible. Even from the grave, he caused this damage to my beautiful Bella; my strong girl was reduced to a quivering shell. Pushing my anger down, I pulled Bella onto my lap wrapping her in my arms and rocking us both back and forth.

"You're okay beautiful girl, you're okay. I love you. I'm here. You're okay. I love you." I chanted these words over and over again. "You're strong Bee, don't you ever forget that." My whispers of encouragement seemed to work as her sobs quietened and her shaking was less violent than before. _If I could find a way to bring him back from the dead, I would and then kill him myself for doing this to her._

I caught her face in my palms wiping the tear tracks away from her cheeks away with my thumbs and then lips. I kissed ever inch of her pale face trying to replace the sadness in her eyes with the sparkle I loved so much. I knew hearing this news would bring back sad and fearful memories of Charlie and our past. Charlie. He must have been terrified at the thought of putting Bella in danger from that mad man. A physical shiver ran down my spine. _What if James had got to Bella while she was away from me? What if he had managed to kidnap her or worse? _My mind was wandering into dangerous territory and I had to stop before I had a panic attack. _No, I had to be strong for her. She needs me. She's okay, she here, with me._

The feeling of Bella's hands on top of my own that were still holding her cheeks brought my eyes back in focus to look at her. She looked into my eyes attentively as if she knew exactly what I'd been thinking. I gave her a small smile and kissed her gently full on her mouth. She really was the most amazing creature I ever had the pleasure of sharing so much with. I was blessed to have Bella in my life. She laid her head on my shoulder and sighed heavily.

"I'm sorry for freak-"

"Bee, don't. You don't have to apologise for feeling the way you did when you heard that sort of news. I understand."

She lifted her head to look at me and gave me a shadow of a smile before placing her head back on my shoulder. We sat like that for a while, wrapped up in each other.

"I'll get you some hot chocolate Bee. The sugar will make you feel better."

She nodded as I reluctantly placed Bella on the sofa and quickly made her drink. On my return, I found she had laid down with her eyes closed. She looked physically exhausted.

"Bee? Your drinks here." I whispered kneeling by her head, stroking the loose strands of hair away from her face. She opened her eyes before didn't move.

"Edward. Will you lay with me?"

"Silly Bella, you don't even need to ask but let us lay down on our bed. You'll be more comfortable." The love that shone in her eyes when I reversed her 'silly' nickname for me onto her made my heart clench in my chest. _I love this woman so much._ Before she could move, I scooped her up in my arms bridal style and walked her into her bedroom, laying her quietly in the centre of her bed. She didn't let go of my arm as she turned her back to me and I settled down behind her. Grabbing her spare blanket from her side, I wrapped my arms and the blanket securely around us both.

"I love you Edward."

"I love you Bee. I'm here when you want to talk." She nodded sleepily. I didn't want to push her. She would talk to me, I was certain of it but she needed time to recover from the news.

I listened to her breathing until I knew she was asleep.

* * *

I drifted in and out of consciousness for a couple of hours as the room grew darker with the setting sun. It gave me time to think about everything Icy blue eyes invaded my mind before I pushed that particular thought back down. I hadn't told Bella about that; I didn't want to worry her. Not that there was anything to worry about, I still wasn't sure if I actually saw Tanya that night. I'd definitely not seen anything of her since. _No, it was just my active imagination._ I glanced at Bella's alarm clock to see it was seven in the evening. We needed to get up. I was working tonight and I wanted to make sure Bella was okay before my shift.

"Bee?" I whispered as I kissed her cheek then her neck. "It's seven, we need to get up … I need to leave for my shift in a while." I continued to kiss her until she stirred. She turned slowly to face me then buried her head in my chest.

"Okay." She whispered back, the sadness in her voice broke my heart.

"I just need to make a phone call Bee. I'll be in the living room, join me?" She nodded as I kissed the top of her head, removed myself from the comfort of her embrace and walked into her living space. As soon as I was far enough away from Bella and sure she wouldn't hear, I quickly called my dad to pull in a favour. I hated asking him to use this position to help me out but this was needed. Bella needed me here tonight. I wasn't going to leave her this soon. And when I did, I needed to know she'd be okay.

My dad sounded concerned but said he would get my night shift covered. I promised I'd call him the next day to explain.

Bella wandered into the room looking lost in thought. I walked to her and pulled her in my arms giving her a tight hug. Her arms locked around my waist and she squeezed me.

"I'm so glad you were here Edward."

I kissed the top of her head, "So am I." I pulled back to look at her face. Sadness was still the dominating feature and that needed to change. _That dick was not going to knock my girl down ever again. _Stepping back once, I took her hand and tugged her to the sofa where we sat down.

"I'm not going to work tonight Bee. You need me more than the hospital."

"No Edward. I... I can't let you do that."

"Yes you can Bee. Plus it's already done."

Bella was silent as a faraway look passed over her once again, her eyebrows pulled together in a frown. "Bee? Please let me do this. For you and for my sanity. You're my girl; let me take care of you. Please. I want to be here when you're ready to talk about that phone call. I know it's selfish of me but… I want it to be me who you tell, not Jake, my mom or Shorty cause I'm at work. Me..."

I trailed off, embarrassed by my confession. I knew Bella needed to tell Jake, Mom and Alice what had happened. She was really close to all three of them but I was the one that I wanted her to know I was always there for her, no matter what.

Her eyes came back to focus on me as my little speech started. By the time I'd finished rambling and looked away, she grabbed my head to stop me looking away from her.

"Edward… oh my silly Edward. I love you. More than anyone, more than anything. I will always tell you everything Edward. You are my life now, why wouldn't I?"

At that exact moment, I knew I would spend the rest of my life with the woman in front of me. I would ask her to marry me and we would have kids. We'd grow old together and I'd die a happy old man. We may have been separated for ten years but my heart had always been with her, it had been with her since we were six.

My lips connected with her instantly as I poured all the love, hope and future into it. Before long, Bella had climbed onto my lap, her knees straddling my lap. Her fingers wound tightly into my hair as she pushed my head back to give her better access. My fingers dug into her ass, kneading her flesh. Bella's lips left me, shifting slightly so her forehead was pressing against mine.

"Edward. I need you. I promise we'll talk but I just… I need you now. Touch me. Please."

My girl didn't have to ask twice. I nodded as my mouth descended on her again. I moaned as her hips began a circular motion. I could feel her hot need pressing through the thin cotton material of her yoga pants straight onto my dick that was straining to be released from its confines. Bella groaned and her motion became more needful; the denim of my jeans obviously giving her some friction she desired.

"Touch me Edward." We were panting so we started to fumble with each other's clothes. I silently thanked God for elasticated waist bands as my hand slid quickly and smoothly into Bella's pants. I pushed her panties to the side and cupped her bare centre before sliding my fingers along her slit and sinking two fingers into her. She was so wet I could have come right on the spot. Bella gasped before attacking my mouth again, forcing her tongue passed my lips. She pushed her hips into my hand encouraging me to continue to touch her this way. Her hands tugged on my hair to the point of pain which did nothing but make me want her more. I needed more. My hand left her pulled her t-shirt over her head. Bella reached to unclasp her bra; _maybe I wasn't quick enough. _I want to worship her body but Bella had other plans.

She ripped my t-shirt from my body before quickly reaching for my belt, unbuckling it swiftly and unbuttoning my fly. I promptly captured one of her nipples in my mouth. Bella threw her head back, momentarily forgetting her mission to rid me of my jeans. I reached to pinch her other nipple with my fingers as my other hand sprayed on her back to push her to be closer to me.

"Edward!" She growled at me pushing back from me enough to make my mouth detach from her body so she could continue her work on my jeans. Awkwardly she pushed my jeans and boxers over my lifted ass and down to my knees. While she was preoccupied with her mission, I had one of my own. I pulled her pants and panties down. I'd never felt so turned on as she lifted one of her legs so I could slide her out of one of the legs of her pants. I groaned as Bella groped my dick in her hands before lining my head with her entrance. With an abrupt push down, she lowered herself on to me. I wasn't going to last long at this rate. I groaned her name with absolute pleasure as she pulled up then pushed down hard on me. I burrowed my fingers into her hips slowing her rhythm so I wouldn't explode too soon. My mouth sought out her nipple again as I sucked hard. Hearing her yelp then moan so loud her neighbours surely heard spurred me on. My orgasm was building and building; my balls so tight my legs started to shake.

"Fucking hell! Bella! I need you to co-"

I didn't need to finish my sentence. Bella began to quiver on top of me as her walls clamped out suddenly rendering me speechless.

"Yes … yes … YES!" She screamed. The feeling of Bella coming tipped me over the edge as I jerked and spilled into her. Her moments became lazy and finally collapsed on to my shoulder. With the little energy I had left, I wrapped her in my arms and held her tight. As stayed like this for a long time. Our breathing returned to normal as I lazily dragged my hand up and down Bella's back. She shivered which was my cue to make Bella more comfortable than straddling me naked on her sofa. I kissed her shoulder before pulling out of her, both moaning at the loss of contact.

I pulled her to her feet. "Shower?" She bit her lip then nodded. I felt lust fill my senses again with the sight of her lower lip caught between her teeth.

"You're playing with fire Bee." I gently pulled her lip free from her teeth, running my thumb across her bottom lip. She grabbed my hand and pulled my thumb into her hot mouth. Sucking it hard and looking at me through her lashes, I knew what she was doing but I couldn't resist her. Not now; not ever.

"Shower… now." She released my thumb and turned to walk in front of me. I slapped her ass. She gasped and turned to look over her shoulder at me, "You just wait til I get you in that shower." I could see in her eyes that she understood my promise fully.

On entering her bathroom, she stepped into the bath and I quickly followed. I wasted no time. As soon as the water was flowing, I pushed Bella up the tiled wall and groaned into her mouth. Her legs automatically lifted from the floor and circled my hips. My now hard dick slipped back into her effortlessly like it was the most natural thing in the world; we were made for each other. I kissed every inch of her I could reach as my movements were strong and steady. I worshipped her body as it should always be. She was the most amazing person and I loved her so much.

"I love you Bella." I continued to thrust long and hard into her. I pulled one of her legs from around my waist to place it on the edge of the tub. Bending my knees slightly changed the angle of my thrusts to hit her sweet spot. Bella's legs started to shake, a sure sign she was as close as I was.

"I love you … so much … Bella, Bee …. BEE!"

"Oh God EDWARD!" We came together as I continued to unevenly thrust into her prolonging both our orgasms. I groaned into her shoulder as I pulled out of her for a second time.

"I love you."

"I love you too Bee." I grabbed her shower gel and started to lathe my hands together. We washed each other's bodies with gentle, soft touches. Once we had finished, I washed Bella's hair enjoying the feel of my fingers on her scalp. Once we were clean, I grabbed a couple of towels from the rail and wrapped us up. Walking back to Bella's bedroom, we dried each other and slipped on our night wear.

Slipping beneath the cool sheets of Bella's bed felt heavenly but making it so was the angel lying beside me. After ten minutes of finding a comfortable position for both of us with her cheek pressing against my chest, Bella started to speak.

"Edward?"

"Yeah love?" Another minute silence between us before she continued.

"The phone call was from Detective Clearwater, Sue Clearwater. She was one of the only people we stayed in contact with once James was put behind bars. She even came to Charlie's funeral..."

Guilt swept over me. _I should have been there... but I didn't know..._ I heard Bella take a steadying breath as she continued.

"She was a true friend to Charlie as well as a work colleague. She helped me decide to come home... to you. She knew… she knew I'd want to know… and she knew I'd want to know from her."

Bella's shoulders shook slightly and I hugged her tight. I could feel her tears seeping through my t-shirt but I didn't care. I just wished I could take away her sadness.

After another deep intake of breath Bella started to speak again, her voice was unsteady. "You'd like Sue. I need to invite her over to meet you..." She was stalling but I let her because she needed to do this her way.

"She told me…" Another deep breath, "She told me he'd taken his own life. She didn't give me any specifics… I don't want to know… she just thought I'd want to know that they was no way he would ever hurt me again... but…" She was silent for a while.

"But?" I edged stroking her hair.

"But… I feel… sort of cheated. He should be rotting in jail for what he did to my dad… what he did to me… what he did to us… and now he's got off the hook. I hate him Edward… really hate him." The anger in her voice didn't surprise me, I felt the same.

"Does that make me a bad person Edward?" She whispered. _How could she think that? After everything that man put her through, how could see think that?_

"No Bee. It doesn't. It makes you human. I feel the same. That doesn't make you a bad person… not at all… just human."

I pulled her impossibly closer to me. "Bella, you're safe. He can't hurt you anymore. I'm here. You're okay."

"I know I am, as long as you're with me."

* * *

**25th November 2010 : Thanksgiving**

The last month just flew by. Bella talked with everyone to tell them the news about James. Everyone had a similar reaction, shock, anger, resentment. Jake was particular angry and at first, I was pissed at his reaction. He talked about his responsibility to protect Bella from harm and that grated on me. It wasn't his responsibility, it was mine. She was mine. I knew my reaction wasn't justified. Jake had looked after Bella when I couldn't but that didn't stop the caveman feelings I was having.

When speaking with Bella after the phone call, she told me more about the times that Jake had 'overacted' in certain situations; Bella's words, not mine. I found a new edge of respect for Jake when Bella told me the story of Jake making sure she was okay especially when it came to men. Bella had never really talked about relationships she'd had while we were apart. I knew she had a couple but no great details and to be fair, I didn't want to know. That was the past and that's where it stopped but I was grateful she had Jake to look after her.

He reminded me… of me. Maybe not now but me at six. Bella's best friend who would do anything for her. She was still my best friend but what I felt for her as well as friendship was absolute and utter devotion. I loved her and I was going to marry her; the blue Tiffany's box in my box of memories proved that. I just needed to find the perfect way to ask her but nothing seemed enough to show her how much I loved her and that I wanted to make her mine forever.

When I'd told my mom and dad my plans to ask Bella to marry me, she cried and my dad beamed at me before they both pulled me into a tight group hug. I showed them the ring I had picked out; the 18ct solitaire diamond Tiffany ring was perfect for my Bee. I wanted to tell Shorty and Jazz; it felt strange not to. I'd always been closest to my big little sister and Jasper was my best friend but I wanted both Bella and I to be able to tell them together. I swear Alice knew something anyway; she always seemed to pick up on my mood.

We arrived at Mom and Dad's house for Thanksgiving dinner early because Bella insisted on helping Mom with the cooking. The good thing was Emmett, Rose and Benjamin had also decided to come early so while Bella, Rose and Mom got the dinner sorted, I got some quality time with my favourite nephew. He was growing up so fast it was hard to keep up week to week. He had just started to walk on his own. He was just so cute toddling along between me and his daddy in the living area. He was squealing and giggling as he managed to successfully make each of his six step adventures between the two of us sat on the floor. I couldn't help but think of our future with my son or daughter or both running throughout our family home, laughing.

"Dada! Dada!" Benjamin squealed as he made the journey once again between us into the arms of his daddy. Emmett swept him up in his arms and hugged him tight. "You go little man!"

"I still can't believe he's walking now, Emmett. He's growing up so fast."

"Yep, they grow up way too quickly." He said as Benjamin struggled to get out of his daddy's grip so he could walk to me again. Once he reached me again, I scooped him up in my hands and pushed him up to the ceiling before lying down on my back with Benjamin in my outstretched arms above my head.

"Oooooo look at you Ben! You're flying! Like Superman!" Benjamin giggled as I moved him back and forth a little making aeroplane noises at the same time. I pulled him back to my chest and his chubby hands grabbed my cheeks. I laughed as he pushed my face so my chin was in the air and I could see behind me, although everything was upside down. I looked back to see Bella leaning in the door frame between the living room and the kitchen with a large grin on her face.

"Hey look Benjamin, it's Aunty Bee!"

"BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" Benjamin squealed as he sat up on my chest with his arms reaching out to her. Sitting up again, I watched Bella swoop down to grab him, perching him on her hip then tickling his side. He giggled uncontrollable before pointing to the floor to be put down. She steadied him on his little legs before he walked back towards his daddy.

"Shorty's on her way over with Jasper. Dinner will be ready in half an hour." I jumped to my feet and walked over to her, kissing her gently on the cheek.

"Thank you for helping out today Bee. I know Mom and Rose appreciate the help." Bella smiled back at me holding on to my upper arm. "I've enjoyed helping." She kissed my cheek, "Now go and clean up before dinner."

We were all sat around my mom's huge dining table as we did most Sunday's with a magnificent Thanksgiving dinner spread out in front of us. It looked and smelt fantastic. Turkey, stuffing, gravy, sweet potatoes, cornbread, mashed potatoes, and cranberry sauce. Mom had outdone herself once again with some help from Rose and Bella. Shorty had provided dessert this year, her famous pumpkin pie.

Before we began our meal, my dad handed out the leaf shaped green, orange and brown pieces of paper where each year, we would write on what we were thankful for. My mom would pin them up on the kitchen door for the next year. I couldn't remember a time when we didn't do this. Bella hadn't spent a Thanksgiving Day with my family for the last ten years but I could see the sparkle in her eye when she saw the brightly coloured cardboard box covered in pictures of turkeys and leaves that Alice, Bella, Emmett and I had made when I was eight. I grabbed some of leaves and wrote my thanks on them. The first simply said, 'My Bee.' The second said, 'My future.' The third read, 'My family.' Once my mom had collected the leaves back, she pinned each one of the door reading out loud each one.

Mom reached in the box to get the next one when she gasped bring her hand to her mouth. Her eyes became tearful as her head whipped around to look straight at Emmett.

"Emmett?" He nodded, a huge smile creeping onto his face as he placed his arm around Rose's shoulders. I looked back to my mom confused.

"Oh my..." She smiled through her tears before launching herself around the table to give them both a huge hug. As Emmett was sat next to me, I could see the crumpled piece of paper in my mom's grip which simply read, 'My second child.' I looked to see Mom kissing Emmett's face before she moved on to Rose.

"You're having another baby?" I asked. I couldn't stop the grin growing on my own face at the news. Rose nodded. "Yes. He or she is due in May." All of a sudden, everyone was on their feet and hugging both Emmett, Rose and Benjamin. Alice caught my eye as a tear escaped from the corner of her eye. Her face looked happy but her eyes told another story. She looked torn. She caught me looking at her so I mouthed 'You okay?'. She just smiled and nodded; again it didn't reach her eyes. I was brought out of my silent conversation with Alice by Bella kissing my cheek.

"Uncle Edward again huh?" I smiled and nodded but I couldn't help but think about Alice. I glanced at Jasper who was rubbing Alice's arms in a soothing motion. He kissed her cheek then whispered something in her ear. Alice nodded, giving Jasper a tight lipped smile before settling back into her seat at the table.

* * *

Dinner was as good as it looked. After Emmett's and Rose's fantastic news, we all retired to the living room where we watched television and generally did very little. Alice still didn't look right so when she excused herself to get some air, I followed her. I found her sat on the bench in our Mom and Dad's garden.

"Shorty? Hey, you okay?"

I sat next to her and put my arm around her shoulder. She looked up at me with that unconvincing smile. The sadness in her eyes was heart breaking. I pulled her to me and hugged her close, my head resting on the top of her head.

"You wanna talk?"

She didn't say anything but I felt her sniffles in my shoulder. "Alice, talk to me please?"

"I'm okay Edward. I'm just being stupid. I'll okay."

"You don't sound okay." We sat there in the cold for a few minutes in silence. "Is it about Emmett and Rose's news? The baby?"

At the word, 'baby', Alice broke into tears, sobbing into the shoulder of my coat. I rubbed her arm trying to comfort her. "Hey Shorty, it's okay..." I coo'ed.

"It's not okay Edward. I can't give Jasper what he wants. It's all my fault." She was full on sobbing now. "We've been trying since before our wedding Edward, for more than six months and nothing. I can't give him a baby. The baby we want so much."

"Hey, hey, Shorty, breathe... slowly." Alice's breathing evened out as she wiped her eyes with my coat sleeve. "Alice, six months isn't that long a time. People try for longer and when they think it's never going to happen it does. Have you been to see anyone? A specialist?"

She shook her head slowly.

"Oh Alice. Trying for a baby shouldn't be a stressful thing but I bet you're getting all worked up about this. Stress is no good. I know it must be hard especially after today's news but it still may happen all by itself. When you're least expecting it." Her breathing returned to normal as she clung to me.

"You want me to put you in touch with a specialist? You could talk to them but they won't do anything yet. Like I said, trying for just six months isn't all that long… even though it will feel like a life time." She nodded against my shoulder again.

"Feeling a bit better to talk?" Again, another nod. "If you ever need to talk, I'm here." More silence.

"Shorty? I can't remember the last time you were this quiet..." I pulled her at arm's length so I could look at her face, "I don't like it." That earned me the first genuine smile tonight; small but it was still there. "That's my Shorty." I whispered as I smiled back at her.

We rejoined everyone shortly after. No one made a big fuss; Bella just gave me a 'what's up' look so I smiled at her and mouthed, 'later'.

The rest of the evening was uneventful. Bella had left to go to the bathroom and after ten minutes of her not returning to me, I found her in the kitchen looking at the leaves pinned on the door. She turned and smiled as I joined her, winding my arms around her waist from behind and resting my chin on her shoulder.

"Hey Bee, you ok?"

She sighed, "Yeah. Just thinking..."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah..."

I chuckled, "About?"

"Everything. You. Me. The future..." She pointed at the leaf I'd written early. I turned my face into her neck and softy kissed her neck. I knew I needed to ask her. I needed to ask her to live with me, to marry me, to have my children. I wanted it all. And then it came to me… I knew exactly how to ask her.

* * *

**Awwwww *grins* He's so sweet! Any thoughts on how you think Edward should ask Bee to marry him? Hope the explanation at the beginning of the chapter is a remind of who James is in this story - if you're still unsure, go re-read chapter 9 :)**

**Firstly, a HUGE thanks to you for reading my story. I love hearing from you and I even managed to reply to most reviews :) Thanks as ever needs to go to my bestie and beta, SweetLovinCullen - You know how much you mean to me bb *mwah***

**I've been nominated for some Emerging Swan Awards ... SQUEE! My one-shot, Window of Opportunity (see my profile) was nom'd and I was also nom'd as best newbie author. The voting for both those categories have finished but *drum roll* Loved & Lost has been nom'd for Best Friendship/Family in the Full Length WIP category. I really love the friendship between these two in my story and would love you forever if you vote for it :)**

**You can vote now until Monday 5th Sept at the Emerging Swan Awards website : http:/emergingswanawards . blogspot . com/p/voting . html**


	19. Will You Marry Me

**Disclaimer: SM owns Edward, not me (sadly!)**

* * *

**3rd December 2010**

_'Will you marry me?' 'Will you be my wife?' 'Will you be mine forever?'_ There were so many different ways I could ask her but as I was thinking of where to ask Bee to be my forever, a thought had popped into my head and I couldn't let it go. It would be perfect for us; in our park.

So the week after Thanksgiving, I got organised. Mom and Dad knew I was asking Bella but I didn't let them in on my plans. I wanted to let the world know that I loved Bella Swan and that I wanted to marry her.

There was only one other person who knew I was going to ask Bella to marry me and that was Jake. It just felt right to tell him. I didn't ask his permission because to be fair, the only person I really wanted to ask for Bella's hand in marriage was someone I couldn't; Charlie. I'd been thinking about what his reaction would have been since I'd brought the ring. My dad told me that he would be proud to have had him as a son in the official sense as he had always seen me as a son just as sorts growing up as Mom and Dad had always seen Bella as a daughter. Jake was cool about it, happy even. It was like he'd just been waiting to hear the news.

So as I sat at our bench for the last time before the big 'ask' day tomorrow, I continued to change my mind about the actual words I would use.

* * *

**4th December 2010**

I'd once again pulled out all the stops to not work this weekend. It sucked that I would have to work Christmas Eve and New Years Eve but today, if Bella did say yes to my asking her to marry me, we would be sharing many, many Christmases and New Years together so working this one would be okay.

I'd asked Bella to leave this weekend open to do 'stuff' together. I didn't think she knew anything about the life changing question or should I say question's I was going to ask. Firstly I was going to ask her to live with me, to buy a new house together where we could start our home then I was going to ask her to marry me.

I was so nervous driving over to her apartment to pick her up Saturday morning. I'd told her I wanted to take her to the park for an hour. Since the weather had turned wintery, we hadn't sat in the park as much as we both would have liked but I knew that I had to do it there.

Knocking at Bella's door once, I waited. A few seconds later, Bella opened the door with a big grin on her face. She was as beautiful as ever. She was all ready to go complete with her thick winter coat, mittens and wooly hat. I left my car at hers and we strode to the park slowly, hand in hand. Bella talked about her Friday at school as I listened. I loved to just listen to Bella talk. She was so full of life and love for what she did. Her school stories always made me smile. Her rambles took my mind off the situation I was facing ahead. I'd already had my panic of 'will she say yes' in the presence of my mom and dad when I first told them I was going to propose but a lot of time had passed since then and I had accepted that I will accept her answer, whatever that might be. Plus my mom said that Bella would be silly to say no to me. Silly... I hoped to God I wouldn't be Silly Edward today. I longed to be 'seriously over the fucking moon cause she said yes' Edward today.

I sat down on our bench quickly as the nerves started to get to me. The ring in my jacket inside pocket seemed to weigh a ton as I stared at the playground. It took me a minute to realise what Bella had said.

"What's this?" She pointed at the bench back where the black cellophane was. I shrugged indifferently. "You wanna find out?" I tugged at the corner of the black material slightly before Bella's hand covered mine.

"We might get in trouble Edward. It's obviously there for a reason."

I swallowed back the last of my nerves. "I think it'll be okay if you do it. Just take extra care." Bella looked at me, trying to figure out what I meant before she slipped off her mittens and slowly started to peel back the cellophane. When her attention was fully focused of carefully peeling back the material, I reached into my inside pocket and slid from the bench onto one knee.

The black cellophane was slowing being replaced by a shiny brass plague. When Bella saw her own name, she gasped and ripped the rest of the cellophane back quickly to reveal my message to her.

Her eyes were still locked on the plague, her fingers gently stoking over the letters etched there as I began to speak.

"Bee. You know that I love you, so much and even though we've only been reunited a short amount of time, I've never been more certain to ask you this question..."

I looked to the plague which read, 'Bee, Will you marry me? Love Edward x'

We both lifted our eyes at the same time and they locked. I could see her tears brimming at the edge of her lids, ready to fall as her eyes glanced at the ring I was holding out to her and then back to meet my eyes again.

"Bella, I promise to love you forever. Will you do me the honour of becoming my wife?"

Bella's nod started off as the smallest of movement before she said the one word I'd been longing to hear, "Yes."

It was crystal clear... _yes. She said yes. _My heart was banging against my chest so hard when I took her left hand gently and slid her ring on her finger. Once it place, I took hold of her hand but couldn't take my eyes off it. It gleamed in the winter morning sun.

"I can't believe you said yes." I mumbled to myself still looking down at the ring on her finger. The one that official ties me to her, to my Bee. I was literally pulled out of my dazed state by Bella pulling her hand away from mine so she could grab the lapels of my winter jacket to tug me to sit on the bench. I hadn't realised I was still kneeling on one knee on the floor... in the park… in winter. Once I was sat on the bench, I didn't have time to think before Bella's lips meet mine with passion. That kiss was full of joy and love and as I wrapped her up in my arms, I hoped she would stay there forever.

* * *

I'd booked a table for dinner at Bella's favourite restaurant, La Bella, across town for the next day to celebrate, just the two of us. My want to keep her all to myself was in full force but today, I wanted to share our news with the world.

Knowing that people would sit on our bench in years to come and wonder if Bee said yes to Edward was something I knew Bella would love and she did. I knew that years from now, we would sit there and tell our children, then our grandchildren about that day.

Once the news had finally sunk in she had in fact said yes to me, I asked for my second question, would she live with me before we got married in our own house. We always spent more time at Bella's apartment than my house but it was too small for full term living. I knew Bella was never fully comfortable with my house and neither was I due to who I used to share that house with so buying a house together would be something I wanted us to do. She readily agreed and I was beyond happy.

Bella wanted to let Jake and Billy know our news first so we started our long day of tells by travelling across the city to Jake's apartment. Of course, Jake knew I was going to ask so it was no great surprise. We both looked so happy when we walked through his apartment door so it wasn't so hard to figure out our news.

"We're getting married!" Bella announced. She proudly showed Jake her ring, bouncing on the balls of her feet lightly as she did; she reminded me of Alice. As Bella almost threw herself at Jake when they exchanged hugs, I saw Jake whisper something in her ear too low for me to hear. Bella nodded with that happy smile still on her face. Billy was at Jake's too so that saved us a journey. Billy too was happy for us. When Billy was talking to Bella about our living arrangement, Jake pulled me to one side.

"Edward, you know I respect you and I know you'll take care her. Thank you for making her happy. Over the last six months, I've never seen her happier, ever. You're good for her."

"She's good for me too." I smiled as I looked back at Bella who was still talking to Billy but her eyes were on us. I grinned at her and she smiled back.

"See... Made for each other."

I tore my eyes away from my fiancée to look back at Jake. "So, Jake. How are you and Leah?" I smiled and playfully elbowed him in the ribs.

He beamed back at me, "Good... Great actually." _Wow, the power of Jake smile is kinda scary. It's so white!_

"That's all I get? Great?" He nodded with his pearly whites still on display. I shook my head slightly and laughed, "Okay. Fair play."

We spent another hour with Jake and Billy before we headed out to my mom and dad's place. I knew Dad wasn't working so they should both be home.

"Mom? Dad?" I called out as we walked through the front door hand in hand. "We have some-"

My sentence was cut short by the person stood in my parent's living room; Tanya. _What the fuck is she doing here! _I pulled Bella to my side instinctively, wrapping my arm around her waist.

"Edward. I'm sorry. I'm here to apologise for what I said as I left. I called at the house but you weren't there so I thought I'd try here. I've had time to think it through and I understand and agree with you. We had been drifting apart for some time and I didn't want to see it."

She stood there looking very somber, sad even and very un-Tanya like. I didn't believe it and therefore I didn't like it one bit. I was froze to the spot unsure what to say, what to do. I wanted to be angry but I couldn't let my fantastic day be ruined by her. She was worth it. If this apology would get her out of my life for good, then I'd take it.

I glanced over at my mom and dad, both where looking at us. Dad looked apologetic but Mom looked angry, really angry.

"Well Tanya, you've said what you wanted to say so I think it's time for you to leave." Mom's eyes were piercing the side of Tanya's head but Tanya kept her gaze on me.

"Yes I think it's time for you to go, Tanya." My head turned to look down at Bella as she spoke in icy tones. I could see her hands balled into fists at her sides before she unclenched her left hand to place it on my chest. Tanya's eyes immediately landed on that ring at nestled there. A dark look flashed across Tanya's features before her face once again became expressionless.

"Well, yes. I should go. Thank you Edward for listening. I hope you forgive me." Tanya's eyes landed on Bella as they narrowed slightly, "Goodbye… Bella." She all but spat the words at my girl. Anger surged through me, my fists clenched and I went to step forward but Bella held me to the spot.

"Goodbye Tanya. Hope you have a safe trip back to New York." Bella replied sweetly. I wasn't fooled through; anger was reeling from Bella as well.

Tanya turned her nose in the air and marched out of my parent's house. _Thank fuck for that!_

I let out a breathe I didn't know I was holding before placing my arms fully around my Bella and hugged her. "Thanks Bee. I nearly lost it there." I whispered into her hair.

Bella pulled her head back to look at me, "I'm the one who almost lost it. God, I just wanted to... to... never mind." She shuddered slightly before burying her head into my chest with a small chuckle. I shook my head slightly, not really wanting to know what Bella wanted to do; I didn't want to thinking about Tanya anymore on the most happiest day of my life... so far.

Still wrapped up in our embrace, I raised my head to look at Mom and Dad who were nowhere to be seen. _They must have retreated into the kitchen to give us some privacy_. "Mom? Dad? You can come back in your own home now." I chuckled.

Dad popped his head around the door, "You sure son?"

"Yeah Dad." I laughed again.

Dad walked back in but there was no sight of Mom. "Where's Mom?"

"She'll be out in a second son. She's just trying to calm down." He gave me a small smile and a shrug.

"I'll go and see she's okay." Bella replied. She removed herself from my grasp and walked into the kitchen.

Ten minutes later, they both returned with smiles on both their faces. Bella came to sit with me on one sofa and Mom joined Dad on the other. "Good to see you smile Mom. A scowl doesn't sit pretty on your face."

"Cheeky!" She tried and failed to hide her smile.

"Yeah." I grinned back at her. "Well before we were rudely interrupted, we came over to share our news." I looked at Bella as I wrapped my arm around her waist, "We're getting married..."

A loud shriek filled the room but it didn't come from either Mom or Dad.

"Edward Anthony Masen Cullen! Where you ever going to tell your big sister this most fantastic news? Huh?"

Alice burst into the room and almost launched herself at both myself and Bella. We quickly parted to make room for my annoying big little sister as she sat between us, wrapping an arm around each of our necks and pulling us to her.

"Oh my God Bella! Where's the ring? I need to see the ring!" Bella laughed as she let Alice examine her left hand.

"Ooooooooh it's sooooooooo beautiful Bella! Oh Edward, you chose this all on your own? I'm proud of you little big brother." She gave me a kiss on her cheek as I nodded then she proceeded to squeeze the living shit out of both of us.

"Jazzy! Did you know this?"

Jasper shook his head. "No Alice. I'm in the dark as much as you are. Congratulations guys. Always knew you two would get your shit together some day."

"Jasper!"

"Well it's true Alice. You even said it yourself."

"Oh Edward," I turned to see my Mom, tears running down her cheeks as my Dad held her close. "I'm so happy for you. I told you she would say yes."

"Oh, how come Mom knew and I didn't." Alice stomped her foot playfully on the floor like a three year old.

"Because Shorty, I had to freak out with someone about the whole asking thing and it made sense to go to my Mom and Dad."

"Dad too? Oooooh." She was whining and it was so funny that I couldn't help the laughter spill from my mouth. Everyone joined in, it was infectious. After all the tension leading up to today then Tanya's surprise visit, I felt really good to just laugh.

Once we had calmed down, Alice demanded we tell them the story on how I actually asked. When Bella talked about the bench plaque and how she was so surprised, overwhelmed and so in love with the idea that people would forever know that I asked her there, I couldn't contain my happiness.

"Oh Jasper. Why couldn't you be that romantic?" Alice shook her head. "Being upstaged by your best friend." Then she tutted. I burst out laughing at the exchange and got many looks but I didn't care. I was just so happy that everything was how it should be. Well it was for me. As I was in the kitchen getting another round of drinks for everyone, Alice trotted in to help me.

"I am proud of you Edward. You and Bella belong to each other. I've always know that." My mind drifted back to similar words said when to me when I was just fifteen years old.

"Thank you Shorty. How's things with you and Jasper?"

"We're good, no baby yet but we're enjoying trying now." She winked at me. "Urgh too much information Shorty!" I made a disgusted face before it gave way to a sad smile as I pulled Alice into a hug. "I'm proud of you Shorty, so proud."

She hugged me back before sniffing back the tears, "Thanks Edward." I kissed the top of her head before stepping back. "So remind me again how Jasper's poor excuse of a proposal happened?" I ran back into the living room after having to duck to miss a teaspoon being thrown at my head.

Alice followed moments later with a tray of drinks and a smile on her face.

* * *

It was early evening before we left my parent's house. We had decided to go back to Bella's apartment for the night and call Emmett and Rose.

We put them on speaker phone to give them the news.

"Oh man, I'm so happy for you guys!" Emmett shouted while I could hear sobbing. "Rose? You okay?"

"Yeah... I'm just so happy for you both... Stupid pregnancy hormones!" Rose said between the sniffs.

Benjamin gave us his own version of congratulations by singing 'Twinkle Twinkle Little Star' to us that he had just learnt the tune for. Most of the words were 'dada' and 'erer', but it was still very sweet. My mind wandered to my future and a mini version of Bella in our life, my daughter. Just thinking of having a baby with Bella made me want to marry her this second so we could start trying.

After we said our good-byes and night nights to my brother and his family, I ordered a Chinese takeout as we sat on Bella's sofa and watched television, just relaxing.

After filing ourselves with way too much Chinese food, Bella jumped to her feet. "Oh I have something for us to look at!" She ran out of the room and came back a couple of minutes later with a newspaper. She sat on my lap as she opened the newspaper to the houses for sale section. I looked at her face and grinned.

"Eager aren't you?"

She smacked my shoulder playfully, "Yes I am. Aren't you? I'll put this down if you wa-" I cut Bella's sentence short by my kiss. Kissing Bella, I realised that since she'd said yes to my proposal, this was the first time we had been alone. Alone enough to do whatever we wanted. Still in our lip lock, I maneuvered Bella to lay back on the sofa as I hovered over her.

"I can't wait to marry you Bee." I murmured against her lips. Bella's eyes fluttered open as a lazy smile began on her beautiful lips. "Neither can I Mr. Cullen."

"Mr. Cullen. Don't you mean Dr. Cullen? Hmm?" I pushed my nose under her chin to lift it gently before leaving open mouth kisses to the underside of her chin, her neck, her chest; anywhere I could reach.

"Hmmm. Yes Dr. Cullen." _Oh God._ There was just something about my professional name rolling off Bella's tongue that made pure, hot desire course through me. My dick stirred in my jeans, seeking out any kind of contact. As if Bella knew my thoughts, she lifted her hips to meet mine. We moaned in union.

"You like that Dr. Cullen?" I groaned again into her neck.

"Yes... very much, Mrs Cullen." Bella stopped completely still as the words tumbled from my mouth. _Shit. Had I been to forward? She wasn't Mrs Cullen yet ... Or she might not want to take my name at all. _That particular thought made me kinda sad but if she wanted to keep her surname, I wouldn't stop her. _Mrs Cullen did sound good though._

Bella lifted her head so we were face to face; eye to eye. Her lip trembled once before a single tear dropped, "There's nothing in this world I want more than to become Mrs Isabella Marie Cullen." The love and pride that swept through would have knocked me off my feet if I was stood upright.

I reached forward to sweep away the tear of joy that had fallen, "I love you Bee." I kissed her with conviction, with passion, with everything I felt for this amazing woman who laid beneath me. The woman who I would see every day of my existence. The woman who I would love forever.

Bella's hands crawled over my arms, up my shoulders and into the back of my hair and pulled. "Oh Edward, I love you too."

My kissing became frantic, hands, legs inter wined with each other. It was incredible but I needed to slow this down. I wanted to worship her body, slowly. We had all the time in the world.

I pulled away from Bella as gracefully as I took as she had wrapped her whole form around me. Once I was stood, I looked down at Bella who was panting heavily with a confused look on her face.

Extending my hand to her, I cocked my head towards her bedroom. The confusion melted away and was replaced with a happy small smile. Placing her hand in mine, I helped her to her feet before picking her up bride-style. Bella's beautiful laugh filled her living space as I paced towards her bedroom door.

"Shouldn't this happen after we get married?"

I simply shrugged as I used my foot to open the door before placing her down in the centre of her bed. Her soft chestnut hair fanned out on the pillow, her waiting chocolate brown eyes wide with excitement. My eyes wandered down her figure, taking in every curve, every detail and wondering how did I get this lucky? The girl of my dreams is here, laid out in front of me after saying she'd be my wife. _Lucky bastard!_

As my gaze crept back up to Bella's face, she was biting her bottom lip looking at me from under her lashes. Oh she knew exactly what that look did to me. My dick immediately hardened in my jeans as I groaned. "Don't be a naughty girl, Mrs Cullen."

Bella released her lip to moan, her hand sliding up to palm her own breast with an innocent expression on her face. "Me? Naughty? Never Dr Cullen."

It took every bit of will power I had not to just jump on her and fuck her hard. No tonight I was going slow and loving her as she deserved. I slowly crawled from the foot of the bed to settle on top of her. Gazing into her eyes I couldn't help but smile. "I'm going to love you forever, you know this right?"

She nodded as she bit onto her lower lip. She wasn't going to give in to my want of worship so I knew I had to take control. I lowered my head so my nose brushed hers before trailing my nose and lips down her jaw to nuzzle her neck as my fingers gently gripped her hips.

"You smell so good Bee." I kissed her neck again, sucking lightly. Bella whimpered as her fingers came up into my hair. They pulled and twisted before pushing me more into her. My lips slid down to the hollow of the base of her neck, down further still to her chest. My fingers came to rest at the bottom of her t shirt where I tugged, indicating I needed to get rid of the material between us. She sat up slightly so I could quickly pull the t shirt and bra off her. She lay back down in just her jeans.

"Come here." She pulled me towards her so she could lift and remove my own t shirt before I settled back on my heels between Bella's legs as I just watched her.

"Touch me Edward, please."

I lightly traced with one finger tip from her stomach, up her left side just grazing the side of her breast, to her neck to her ear, across her cheeks, her eyes which fluttered close, down her perfect nose, her lips, back down her neck between the valley of her breasts before tracing back up her right side. Then I repeated my actions again, my touch was as light as a feather. On the third time of doing this, my fingers slid over her taut nipple. She arched her back slightly and gasped. Goose bumps broke out of her skin as she tried to close her legs and squirm. Realising what she was trying to do, my hands came down to squeeze her thighs softly. I looked at her to see her eyes darken from lust and want. I popped the button, pulled the zip down and pulled her jeans and panties away in one, swift motion. Putting my hands on the tops of her now naked thighs, I gently eased them wider for me.

I lowered myself to kiss her stomach, her hip bones. I flattened my tongue out and ran it down her pelvic bone. Reaching her clit with just the tip of my tongue, I made small circles to which Bella moaned.

"Oh God yes…"

My movements remained slow and purposeful bringing her slowly to her climax. Bella stiffened momentarily before grabbing my head. Her hips started to move in a circular motion and I knew she was close... close to number one. So I moved to slowing sink two digits into her wet core. I pumped in and out slowly to the rhythm of her own movements.

Bella was panting, "Oh please… oh… oh God please… yes... yes ... YEEEEEES!" She trembled beneath me as her orgasm hit. Panting while still trying to catch her breath, Bella sat up, unfastening my jeans and using her legs to kick them and my boxers down my legs.

She moved to flip us over but I held her still. I knew what she wanted to do. "It's all about you tonight baby." Her long hair was sticking to her forehead, her breathing was still accelerated and her cheeks was flushed; she was a picture of heaven. My hands palmed her breast again more roughly this time. Her eyes rolled back as did her head as she laid back down. I squeezed and pulled her nipple between my fingers.

"Let me love you Bee." My mouth clamped down on the other nipple. Bella made a growling sound as I continued my assault. I switched my mouth to her other breast as she reached between us to grab my dick. I was about to protest when she gripped me, pumping me once. With a flick of her wrist, I was growling too.

My mouth detached from her as I left hot open mouthed kisses up to her mouth. "Fucking shit." I half whispered, half moaned.

My mouth captured hers, her tongue immediately seeking entry. When I opened for her, she purged into my waiting mouth, her hand movements picking up pace. I mirrored her actions as I entered two fingers into her which caused her to moan wildly. My thumb circled her clit and I could felt her inner walls pull me in. Shifting my hips out of her grasp, I continued my movements.

"Ah Edward… Oh God... Edward… EDWARD!"

Her second orgasm hit her hard as she screamed my name.

"Edward," she was still panting, trying to catch her breath, "I need you."

I cupped her face and kissed her lips softly as her breathing returned to a more normal rhythm. Our sweet kisses continued as I lined myself up to her entrance. She was so wet and ready for me. I entered her slowly to the sounds of moans of joy and happiness from both myself and Bella. Once I was fully inside her, no other words were needed. I loved her and she loved me. We were getting to spend the rest of our days together and we were blissful happy. We set a steady pace, both pulling and pushing together, our bodies so in tune with each others. The feeling of making love to this beautiful creature laid beneath me was enough to make my heart want to burst with love.

Bella's fingertips on my shoulders dug into me and I knew she was close again so I picked up my pace. Strong thrusts in and out had me reeling, my balls getting tighter by the second, the tension in the pit of my groin wanting to explode. I lowered a hand and swept my thumb along her sensitive bud. Her fingernails dug in me to the point of pain as her inner walls started to pull me in deeper. I bit my lip, not wanting to make a sound that would drown out the beautiful song Bella was making before she gasped and moaned. Her walls clamping down on my dick sent me falling off the edge as pure pleasure swept through my body, from my fingers to my toes. My skin tingled, becoming highly sensitive. Bella's fingers were still gripping on to my arms, drawing out my orgasm as my eyes rolled into the back of my head. I collapsed in top of my incredible angel trying not to put my full weight on her in fear of crushing her small frame.

I rolled us over so she was on top of me. I kissed her lips one last time, trying to convey my love for her with actions instead of words. I lifted her hand to kiss her ring before settling down. Bella laid to my left; curled around me, her head on my chest, arm around my waist before we both drifted to sleep, together.

* * *

**Awwwww fluffy lemons :) lol. So Bee said Yes! Did you expect anything else? I have a pic of the plague from the bench - I'll put it on my blog shortly :)**

**Thank you to my beta and bestie, SweetLovinCullen for all her help (especially for posting this chapter for me as I have laptop problems at the mo). Thank you to everyone who reads and reviews my story. I love you all. **

**If you did review the last chapter, you'll know that Loved & Lost is coming to a close soon *sad panda* but I have lots of other things on the go if you're interested ...**

**I've signed up for the Fandom4Cancer appeal with the first Loved & Lost outtake of Edward's 16th birthday from Bella's point of view! **

**I've also signed up for Fandom4Texas appeal where I'll be donating chapter 1 of a new short story called 'Ladies Night'. **

**Summary: When Bella goes to her best friends' Ice Hockey Team's Ladies Night, she's just looking for a bit of fun but will she get more than she bargained for? AH. Bella & Edward. Hockeyward. Rated M for language and lemons.**

**Chapter 20 of L&L is written and will be posted next weekend so until then let me know what you think xx**


	20. Celebrations leading to something else

******Disclaimer: SM owns Edward, not me (sadly!)**

* * *

**5th December 2010**

_Where is Bee?_ She'd been at the bathroom for ten minutes now and our meals where getting cold.

We had arrived at the restaurant at six thirty pm, thirty minutes early for our booking so we sat at the bar and talked about anything we could think of. Wedding planning was the most talked about though. Alice had already called Bella this morning to ask if she could be involved in the planning. Bella was all to happy to get Alice involved as long as Shorty knew it was our wedding. We wanted a small affair with family and close friends, nothing huge and we wanted it here in Seattle. Bella spent the good part of three hours on the phone going over dates, colour schemes, flowers and such like. I got ushered into another room when Bella wanted to talk dresses. So I was so glad I'd booked this alone time together at La Bella across town. It was Bella's favourite restaurant as a child because she shared a name with it.

I glanced over to the direction she had taken and back to my watch again. I smiled down at my watch, the one Bella had given me on my sixteenth birthday. My mind wandered to gifts I could buy Bella for our wedding. A new charm for her bracelet was a must so I started to think how I could symbolise our marriage; two hearts intertwined, a lucky horse shoe or wedding bells. _Hmmm so much to think about._ Glancing back at my watch, I realised Bella had been gone for a futher five minutes._ Fifteen minutes to go to the bathroom? Women! _Iwas getting impatient and my own drumming of my fingers on the table was grating on my nerves so I decided to go to the bathroom myself then I would see if I could sneak into the ladies room to make sure she was okay. She never mentioned she was feeling unwell and she said she'd only be a few minutes. Maybe we could be naughty in a bathroom stall; that thought made me smile.

I followed the signs for the bathrooms which took me to the back of the restaurant through a set of double doors. As soon as I opened the doors, I felt the cold. My feet slowed as I saw the fire exit door at the end of the corridor slightly open. Frowning, I walked towards the door to investigate. Surely the fire alarm would have tripped if this door was open? Maybe? The door was labelled that way. _I wonder whether someone has thought about having a crafty cigarette outside and that's why the door's open? _I reached for the door to close it when shadows of movement caught my eye outside.

I glanced back to the corridor; no one was there so I opened the door wider and stepped through closing it behind me but not fully.

Stepping out into the darken alley at the rear of the restaurant, I heard a noise to my right. _Yep sneaky smoker_. I'm not sure why but I felt I needed to warn them that someone would catch them if they weren't careful. I walked quietly around the bin following the small sounds of feet scrapping across the floor.

"Hey you know you shouldn't be smoking around here?" I called out as I rounded the large bin.

As my eyes looked up, I froze. My mind froze. My heart froze. My whole universe froze.

Staring back at me with wide, terrified eyes was Bella in the arms of a woman. The woman was holding Bella in front of her, one of her hands hovering at Bella's throat, the other around her waist holding her tightly, holding her in place. The dim light shining above them lit the scene as well as the knife that was gleaming silver and red at my Bee's throat.

"Well, well, well. If it isn't Edward coming to rescue you. How very charming ..."

Hearing my name kicked start my brain as I struggled to process the scene in front of me.

"What Edward? You don't remember me? I'm hurt." She threw her head back and laughed, the knife in her right hand jerking at her movement. My first instinct was to get that away from Bella so I moved a step forward.

"Ah, ah, ah no moving Eddie dear. You won't want an accident on your hands would you?" The knife jerked again and I could see Bella physically trembling, trying to hold her neck away from the object. As Bella moved her head slightly, I could see a cut below her left ear. I trickle of crimson red was running down her neck.

My eyes flicked back to Bella's. She was petrified. Both her arms were by her side as her whole body shook.

"You want money? Here." I pulled my wallet out of my back pocket, grabbed all the notes I had and threw them at her.

She looked down at the cash at her feet before meeting my eyes again. "You think I want your money?" She spat at me. "I don't want your fucking money. I want this one." She dropped her head so her nose was in my Bella's hair. "Mmm she's nice. I get why you want her but alas, you can't have her ... Such a shame..."

"Get your fucking hands off her!" I stepped forward again but the woman dug the knife into Bella's skin making Bella scream out. "Shut your fucking mouth before I cut you wide open bitch." Bella whimpered again trying to pull her neck out of harms away. "And you fucking make one more move toward us and I will follow through on my threats."

She was deadly serious; I could see it. She'd took Bella in a public place. Something told me she wasn't messing around. I felt completely useless as I watched the amount of blood increase.

"Please... Please let her go. I'll do anything you want, give you anything you want ... Please just let her go. She's losing blood, she needs a doctor..." _She needs me._

"Oh baby. There's only one thing I want and you can't give it me." While she was talking, I got a better look at Bella's attacker. She was tall, her arms looked muscular like she worked out. She had unruly flame red wavey hair and I'm sure I recognised her but I just couldn't think straight for a second to place where I knew her from. Her next words stunned me.

"The thing that I want most ... the person I can't have is my man. Oh, my James is all man darling. You're just a boy though, I bet you have a rocking body under those clothes. Once I've done with the little bitch, I think I'll check that out."

"Don't you -" Bella's words were cut short once again with the knife now held at her cheek.

"Little whores don't speak until they are spoken to. You're a pretty thing though and I really don't want to cut that little face so shut the fuck up if you want this to be over with quickly. Otherwise we could be like this all night..." My eyes flashed to the movement of the woman's other empty hand slide up Bella's waist; her fingers spread out as they reached Bella's chest.

"On second thoughts, maybe I'll take a good look at the little bitch before you Edward." The woman's hand squeezed her chest as a sob broke through Bella's lip. "Mmmmm." Her nose was at Bella's neck where the crimson stained her neck. She lingered there, her eyes not leaving mine as her lips pressed into Bella's bloody flesh.

"Get off her." My voice was eerily calm to say my head was banging and all I want to do was to launch myself at them and pull this physco bitch off my Bee. My own sense of self preservation was out of the window. I didn't care about myself. I just wanted Bee safe. I needed a plan to get her to loosen her grip on Bella. Then I may be able to get Bella away from her. The only thing I could think was to get her to talk, to tell me her story and hopefully I'd find out why the fuck this bitch wanted to harm my beautiful, innocent Bella. Bella would never hurt anyone ...

"I know you but I don't know how. We've meet?" The woman's head shot up, her lips red from Bella's blood. This woman was seriously sick. She needed a hospital. _Or the morgue if I get my hands on her. _My blackened thoughts creased on hearing the woman's name.

"Oh we've meet already. The bar a couple of months back? Some people call me Victoria, others know me by Tori. Does that jog your memory Eddie?" _Tori. _

"Tori. I remember you. You offered to buy me a drink..."

"And you were so wrapped up with _Bella_ to accept." _So that's the reason why she's threatening to harm my fiancée? _

"I'm sorry I didn't accept. We could start over. Look, just let Bella go and we'll have that drink. Just you and me. Then maybe I could ... help you? I think you really need to talk to someone ab-"

Tori threw her head back once again, halting my sentence. "Do you think I'm fucking dumb or something? Get a drink? I won't be in that bar for two minutes before the cops will show up."

"Please Tori ... Let me help you."

"Oh Edward. Always trying to be the rescuer, the white knight in shining armour. God, I can see why Tan wanted to keep you so much now."

"Who?" _Tan?_

"Tanya. Fucking bitch. I fucking told her to stay low especially after she thought you'd seen her in that club. Dumb bitch has had her brains fucked out too many times by my idiot of a brother to fucking listen to a word I say but who's going to have the last laugh now?"

_Tanya's involved? What the fuck is going on?_

"Eddie, you look all confused. Not a good look for you honey." Tori was shaking her head back and forth laughing in that sadistic tone. Her grip of Bella loosened a touch but not enough for Bella to get out of her grasp.

"Tell me what the fuck is going on Tori! Help me understand how I get make things good again for you. You know Tanya? Tanya Denali? You mentioned a James?"

"DON'T YOU FUCKING SAY HIS NAME! He'd still be here if it wasn't for this little bitch's daddy cop!" Tori's furious eyes were locked on me. She was breathing heavily, the anger seeping from her.

_Daddy cop? Charlie. James. Oh Christ, it can't be._

"Who was James to you Tori?"

"HE WAS MY FUCKING EVERYTHING! AND _SHE_ TOOK HIM AWAY FROM ME!"

Then everything happened so fast. Bella broke free of Tori's hold, launching herself towards me but she wasn't fast enough. The flash of steel in the dim light made my eyes widen in horror as Bella gave a blood curdling scream and fell into my arms holding her left side.

I stumbled to the cold floor holding Bella close. Everything else that was happening around us, the shouting and commotion, faded into the background.

"Edward." She whispered. Her beautiful brown eyes searched my own. She lifted her hand to touch my cheek lightly. I grabbed it and squeezed, "Hold on Bee. I love you." Then her eyes fluttered closed and she passed out. Blood seeped from her left side as she lay limp in my arms. For a moment, a split second, I was lost with the love of my existence dying in my arms. But I quickly snapped out of my trance as my medical training kicked into action. I knew I needed to work quickly, call help and assess the situation. I pushed my hand firmly to her side with one hand. I checked her pulse with my other; it was still strong. _That's my girl. Stay with me. I love you._ I checked her breathing before I pulled my cell out of my pocket with the other and started to dial.

"An ambulance is on its way bud." I turned to see what looked to be three staff members of the restaurants kitchen. Two of them were holding down a hysterical Tori who sounded like she was sobbing and laughing madly at the same time. She was clearly not with it and in need of a lot of help. I nodded once at the man who stood to my left and returned to my task.

Removing my coat one arm at a time and bunching it up into a make-shift pillow, I laid Bella gently on the ground. I worked swiftly to remove the material of Bella's top which revealed a deep cut to her stomach on her left side.

"I need that ambulance now! And some towels or something. I need to slow the bleeding!" The man nodded once before running back in the building. I was still applying the pressure to Bella's side but the bleeding continued. "Come on Bee. Stay with me." I leaned in to kiss her still lips. Her breathing was shallow. _I need that fucking ambulance now! Please!_

As if someone had heard my plea, the sound of sirens filled the air following by screeching tyres. The man was back with handfuls of towels and I made quick use of them. Pushing them to her side hard; if she would have been awake, she would have been in pain with the pressure I was applying.

"Hello? Sir? I'm Bree. What's her name?" I looked up to see Bree, one of the paramedics from Swiss. "Oh God, Edward...Is this Bella?" I nodded once. She stared at me before shaking her head once and leaping into action.

"Bella? Can you hear me?" Bree checked her over quickly, checking her pulse, breathing before another medic I didn't recognise was at the other side of Bella with a back board. "Diego, this is Edward Cullen and this is Bella, his girlfriend. Edward is a doctor at Swiss. We need to move fast. She looks like she's lost a lot of blood. She needs blood and surgery too. Edward, do you know Bella's blood type?"

"A." My voice cracked as the weight of situation collapsed on top of me but there was no way I was going down. Bella needed me more than she ever has and I was not going to stop until she was awake, well and marrying me. She was going to walk down at aisle, looking as beautiful as she did each day. "Come on Bee.." I whispered.

Bree and Diego worked quickly and efficiently getting Bella on the board and into the back of the ambulance. Diego was driving as Bree and I rode in the back. Bella was now attached to a heart monitor and I found the slow beeping noise a comfort. As long as that machine beeped, I knew Bella was still with me.

When we got to Swiss ER, Bella was wheeled straight into surgery. There were so many voices shouting I could barely hear myself think, but maybe that was a good thing. My Dad met us just before she was wheeled through those surgery doors. I knew I wouldn't be able to follow. The bed was paused enough time for me to give my fiancée a kiss, "Bee, stay strong baby. I love you and I'll be here when you come out." Giving her another kiss, I watched as she was taken from me.

"She's a tough cookie Edward. She'll pull through this." My Dad pulled me into an embrace. "Mom's on her way. I told her to stay at home but she was having none of it. Edward, from what Bree has told me, you did so well. She still alive because of you."

"No Dad, I'm alive because of her. She _is_ my life, my everything."

* * *

**Not sure what to say here apart from I do believe in a HEA :) As always a huge thank you to you for reading and reviewing my story; just a couple more chapters left ... Next chapter will be up in a couple of weeks (hopefully).  
**

**Thanks to my beta and bestie, SweetLovinCullen - You rock! And if you haven't already checked out her new story, please do! Hot and angry Tattward alert! ;) Links on my profile.**

**Please check out the two fandoms I'm writing for : Fandom4Texas & Fandom4Cancer. And if any of you LOVE the Fifty Shades of Grey trilogy like I do, Twilight Fic Zone have a FANTASTIC worldwide competition :D http:/twilightficzone . blogspot . com/2011/10/worldwide-competition-win-signed-copy . html  
**


	21. Waiting

_**What doesn't kill you makes you stronger - Friedrich Neitzche**_

_"Bee, stay strong baby. I love you and I'll be here when you come out." Giving her another kiss, I watched as she was taken from me._

_"She's a tough cookie Edward. She'll pull through this." My Dad pulled me into an embrace. "Mom's on her way. I told her to stay at home but she was having none of it. Edward, from what Bree has told me, you did so well. She still alive because of you."_

_"No Dad, I'm alive because of her. She is my life, my everything."_

* * *

**Tuesday**** 7th ****December**

_Beep, __beep, __beep, __beep, __beep..._The familiar sound of a heart monitor. I'd never thought much of that sound before. It was just noise, like background static noise of the hospital environment. But now... now that sound, that beautiful beep was the very reason for my existence. Without that familiar beep, my world would go dark and black and I was honestly not sure whether I would be able to return like the last time.

_Beep,__ beep, __beep, __beep, __beep..._My eyes grew heavy once again as I fought the need to close them. I was sat on a cheap plastic hospital chair at Bella's bedside. My cheek lay next to our clasped hands, staring up at her beautiful, still pale face. She was so beautiful. Heartbreakingly so. I just needed her to open her eyes now. _Come __on __Bee, __come__ back __to __me __beautiful __girl._

It had been two days along since the incident. Two days since I'd seen the love and life shine in my girl's eyes. I longed for her to wake up but I knew the sedatives given to her would help her in the long run. Tori's blade had ruptured Bella's spleen and therefore had required immediate surgery. It was actually Dr. Denali, Tanya's father and Chief of Surgery that delivered news of how Bella had done in the waiting room.

I still didn't know the whole story of Tanya's involvement at that time; neither did he. He confirmed that Bella's surgery to repair the damage caused was a success even after a scare where she had gone into shock and her blood pressure dropped to a dangerously low level. She pulled through though because she was strong; stronger than anyone else I knew.

Everyone in the waiting room was relieved to know how Bella was, that she was still with us. The waiting room held myself, my own father and mother along with Alice, Jasper, Jake and Billy. I called Jake just minutes after she was wheeled through the theatre doors. I didn't know how long I'd be able to hold it together so I knew I had to act fast. He along with Billy arrived at the hospital within half an hour of my call. Once I had received the news that Bella was doing well and in recovery, I was allowed to go and see her. In fact, I'd not left her bedside since apart from using the hospital's bathroom and showering facilities to get washed up and changed. My mom and dad checked on me especially my dad who would visit often.

After a couple of days in ICU, Bella was transferred to a room of her own. Three hours ago, Dr. Jenkins who was now taking care of Bella had reduced her medication in order for her to wake up. It would be a slow process; I knew why but I couldn't help but want her to just open her eyes, look up at me and smile. That's all I wanted.

* * *

**Thursday 9th December**

The police had just been to see me again to take more details of that night. I really didn't want to relive it but if I knew if I could give as much detail as I could, Bella wouldn't be harassed as soon as she woke. It had been two days since Dr. Jenkins had started to reduce her pain medication so she would wake up. Nothing had happened yet but that was normal... or so I kept telling myself. I couldn't help but study her charts and hover when a doctor or nurse would run a simple check up test, blood pressure, temperature, etc. I was becoming obsessed with the figures, trying to study signs that she may be ready to wake. I knew it wasn't going to work. Every individual was different but that didn't stop me.

"Edward, honey, she'll wake up when she's ready and not before." My mom commented on her last visit.

"I know Mom but I can't help it. It's like I know too much about her condition, like I'm reading too much into everything." I pulled on my hair in frustration.

"I know dear. Look, why don't you come back to the house and get some rest. You look so tired." She stood next to me as I sat in my chair next to Bella's bed, her fingers gently running through my hair. I sighed into her motherly touch.

"I can't Mom, Bee needs me."

"Edward, she needs you fighting fit! Not collapsing because you haven't slept properly or eaten a decent meal in the last five days. Please. Just for a couple of hours."

"Mom... I can't... Please." I felt the pressure crack as my tears fell. They were the first ones since Sunday.

"Oh baby. Shh. She'll come back to you. You were made for one another." My mom wrapped her arms around my head and into her chest as I cried all the tears of sadness, angry and frustration. Breathing out slowly, I composed myself as I played with the charms on Bella's bracelet. My mom framed my face with her hands as she moved her head down so she was eye level with me.

"That's my boy. I love you."

"Love you too Mom. And thank you. I couldn't have got through the last few days without you or Dad."

Mom smiled then gave me a long look. "I'm not sure if you want to know but Tanya was arrested this morning in connection with Bella's case..." She paused before I nodded slightly for her to continue. I wasn't sure whether I was ready to talk about this with my family. My throat felt tight and my chest squeezed a little but these feelings weren't followed by dizziness or sickness, my usual panic attack symptoms so I knew I was okay.

"She was found trying to board a plane to England at JFK airport. She's been charged as an accessory to attempted murder and is being brought back to Seattle. What have the police said to you, Edward? Why was Tanya involved? I knew she was a bitch but I never thought she would stoop so low..."

Finding my voice, I started to tell my mom what had happened earlier that day. I'd had the police come and interview me each day since we'd been here but today was a bit different, today I got to meet Sue Clearwater.

_There __was__ a __knock __at __Bella's __room __door, __"Dr.__Cullen?__ May __I __come __in?"__ The__ voice__ was __definitely __female __but __I __didn't __recognise __it __as __a__ voice __of __one __of __the __nurses. __I __straightened __Bella's __already__ straight __sheet__ before __answering. __My __back __was__ to __the __door__ so __I __couldn't __see __who __was __coming._

_"It's open."_

_I heard the door open slowly before I heard a gasp. Turning in my seat slightly, I was a little taken back by the petite mid-aged woman dressed in a cop's uniform, stood frozen just inside the room. _

_"Can I help you Ma'am?"_

_The woman was staring at Bella's unconscious form, completely frozen. My eyes darted up to her eyes where I saw tears begin to fall. She jolted back to life as she quickly wiped the moisture away from under her own eyes then she looked at me. _

_"I'm so sorry Edward." She whispered. _

_I looked back at Bella. I had really started to hate those few words. They sounded like I had lost Bella; I hadn't lost her, she was still with me. _

_"I'm sorry Ma'am, have we met before?" Turning my attention back to the woman, I waited for an answer and the answer I got I really wasn't expecting. _

_"No. Well, I know Bella and she always talked about her Edward." She took a cautious step towards me, "I'm Sue, Sue Clearwater."_

_The name I knew instantly. Bella had talked about her so much since they had been back in contact after James' suicide. _

_"Sue...__I...__Hello." __I __didn't __know __what __to __say. __This __woman__ had __been __a__ rock __for __Bella __when __she'd __been__ out __of __my __life.__Bella __spoke__ so __highly __of __her; __it __was __weird__ to __finally __meet __her._

_"It's great to finally meet you, though I'd loved to have met you under better circumstances." Sue gave me a sad smile before nodding towards Bella, "May I?"_

_"Of course, I'm sorry, where are my manners." My mom would be appalled. I jumped to my feet to retrieve a chair from the corner of the room and I placed it next to my own._

_"Come take a seat." Sue seemed to take a deep breath before walking and sitting beside me in the chair. _

_"Sorry, __it's __been __a__ while __since __I __was __sat __in __a__ hospital __like __this; __it's __bring __back __a__lot __of __painful __memories."_

_We both sat in silence apart from the beep of Bella's heart monitor for several minutes. _

_"Bella__ was __always __the__ strong __one, __you __know. __We __sat __by __Charlie's __bed__side __for __weeks __before __he __passed __away...__Seeing __her __like __this __now, __it's __just __not __right."_

_"I know." More silence passed._

_"Oh Bella, beautiful beautiful Bella. If your father was still here, I'd have to literally lock him in a cell to stop him going after the people that did this to you. He'd be so angry, so mad."_

_I couldn't stop the small, sad sounding chuckle that left my lips. I could still remember Charlie and his fiery temper especially about boys and Bella. But he always was good to me even when I told him that Bella was the love of my life, when I was a fifteen year old puck kid who wanted to give Bella everything she wanted; I'm still that kid really. _

_"She's told me a lot about you Edward. Well, she always talked about you when we were in Anchorage. No one ever lived up to you in her eyes. Or should I say no man. Jake was the only one that even got on the radar and even then, he wasn't close. Sure, he was a super friend to her, he made her laugh, made sure she was safe but it was a brother-sister type of love you know?"_

_I smiled for the first time in four days. _

_"Oh __yeah, __I__ think__ I__ know__ what __that's __like."__I __was __momentary __transferred __back __to __the __age __of __ten __when __I __saw __Bee __as __my __sister __and__ best __friend; __how__ things __can __change...__or __be__ realised._

_"I was so happy to know that when Bella decided to move back here, she wouldn't be on her own. Jake would do anything for her."_

_I nodded. Of course I already knew this. Jake had been to see Bella every day since she'd been in. _

_"He'll be here soon if you want to wait."_

_"Oh I'd love to but I need to get back. I'll visit when she wakes up. I need to be at the station soon. I've been asked to help on the case due to my history with working with Charlie way back when. I do miss that funny little man. Bella's like him in so many ways." _

_I nodded again. "So you'll be in town for a while?" _

_"I'm not sure yet but I hope so."_

_"So you worked with Charlie when they moved to Anchorage?"_

_"Yep, __I __didn't __know __about __the __James __situation __to __start __with. __Charlie __was__ always __a __very __private __person. __No __one __knew __his __reasons __for __moving __to __our __town, __he'd __just __say__ it __was __for __personal __reasons. __It__ was __only __after __James __was __arrested __and __sent __down__ that __I __found __out __the __truth __of __the __matter. __Bella __had __plans __to __move__ straight __back __to __Seattle, __get __in __contact __with __you __but __then __Charlie __got __sick.__When __he __passed,__he __told __Bella __to __follow__ her __heart...__and __she __did, __she __found__ her__ long __lost__ love __again...__you."_

_She smiled warmly at me and I shyly smiled back, a bit embarrassed. _

_"I __just __can't __believe __that __after __everything __that __happened,__ after __she __was __free __to __come __back __to __Seattle __where __she __obviously __wanted __to __be, __that __the __whole __James __situation __would __come__ back __to__ haunt __us__ all..."_

_I turned back to Bella and took her hand in mine. It was warm and comforting to have a physical connection with her. _

_"Sue? What do you know about what happened? The police haven't really said much so far."_

_Sue glanced at me before her gaze fell on Bella once again, "You really want to know?"_

_"Yeah, I think I do."_

_"I__ shouldn't __be __telling__ you __this..."__She __trailed __off __into __a__ whisper.__After __a__ minute __of __silence, __Sue__ started __to __speak __quietly._

_"Tori. Her full name is Victoria Normad. She had been in contact with James in prison over the last year. She's one of those people who wrote to people on the inside, you know to connect with the outside world and give them a sense of meaning. James and Victoria only ever meet once but her obsession with him was off the scale. When she was arrested, her apartment was searched. She had a whole room filled with letters, pictures, newspaper articles... it was insane." She rubbed her forehead with his fingers. Telling me this was obviously hard for her. _

_I felt sick to my stomach. James was a delusional individual who couldn't hack being in prison for the crimes he committed. Fucking coward. He used Victoria to do what he knew he never could. _

_"Victoria lives with her brother, Laurent. He had a new girlfriend... she knew of Bella... and of course, you." _

_She looked at me with sadness. That's the missing link. Tanya. Tanya was fucking Victoria's brother. The anger in the pit of my stomach flared and the hatred that I felt toward Tanya actually scared me. At that moment in time, I wanted to kill her._

_"Tanya." I spat her name, disgusted I was ever involved with a person who would go so low to hurt another human being. _

_Sue nodded. "Edward, I don't think Tanya was being honest with you when you were together." I physical shiver ran down my spine at the word, 'together'._

_"I think she was with Laurent in New York. Turns out, he owns an apartment in the city there as well as here." Bitch, cold hearted bitch. I hope she gets put away for life. _

_"I'm sorry Edward. I think I just over stepped the mark..."_

_"No, no you're fine. Can... can you just give me a minute... please?"_

_"Sure. I'll step outside and grab a coffee." Sue rose from her chair quickly and exited the room. Once the door clicked close, I let go a frustrated growl. Leaping to my feet, I paced the room. I needed to calm the fuck down. _

_"What an idiot! Stupid fucking idiot!" I pulled on my hair in frustration. Of course she was cheating on me in New York. She had spent so much time there over the last few months of our relationship. Relationship... I laughed out loud at the mere thought of using that word to describe mine and Tanya's interaction. We both used each other, nothing more. She was there when I didn't want to be on my own. She saw me as prize, a doctor who would make her life rosey and her father happy. What an idiot I was. _

_I slumped back to my chair, my hands at the side Bella on her bed, my head in them. "Bee... I need you... I can't do this on my own... please..."_

* * *

**Saturday**** 11th ****December**

I was asleep in my usual chair, my head on Bella's bed and I was having the most amazing dream. I was dreaming of our wedding day, the day that I knew in the pit of my stomach, in the depths of my heart; would be still happen.

I knew it was a dream because of the scene before my eyes. Bella was a picture in white, gracefully walking down the aisle with her father, Charlie on her arm. She looked so happy, her cheeks were full from smiling and the faint blush across them was adorable. When they both reached the top of the aisle where I was stood with Jasper and Emmett, Charlie spoke.

"You'll look after her for me, yeah?"

I nodded, "I will Chief Swan."

He smiled, "Thank you my boy and thank you for making my little Bee so happy." I smiled as Charlie placed Bella's hand in mine. The warmth of it made my entire body tingle. I squeezed her hand and she squeezed it back. Then she squeezed my hand again. And again. I was suddenly back in the real world, my head still on the side of Bella's bed. I opened my eyes slowly to see the moon light filter through the blinds of the window. In front of me were our adjoined hands, just like in the dream.

"Bee, I just had the most amazing dream..." I whispered as I trailed off and closed my eyes again. Then I felt it. And this was no dream. Bella squeezed my hand. The movement was weak but it was without question, one of the most amazing moments of my life.

My head shot off the bed as I sat upright. "Bee? Bee? Can you hear me? Squeeze my hand again..." I waited that seemed like forever but it was probably only a second or two before she squeezed again, a fraction more this time.

"Oh my God, Bee, Bee. I love you Bee. I'm just going to call for a doctor..." The small squeeze turned into a small hold as she silently asked me not to leave her alone.

I scoffed, "Bee I'm not leaving you, ever, you heard me? I just need to press the call button." I reached over her without letting her go and pressed the button.

"Bee? Can you move anything else? How about your toes?" I gently exposed her feet from underneath the sheets where her toes wiggled with the slightest of movement. I couldn't help the giddy feeling inside of my burst.

"Bee, can you open your eyes? I know it's hard but can you try, for me?" I stood and hovered over her face, praying she'd be able to fight to get her eyes open. The moon light gave the room enough light so I could see her eyes move back and forth under her closed lids.

"That's it Bee. Come back to me." Her eyes fluttered open for a small second before closing again.

"I love you Bee. Oh my God I love you." I could feel the tears start to gather in my own eyes as Bella fought her heavy eye lids again to get them to open.

A nurse walked in. "Everything okay in here Dr. Cullen?"

I spoke without my eyes moving away from the brave, strong woman who lay before me, "We need Dr. Jenkins. Bee's waking up." My voice cracked as the pure joy of the situation hit me. After the last almost week of prayers and hopeful wishes, it's started.

I heard the door close and the nurse talking to someone in the corridor. Movement caught my eye as Bella moved her lips slowly, her bottom lip slowly entering her mouth and her teeth gently bite down. She was determined to do this. I happy sob escaped me and the tears that were brimming in my eyes rolled down my cheeks.

Then she opened her eyes, slowly. Her pupils adjusted to the dim light in the room. She looked like she couldn't focus to start with or she was searching for something.

"Hey beautiful girl, I'm right here." Her eyes focused in on my face. I must have looked like an idiot, a huge tearful grin took over my face, I couldn't help it. After all that worry, she'd come back to me. Just as I'd hoped, just as everyone had said she would.

"Ed-" She tried to speak but only managed Ed before wincing. "Bee, don't try and speak baby. Oh I can't tell you how happy I am to see those beautiful big brown eyes." I stroked her cheek and she turned her head slowly to lay her cheek in my palm.

"Edward?" My dad was stood in the doorway with a look of concern before he could see Bella properly.

"Bella, welcome back young lady. You gave us quite the scare."

"Sorry." She croaked before wincing again. I looked back at Bella to give her a disapproving look but it soon turned into a smile because well, I was so happy.

"Your doctor, Dr. Jenkins asked me to call in. He's on his way in so he'll be with you shortly. I'm just going to check you out, if Edward hasn't already done that..."

I shook my head, my eyes still glued to my girl. My dad laughed at my lack of communication, "Well, let's take a look at you then Bella."

* * *

An hour later, Bella was drifting in and out of sleep again. My dad confirmed that she was doing really well. Her wound was healing nicely and after a small sip of water, Bella's voice sounded better, even though she was just speaking one or two word answers to any questions asked.

"Bee, close your eyes and get some rest."

"Okay." Bella nodded sleepily before slipped back into her dream like state, but this time, she slept with a small smile on her lips and I knew she'd be back with me soon.

* * *

**Wednesday** **15th ****December**

"Morning sunshine." I squeezed Bella's hand as her eyes fluttered open and closed.

"Morning handsome." She smiled at me. I smiled back, teeth and all; I was starting to look like Jake! I was just so happy but today, the nerves had crept back in. Today, _if_ Bella was feeling up to it, the police would be talking to her, getting her statement about the events of that horrific night. I hated that she would have to relive that all over again. I'd told them that much. If I saw one sign that she was stressing out too much, the interview would end and I'd kick them out myself.

"Edward, stop worrying. I'm okay." I scoffed. _Okay...__right._

"Bee, I can't help but worry. You shouldn't have to relive this so early in your recovery. It's just not right."

"Edward, oh my silly Edward." She was shaking her head from side to side with a smile on her pretty face, "I know you worry but don't. Please. I have to do this sometime so why not today?" I knew she was right... _so__did__she.__Damn_.

She was so strong willed and stubborn. Some things never change. She had got out of her bed for the first time today and walked around. Not too much but enough to get rid of her bed legs. She was so happy that she was able to walk without too much pain in her left side, mostly because that meant her catheter could come out and she could use the bathroom again.

We'd talked about that night too and I'd told her everything that I already knew. Bee's memory of the beginning of the night was okay, she could remember going to the bathroom and Tori meeting her in the corridor, asking if she had a cigarette. The fire door was already open. When Bella had apologised that she didn't smoking and therefore couldn't help her, she turned her back to Tori. Tori grabbed Bella from behind, pushing a cotton scarf into her mouth to muffle her screams. She dragged her to the alley just minutes before I found them. Bee had so far struggled with her memory from later that evening. She remembered seeing me for the first time. She'd told me her biggest fear was anything happening to me because of her. Events after that were hazy for Bella. She said she thinks she remembers hearing me telling her I loved her and telling her to come back to me but she thought it could have been a dream. I'd also told her about meeting Sue and she was so happy we'd got on.

"Hey, are you okay? You look deep in thought."

I rolled my eyes, "I'm not the one in a hospital bed, I'm fine."

"Edward, you're stressing out, stop, now." _She's __just __incredible __and __so__ strong._

"Okay, okay, I surrender. I'll try and stop stressing out. But you need to tell me if any of the police questioning ends up being too much, okay?"

She nodded and battered her eye lashes, "I will Dr. Cullen... doctor's orders?" _Tease. __Oh__ yes, __my Bella __was __definitely __back_.

"Yes, doctor's orders." I leaned in to kiss her. Her hands were in my hair in seconds before she pulled back and winced.

"Bee? You okay?" I searched her eyes.

She chuckled, "Yeah, I'll be better once I got this thing out of me!" She held up her hand with her IV in it. I laughed, "No sudden movements and it'll be fine."

She huffed then smiled then pouted. "I want to go home Edward."

I chuckled again, "I want you home too love. Soon." I kissed her forehead before sitting back in my chair.

She looked at me, pulling her bottom lip in between her teeth, "Wanna play doctor when we get home?"

My response was a groan. It was the way she said doctor, suggestively. I knew with Bella's healing wound to her left side, sex was out of the question for some time yet._ Oh __hell, __what __the __fuck __was __I__ going __to __do __with __a__ hot __fiancée__ who __seemed__ to __want __to __torture __me?_

"You know I do Bee." I whined, "But I think _that_ will be out of the question for a while." She pouted again. It was adorable.

"Well we'll just have to improvise, won't we?" She winked and I groaned again but I couldn't help the small smile too.

* * *

Later that day, Bella was interviewed by the police. And to be fair, they were really good with her. They only asked her about five questions after she had told them everything she could remember. They had been and gone again in thirty minutes.

Everyone came to visit today too. It was the first time that my mom and Jake had been allowed to visit now she was awake. Shorty and Sue came too and they were hugs and tears from the girls especially between Bella and Sue. Even Jake looked like he could shed a happy tear.

Dr. Jenkins came to assess Bella's progress that evening. Bella was really tired after have a full day of visits but as soon as Dr. Jenkins started talking about when she would be able to go home, she soon switched back to being awake.

"This weekend? Really? That soon?"

"You don't want to go home for Christmas Miss Swan?"

Bella gasped, "Of course I do. Oh God, I want nothing more right now."

"Well, as long as your healing progress doesn't slip back in the next couple of days, I'll happily discharge you. Beside, you'll have your very own doctor." Dr. Jenkins turned to me and smiled.

"Oh I do Dr. Jenkins. I'm sure Dr. Cullen will take care of me."

"I'm sure he will. I'll see you Friday for hopefully the last time then."

"Okay thank you for everything Dr. Jenkins."

"No problem, Miss Swan. Edward." He nodded at me before exiting the room.

"Home for Christmas?" Bella raised an eyebrow at me, "Would this have anything to do with you?"

I walked towards the bed from my perch at the window and leaned down, "Maybe." I kissed her slowly. Her IV had been taken out this afternoon so she was taking advantage.

"Mmmmm Christmas. Can't wait to get my present."

"What have you ask Santa Claus for this year, Bee?"

"You."

* * *

**Sunday ****19th ****December**

We were home. A day later than original planned but only because Bella's meds were delivered too late on Saturday evening for her to be discharged. She was pissed and disappointed to say the least. But we were home now. Well, we were at Bella's apartment. Bella protested when I carried her up the stairs to her door but I didn't want her over doing it so early in her recover process.

The hospital had told me to have the rest of the holidays off and return to work in the New Year which I was grateful for. Bella was also wanting to return to work after the holidays but again, that depended on how she got on over the next few weeks.

"Bee? You want some pizza for dinner?"

"Sounds great. Hospital food is okay but not as good as the real deal."

I laughed as I clicked the online ordering service.

"So I was talking to your mom earlier."

"Oh yeah, she okay?"

"Yep she's good. She and Shorty are going to take me Christmas shopping tomorrow."

"I don't know Bella. It's a bit soon."

She patted the seat next to her then waved me over. Once I was seated next to her, she placed her arm around my shoulder, "Edward. I have less than a week to buy my Christmas gifts..."

"Bee, you've been in hospital. I'm sure people will understand that."

"But I want to. You know I love Christmas. Please Edward, pleeeeeeeeeeeease." She gave the biggest puppy dog eyes ever.

"Okay but be out no longer than an hour... two at the very most."

"Thank you Dr. Cullen." She squeezed my bicep and kissed my cheek.

"Well I suppose that gives me time to get your presents sorted too."

"Edward, please don't spent too much. Because remember, we have a wedding to save up for..."

I pulled her arm across my chest gently so she was hugging me and I turned my head so we were looking straight at one another, "Yes we do."

* * *

**So this is the second to last chapter of Loved & Lost. Chapter 22 will be the first ful chapter shortly followed by an epilogue.**

**Thankyou, thankyou, thankyou for taking time to read and review. I always love hearing from you all. Thanks as always to my beta, SweetLovinCullen, love you babes*mwah***

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	22. Jingle Bells

_I pulled her arm across my chest gently so she was hugging me and I turned my head so we were looking straight at one another, "Yes we do."_

* * *

**Friday 24th December**

The first Christmas we'd had together in ten years looked to have started in the worse way but since Bella had been home from the hospital, she was getting stronger, physically. She had always been strong mentally. She was now walking normally and only needed pain meds to take the edge off if she did too much, like her Christmas shopping day with Shorty. Yes shopping 'day'. I'd told her just to do an hour but Bella wanted to do all her shopping at once so she spent the first hour going crazy. She was so tired after just that hour, she spent the remain of the day sat at a coffee shop in the mall while Alice ran to each shop on her behalf. Alice didn't mind but I was so pissed at Bella from not just coming home. She was just so stubborn, some things never change.

When she finally did make it home, she was tired. I gave her a stern talking to until she started to kiss a path down my neck to my chest and her hands slipped beneath the top of my jeans. Suddenly my mind got fuzzy and I wasn't quite sure why I was mad. Hey I'm a guy, what do you expect?

Since we'd been home, Bella had tried her best to break me on the sex veto. I'd almost caved the night before when she slipped off her couch to kneel in front of me, unzip my jeans, pull out my dick and put her mouth on me. I had a real fear of feeling like I was going to do what a sixteen year old with his first blow job would. I wanted her so badly. But I held it together and once my very quick and powerful orgasm was finished, I scooped Bella in my arms, marched into her room gently placing her on the bed before worshipping her body as it deserved. Bella still had a dressing to her left side but it was healing well. I was still being her own personal doctor and changing her dressing for her every two days. The first day at home when I had done it, Bella didn't want me to see her developing scar but I told her it was now a part of her so it too was beautiful. I gently kissed her side each morning and each night wishing I could take it away.

A couple of days ago, we decorated Bella's apartment with a small Christmas tree and other Christmassy trimmings. We still hadn't been back to my house and with Tanya's history there, I didn't want to. I'd already spoken to Bella and we'd agreed to put my house on the market and stay at Bella's until we'd found a house of our own. We'd been looking since we'd been home but not seen anything yet but I knew we would find the perfect house soon.

I was sat at Bella's small kitchen table wrapping my last few presents before Bella got home from Jake's. She'd asked me if it was okay to go on her own to deliver our presents and I agreed as long as she let me drop her off and she got a lift back from Jake. I think she needed some alone time with him. Since she'd been home, her time with Jake had been limited to him visiting when everyone else was here. Emmett, Rose and Benjamin had visited more than anyone else. I think Emmett felt guilty that he'd not been able to visit her in hospital much because Benjamin wasn't allowed plus he didn't feel comfort with Rose getting too upset seeing Bella in the way she was with her being pregnant. They had more than made up for it over the last week, not that it bothered Bella, she completely understood as did I. Rose had been over each day with Benjamin who was getting very excited about Christmas. I don't think he really understood what was going to happen but every time I said 'Santa Claus' he'd start clapping his hands and giggling. I think that may have something to do with Emmett, big kid.

I opened the box of my last gift for Bella before I wrapped it. A new charm for her bracelet. It was two hearts together, the left one had the letter B, and the right side had the letter E and underneath both of them was the words, 'Forever'. I smiled again at the charm. I knew Bella would love it. I wrapped the small box and placed it with the others, most of them were for Bella of course. I think she was going to be annoyed with the amount I'd got but after almost losing her, I wanted to spoil her rotten.

I heard a car horn moments later before the front door opened to reveal a smiling Bella in her winter coat.

"Hey."

I rose from my chair crossing the room to sweep her up in a hug remembering not to put too much pressure on her left side. I kissed her full on the lips before she could answer.

"Hey," She said breathlessly, "What's got into you?"

I shrugged, "Just missed my girl. You had a good time with Jake?"

She nodded with a grin on her face as she removed her coat, "Yes I did. Sue came over for the last half an hour too. We had a really good chat. You were mentioned on several occasions."

"Hope it was all good stuff?" I teased.

Bella scoffed, "You know it was. Jake and Sue both say hi by the way and Jake said he'll see you the day after Christmas Day for the boys night out."

Since all the Cullen boys and Jasper had been old enough, we had always spent the evening of the day after Christmas Day together. I asked Jake to join us this Christmas because I think he'll be in our lives from now on.

So Dad, Emmett, Jasper, Jake and myself would be spending the evening with some manly Christmas drinks. We'd asked Uncle Robert to join us but he wasn't sure if he could make it. Aunt Janine didn't like it when he got drunk with us 'rowdy lads' and stumbled home. I, on the other hand, found it very very funny.

"You sure you'll be okay with Mom and the girls while we're out? I can stay in if you want me to." I still hadn't left Bella for more than a hour or two, like today, since the accident. A whole night away from her made me nervous but I knew she would be safe.

Since the incident, Victoria and Tanya had been been charged. Victoria had been sectioned so she had been taken to a specialist hospital before her trial. Tanya had tried for bail but as she was trying to escape the country when she was caught, she was refused. I knew neither of them could hurt Bella.

"I'll be fine, Edward. How many times do I need to tell you? Silly Edward."

She wrapped herself around me as we sat on the couch. She placed her head on my shoulder. Within seconds, she had sat upright again.

"Edward, why is there like ..." I could see her counting the wrapped presents on the kitchen table, "over thirty presents on the table?"

"It's Christmas, Bee. At least half of them are for the family..." I trailed off knowing it wouldn't take long for Bella to realise how many I'd brought for her.

"Edward Anthony Masen Cullen! I told you not to buy too many presents for me. I don't need anything. I have you."

"But I want to Bee. Let me spoil you. It's one day of the year... please?"

She rolled her eyes as she snuggled back to me, not saying anything else. I took it as a win so I couldn't help the large smile that spread across my face.

"I love you, Bee."

"I love you too, silly man."

* * *

**Saturday**** 25th ****December**

Christmas Day morning we woke to a light covering of snow, it was perfect. We sat in front of our Christmas tree opening our presents. I got a full new wardrobe thanks to my mother and sister; oh I loved Christmas.

Bella had brought me too much, no wonder she hadn't kicked up too much a fuss when she saw her presents. She had brought me some clothes too. She'd brought me a Muse concert tee and when I unfolded it with excitement, a white, blank envelope dropped out.

"What's this?"

"Open it and see."

I ripped into the envelope which revealed two concert tickets for their tour next year.

"Oh my God! Bee! These are awesome! How did you ..."

Bella was smiling, "Jazz may have helped with that one."

"Thank you beautiful." I kissed her full on the lips. After more presents of cologne, new sneakers, a leather wallet, and a blu-ray player, which I think she actually brought for herself as one of the discs she brought was Titanic, we cleared the paper to start on Bella's gifts.

I kept her charm to the side until last. She opened the perfume, earrings, necklace, gorgeous underwear to which she raised her eye brow to me.

"What? I just want my girl to feel good. Nothing wrong with that." She didn't look convinced as her fingers ran along a sheer black lace baby-doll which left nothing to the imagination. Her fingers curled in the straps as she lifted it to put it against her chest.

"What you think? Maybe I should wear this tonight when we get home?" I groaned. There's no way on God's green earth I would be able to resist her wearing that. She took one look at my face before she smirked.

"Yes, this will be my Christmas night outfit." She knew she had me.

"Bee, no teasing. I need to get through the day first. A hard on while having Christmas dinner with the family may be difficult to explain."

She smirked at me again before putting the baby-doll back in its box. Maybe I'll have a final present to open tonight.

* * *

Before we got going to my parents, we decided to have a slow stroll in the winter wonderland that our park had turned into with the snow. It was beautiful, just like the woman who was with me.

We arrived at my parent's house later that day ready for Christmas dinner. We were the last to arrive. Benjamin was playing with his new toy truck in the middle of the living room.

"Eeeee!" He squealed when he saw me walk through the doorway.

"Hey little man. Merry Christmas. Did Santa Claus bring you everything you wanted?" He nodded.

"Yes he did Uncle Edward, in fact I'm not sure how Mommy and Daddy are going to fit it all in our house." Rose joked.

"Well, here's another to add to the list." I turned back to Benjamin, "I think Santa took a wrong turn and left this at our house instead of yours little man."

He reached up to take the present, "Ta." I smiled as he grabbed at the paper to reveal the large chunky police car. I'd seen it and it reminded me so much of my old one that I'd got for my sixth birthday. When I'd shown Bella, she had had tears in her eyes.

"This from me and Aunty Bee."

"B! B! B!"

"Did a gorgeous little man call me?" Bee walked into the room. Benjamin got to his unsteady little feet and practically sprinted to get to Bella. He ran into her legs and put his hands up to her, wanting to be lifted.

"Benjamin, you know Aunty Bee shouldn't be lifting you." Emmett scolded. I picked Benjamin up and he pulled Bee and me into a group hug. As we were both wrapped up in Benjamin's little arms, I longed for a baby of our own. I knew we weren't ready yet but once we were married, we both wanted to start a little family of our own.

* * *

After Christmas dinner, I could hardly move, I'd eaten so much. After a much needed rest of the couch, Mom shouted for our attention.

"I just wanted to say it's so good to finally see all my family together, all happy and healthy. Bella, you gave us all a scare but we're all so glad you're fighting fit." I smiled as Bella grabbed on to my t-shirt embarrassed.

"So it's Cullen Christmas tradition time!" My mom looked directly at me.

"Huh? We don't have a tradition at Christmas mom. We eat then crash."

"Ah, but that was before Bella was back in your life. You remember what we use to do every Christmas when you kids were growing up?"

_No she can't mean that... It had been such a long time..._

I saw my Dad in the corner of the room pulling out our old piano. "Mom, I haven't played in years plus that old thing will make a real din if it hasn't been tuned."

Mom smiled, "But has been tuned Edward, last week. That old piano is just fine."

I watched on as Dad pulled the cover off to reveal the old piano that I loved to play so much as a kid. I hadn't touched it since Bella had left.

"But I'm so out of practise Mom, it'll sound awful."

"Bet it doesn't." Bella smiled up at me, "Go on... for me?"

She knew I could never say no to her. I smiled. "Okay, for you Bee."

I walked over to the piano stool and sat down. My old music book was on the stand, opened at the beginning of the Christmas selection. I pressed a couple of keys, unsure of how it would sound. When Bella had left, music didn't interest me anymore, but now she was back, sat at the piano, I wanted to play, for her, always for her.

I started slowly. My fingers familiarising themselves with the keys again. It didn't take too long before I was in full swing. Bella came to stand behind me, her arms around my neck as we all sung along to Jingle Bells. I looked up to see Emmett and Benjamin clapping along to the music, Benjamin had a huge smile on his little face. Rose was looking at them smiling. Alice and Jasper were sat together looking at each other, smiling while singing along. Mom looked like she was trying to hold back tears of happiness as she held onto Dad's arm. Dad looked proud. I'd missed this without even knowing. What a great way to celebrate my first Christmas back with my beautiful family.

* * *

That night, once we said goodbye to my family, we got a cab back to Bella's apartment. She was pretty tired after the long day so when we got in, we both agreed we would go straight to bed. I was lying in the bed reading my Christmas present from Jasper, 'Why Do Men Have Nipples?'

Jazz thought I'd love it because it was compiled by doctors to, and I quote, 'answer all of those questions we all want to know the answer to but are either too embarrassed to ask or don't know anyone that can give us the answer'. I was currently on the chapter that read, "Why do men wake up in the morning with an erection?" I was chuckling to myself when I heard the bathroom door click open to reveal my very gorgeous fiancée dressed in nothing but the very sheer, black lace baby-doll. She was stunning.

"So, what you think Edward? Like your present?"

My dick hardened at her mere words as I slowly put my book on the night stand.

"Bee, you look good enough to eat." I automatically licked my lips before continuing, "But you know we shouldn't."

Bella sauntered her way over to me, swaying her hips which really didn't help my decision of trying to get my brain to rule over my dick.

"Bella, please don't tease, it's not fair."

Once Bella reached the bed, she knelt on it and slowly made her way to straddle my lap. She felt so good.

"Who said everything about teasing Edward."

She lowered herself onto my crotch painstakingly slowly. She wasn't wearing any panties and the only thing between us was my boxers. I wanted her so badly.

"But Bella," my voice was a husky whisper, "we shouldn't." My hands found her thighs and without me even thinking, I had started to draw small circles there. Bella shivered and I knew she was as turned on as I was.

"There's that word again... shouldn't. But shouldn't isn't can't ... We can go slow Edward, really slow."

Oh God, I was a goner. The way she was sat in my lap, her bottom lip between her teeth, looking at me through her lashes. She knew I wouldn't be able to resist.

"Slow." I reached to tug her lip from her mouth and kissed her.

Her hands circled my neck and her fingers delved into the hair at the back on my head.

"Slow." She breathed through our kisses. I nodded as we continued to kiss. Soon we were both naked and desperate for each other. I insisted Bella stayed on top so she could guide our pace. Last thing I wanted was to get too excited and hurt her; I would never have forgiven myself if that had happened. I was being irresponsible to even go this far so soon after her surgery. That thought almost made me stop but when Bella positioned herself so my dick was at her entrance, all coherent thoughts left my head. When Bella slowly, oh so slowly, lowered herself onto me, I groaned, loudly and my eyes rolled into the back of my head.

I held on to the tops of Bella's thighs as she guided our slow pace and rhythm. My orgasm was building and building. Bella's pace quickened and I'm sure I heard her wince. "Bee, you ... okay?"

Her reply was a moan, "Oh God yes!"

"Oh shit Bee, you feel so good."

My thumb swept along her clit and her rhythm faulted for a second before quickening again.

"Oh God, Edward... fuck... yes!"

I repeated my action again to which I got the same response. Our moans filled the room. We were hot and sweating when I knew she was close.

"Yes! Bee ... I fucking love you." One more flick of her clit sent her over the edge of orgasmic bliss. She clamped down on me and I followed her, spilling into her.

Bella slumped forward into my chest, breathing heavily as was I. Once I caught my breath, I spoke, "You okay Bee?"

Bella lifted her head to smile at me, "Never been better."

* * *

**Tuesday 28th December**

I'd just about got over the hangover that had plagued me for the last two days. The day after Christmas night, the boys had our night out and we'd manage to convince Aunt Janine to let Uncle Robert out. He kept us highly entertained throughout the evening. That man could not hold his drink. After just a couple of pints, he was hugging anyone, telling everyone he loved them. By the fifth, he was dancing on a table. He was in his fifty's but Uncle Robert had always had the spirit of a young twenty five year old lad.

Jake was laughing so hard he fell off his bar stool. His pint was knocked over in the process which ended up on my crotch so it had looked like I've pissed myself. But as I too had had too much to drink, I found I didn't give a dam.

When we all rolled in to my parents house at midnight, the girls had stopped up. Aunt Janine was there and within two minutes of us being home, Uncle Robert was dragged off, still smiling and waving at us like a mad person through the car window. Bella with help from my Mom made sure I'd got to our bed for the night before I passed out. I woke the next morning with the worse hangover ever; _that's __what __Jack __Daniels __and __lager __mixed __does __to __you!_

Today, Bella and I were going to Forks to visit Renee and Charlie's graves. In all the excitement of Christmas and Bella being okay, I'd been a complete and utter ass and not thought about how she must be feeling. It was her first Christmas without her Dad even though she'd spent last Christmas by his hospital bed side; another reason why I wanted her home over Christmas. I'd approached the subject asking if she wanted to visit. She agreed so today we jumped in the car to make the journey to Bella's original home town. I'd never been to Folks before but I'd heard a lot about it growing up with Bella and Charlie. I clearly remember a seven year old Bella describing it as 'very green' and boy, she wasn't kidding. Well it was green and white as the snow had fallen.

We arrived at the small cemetery at the edge of Folks where both Renee and Charlie had been laid to rest. It broke my heart to think it I wasn't with Bella when her father passed. I never had the chance to tell him I forgave him for his actions. He thought removing Bella from Seattle was the best thing to keep her safe. I would have probably done the same if I was in his shoes.

I followed Bella as she clung to my hand, walking further into the graveyard. It looked oddly beautiful with the snow, like out of a fairy tale. Bella's hand gripped mine more tightly as she stopped in front of two graves side by side.

Renee Swan, Loving wife and mother was written on one, which was more weathered than the other; Charlie Swan, the best daddy a girl could ever wish for. I had to bite my bottom lip to stop the tears. I moved around Bella so she was stood in front of me as I wound my arms around her. She was slightly shaking and I knew she wasn't cold. I squeezed her gently and laid a kiss on her cheek, tasting her tears that had escaped. I knew she didn't want a 'sorry' so we just stood there quietly until Bella found her voice.

"Mom, Merry Christmas. I love you..." Her voice became quiet once more before she spoke again, "Dad, I found him, I found my Edward and we're getting married. God, I wish you were here, to see that sparkle in your eye when we would have told you. To see you scare the crap out of Edward by cleaning out your guns as you gave him the man to man speech."

I chuckled, I could just imagine him doing that.

"I want you to know that I'm happy, so happy now with Edward. He's my life and he'll take care of me... Well you already know that ..."she trailed off again before taking a large breath. She looked at me from over her shoulder and gave me a sad smile and a nod. Taking that as conformation, I slid my arms away from her as she bent down to place a set of flowers on each grave. When she was stood back up, I took her hand.

"Thank you Charlie... for believing in me. I will take care of her, you have my word..." I looked at Bella to see she was looking back at me. Our eyes locked, "I pinky promise..."

* * *

**Friday 31st December 2010 (New Years Eve)**

Bella and I had decided on a quiet New Years Eve in. We invited Jake, Billy, Alice and Jasper over too. Billy declined but Jake, Alice and Jasper were to come over. We knew Rose and Emmett were stopping in with Benjamin and baby bump. Mom and Dad were off to a swanky restaurant with some of Dad's hospital colleagues. I'd found out that Dr. Denali had handed in his letter of resignation. He and his wife were moving away. He had been crushed by his daughter's actions and it made me sick to the stomach that because of her actions, he felt like he couldn't continue working in Seattle. Dr. Denali had been over to see Bella on several occasions in the hospital and once since she'd been home to check on her progress and to apologise. We kept telling him that he wasn't to know and to stop blaming himself but it obliviously not enough for him to stay. The New Years meal was his farewell.

A knock on the door pulled me out of my daydream and into the present. "I'll get it!"

Alice and Jasper were at the other side with a bottle of wine and a pile of house brochures. Yes, since Alice had found out our need for a new home as soon as possible, she made it her personal mission to find it for us which was great really as Bella still wasn't physically strong enough to spend hours and hours travelling from house to house. We knew we wanted to stay local due to both our jobs and that we wanted a large house with a garden. She knew our budget so with that information, Alice had found many houses to which we were going to have a look at tonight.

"Hey Shorty, Jazz, come in."

Alice was about to say something when Jasper piped up. "Before she starts, I'm sorry E."

"Starts what?" Bella answered as she walked into the living room from the bedroom in the most beautiful midnight blue dress. It reminded me of something...

"Woah Bella, look at you! I thought we were staying in tonight?" Jazz raised his eyebrow.

"We are but as it's New Years Eve, I thought I'd make an effort. I can change if -" I didn't let her finish her sentence.

"No way! You look gorgeous, Bee. As always." I walked towards her and gently kissed her.

"Uh, are you two going to be like this all night because we have houses to look at? I need you both to focus." Stepping back from Bella, my eyes automatically focused in on Bella's dress neckline and how it dipped down towards her...

"Edward! Focus on the houses! Not your fiancée's chest!" Alice rolled her eyes at me, trying her hardest not to smile before waltzing over to the kitchen work surface and slapping the brochures down with a dramatic huff. I giggled as did Bella.

Alice shot me the death stare so I shut up with my hands up surrendering. "Okay, okay. Focus. On the houses... got it." I gave Bella an exaggerated wink and smirk. I heard Jasper laugh, "Not you too, come on... HOUSES!"

We were saved momentarily by another knock and the door swinging open to reveal Jake... and Leah?

"Hey you guys. Bella? I just wanted to come over to say I'm not going to be able to stop tonight." Jake placed his arm around Leah's shoulders and smiled, "We have some last minute plans."

Bella smiled and walked up to Jake who released Leah to hug my girl. "Okay Jake. You sure though. Leah? You're quite welcome to stay too."

Jake and Leah shared a look before Jake smiled and answered, "Thank you Bella but we just want it to be the two of us. You understand, right?" The worried look that passed over his face made me want to laugh and if I was Bella, I would have let him sweat. But this was Bella and she was always a big softie when it came to Jake.

"Of course it's okay. Thanks for dropping by." She kissed him on the cheek, "And happy New Year Jake. Love you."

"Love you too Bella. Have a good night. Edward." He nodded at me which I returned with a smile.

"Alice, Jazz. Rain check?"

"If Bella's okay, we're okay." Alice beamed at Jake and Jasper winked at him to which I could have sworn Jake blushed. _Okay,__what's__with__that?_

"See you all tomorrow?" We all nodded as Bella gave Jake a final hug. "Happy New Year guys, I think it's going to be a good year."

We said our goodbyes as Jake and Leah left hand in hand. "What's going on with those two, you know Bee?"

"I have a suspicion... but I'm not one hundred percent sure..." She walked over to me, placing her arms around my neck, her nose nuzzling my neck as she placed a single kiss there. _God __I __wish __we __were __on __our __own._

"What's that Bee?" I whispered. Bella whispered back, "Well, Jake was talking about -"

"Bella, Edward! We need to look at these houses! Stat!" Alice interrupted. I sighed, knowing it was no use fighting her.

"Later." Bella whispered into my ear as a kiss sending warm shivers down my spine. Her voice was full of promise and lust. _Again, __why __did __we __invite __people __over __this__ evening?__ Maybe __we__ could __sneak __into __her __room. __Hmmmmmm_.

Alice spent the next hour going through the giant pile of brochures she had brought with her. She explained each house, where it was, and it's features; I was beginning to think she was in the wrong industry with fashion.

We were on the tenth ... or was it the thirteenth ... when one of the brochures covers caught my eye amongst the random pile on the kitchen work surface. I pulled it out and looked at the cover of the most beautiful cream house. The photograph must have been taken before winter because the grass was green and there were flowers in the front garden. I continued to stare at the picture, I could still hear Alice going on and on about the house she was talking about but I couldn't focus on that. Before I looked up, I could feel Bella looking at me. As we were sat side by side, I slid the brochure so she could see as well. A gasp made me look up at her. She was looking at my brochure with a look of wonder on her pretty face. She tentatively reached forward to take it and once she had it, she opened the first page. Inside we found pictures of the living area, kitchen, bedrooms, bathroom but again it was the garden that caught my eye. Green grass with flower beds to the sides that narrowed to what looked like a smaller area; a private garden hidden at the bottom with roses and a white iron bench. It looked like something out of a story book.

"That's it." I turned to Bella, "That's it Bee." Bella didn't react at first, she was in a trance looking at the all the pictures. Alice had stopped talking as we all sat in silence, all eyes on Bella's reaction to my words.

Her eyes snapped to mine as she searched for something. "Bee? You okay?"

I noticed she started to shake slightly, "Bee, what's wrong? Are you in pain? Your side?" I slid off my chair to kneel next to her legs, my hands searching for hers. As I held her hands in mine, she spoke. "It's perfect Edward. It... it reminds me of my childhood home, the one in Folks. It reminds me of my mom..."

"Oh Bee." I got back on my chair quickly and pulled her to me gently, her head under my chin as I kissed her hair. I could feel her tears through my shirt as we continued to hug.

"Hey, we can leave if you want." Jasper said quietly. Bella sat up in her chair straight, keeping hold of my hands. "No, no, not at all." She quickly wiped away the moisture on her cheeks with one hand.

"I think we need to celebrate."

"This one?" Alice nodded towards the brochure still sat in front of Bella. Bella looked at me before I smiled and nodded, "This one."

"Oh I'm so happy for you guys." Alice jumped to her feet and ran around the table, double hugging us both from behind. "This house will be perfect; I'll set up a visit in a couple of days. You don't need to worry about anything."

"Thanks Shorty."

Alice released us and reached over to look at the brochure. She had a proud look on her face which suddenly turned into a very big grin, "Did you guys see the address on this one?"

"No, I didn't. Shorty, you didn't sneak in a house miles away, did you?" I would be pissed if she had.

"No, no little big brother. Look."

I looked at the address on the front, 3443 Blaine Street. _Blaine __Street, __I__ knew __that __street... __Where __did __I__ know __it __from..._ Then it hit me. I looked up at Shorty who still was wearing that shit eating grin.

"You know Edward?" Bella asked.

"Oh... wow... yeah, it's literally a block away from the park, our park. Bella's resulting smile could have lit up the whole city; it was so bright and happy.

I reached for the brochure again, placed my arm around Bella's shoulder and pulled her to me, "Home."

* * *

**So that's all she wrote ... almost. Loved & Lost is one year old tomorrow so as a thank you to you all, I'll be posting the epilogue tomorrow evening :) Hope you all enjoyed this story. As always much love to my beta and bestie, SweetLovinCullen especially as she betc'd this when she's not well *hugs & kisses***

**I'll do a full final author's note tomorrow, so until then ... x**


	23. Epilogue  Just Married

**Edward & Bella's Wedding Day - July 14th 2012**

"It's been perfect Edward. Thank you."

"Hey Bee, why are you thanking me? All I did was basically turn up." I smiled at the memory of Alice squealing at Bella when she asked her to help her plan our wedding.

Bella chuckled. "Well... maybe. But thank you for making it perfect and just being you."

I smiled at my beautiful new bride as we sat hand in hand at my most favourite place in the whole world, our park. Where it all began all those years ago.

After the small ceremony at The Fairmont Olympic Hotel, we asked our photographer, Quil if we could have some shots at our park, just us. He was all too pleased to go outside with the natural light and he gave us some great suggestions. We had a series of photographs taken with Bella and I leaning in on opposite sides of a large tree in the park. We had some on our bench including a stunning one taken of the back of us. Bella had her head resting on my shoulder, my arm draped across the back of our bench and around her shoulder. The sun was at an angle that gave the photo an orange glow.

The last set of pictures were going to be the ones I knew we'd look back on in years to come, when we were both old and grey and they would remind us on the journey we'd been on to get to this point. We were sat side by side on the edge of our sandbox, our shoes off and bare toes in the sand. We laughed, smiled and kissed as the camera clicked away from in front of us. It's here that we asked Quil if he could give us fifteen minutes alone before we rejoined the party in the hotel.

Bella giggled as my toes tickled hers in the cool sand. I took the chance to look at her again. She was perfect in her ivory wedding dress. The strapless dress fitted her to perfection with a simple bow tied to her waist at the left in the same colour she had chosen for our bridesmaids. Our bridesmaids obviously being my sister and sister in law along with our niece, Poppy, Rose and Emmett's youngest. She was such a cutie in her oversized princess dress. It reminded me of Alice's wedding when Benjamin was in his baby suit. Of course, Benjamin was in a suit today but now he was almost three years old, he didn't have that cute baby charm anymore but he was one handsome little boy.

A small train completed Bella's look which at this moment of time was hinched up so it wouldn't get sand on it. Lucky for us, Quil was a pro and had even given us both a blanket to sit on by the side at the edge the sandbox.

I smiled down at the bow detail at her waist, tugging at it slightly. Bella's eyes were drawn to where my fingers lingered at the soft silver material that graced her waist.

"I still can't believe it, Bee."

I slowly slid my hand from the side of her waist around to rest on her stomach.

"I can't believe we're going to be parents." My eyes fixated to her stomach knowing that our child was growing inside of her. My baby Bee.

Bella moved her hand to cover mine as she squeezed my fingers lightly. "I know." She said in a hushed tone. "I'm so excited to tell everyone... soon."

We had found out that Bella had fallen pregnant just two months before our wedding and had decided to keep it to ourselves until after our honeymoon.

I chuckled. "Can you imagine people's faces? Mom especially. She loves being Nana Esme to Benjamin, Poppy and Carter."

Carter was the newest addition to the Cullen Family, or Hale family actually. When Alice first told me I was going to be an uncle again for the third time, I was beyond happy. Alice and Jasper had continued to try and conceive for over the last year and when they told us the news I cried like a baby. Alice still had insisted that she was okay to help with the wedding even though her due date was only three weeks prior to our date. Lucky for us, Carter was born on time with no complications so both mother and baby were able to join us on our special day.

I caught Bella chewing on her lip as she looked down at our joined hands, the fingers of her other hand playing with the bee charm on her bracelet.

"Bee? What's a matter? You feeling okay?" The doctor in me immediately sprang into action as I checked for any signs of discomfort as I rested the back of my hand on her forehead. Bella lightly knocked away my hand away with a groan.

"You're going to be like this all the way through, aren't you?"

I grinned at her, knowing that if she was in any sort of pain, she would have told me.

"Yep. Better get used to it."

Bella groaned again whispering, "Silly Edward" as she started to stand. Mirroring her actions, I did the same, holding onto her hand.

"Over protective daddy, that's all I need."

The word 'daddy' leapt at my heart as it did every time I heard it as I continued to grin at Bella like an idiot before getting serious for a moment.

I gently cupped her face with both my hands. "Bella. I love you and I love our baby Bee. It's my job to protect you... both of you." I nuzzled her cheek with my nose. "...okay?"

Bella sighed. "Edward. I love you... so much." I brushed her lips with my own back and forth softly before pressing a little harder to her mouth and then releasing her. Taking her left hand in mind, I brought her hand up and kissed her newly placed wedding band.

"Always and forever."

* * *

**That's it :') Loved & Lost is complete on it's first birthday and Edward & Bella get their HEA :) I will be writing some outtakes from this story. The first one is written and is being donated to Fandom4Cancer. It's Bee's POV of the day she had to leave :( More details and how to donate can be found here: http:/fandomfightscancer(dot)blogspot(dot)com**

**I have loads of thank yous. Firstly my beta and very special friend, SweetLovinCullen. She's been my rock while writing this story and I love her so, couldn't have done it without her. Also want to give special thank yous to Fen29, Sazzledazzled, ChocolateLover82 and blb1000 who have been with this story from day one and reviewed each chapter ... your kind words lighten up my day :)**

**Thank you to the following sites for hosting my teasers and tweeting my updates; TwilightAwards, AvantGardeAward, underficionate, TwilightFicZone, WaywardPushers, TweetAFic, PicTease, The Fictionators and TwiMuses. Thanks to TheGirlsNextDoor and TwilightFicZone who also rec'd my little story.**

**I have some more projects on the go; a couple of short stories that are well on there way aswell as my next full multi story chapter which I will start posting in the New Year :)**

**So thank you all for reading and see you soon ~ TwiLucy_UK x  
**


	24. Outtake : BPOV of E's 16th

_**Edward & Bella grew up together being the best of friends. Until Edward's 16th birthday when Bella left town. Outtake of that night from Bella's point of view. Originally written for contribution to the Fandom4Cancer cause.**_

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**20th June 1999 (Edward's 16th birthday) BPOV**

Looking in the mirror again for the fifteenth time since I'd got ready, I checked myself over. It was my Edward's birthday so I wanted to look good for him. I smoothed down my short midnight blue dress again with a small smile on my face. I had brought a new bra and panties set; light blue lace and was just bursting to tease Edward with that fact all night.

We still hadn't got any further than second base but tonight, I wanted to make that leap to third. I loved Edward and he loved me. We would have to sneak into his room or somewhere quiet without anyone knowing, especially his parents, but I was more than willing if he was, and I was sure he would be.

"Come on Bee! I have places to be!" My dad, Charlie bellowed from downstairs. He always seemed to have places to be at the moment.

"Okay Dad, I'm on my way!"

* * *

I kissed my Dad on the cheek as I climbed out of the police cruiser with the small gift bag in my hands, Edward's birthday present.

"You still okay to pick me up at midnight Dad? I can't change your mind about me stopping over with Shorty?"

"No way! You're not staying in the same house as Edward. I've been sixteen before myself and I remember the thoughts I had back then." He shuddered before continuing, "No, I'll be okay to pick you up at midnight, after... work." He paused staring at the dashboard then after a few seconds, he continued, "Tell Carlisle and Esme I said hello and wish Edward a happy birthday from me." Okay, that was plain strange. He'd been acted a little more weird than his usual weird self over the past few days. I'd put it to him not sleeping well and the fact he was working too much, again.

"I will Dad. Love you."

"Love you too Bee."

I waved at the cruiser as it continued down the street and out of sight. Straightening my dress again, I walked to Edward's front door but before I could knock, it swung opened. Edward was at the other side, looking as gorgeous as ever. His unruly hair stuck up in all different directions, he wore his black fitted t-shirt and low hung jeans. His emerald eyes shining to me as my favourite Edward smile was lingering on his lips. I couldn't help but smile in return as I reached up to press my lips to his. The kiss was brief because I didn't know whether his parents were stood in the kitchen behind him.

"Hey."

"Hey beautiful." He kissed me again before tugging on my waist to get me inside the house.

"Happy birthday Edward." I handed the gift bag to him as we lingered in the kitchen, alone.

"I hope you like it." I'd been stressing about his gift since I'd brought it almost a month ago. It was a watch that I'd had personalised with a special message on the back. It said 'It's always been you. Love, your Bumble Bee.' I knew it was completely corny but I knew it would be special, something we could look back on in years to come. _God, I want to marry Edward. _I had since I was six when I met him in our sandpit. We still visited it almost every weekend but now we just sat on the nearby bench, making out. It was the best.

Edward gave me a frown, "Hope you didn't spend a lot on this Bee."

"Oh shut up and open it."

He gently lifted the box out of the bag then placed the bag on the kitchen countertop. He lifted the lid slowly to reveal the shiny silver of the watch.

"Oh wow Bee. It's fantastic!" He smiled broadly as he took the watch out of the box.

"Look on the back."

He looked at me before his eyes wandered to the back of the watch as he turned it.

"It's always been you..." he whispered. Then his face beamed with the biggest and best smile ever. He grabbed me quickly around my waist and pulled me towards him in a big hug. Edward gave the best hug ... along with other things.

He squeezed me and whispered into my hair, "Thank you Bee. I love you." I smiled into his warm chest, "I love you too."

"Urgh, will you two get a room already!" I looked up to see Shorty, Edward's big little sister and my best girlfriend leaning on the door frame with a smile on her face. She was always smiling at us lately. I could feel the blush creep up from my chest to my cheeks.

"Shorty, shut up! You're just jealous anyway..." Edward squeezed me tighter.

"Jealous of you little brother!" She scoffed. "I don't think so."

"Yes you are! You want a boyfriend but you can't find one that will live up to Leo! What's with that guy?"

I sighed as did Alice. Leo was one of our hotties, especially after watching Titanic. The steamy car scene... I couldn't help but think of me and Edward when we were watching it for my birthday. Alice had such a crush on Leo that no boy could live up to. Not that she wasn't having good times. When Alice would sleepover at my house at weekends, she'd tell me all about the latest boy that tried to 'get in her panties.' I couldn't think of anyone else other than Edward who I wanted in my panties. _Oh my plan... Third base..._

"What you thinking about Bella? You've gone all red." Alice smiled too sweetly at me. She was the only other person who knew my plan for tonight. I only had until midnight so I needed someone to help us sneak off and cover for us.

"Come on love birds. We have a party to get started."

* * *

"Wanna dance?" Edward asked close to my ear. I nodded and bit my lip. I was never very good at stuff like this but I knew Edward wouldn't let me fall and make an idiot out of myself. He took my hand and led me out to the make-shift dance floor as My Heart Will Go On drifted out of the speakers. Edward didn't know but I'd always thought of this as our song.

I placed my hands around his neck as he wound his around my waist. I peeked a look at Esme and Carlisle who were holding hands themselves smiling softly at the two of us.

"Your Mom's looking... no naughty stuff." I joked. Edward leaned in to nuzzled my ear before kissing it gently, "Wouldn't dream of it." _Tease. Two can play that game!_

As we swayed from side to side, my hand trailed up the side of his neck and my fingertips reached the back of his head. I played with the hair at the nape of his neck before moving my lips to whisper in his ear, "I have a new set on. Light blue lace, wanna peek?"_ One to Bella_. I smiled as I pulled back to see the tempted look on Edward's face; he wanted it, no doubt about that.

He leaned back down to whisper back, "We'll it is my birthday..." He pulled back to give me a smirk to which I couldn't help but laugh. _My thoughts entirely. _I was just about to fill him in on my plans for later this evening when the music suddenly stopped and was replaced with upbeat dance rap music.

"Emmett!" Both Edward and myself shouted in unison.

"Oh come on! We want a party!" He smiled broadly at us both before performing a sort of dance move that looked like he was having electric shock treatment.

"Come on Bella!" Emmett grabbed my hand from Edward and started to twist me around. I laughed so much. Edward watched on as his little brother showed me how to 'bust a move'. I just found it funny. I was exhausted after about fifteen minutes of Emmett's dancing so silently told Edward to rescue me, which he did.

We crashed on the couch and chatted before Edward went to check if everyone was okay. We spent most of the rest of the early evening eating, chatting and watching others dance.

When it got to nine thirty, I escaped for ten minutes with Shorty to go through our plan. I would take Edward outside for some fresh air around ten, Shorty would cover and I'd have an hour to execute plan 'third base'.

I returned back to Edward and pulled his hand into mine. "It's a nice night Edward. Wanna go out for some fresh air?" He smiled and nodded.

Edward walked ahead of me, his hand wrapped around my own. When he reached the garden chairs near the bottom of the garden, out of immediate reach from the house, he sat in one. His back was to the house, facing out to the rest of the garden. I'm not sure whether he expected me to sit in the one next to him but I didn't. I stood in front of him before climbing onto his lap, straddling him. He grunted with the contact and my insides came alive with excitement that I could have this affect on him.

Once I was settled fully on him, he started to make small circles with his finger to one of my exposed thighs. The short dress had rose to around the tops of my thighs and the slow movement made it hard to contain the bubbling excitement I felt inside. He definitely wanted this tonight; his intent was loud and clear. His other hand moved to lightly grip my other thigh, his fingers spread out now over both. He moved his hands up to my hips without breaking contact. The material of my dress moved with the movement of his hands, exposing more and more of my skin before they slipped around to my ass. His fingertips brushed the edge of my lace panties as he squeezed gently and I almost came undone right then and there. My hips moved of their own accord. Pushing down on his crotch, I could physical feel his excitement too. _Oh what I would do to put my hands on him. _He squeezed again and a girly giggle escaped me. His face had been sexy and solemn up to this point but on hearing me giggle, he smiled at me.

I bent forward slowly a little to kiss him but before my lips could reach his, he spoke for the first time we'd been sat here."You have great boobs, Bee." His voice was so low, a husky whisper but again the giddy girl came to the surface and I giggled again. My giggle last long though as Edward closed the gap between us and kissed me.

Kissing Edward was like nothing else. I'd kissed other boys before but never like I kissed Edward. Our kisses, when we were alone, we're a lot different to the quick peck on the lips we did in public. He sucked my lower lip in his mouth before groaning and opening for me. My tongue sought out his as I ground my hips into him. I moaned and he groaned again as his hand crawled up my side to place over my breast. _Oh God, he has his hand on me. _

I was just about to see if I could get his belt undone without moving when I hear the Cullen's front door close with a bang. My dad's voice followed shortly after, "Bee!"

_Shit, shit, shit! Had we been out here two hours? No, we can't have. _I jumped off Edward and on to the chair next to him in a heartbeat, my hand still in his. I glanced over to see Edward check his watch, half ten. _Why was Dad here early?_

Next thing I knew, the back door was flung open and Charlie came rushing out.

"Bee! Thank god honey, you okay?"

"Uh yeah Dad. What's up? It's not midnight yet, you said midnight?"

"I know honey but something came up and we need to... go home"

Dad looked at Edward then at our joined hands and then to me. _Weird. What's with him? Then disappointment washed over me. Damn! My plan wasn't complete... but I did get further than I thought possible outside. No point in arguing with my dad; he owns a gun._

"O... K... Can I just say good night to Edward then?"

Dad just stood there looking at us. _Come on Dad, think. I don't want to say goodnight to my boyfriend with you standing in front of us being all weird._

"Eh, sure but hurry."

Then he turned to Edward, "Edward, I'm truly sorry." _Yeah Dad, we know already!_ He stared at Edward for a couple of seconds before walking over to the back door where he watched and waited.

"What's that about?" Edward whispered to me so Dad couldn't hear. We both stood to face each other.

"I'm not sure… he's been acting all weird for the past couple of days... anyway, forget him for a second. I want a goodnight kiss."

"That may be a little difficult with your dad staring at us." He nodded in my Dad's direction.

I looked over. _God, why is he watching us? Come on Dad, sixteen year olds here!_ I rolled my eyes before fixing them back on Edward, wrapping my arms around his neck, "Just pretend he isn't there." I pulled myself closer to him as I kissed him. As he sighed into the kiss, he opened his mouth and that was just the invitation I needed. I dipped my tongue into his mouth and that's when Edward really got into the kiss. Well, that's until my father decided to make his presence known by coughing, loudly.

With one more sweet kiss on his lips, he tickled his nose with mine gently before whispering, "See you tomorrow yeah?"

"Yeah. I love you Edward."

He smiled, "I love you too Bee."

Another soft kiss and we stepped away from each other. I walked towards my Dad with a scowl on my face. _Still can't believe he's come early and ruined my plans_. He placed his arm around my shoulder and shouted towards Edward.

"I'm really sorry Edward. I hope you'll forgive me..." _Yeah, Edward will forgive him for cutting short my evening but I'm not sure I will. Well... probably_.

I took one last look at my birthday boy who smiled and waved as we walked through the door. I waved to other people as I went including a confused looking Alice. I just shrugged my shoulders and we continued to walk out of the house. When we got out of the first door, I noticed Charlie didn't his police cruiser with him. Our car that my dad hardly ever used was out front.

I gave my dad an eyebrow as we got in the car and drove away. We'd been driving for five minutes when I realised we weren't on the right route to go home.

"Dad? Where are we going?"

"Err, yes. Sorry. I didn't want to say anything in front of Edward." _Strange_. "Your Uncle Chris called to say Aunt Chloe had been taken into hospital. We need to go and make sure everyone's ok."

"But you hate Aunt Chloe, Dad?"

"Yes but she's family."

"But she's in Forks right? We can't drive over there now..."

"Yes we can. And we are young lady, stop arguing now." My dad looked upset about it so I didn't say anything else apart from a small 'okay'. Half an hour into the drive, I could feel my eyes grow heavy. The silence in the car along with the movement rocked me gently to sleep.

* * *

I woke up with a pain in my neck from sleeping in the front seat of the car. Glancing at the clock, I could see it was past midnight and we looked to still be in the middle of nowhere.

"Hey Dad, where are we? I don't recognise this route."

He just stared straight ahead not acknowledging my question.

"Dad? Are you okay?"

"Yes, everything will be ok... soon." He glanced at me for a second before his eyes fixed on the road ahead again. He had a haunting look in his eyes.

"Dad? Have you heard some news? Is Aunt Chloe okay?" Still he chose to ignore my questions. "Dad! What the hell is going on?" Just then, I saw it. The Canadian border crossing sign. _What the hell was going on? _

As calmly and slowly as I could speak I asked again, "Dad? Why are we approaching the border?"

"Bella, please. Just let me... please. Everything will be okay."

"Dad, you're scaring me."

"We'll be okay. Just let us pass through the border..." I trusted my dad but something was definitely wrong. "Okay, Dad."

We passed through the border and kept driving until two am before we stopped for a much needed bathroom break so I could change into my comfortable clothes my dad had brought with us. He kept telling me everything was okay... but I felt like everything was all but okay. He wouldn't tell me where we were going and why. I was tired and confused but I trusted my dad knew what he was doing.

The next morning, I asked if we could stop so I could call Edward from a pay phone. He refused and said we needed to keep going.

By the end of the second day of travelling, I tried to refuse to go any further until I knew where I was going. We had travelled all day and I knew Edward would be asleep now which meant yet again, I couldn't call him.

"No, I'm sorry Dad but..."

"No buts! All you need to know is that we need to go."

"Go where Dad?"

"Just get in the car Bella... NOW!"

* * *

We rolled into a town, Anchorage I think the welcome sign said after almost four solid days of driving. We stopped outside a large building and parked.

Dad breathed in and out a few times before turning in his seat to face me. "We're here."

Crossing of arms over my chest before looking at him, "And where exactly is 'here'?"

He looked at me, his eyes red from the exhaustion and strain of driving so much. Without saying another word, he opened his door and got out. I scrambled out of the car to see him pop the trunk.

"Dad, please, tell me what's -"

My sentence was cut short. Our trunk was jam packed full of, well everything.

I chuckled, "You know Dad, when you visit someone for a few days, you don't need to pack the kitchen sink..." I looked back at my dad who had unloaded two suitcases and had started to walk towards the building.

I looked at his fleeting form, my jaw slack. What the hell had got into him? I closed the trunk and ran to him.

"Dad, wait up..." I followed him up two flights of stairs before coming to a door with the number 13 written on it. My dad lifted the door mat to reveal a key which he retrieved and proceeded to unlock and open the door.

"I didn't have time to pack everything so I just got what I thought you'd need for now. We can get you some new clothes that's no problem."

He closed the door behind me as I entered the room as he continued to ramble. "We can get some new things for your room, new sheets and we can decorate. Everything will be okay..."

I aimlessly followed him as he entered a small room with a single bed, a small set of drawers and a wardrobe. A sinking feeling crept down my spine. He laid the suitcase down in the middle of the bed and started to unpack. _These are my clothes_.

"Okay Dad, I'm official freaked out. What's happening? Why are you putting away my clothes in a strange apartment? Why aren't we in Forks? Why aren't we home?"

He stopped suddenly. His knuckles turned white as he clung to the set of drawers and hung his head, "We can't go back Bee, it's not safe anymore."

"Can't go back?" My words were slow and sluggish. I felt like I was having a nightmare, one of those nightmares where you're screaming for help but no one can hear you.

Dad shook his head before looking up at me, "I'm sorry Bee, no. Our life is here now."

"What... What... what do you mean we can't go back! Why can't we go back home?" _Edward_. "No, no, no, no this can't be happening. Where's the phone? I need to talk to Edward. I need to tell him, I need to..."

"You can't Bella, it's not safe! If _he_ finds out where we are... I'm doing this to protect everyone. I'm doing this to protect the Cullen's too."

"If who finds out Dad? What. Is. Going. On?" I was almost hysterically and gasping for breath. I felt light headed. _No, he can't do this! He can't keep me away from my Edward NO!_ My Dad grasped me before I fell and everything turned black.

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***sniff* Hearing this for Bella's point of view made me cry :'( Hope this give you an insight to what happened with Bella. I have another Loved & Lost outtake written, but the next one is a fluff, sweet future-take that might make you cry for other reasons :')**

**As always, thanks to my beta and bestie, SweetLovinCullen - you rock bb! And thank you all for reading and supporting my stories, love you guys 3 **

**I have lots of things in the pipeline so pop me on author alert.**

**So until next time ... TwiLucy_UK x**


	25. Futuretake : EPOV

**This is the fluffy EPOV's futuretake of Loved & Lost I wrote for Fandoms4ME. Enjoy!  
**

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**10th July 2016**

Sat on our bench, I turned slightly and ran my finger across the brass plaque that still graced the back. I smiled at the memory of Bella, my beautiful wife, saying yes to my question. I thought that was the happiest day of my life, but since then, I've had so many more to rival it.

Our wedding day immediately sprang to mind. It was our wedding anniversary in four days and I had big plans. I still couldn't believe it had been four years since we tied the knot and started our life together. She was the reason for my existence.

_I was stood at the top of the aisle fidgeting with my cuffs. Stupid things, I could never get them right. _

_"E, stop. You're okay. Bella will be here any moment." I stopped still. I hadn't realised until that moment Jasper pulled me out of my rambling thoughts that I was moving from one foot to another, my breathing become short and quicker; I was bordering on a full freaking out. _

_I closed my eyes for a few seconds and managed to slow my breathing before opening them again, "Thanks Jazz."_

_"Anytime E." He smiled broadly at me, "You know I'll always have your back." He patted me on the back and I smiled at him just as the music started to play._

_"You ready bro?" Emmett leaned over Jazz and whispered. I nodded because I didn't want to make a fool out of myself if my voice was a squeak. "Showtime."_

_I took a large breath then turned to face the back of the room just in time to see the most gorgeous scene playing out. Our nephew, Benjamin walking up the aisle towards me just in front of his Mom and Aunty Alice. Rose had our niece, Poppy perched on her hip. Alice had our youngest nephew, Carter cradled in her arms. I could hear the faint sound of a camera shutter clicking which made me smile to know that I had this memory forever etched in a photograph. _

_Once Benjamin saw his daddy stood at the front, he started to run and shout, "Daddy, daddy! Aunty Bee is a princess!" I laughed as Emmett pulled him in his arms and I couldn't help but long for the day I could do the same with my own child ... Not long now, I smiled to myself. _

_Once Alice and Rose reached us, I kissed them both on the cheek. "Sorry about him, Edward. I told him to walk but would he listen?" _

_"Rose, don't worry. He's fine."_

_As Rose, Alice and the kids got in their places, the music changed again to a piece of music I knew well. It was the lullaby that I wrote for Bella on the day we found out she was pregnant, one of the happiest days of my life. My eyes were immediately drawn to the back of the room where my beautiful Bella was. She was arm in arm with both my Mom and Dad. That's what she wanted and Mom and Dad were so proud to both be asked to walk her down the aisle. I caught my Mom's eye and she looked as if she was crying, happy tears I have no doubt. My Dad looked as proud as the day he walked Alice down the aisle too. Mom and Dad always saw Bella as their own and you could tell that at this very moment. _

_And then our eyes locked and I was lost. Lost in utter happiness and joy. Lost in love. Bella, my Bee. She was stunning in her ivory strapless wedding dress. It fitted her to perfection with a taupe coloured simple bow tied to her waist at the left. I could help my eyes wandered to her waist which over the next seven months would swell as our child grew inside her._

_As she reached me, my father gave her hand to me which I took eagerly. "You look amazing, Bee." I whispered as everyone behind us sat down. Her answering smile was magically and I knew, just knew this day would be absolutely perfect._

"Daddy! Daddy!"

I lifted my head to see my other reason for existence, our beautiful baby girl, Faith. She was the image of her mother but had my bronze hair colour. She was born in the February following our wedding and the first time I saw her, I knew that she was the reason for our journey. When we'd been thinking of names, something Shorty said on our wedding day stuck in my head, "I always had faith in you two." Faith. Since Bella had come back into my life after spending all those years apart, it was faith that brought us together so it seemed the perfect name for our daughter who would forever be with us, keeping us together and strong.

"Hey baby girl. Are you okay?"

"Carter pushed me!"

I looked over at Faith who was in the sandpit with her cousin, Carter.

"No I didn't! Don't lie Faith, it's not nice!"

I smiled at myself, these two were always arguing then within seconds, they were the best of friends again. "Come on you two, play nice. You don't want me to tell your moms do you?"

They looked at each other with raised eyebrows then started to shake their heads frantically from side to side. They were a pair of funny kids. I laughed at their antics, shaking my own head. They reminded me of Shorty, Bella and me when we were younger.

I looked around to see if I could see Bella and Shorty who had gone for a walk. Faith and Carter were more interested in the sandpit; not that I blamed them!

Sighing again, I looked back up towards the clouds above us, closing my eyes slightly, having my idea to surprise my beautiful wife for our anniversary going round and round in my head. I had it all booked, I just had to think of a way to get her there without her being suspicious which to be fair, wasn't going to happen. She knew I had something planned … I always do. I smiled to myself as I thought back to the surprise I gave Bella on our honeymoon; well the location of the honeymoon.

_Bella had always thought we were going to Florida which she was looking forward to but I couldn't keep the secret any longer when I steered her to the gate to board our flight to the Caribbean, St Lucia to be exact._

_"__Edward, why are we here? The flight to Florida is at the next gate, not this one to __…__.__"__ She took a long look at the board as I stared at her profile, biting my lip and hoping to God she was going to be okay with my white lie about our honeymoon destination._

_"__Edward? St Lucia?__"_

_I nodded, keeping my eyes on her as I saw them fill with tears. She flung herself at me, hugging me tightly, almost knocking me off my feet with the luggage I was carrying._

_"__Oh God, Edward! I love you.__"__ She kissed me enough to make my toes curl, gripping onto my shoulders. She pulled back to look at me again, a large grin on her face._

_"__I take this as a good sign. You don't hate me for me not telling you the truth about where we were going?__"_

_"__No Edward, I don't hate you.__"__ Her lips hovered at my ear as she leaned close, __"__I think you're the best husband in the world. And I'm so hot for you right now.__"__ I gulped. Since we had found out Bella was pregnant, she had been wanting me any chance she could get __…__ anywhere she could get me, including my mom and dad's bathroom __…__ not that I'm proud we weren't caught after making Bella scream my name__…__ no, not at all._

_"__Bella,__"__ I whispered, __"__we can't, not here. Plus we're boarding soon.__"_

_"__I wasn't thinking about the airport.__"__ She nuzzled my ear before licking it, __"__I was thinking about joining the mile high club.__"_

_I smiled knowing I wouldn't be able to resist her, __"__Where do we sign up?__"_

"Daddy!" I was pulled out of my filthy thoughts of having Bella against that aeroplane's bathroom wall by my daughter's screech.

"Faith, what's a matter now?"

"I see Mommy!" She frantically pointed towards the pathway leading up the hill to where we were. I was on my feet seconds later, rushing to my panting wife as she struggled up the hill.

"Bee! What did I tell you? A gentle stroll around the park! Why didn't you stick to the flat ground over there! And you!" I pointed at Shorty as I got between them to take one of each of their arms to support them, "You should be taking it easy too!"

"Oh Edward. We're pregnant, not ill. Stop with this over protective crap!"

"Don't start Shorty. I prefer my new niece not to be delivered in the middle of the park by me. I really don't want that job."

"Rest big little brother. I still have two weeks before this one's coming."

"Alice, you're due date is tomorrow!"

She chuckled, "Edward, believe me, this kid isn't going anywhere yet… your wife on the other hand..."

I whipped my head around to see Bella biting her lip, her hands rubbing her swollen stomach as she nodded slightly. "It's started Edward."

"Shit, shit, shit… right okay… don't panic Bee. I'll get you to the hospital and-"

"Edward! Stop! We've done this before remember..." She cradled my cheek and smiled which calmed me instantly.

"Oh Lord, he's not like this with his patients is he?" Shorty turned to Bella.

"No just me." Bella grinned again before her expression fell into one of worry and pain. I hated seeing her in pain, there's nothing I hated more.

"It's okay, baby. I got you."

I helped Bella back to the sandpit, "Come on Faith, Carter. We need to get going." After a few grumbles, I managed to get everyone to the car and loaded up. I was so thankful that we had picked Alice and Carter up now so we had the car at the park because we usually just walked there with it being so close to our home.

Once we pulled into Alice and Jasper's driveway, I glanced around to Bella who looked to be trying her hardest to cover her discomfort. I jumped out and rounded the car to get Faith.

"Faith honey, I need you to be a really big girl for mommy and daddy, can you do that?" She gave me a confused look before glancing at Bella who gave her a soft smile.

"Faith, Daddy needs to take Mommy to the hospital."

Faith's eye went wide, "Is it time for the baby to come out?"

I smiled at my girl, cupping her cheeks in my hands, "Yes it is baby girl. You're going to be a big sister soon." Her face lit up like Christmas before she squealed with delight.

"Daddy, we need to go." Bella said in a too calm tone.

"Faith, I need you to stay with Aunty Ali until later, okay? Uncle Jazz will be home soon so you can play tickle monsters with him, okay?" She nodded with a grin. She loved her Uncle Jazz so much, I knew that would seal the deal.

She hopped out of the car. "Okay sweetheart. Be a good girl." I kissed her forehead, "Love you."

"Love you too, Daddy." I looked at Bella to make sure she wasn't having a contraction. That would only scare Faith. She saw what I was doing and nodded at me. I opened Bella's car door so Faith could say goodbye to her mommy.

"I love you sweetheart. Be a good girl and Aunty Ali will bring you over to the hospital when you have a new brother or sister to look at." Bella kissed her hand and placed in on Faith's head.

"Okay. Love you too, Mommy."

I jumped back in the car and peeled out of the drive heading towards the hospital. "You okay Bee?" I was a little scared to ask... I remember the last time...

_"Push Bee! You can do it!"_

_Bella spoke through her gritted teeth, "Edward, if you ever come near me again with your dick, I'll cut it off. Do you hear meeee! ARGH!" _

_"I'm so sorry, baby." I held onto her hand as she squeezed the shit out of it and brushed her hair back off her face._

_"Don't fucking touch me, Cullen! Never ever again."_

I chuckled at the situation. Here we were about to do it all again. "Edward, don't laugh at me. I'm in serious pain!"

"I'm sorry baby. I wasn't laughing at you, just remembering the last time. Just please don't break my hand again." Yep, she actually managed to fracture a couple of bones in my hand last time but it was worth it. The extra time off work to be with my new family worked in our favour in the end.

"Just... don't laugh at me and I promise not to knock you out cold!" And I believed her so I wiped the smile off my face. Bella was feisty when she was pregnant and in pain.

Jasper was waiting for us as we walked through the door with a wheelchair for Bella. "Hey Bella, how you doing?"

"Been better Jazz, thanks for asking." See what I mean ... feisty.

"Okay... well Alice called ahead so anything's set up. Doctor Greene is waiting for you in delivery suite eighteen. I have half an hour before my shift ends. I'll pop in before I leave to see how you're doing."

"Thanks Jazz."

An hour later, we were in the delivery room and Bella was calm and relaxed. Her spinal block was in place and she was happy, sitting up chatting away like she wasn't about to have a baby. This is so different from last time. Doctor Greene was examining for progress.

"Good news Bella, you're full dilated so it's time to push this baby into the world." I kissed Bella's hand I was holding and smiled at her. "It's time." She grinned back at me, "I'm so ready for this. This is so much more relaxed than with Faith. Drugs are great."

"Right Bella... you can still feel the contractions right?" She nodded. "Good. Next time you feel one, I want you to push, okay?"

"Okay."

After twenty minutes of pushing, I got to see my baby's head for the first time. I see babies being born on a weekly basis but there's nothing that can describe the feeling of seeing your own child being brought into this world. Nothing.

"Almost there Bella. One more big push should do it." Bella took a couple of deep breaths before pushing again for the final time.

And just like that, our second child was born. That first cry out made both our eyes fill with happy tears.

"Well done Mommy! Now let's see what we have..." I looked down to see for myself. "It's a boy." I announced, "a beautiful baby boy." I blinked away the tears as I cut the cord. He was quickly whisked away for initial checks.

I turned back to my beautiful wife and kissed her. "I love you, Bee."

She smiled and blinked after her own tears, "I love you too Edward. So much."

"Here he is Mommy." Wrapped in a blue blanket, he was passed to Bella. She cradled him in her arms and lightly traced his nose with the tip of her finger. "He's gorgeous, just like his daddy." She lifted her eyes to meet mine and grinned.

"He is." Bella chuckled then looked back down at our son and kissed his head. "I think daddy wants a snuggle, little man."

Bella passed him to me. He was so small in my arms as he was a week early. His little hand gripped my little finger so tightly.

I looked back at Bella who was crying again with a smile on her face, "God I'm so emotional." She wiped her cheeks.

"I think it's allowed, Mommy. So are we really going to let Faith pick his first name? You do realise she'll want to call him Woody or something."

Bella giggled, "Yes, she can choose until we like it too." I grinned at her.

**xoxoxoxoxoxo**

Faith burst through the door of Bella's private room just over an hour later. "Mommy! Daddy! Where's the baby?"

"Shhhhh princess, you need to be a little quieter than that here." She ran to me and I hugged her, picking her up from the floor. When she turned her head to look at her mommy, she must have seen her new brother because she gasped.

"Is that my new baby?" She pointed her finger at her brother who was fast asleep in his mommy's arms after his first feed.

"It is sweetheart. Faith, meet your little brother."

Faith's head turned back to me, "Brother?" I nodded. She turned to face her brother again as we perched at the edge of Bella's bed.

Faith tentatively reached out with her finger. "It's okay, baby. You're okay to touch him." Faith looked at her mom, "He's so small Mommy."

"That's because he needs his big sister to look after him so he can grow up to be big, like you." She grinned as her finger found his hand.

"What's his name?"

I looked at Bella and she smiled. "Well Faith, he doesn't have one yet. Mommy and Daddy want you to choose a name for him."

She turned to face me, her eyes wide with disbelief, "Really?"

"Yes really." I chuckled.

"Jazz." Uncle Jazz... of course.

"I think we may get a little muddled if we have two Jazz's baby girl. Any other names you like?"

"Hmmm..." She looked deep in thought before her whole face lit up.

"Jack."

"Jack." I looked at Bella who was smiling, "Yes, Jack Charlie Cullen. It has a ring to it."

We had decided that if we were to have a boy, his middle name would be shared with his Grampy Charlie just as Faith's middle name was Renee after her Granny who was in heaven.

"That's a great name, Faith."

"Yes it is. Like Jack and the Beanstalk." She smiled up at me and I had to hug her close, she was just so God damn gorgeous.

"Do you want to hold him Faith?" She bit her lip, a habit she got from her mom and nodded.

I sat her in one of the large chairs with cushions all around her. I picked Jack up and kissed his nose before placing him gently on Faith's little arms. I quickly reached for my cell to take a picture.

"Smile Faith." I clicked a few shots of the two of them together before sending the one of them to all our family and friends with the message, 'Faith with her new brother, Jack.'

I smiled back at Bella who wiped yet more tears from her cheeks before I heard the softest voice. It was Faith talking to her brother.

"Jack, I'm your big sister Faith. I'm going to look after you with Mommy and Daddy. I hope we get to go home soon. I need to show you your new room. I helped. It's got loads of animals on the walls. Do you like animals? I do so I bet you do too."

I moved to sit next to Bella on the bed and pulled my arm around her shoulders as we both watched our children together.

"Thank you Bee." I whispered, not wanting to interrupt Faith's list of animals she was reeling off, "Thank you so much."

Bella's answered in the same hushed tone, "I love you Edward."

"I love you Bee. Always and forever."

* * *

**Awwww :) Fluffy enough? I have to say I did LOVE writing that futuretake. Thanks to my beta, SweetLovinCullen and pre reader, TwiFicGirl for their awesomeness :) And a special thanks to everyone who donated to Fandoms4ME.**

**Not sure whether I'm going to do anymore Loved & Lost outtakes as I really like how this has ended ... but I'll never say never ;)**

**I'm still writing my other two ongoing fics, Such a Tease and Ladies Night as well as having another multi chapter story started ... so much to do, so little time to do it ;)**

**So thanks again *mwah* Love you all xx **

**Until the next time ...**


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